First, just a comment on the Seahawks ridiculous win yesterday. The Giants kicker missed 3 game-winning field goals (one at the end of regulation and two in OT) before Seattle nailed their own game winner. Here's what I wrote Anoymous this morning in regards to gaining some confidence in this team:
Confident? Maybe just a little... 9-2 baby! The only way we don't clinch the division is to lose every remaining game and the Rams to win every remaining one.
Here's our remaining schedule:
@Philly next Monday night (not the same Philly team that started the season, by any means.)
home against San Fran
@ Tennessee
home against Indy (on Christmas Eve... Indy could be 14-0 at that point...)
@ Green Bay (on New Year's Day...)
4-1 is not impossible, although 3-2 is more likely, and that's a nice 12-4 record which has a very good chance of being the #1 seed in the NFC. We now hold the head-to-head tie breaker over the Giants, Dallas, and Atlanta. Hasselbeck and the offense didn't look great yesterday, but the defense got it done when it had to. When was the last time you could say that about a Seahawks defense? How about... never? :P
On to the review...
This week: 10-5 (Monday night game pending…)
Ravens +9.5 over BENGALS
The Bengals may have exposed the Colts defense as not as good as hyped last week. The Ravens kicked the poop out of the Steelers. I don't think the Ravens will win this one, but they might keep it close with solid D. Also, it seems like they might be realizing that Chester Taylor is a better running option than the recently incarcerated Jamal Lewis. Lewis sucks this year. Bengals 26, Ravens 18.
Actual Score: Bengals 42, Ravens 29
So much for that "solid D" from the Ravens. Sheesh. Still, somehow the Ravens managed to put up a decent amount of points and were only 4 points short of covering.
Niners +8.5 over TITANS
The Niners are not as bad as people think. Their defense has some good players up front. And this just in: Steve McNair is still the QB in Tennessee. Doesn't that seem a bit weird? 49ers 23, Titans 20.
Actual Score: Titans 33, Niners 22
Okay, Samichlaus got this one right: "The Niners are as bad as people think." I don't have much more to add. I don't think I even watched this game for a single play, and could you blame anybody for not watching this one?
CARDINALS +3.5 over Jaguars
Kurt Warner looked revitalized last week in St. Louis. Can he bring that back to the desert with him? Maybe, and here's why: he has two absolute studs in receivers Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin. He just needs the time to find them. And, I'll repeat, the Jaguars are not blowing out far inferior teams. I'm not going to say the Cardinals win, but I wouldn’t be shocked. Jaguars 24, Cardinals 23.
Actual Score: Jaguars 24, Cardinals 17
Leftwich went down on the first play, so I figured this would be a breeze. Well, Warner never really got time to throw, and the Cardinals running game remains non-existent. I should have really made the connection between Warner's good game last week and the absolutely horrendous Rams defense. Against a halfway decent defense, they're not doing anything offensively.
RAIDERS -7.5 over Dolphins
The Dolphins QB woes have gotten to them. Shutout by the Browns? Yikes It might be time for them to seriously consider becoming a part of the Matt Leinart sweepstakes. Raiders 23, Dolphins 13.
Actual Score: Dolphins 33, Raiders 21
What the?!? Gus Frerotte and Ricky Williams putting up 33 points? So much for that "evaluating new talent" comment...
Packers +4.5 over EAGLES
The Packers keep staying competitive, and keep losing the close games. Without McNabb and Owens, the Eagles offense is pretty bad. Let's say this is another close loss. Eagles 24, Packers 21.
Actual Score: Eagles 19, Packers 14
A point short of covering. I didn't watch much of this game, but from the stats, it looks like turnovers killed the Packers. Paging Mr. Rodgers, paging Mr. Rodgers. Oh, there's an idea for a sign the Samichlauses can take to Lambeau in like 3 years: Mr. Rodgers' Neighborhood.
Monday, November 28, 2005
Sunday, November 27, 2005
Happy Thanksgiving from your favorite jive turkeys
SBS Fans: It's Sunday morning and I've been trying to get this thing to work since Wednesday. I finally received the account information from the hosting company so we'll see if my changes work. Otherwise I will have to ask the great web guru St. Ides to see if he can figure it out... wish me luck.. Samichlaus
SBS Fans: We are experiencing technical difficulties with the Web site. Of course, if you are reading this those problems have been solved. Meanwhile, it's the Friday after Thanksgiving and St. Ides is already 2-0 whilst Ol' Samichlaus is at 0 - 2.
Happy holidays to all you SBS-Artists, Samichlaus here with this weeks picks. We're getting 'em in early so you can call your bookie and spread a little holiday cheer. First, let's recap:
If you listened to St. Ides -
Last week your bookie was happy: 7-9
This season your bookie is very happy: 72-87
If you listened to Samichlaus -
Last week your bookie was estatic: 5-11
This season your bookie is a little upset: 80-79
I'm actually feeling fairly confident this week. Seems there's a few spreads that are bigger or smaller than they should be. Maybe the odds makers were slacking this week too?
I’m glad some one is feeling good. After last weeks pre-thanksgiving turkey I’m feeling a little less confident in my prognosticating abilities. Oh, and upon further review, the Packers suck.
Atlanta -3.5 over LIONS
The overrated Michael Vick versus the totally not overrated Joey Harrington. I'm very tempted to take the Lions, except for two things really. 1) I still think the Falcons defense is pretty good and 2) Harrington is usually pretty bad when he's NOT in the national spotlight. I think he will absolutely choke this one away, to the point we could see him and his receivers going at it on the sideline. Maybe we'll have a Jeff Garcia sighting before this one is over. We can hope. Falcons 27, Lions 13
Thanksgiving is like a totally different universe for the Lions. No matter how bad they suck, they always play tough on Thanksgiving. In my head, I don’t see the Herpes carriers losing three in a row but in my heart I see a Lions victory.
Lions 27 Vick’s Herpes Infested Penis 24
Broncos -2.5 over COWBOYS
Huge game for both teams. Both QBs are playing incredibly (and shockingly) well. So which one reverts to their old self first, Bledsoe or Plummer? I'm going to go with Bledsoe, just because I love seeing Parcells pissed off. God, I hate him. Not to mention, my uncle is a huge Cowboys fan, and I'll have to listen to him all fricking day about what a genius Parcells is, and how good the Cowboys are this year. Please, whoever is has kidnapped Jake Plummer and is masquerading as him, keep it up just one more week. Broncos 24, Cowboys 17.
You have an uncle who is a Cowboys fan? Man, you grow ‘em weird in da Bronx. Hey, he isn’t like one of those “evil” uncles who like to watch you get changed when you’re about 7 years old, is he??? Anyway, I’m going with the same logic as I did in the first pick: throw out the logic, it’s Thanksgiving. Cowboys 31 Broncos 30
Ravens +9.5 over BENGALS
The Bengals may have exposed the Colts defense as not as good as hyped last week. The Ravens kicked the poop out of the Steelers. I don't think the Ravens will win this one, but they might keep it close with solid D. Also, it seems like they might be realizing that Chester Taylor is a better running option than the recently incarcerated Jamal Lewis. Lewis sucks this year. Bengals 26, Ravens 18.
Man that’s a lot of points… you think I’d learn from last week, but I’m not. I’m actually quite stubborn that way. I think after watching Indy pretty much have their way with the Bengals D, the D will rise to the occasion and play a solid game. Meanwhile Carson Palmer, who Boomer Esiason called the best young quarterback in the league earlier this year, will have enough to manage the ferocious D of the Ravens.
Bengals 27 Ravens 13
BILLS +4.5 over Panthers
Both teams coming off tough road losses last week. The Panthers will have to go into the cold and try and proove that they are one of the NFC elite. Meanwhile, the Bills have been good at home and still have a shot at the AFC East. Samichlaus noted that Jake Delhomme has the worst technique he's ever seen. That's good enough for me to think maybe the Panthers aren't as good as everybody is claiming… Bills 24, Panthers 23.
Let me qualify that statement, because in all fairness to Jake Delhomme, Jerry Tagge and Rich Campbell were much worse. Delhomme is at least supposed to be a good NFL quarterback. Tagge and Campbell (the other first round QB out of Cal we took) simply sucked. Bills dogs at home? I love it.
Bills 24 Cats 17
Bears +3.5 over BUCANNEERS
After the dominant defensive performance against the Panthers, consider me on the Bears bandwagon. This defense is good. Although Chris Simms has put together back-to-back nice games, this analysis by Samichlaus keeps sticking in my head: "I saw Chris Simms earlier this year on one of those "In their own words" specials. The show was about Jon Gruden, but Simms jumped out at me. I was amazed that the son of one of the smartest quarterbacks I've ever seen didn't seem very bright. He was easily flustered and could not remember the plays Gruden was calling. Unlike his father, he lacked command and presence in the huddle." Let's just say that I think the Bears defense is going to eat him alive. Bears 20, Bucanneers 9
I’m officially jumping on the Bearwagon. Although Simms has improved considerably, I agree with myself (and St. Ides). The Bears D is just that good, but the under (33) is even better.
Bears 17 Bucs 10.
VIKINGS -4.5 over Browns
I said a few weeks ago something along the lines of "Well, at least with Brad Johnson at QB, he won't turn the ball over 3-6 times a game like Culpepper does." Well, guess what. He hasn't been turning the ball over, and the Vikings have been winning. And everybody's favorite alcoholic ex-Seahawk, Koren Dropinson, is starting to take a prominent role in the offense. On one hand, it's nice to see the young man get his life turned around. On the other hand, why did it take getting cut for the ungrateful bastard to realize how lucky he was. I guess I'm fairly indifferent to how he does, mostly cause I don't give a crap about the Vikings. But everytime he drops a catch (and he WILL drop the ball), I'll grin a little bit and think "Thank god that wasn't a key play for Seattle instead." Vikings 23, Browns 16.
Note about Robinson: he’s a #3 receiver and a special teams demon for the Vikings. Nice and easy, no pressure. In fact he made a key catch against Green Bay on a blown coverage by rookie corner Jason Horton, and as the ball was in the air I wished a special wish: “Please drop it”. He didn’t. Vikings 27 Browns 24
CHIEFS -3.5 over Patriots
The Patriots last 3 wins came by an average of 6 points against the Bills, Dolphins, and Saints. The Chiefs are pretty good at home, and Larry Johnson is running rampant. Brady somehow keeps it close, but I think the Patriots are just too banged up this year to beat good offensive teams on the road. Chiefs 30, Patriots 24.
Exactly, and let me say it again: the Chiefs are a different team at home. The Patriots, decimated by injuries, will play tough but they’ll lose by 7 or more. Chiefs 31 Patriots 20
Chargers -3.5 over REDSKINS
I said it last week, I'll say it again: that heart-breaking loss to the Bucanneers two weeks ago is the kind of game that can totally change a team's season. Believe me, as a long-time Seahawks fan, I know those games. I've seen teams go into downward spirals, especially when they're a bit shaky on one side of the ball, and despite some early season success, I'd have to call the Brunell led Skins offense "shaky." Drew Brees proved last week that he can singe-handedly beat teams that stack the line against Tomlinson. Chargers 30, Redskins 17.
OK, OK, you win. You’re right about the Skins and I think they lose at home. Brees is going to pick that team apart, like the white meat off a tom turkey. The Redskins will leave their giblets on the turf after a good old fashioned stuffing by the Chargers. Yep, it’s going to be all gravy for the Bolts as they leave the Redskins bleeding cranberry red on Sunday. Chargers 37 Skins 13
Niners +8.5 over TITANS
The Niners are not as bad as people think. Their defense has some good players up front. And this just in: Steve McNair is still the QB in Tennessee. Doesn't that seem a bit weird? 49ers 23, Titans 20.
The Niners are as bad as people think. They’re just not as bad as the Seahawks thought. Don’t let that game fool you, that was more of a let down on Seattle’s part than a true indication of the Niners. Titans 27 Niners 10
Rams -3.5 over TEXANS
Let's see… Larry Johnson ran over the Texans for 200+ yards. The Rams just ran the ball a mere 12 times for 6 yards against a crappy Cardinals defense. Starting QB Marc Bulger is hurt. If I were the Rams coach, I would make sure Steven Jackson runs the ball at least 25 times. But I'm not. So they'll probably go throw crazy. Still, the Texans are bad enough that either approach should work. Rams 30, Texans 23.
The Texans have so given up on the season, I’m sure that they have a locker all set for Reggie Bush. That’s the worst team in football kids. Pretty quarterback and all. Rams 33 Texans 17
CARDINALS +3.5 over Jaguars
Kurt Warner looked revitalized last week in St. Louis. Can he bring that back to the desert with him? Maybe, and here's why: he has two absolute studs in receivers Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin. He just needs the time to find them. And, I'll repeat, the Jaguars are not blowing out far inferior teams. I'm not going to say the Cardinals win, but I wouldn’t be shocked. Jaguars 24, Cardinals 23.
St. Ides pointed it out: the Jags play to the level of their opponents. Every reader at SBS knows we’re a big fan of home dogs, and I like this one. Cardinals 24 Jaguars 23
RAIDERS -7.5 over Dolphins
The Dolphins QB woes have gotten to them. Shutout by the Browns? Yikes It might be time for them to seriously consider becoming a part of the Matt Leinart sweepstakes. Raiders 23, Dolphins 13.
They’ve got a legitimate shot at Leinart, considering the Texans have invested in “sugar lips” and the Niners have invested in Alex Smith. Anyway, Nick Saban said earlier this week that the Fins would use the remainder of the season to examine talent for next year. That’s coach speak for “we’re mailing it in”. Raiders 27 Dolphins 10
Packers +4.5 over EAGLES
The Packers keep staying competitive, and keep losing the close games. Without McNabb and Owens, the Eagles offense is pretty bad. Let's say this is another close loss. Eagles 24, Packers 21.
I don’t think it’s going to be close. I saw something that really bothered me this week: Favre looked perplexed and disgusted. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that Sherman has lost him. The Packers offensive line is pathetic, particularly the play of Will Whitiker and Scott Wells. The defense is good, but they still give up too many big plays. The game’s in Philly. Eagles 34 Packers 21
Giants +4.5 over SEAHAWKS
Reverse jinx time! So far, my reverse jinxes are 3-0.. Everytime I have picked Seattle to lose outright, they have won! When I take the Seahawks, they are 5-2 (4-3 against the spread). So, faced with another playoff-caliber team that a lot of "experts" are picking as a possible Super Bowl team, I have to think the Seahawks choke this one away. Although, they are pretty good at home (only 3 losses at home since Qwest Field opened 3 years ago, including none this year). And the Giants aren't very good on the road. Still, I think the Giants offense can expose the weaknesses in the still young Seattle defense. Really, this game will come down to Hasselbeck having to put together a 2-minute drill to pull it out. He's done it before, but I don't see it happening this week. In fact, it may even be better if we lose this game. Because if we win this and are sitting at 9-2, then everybody will pretty much HAVE to call us the best in the NFC. And I'm not sure I want that. Not yet. Giants 27, Seahawks 24.
Seattle will run Shawn Alexander up the Giants proverbial asses, and the defense will be better prepared this week. Last week was their letdown. This week they recover. Seattle 34 Giants 17
Saints -1.5 over JETS
This is the same Jets team who had 5th (yes, FIFTH) string QB Klif Kingsbury in at QB last weekend? And they're only getting 1 and a half points? Uhhhhh, okay… Saints 24, Jets 10.
One thing I have to add: this absolute stinker is the Sunday night game and it couldn’t have happened to a nicer crew. I absolutely fucking hate the Sunday night team. They are the least entertaining, least insightful most boring announcing crew covering professional football. Why couldn’t Lawrence Taylor have broken Joe Theisman’s larynx instead of his leg? Jesus H Christ in a chicken basket. I hope that no one, and I mean no one watches… hey wait… the game’s in New York? On ESPN? You think Suzy Kolber might be coaxed to do another sideline interview with Broadway Joe Namath? Now that might be worth watching… Jets 15 Saints 13. Home dog baaayyybeee,
COLTS -0.5 over Steelers
Big Ben is back, but is he 100%? The Colts defense was exposed a bit against the Bengals, but they proved they could still run and gun with the best offenses out there. I can't figure out how this spread is so low, it must be a misprint. The Steelers defense is pretty good, but they're not dominant enough to keep the Colts off the scoreboard a few times. 11-0, anyone? Colts 27, Steelers 20.
USA Today has the spread at 8 – 42 is your over/under. BTW, the over is 5 – 2 in the last 7 games between these teams. OK, with that said I’m taking the Colts. The sons of bitches are going to run the table. Colts 38 Steelers 20
SBS Fans: We are experiencing technical difficulties with the Web site. Of course, if you are reading this those problems have been solved. Meanwhile, it's the Friday after Thanksgiving and St. Ides is already 2-0 whilst Ol' Samichlaus is at 0 - 2.
Happy holidays to all you SBS-Artists, Samichlaus here with this weeks picks. We're getting 'em in early so you can call your bookie and spread a little holiday cheer. First, let's recap:
If you listened to St. Ides -
Last week your bookie was happy: 7-9
This season your bookie is very happy: 72-87
If you listened to Samichlaus -
Last week your bookie was estatic: 5-11
This season your bookie is a little upset: 80-79
I'm actually feeling fairly confident this week. Seems there's a few spreads that are bigger or smaller than they should be. Maybe the odds makers were slacking this week too?
I’m glad some one is feeling good. After last weeks pre-thanksgiving turkey I’m feeling a little less confident in my prognosticating abilities. Oh, and upon further review, the Packers suck.
Atlanta -3.5 over LIONS
The overrated Michael Vick versus the totally not overrated Joey Harrington. I'm very tempted to take the Lions, except for two things really. 1) I still think the Falcons defense is pretty good and 2) Harrington is usually pretty bad when he's NOT in the national spotlight. I think he will absolutely choke this one away, to the point we could see him and his receivers going at it on the sideline. Maybe we'll have a Jeff Garcia sighting before this one is over. We can hope. Falcons 27, Lions 13
Thanksgiving is like a totally different universe for the Lions. No matter how bad they suck, they always play tough on Thanksgiving. In my head, I don’t see the Herpes carriers losing three in a row but in my heart I see a Lions victory.
Lions 27 Vick’s Herpes Infested Penis 24
Broncos -2.5 over COWBOYS
Huge game for both teams. Both QBs are playing incredibly (and shockingly) well. So which one reverts to their old self first, Bledsoe or Plummer? I'm going to go with Bledsoe, just because I love seeing Parcells pissed off. God, I hate him. Not to mention, my uncle is a huge Cowboys fan, and I'll have to listen to him all fricking day about what a genius Parcells is, and how good the Cowboys are this year. Please, whoever is has kidnapped Jake Plummer and is masquerading as him, keep it up just one more week. Broncos 24, Cowboys 17.
You have an uncle who is a Cowboys fan? Man, you grow ‘em weird in da Bronx. Hey, he isn’t like one of those “evil” uncles who like to watch you get changed when you’re about 7 years old, is he??? Anyway, I’m going with the same logic as I did in the first pick: throw out the logic, it’s Thanksgiving. Cowboys 31 Broncos 30
Ravens +9.5 over BENGALS
The Bengals may have exposed the Colts defense as not as good as hyped last week. The Ravens kicked the poop out of the Steelers. I don't think the Ravens will win this one, but they might keep it close with solid D. Also, it seems like they might be realizing that Chester Taylor is a better running option than the recently incarcerated Jamal Lewis. Lewis sucks this year. Bengals 26, Ravens 18.
Man that’s a lot of points… you think I’d learn from last week, but I’m not. I’m actually quite stubborn that way. I think after watching Indy pretty much have their way with the Bengals D, the D will rise to the occasion and play a solid game. Meanwhile Carson Palmer, who Boomer Esiason called the best young quarterback in the league earlier this year, will have enough to manage the ferocious D of the Ravens.
Bengals 27 Ravens 13
BILLS +4.5 over Panthers
Both teams coming off tough road losses last week. The Panthers will have to go into the cold and try and proove that they are one of the NFC elite. Meanwhile, the Bills have been good at home and still have a shot at the AFC East. Samichlaus noted that Jake Delhomme has the worst technique he's ever seen. That's good enough for me to think maybe the Panthers aren't as good as everybody is claiming… Bills 24, Panthers 23.
Let me qualify that statement, because in all fairness to Jake Delhomme, Jerry Tagge and Rich Campbell were much worse. Delhomme is at least supposed to be a good NFL quarterback. Tagge and Campbell (the other first round QB out of Cal we took) simply sucked. Bills dogs at home? I love it.
Bills 24 Cats 17
Bears +3.5 over BUCANNEERS
After the dominant defensive performance against the Panthers, consider me on the Bears bandwagon. This defense is good. Although Chris Simms has put together back-to-back nice games, this analysis by Samichlaus keeps sticking in my head: "I saw Chris Simms earlier this year on one of those "In their own words" specials. The show was about Jon Gruden, but Simms jumped out at me. I was amazed that the son of one of the smartest quarterbacks I've ever seen didn't seem very bright. He was easily flustered and could not remember the plays Gruden was calling. Unlike his father, he lacked command and presence in the huddle." Let's just say that I think the Bears defense is going to eat him alive. Bears 20, Bucanneers 9
I’m officially jumping on the Bearwagon. Although Simms has improved considerably, I agree with myself (and St. Ides). The Bears D is just that good, but the under (33) is even better.
Bears 17 Bucs 10.
VIKINGS -4.5 over Browns
I said a few weeks ago something along the lines of "Well, at least with Brad Johnson at QB, he won't turn the ball over 3-6 times a game like Culpepper does." Well, guess what. He hasn't been turning the ball over, and the Vikings have been winning. And everybody's favorite alcoholic ex-Seahawk, Koren Dropinson, is starting to take a prominent role in the offense. On one hand, it's nice to see the young man get his life turned around. On the other hand, why did it take getting cut for the ungrateful bastard to realize how lucky he was. I guess I'm fairly indifferent to how he does, mostly cause I don't give a crap about the Vikings. But everytime he drops a catch (and he WILL drop the ball), I'll grin a little bit and think "Thank god that wasn't a key play for Seattle instead." Vikings 23, Browns 16.
Note about Robinson: he’s a #3 receiver and a special teams demon for the Vikings. Nice and easy, no pressure. In fact he made a key catch against Green Bay on a blown coverage by rookie corner Jason Horton, and as the ball was in the air I wished a special wish: “Please drop it”. He didn’t. Vikings 27 Browns 24
CHIEFS -3.5 over Patriots
The Patriots last 3 wins came by an average of 6 points against the Bills, Dolphins, and Saints. The Chiefs are pretty good at home, and Larry Johnson is running rampant. Brady somehow keeps it close, but I think the Patriots are just too banged up this year to beat good offensive teams on the road. Chiefs 30, Patriots 24.
Exactly, and let me say it again: the Chiefs are a different team at home. The Patriots, decimated by injuries, will play tough but they’ll lose by 7 or more. Chiefs 31 Patriots 20
Chargers -3.5 over REDSKINS
I said it last week, I'll say it again: that heart-breaking loss to the Bucanneers two weeks ago is the kind of game that can totally change a team's season. Believe me, as a long-time Seahawks fan, I know those games. I've seen teams go into downward spirals, especially when they're a bit shaky on one side of the ball, and despite some early season success, I'd have to call the Brunell led Skins offense "shaky." Drew Brees proved last week that he can singe-handedly beat teams that stack the line against Tomlinson. Chargers 30, Redskins 17.
OK, OK, you win. You’re right about the Skins and I think they lose at home. Brees is going to pick that team apart, like the white meat off a tom turkey. The Redskins will leave their giblets on the turf after a good old fashioned stuffing by the Chargers. Yep, it’s going to be all gravy for the Bolts as they leave the Redskins bleeding cranberry red on Sunday. Chargers 37 Skins 13
Niners +8.5 over TITANS
The Niners are not as bad as people think. Their defense has some good players up front. And this just in: Steve McNair is still the QB in Tennessee. Doesn't that seem a bit weird? 49ers 23, Titans 20.
The Niners are as bad as people think. They’re just not as bad as the Seahawks thought. Don’t let that game fool you, that was more of a let down on Seattle’s part than a true indication of the Niners. Titans 27 Niners 10
Rams -3.5 over TEXANS
Let's see… Larry Johnson ran over the Texans for 200+ yards. The Rams just ran the ball a mere 12 times for 6 yards against a crappy Cardinals defense. Starting QB Marc Bulger is hurt. If I were the Rams coach, I would make sure Steven Jackson runs the ball at least 25 times. But I'm not. So they'll probably go throw crazy. Still, the Texans are bad enough that either approach should work. Rams 30, Texans 23.
The Texans have so given up on the season, I’m sure that they have a locker all set for Reggie Bush. That’s the worst team in football kids. Pretty quarterback and all. Rams 33 Texans 17
CARDINALS +3.5 over Jaguars
Kurt Warner looked revitalized last week in St. Louis. Can he bring that back to the desert with him? Maybe, and here's why: he has two absolute studs in receivers Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin. He just needs the time to find them. And, I'll repeat, the Jaguars are not blowing out far inferior teams. I'm not going to say the Cardinals win, but I wouldn’t be shocked. Jaguars 24, Cardinals 23.
St. Ides pointed it out: the Jags play to the level of their opponents. Every reader at SBS knows we’re a big fan of home dogs, and I like this one. Cardinals 24 Jaguars 23
RAIDERS -7.5 over Dolphins
The Dolphins QB woes have gotten to them. Shutout by the Browns? Yikes It might be time for them to seriously consider becoming a part of the Matt Leinart sweepstakes. Raiders 23, Dolphins 13.
They’ve got a legitimate shot at Leinart, considering the Texans have invested in “sugar lips” and the Niners have invested in Alex Smith. Anyway, Nick Saban said earlier this week that the Fins would use the remainder of the season to examine talent for next year. That’s coach speak for “we’re mailing it in”. Raiders 27 Dolphins 10
Packers +4.5 over EAGLES
The Packers keep staying competitive, and keep losing the close games. Without McNabb and Owens, the Eagles offense is pretty bad. Let's say this is another close loss. Eagles 24, Packers 21.
I don’t think it’s going to be close. I saw something that really bothered me this week: Favre looked perplexed and disgusted. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that Sherman has lost him. The Packers offensive line is pathetic, particularly the play of Will Whitiker and Scott Wells. The defense is good, but they still give up too many big plays. The game’s in Philly. Eagles 34 Packers 21
Giants +4.5 over SEAHAWKS
Reverse jinx time! So far, my reverse jinxes are 3-0.. Everytime I have picked Seattle to lose outright, they have won! When I take the Seahawks, they are 5-2 (4-3 against the spread). So, faced with another playoff-caliber team that a lot of "experts" are picking as a possible Super Bowl team, I have to think the Seahawks choke this one away. Although, they are pretty good at home (only 3 losses at home since Qwest Field opened 3 years ago, including none this year). And the Giants aren't very good on the road. Still, I think the Giants offense can expose the weaknesses in the still young Seattle defense. Really, this game will come down to Hasselbeck having to put together a 2-minute drill to pull it out. He's done it before, but I don't see it happening this week. In fact, it may even be better if we lose this game. Because if we win this and are sitting at 9-2, then everybody will pretty much HAVE to call us the best in the NFC. And I'm not sure I want that. Not yet. Giants 27, Seahawks 24.
Seattle will run Shawn Alexander up the Giants proverbial asses, and the defense will be better prepared this week. Last week was their letdown. This week they recover. Seattle 34 Giants 17
Saints -1.5 over JETS
This is the same Jets team who had 5th (yes, FIFTH) string QB Klif Kingsbury in at QB last weekend? And they're only getting 1 and a half points? Uhhhhh, okay… Saints 24, Jets 10.
One thing I have to add: this absolute stinker is the Sunday night game and it couldn’t have happened to a nicer crew. I absolutely fucking hate the Sunday night team. They are the least entertaining, least insightful most boring announcing crew covering professional football. Why couldn’t Lawrence Taylor have broken Joe Theisman’s larynx instead of his leg? Jesus H Christ in a chicken basket. I hope that no one, and I mean no one watches… hey wait… the game’s in New York? On ESPN? You think Suzy Kolber might be coaxed to do another sideline interview with Broadway Joe Namath? Now that might be worth watching… Jets 15 Saints 13. Home dog baaayyybeee,
COLTS -0.5 over Steelers
Big Ben is back, but is he 100%? The Colts defense was exposed a bit against the Bengals, but they proved they could still run and gun with the best offenses out there. I can't figure out how this spread is so low, it must be a misprint. The Steelers defense is pretty good, but they're not dominant enough to keep the Colts off the scoreboard a few times. 11-0, anyone? Colts 27, Steelers 20.
USA Today has the spread at 8 – 42 is your over/under. BTW, the over is 5 – 2 in the last 7 games between these teams. OK, with that said I’m taking the Colts. The sons of bitches are going to run the table. Colts 38 Steelers 20
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Upon Further Review, Part Dos
Brilliant frickin idea, too bad we didn't start this earlier in the season.. Or during a week where we didn't suck as much... In any case..
St. Ides -
This week: 7-9
Overall: 72-87
Samichlaus -
This week: 5-11
Overall: 80-79
RAMS -9.5 over Cardinals
Rams are actually playing better without Martz. Cardinals still stink. Rams 31, Cardinals 19.
Actual Score: Cardinals 38, Rams 28
Well, whattaya know! Kurt Warner was revitalized in his return to St. Louis, Bulger went out early with an injury, and they were back to Martz style football, totally abandoning the run despite Arizona having one of the worst run defenses in the league. (Steven Jackson - 12 carries for 6 yards. No other RB carried the ball all game. 12 rushing plays. Ouch.)
Panthers -3.5 over BEARS
If the Panthers are the NFC Super Bowl contender people are making them out to be, they blow away the Bears in Chicago. The Bears have a nice record, but have had a joke schedule. Panthers 27, Bears 10.
Actual Score: Bears 13, Panthers 3
Okay, so either Carolina is hyped more than they should be or the Chicago defense IS good enough to take them to the playoffs.
Lions +8.5 over COWBOYS
The two traditional Thanksgiving teams play one another the week before! I don't know, I'm still not sold on the Cowboys. They should have lost last week, if not for that gift McNabb interception. Meanwhile, Joey Harrington had his best game as a pro. Could that give him the confidence he needs? Probably not, but I'll take the points. Cowboys 27, Lions 20
Actual Score: Cowboys 20, Lions 7
So much for Harrington's confidense. Although he didn't play poorly, they just couldn't punch it into the end zone enough. I'm still not sold on Dallas though.
BENGALS +5.5 over Colts
The Bengals fell short during their first real "test" this season when they lost to the Steelers. Here's their second chance. The Colts are flying high, and the Bengals probably don't have the defense to stop them. But the Bengals offense should be able to move on the Colts and keep it somewhat close. Colts 29, Bengals 26.
Actual Score: Colts 45, Bengals 37
Well, the Bengals did keep it close most of the game, and their offense did hang with the Colts for the most part. Sadly, they were a field goal short of covering the spread. I think I'm taking the Colts for the rest of the year.
Dolphins +2.5 over BROWNS
The Dolphins stuck around against the Patriots last week. The Browns don't seem to be getting any better. Dolphins 24, Browns 13.
Actual Score: Browns 22, Dolphins 0
Obviously, I wasn't aware that Sage Rosenfals would be the QB for Miami. Maybe the "new coach" magic has run out for the Dolphins this year?
Seahawks -12.5 over NINERS
The Niners have either Ken Dorsey or Cody Pickett starting at QB for them. They are last in the NFL in both offense and defense. Seattle has taken care of business so far, even against the crappy teams. They need to keep doing it. I don't see the Niners stopping their offense at all. Seahawks 36, Niners 16.
Actual Score: Seahawks 27, Niners 25
Well, Ken Dorsey actually looked pretty good (who woulda thunk) and the Seattle defense allowed the Niners to claw their way back into this game. I said no way the Niners put up more than 21 unless there was a "garbage time" score. Well, it wasn't quite garbage time since the game was still within reach, but it did take a final minute TD to break 21. :P But a win is a win, so I'll take it. PS - The Niners aren't as bad as people think. They have some decent players on defense. Their two wins this year are against the Rams and Bucanneers, not exactly the complete bottom of the barrel. They'll win another game or two this season.
Bills +10.5 over CHARGERS
Put these teams down as two more that are tough to figure out this season. The conventional wisdom is that Tomlinson is going to go nuts on the worst rushing defense in the NFL. The Bills coaching staff reads these "experts", right? Won't they put like 10 in the box and force Brees to beat them? That's what I would do. Chargers should win, but not in a blowout. Chargers 26, Bills 23.
Actual Score: Chargers 48, Bills 10
Well, the Bills did what I expected them to do, forced Brees to beat them. And he did. He lit them up - 28/33, 339 yards, 4 TDs. He also may have sealed the fate of Phillip Rivers with this performance.
TEXANS +6.5 over Chiefs
Just one of those games that you can't figure out how it happened, but the Texans stick around. In fact, they might even win. Nahhhh... Chiefs 23, Texans 20.
Actual Score: Chiefs 45, Texans 17
Ummmmm, yeah, not much I can say about this besides I gave the Texans way too much credit.
PACKERS -4.5 over Vikings
I'll leave the in-depth stuff on the Packers to the expert, and I never woulda guessed who that guy in the photo was. But I think beating the Falcons might jump-start them just a little bit, especially if they realize they still have an outside shot of actually winning the NFC North. Packers 30, Vikings 23
Actual Score: Vikings 20, Packers 17
Packers lose another close game. The sad thing is, despite all the injuries, they've been competitive in almost every game this year. They could pretty easily still be in the playoff hunt right now. Instead, now the focus will switch to "Is Favre done?" (yet again) and "Should they get Rogers some playing time?" My opinion: No (he ain't going out like that), and Yes (might as well).
St. Ides -
This week: 7-9
Overall: 72-87
Samichlaus -
This week: 5-11
Overall: 80-79
RAMS -9.5 over Cardinals
Rams are actually playing better without Martz. Cardinals still stink. Rams 31, Cardinals 19.
Actual Score: Cardinals 38, Rams 28
Well, whattaya know! Kurt Warner was revitalized in his return to St. Louis, Bulger went out early with an injury, and they were back to Martz style football, totally abandoning the run despite Arizona having one of the worst run defenses in the league. (Steven Jackson - 12 carries for 6 yards. No other RB carried the ball all game. 12 rushing plays. Ouch.)
Panthers -3.5 over BEARS
If the Panthers are the NFC Super Bowl contender people are making them out to be, they blow away the Bears in Chicago. The Bears have a nice record, but have had a joke schedule. Panthers 27, Bears 10.
Actual Score: Bears 13, Panthers 3
Okay, so either Carolina is hyped more than they should be or the Chicago defense IS good enough to take them to the playoffs.
Lions +8.5 over COWBOYS
The two traditional Thanksgiving teams play one another the week before! I don't know, I'm still not sold on the Cowboys. They should have lost last week, if not for that gift McNabb interception. Meanwhile, Joey Harrington had his best game as a pro. Could that give him the confidence he needs? Probably not, but I'll take the points. Cowboys 27, Lions 20
Actual Score: Cowboys 20, Lions 7
So much for Harrington's confidense. Although he didn't play poorly, they just couldn't punch it into the end zone enough. I'm still not sold on Dallas though.
BENGALS +5.5 over Colts
The Bengals fell short during their first real "test" this season when they lost to the Steelers. Here's their second chance. The Colts are flying high, and the Bengals probably don't have the defense to stop them. But the Bengals offense should be able to move on the Colts and keep it somewhat close. Colts 29, Bengals 26.
Actual Score: Colts 45, Bengals 37
Well, the Bengals did keep it close most of the game, and their offense did hang with the Colts for the most part. Sadly, they were a field goal short of covering the spread. I think I'm taking the Colts for the rest of the year.
Dolphins +2.5 over BROWNS
The Dolphins stuck around against the Patriots last week. The Browns don't seem to be getting any better. Dolphins 24, Browns 13.
Actual Score: Browns 22, Dolphins 0
Obviously, I wasn't aware that Sage Rosenfals would be the QB for Miami. Maybe the "new coach" magic has run out for the Dolphins this year?
Seahawks -12.5 over NINERS
The Niners have either Ken Dorsey or Cody Pickett starting at QB for them. They are last in the NFL in both offense and defense. Seattle has taken care of business so far, even against the crappy teams. They need to keep doing it. I don't see the Niners stopping their offense at all. Seahawks 36, Niners 16.
Actual Score: Seahawks 27, Niners 25
Well, Ken Dorsey actually looked pretty good (who woulda thunk) and the Seattle defense allowed the Niners to claw their way back into this game. I said no way the Niners put up more than 21 unless there was a "garbage time" score. Well, it wasn't quite garbage time since the game was still within reach, but it did take a final minute TD to break 21. :P But a win is a win, so I'll take it. PS - The Niners aren't as bad as people think. They have some decent players on defense. Their two wins this year are against the Rams and Bucanneers, not exactly the complete bottom of the barrel. They'll win another game or two this season.
Bills +10.5 over CHARGERS
Put these teams down as two more that are tough to figure out this season. The conventional wisdom is that Tomlinson is going to go nuts on the worst rushing defense in the NFL. The Bills coaching staff reads these "experts", right? Won't they put like 10 in the box and force Brees to beat them? That's what I would do. Chargers should win, but not in a blowout. Chargers 26, Bills 23.
Actual Score: Chargers 48, Bills 10
Well, the Bills did what I expected them to do, forced Brees to beat them. And he did. He lit them up - 28/33, 339 yards, 4 TDs. He also may have sealed the fate of Phillip Rivers with this performance.
TEXANS +6.5 over Chiefs
Just one of those games that you can't figure out how it happened, but the Texans stick around. In fact, they might even win. Nahhhh... Chiefs 23, Texans 20.
Actual Score: Chiefs 45, Texans 17
Ummmmm, yeah, not much I can say about this besides I gave the Texans way too much credit.
PACKERS -4.5 over Vikings
I'll leave the in-depth stuff on the Packers to the expert, and I never woulda guessed who that guy in the photo was. But I think beating the Falcons might jump-start them just a little bit, especially if they realize they still have an outside shot of actually winning the NFC North. Packers 30, Vikings 23
Actual Score: Vikings 20, Packers 17
Packers lose another close game. The sad thing is, despite all the injuries, they've been competitive in almost every game this year. They could pretty easily still be in the playoff hunt right now. Instead, now the focus will switch to "Is Favre done?" (yet again) and "Should they get Rogers some playing time?" My opinion: No (he ain't going out like that), and Yes (might as well).
Monday, November 21, 2005
Upon further review, or why you should never listen to me, ever.
Welcome to yet another new feature at SBS. I like to call this “Upon further review” and here’s how it works: Each week I will review the picks I got wrong. We’ll look at what I thought would happen and what went wrong. As far as the picks I got right, you can just review my picks and marvel at how smart I am.
But feel free to read on and see how dumb I am. I invite St. Ides to join in…
RAMS -9.5 over Cardinals
How in the hell does Kurt Warner throw for 360 yards and still score like shit? Oh yeah, because St. Ides is right, the Cardinals still stink. They’re great between the 20’s but they still stink. Rams 34 Cardinals 13
Actual Score: Cardinals 38 Rams 28. I totally missed that this was Kurt Warner’s return to St. Louis. Warner, cast out like a martyr by Mike Martz had something to prove, and he did. His return was the mitigating factor.
Panthers -3.5 over BEARS
…and the Bears schedule gets tougher the rest of the way. Mark my words, the Bears will not win another game this season. Meanwhile, when John Fox was asked earlier this week what he thought about his Panthers being 7 – 2 Fox replied “All it means is the worst we can do is 7 – 9”. Man, that’s a tough coach. Panthers 24 Bears 10
Actual Score: Bears 13 Panthers 3. OK, I found a more overrated quarterback than Michael Vick. Jake Delhomme has the worst technique I’ve ever seen. I don’t think he’s ever heard of looking off the corner because the guy zones on one receiver and stares the ball into him. Regarding my bold prediction about the Bears, what I meant was they won’t win another game starting THIS week…
BENGALS +5.5 over Colts
Last season Carson Palmer (who Boomer Esiason has called the best young quarterback in the game) and Chad Johnson attended a Colts game during the Bengals bye week. They wanted to watch the chemistry between Peyton Manning and Marvin Harrison. This week we get to see if the chemistry lesson paid off, and Samichlaus is betting that it did. Break out the Champaign you wacky ’72 Dolphins, it the Bengals 31 the Colts 30 in the Samichlaus Shocker of the week.
Actual Score: Colts 45 Bengals 37. The Colts scored touchdowns on their first 5 drives, and the only reason it was this close was that they got greedy. Towards the end of the first half, up by 21 they continued to throw the ball. As a result, Peyton Manning got picked leading to a Bengals score. FYI, Carson Palmer, who Boomer Esiason has called the best young quarterback in the game, statistically had a higher completion percentage than Manning.
TITANS +4.5 over Jaguars
Ahh, you’re still steamed over that week one loss by Seattle. Last week was a coming out party for WR Matt Jones who last week was name NFL Offensive Player of the Week Not Named Samkon Gado. The Jags win easy against the depressing Titans: Jaguars 30 Titans 17
Actual Score: Jaguars 31 Titans 28. OK, this one goes right to St. Ides, who is becoming a master of figuring the trend. Here’s what he had to say about the Jags: “One week they're beating a good team convincingly, the next week, they're winning a squeaker against a crappy team. I'll call this one my upset special of the week. Titans 31, Jaguars 30”. The man’s right. The Jags play to the level of their opponents.
Dolphins +2.5 over BROWNS
Agreed. The Fins are rebuilding, but I see Nick Saban and company pulling the road win as well Dolphins 20 Browns 17
Actual Score: Browns 22 Dolphins 0. Note to Nick Saban, Sage Rosenfels (5/10 14 yards) isn’t the answer at QB.
Saints +10.5 over PATRIOTS
I think a team that loses 52 – 3 on the road to Green Bay doesn’t fare any better against the Patriots. Patriots 55 Saints 6. And if I’m right, the entire city of Foxboro can suck my cock in grateful thanks.
Actual Score: Patriots 24 Saints 17. Well, my one shot of getting sodomized by Foxboro is gone. Just like the days of New England dominating bad teams. New England will win, but the spreads are going to come back to earth this week.
Raiders +6.5 over REDSKINS
Why oh why to this day when I see the words “2 point conversion” do I think of “Opie and Anthony”? (Second note to wife: Ask me and I’ll explain, or better still I can demonstrate). Last week St. Ides predicted a collapse by Mark Brunell and for a while I thought he’d nailed it. But Brunell showed some resiliency. Meanwhile, Kerry Collins proves yet again that “ball control” are two words that just don’t appear side by side in his dictionary. I think the home cooking does the Skins a little good. Skins 31 – Raiders 20.
Actual Score: Raiders 16 Skins 13. Once again St. Ides had it nailed. The heart breaker last week really showed in the second half for the Redskins as the Raiders simply shut them down. Another 4th quarter collapse signals the end for the Skins. Put some sour cream and chives on these skins, they’re nothing more than an appetizer.
Bills +10.5 over CHARGERS
The Bills are the tale of two teams, the home team that’s pretty damn good and the road team that’s pretty lousy. However, I too think that this spread’s a bit too robust, and considering that the Bills shut down KC last week I think this one stays close. Bolts 24 – Bills 23
Actual Score: Bolts 48 Bills 10. Whoops. Guess the spread wasn’t too robust after all. I need to read my own analysis about “the road team that’s pretty lousy”. Factor in that Drew Brees played a great game for San Diego and this one should have been easy to predict.
RAVENS +4.5 over Steelers
I’m sorry but I don’t care who is handing the ball off for Pittsburgh, they’re a better team. Explain to me how the Ravens are going to score 20 on the Steelers? Steelers 26 Ravens 10.
Actual Score Ravens 16 Steelers 13. Tommy Maddox threw for 230 yards in a close game, but a key pick killed the Steelers. Meanwhile, I misjudged the Ravens D. Again.
TEXANS +6.5 over Chiefs
Tell you what, I like the over in this game. I think the analysis is right, with KC scoring a late score to finish off the Texans. Steers and queers, steers and queers. Chiefs 41 Texans 39.
Actual Score: Chiefs 45 Texans 17. What was I thinking? The Texans already had their one good game. They’re gonna suck the rest of the season, and Reggie Bush is going to make that pretty boy look pretty good next year when they draft him with the first pick…
But feel free to read on and see how dumb I am. I invite St. Ides to join in…
RAMS -9.5 over Cardinals
How in the hell does Kurt Warner throw for 360 yards and still score like shit? Oh yeah, because St. Ides is right, the Cardinals still stink. They’re great between the 20’s but they still stink. Rams 34 Cardinals 13
Actual Score: Cardinals 38 Rams 28. I totally missed that this was Kurt Warner’s return to St. Louis. Warner, cast out like a martyr by Mike Martz had something to prove, and he did. His return was the mitigating factor.
Panthers -3.5 over BEARS
…and the Bears schedule gets tougher the rest of the way. Mark my words, the Bears will not win another game this season. Meanwhile, when John Fox was asked earlier this week what he thought about his Panthers being 7 – 2 Fox replied “All it means is the worst we can do is 7 – 9”. Man, that’s a tough coach. Panthers 24 Bears 10
Actual Score: Bears 13 Panthers 3. OK, I found a more overrated quarterback than Michael Vick. Jake Delhomme has the worst technique I’ve ever seen. I don’t think he’s ever heard of looking off the corner because the guy zones on one receiver and stares the ball into him. Regarding my bold prediction about the Bears, what I meant was they won’t win another game starting THIS week…
BENGALS +5.5 over Colts
Last season Carson Palmer (who Boomer Esiason has called the best young quarterback in the game) and Chad Johnson attended a Colts game during the Bengals bye week. They wanted to watch the chemistry between Peyton Manning and Marvin Harrison. This week we get to see if the chemistry lesson paid off, and Samichlaus is betting that it did. Break out the Champaign you wacky ’72 Dolphins, it the Bengals 31 the Colts 30 in the Samichlaus Shocker of the week.
Actual Score: Colts 45 Bengals 37. The Colts scored touchdowns on their first 5 drives, and the only reason it was this close was that they got greedy. Towards the end of the first half, up by 21 they continued to throw the ball. As a result, Peyton Manning got picked leading to a Bengals score. FYI, Carson Palmer, who Boomer Esiason has called the best young quarterback in the game, statistically had a higher completion percentage than Manning.
TITANS +4.5 over Jaguars
Ahh, you’re still steamed over that week one loss by Seattle. Last week was a coming out party for WR Matt Jones who last week was name NFL Offensive Player of the Week Not Named Samkon Gado. The Jags win easy against the depressing Titans: Jaguars 30 Titans 17
Actual Score: Jaguars 31 Titans 28. OK, this one goes right to St. Ides, who is becoming a master of figuring the trend. Here’s what he had to say about the Jags: “One week they're beating a good team convincingly, the next week, they're winning a squeaker against a crappy team. I'll call this one my upset special of the week. Titans 31, Jaguars 30”. The man’s right. The Jags play to the level of their opponents.
Dolphins +2.5 over BROWNS
Agreed. The Fins are rebuilding, but I see Nick Saban and company pulling the road win as well Dolphins 20 Browns 17
Actual Score: Browns 22 Dolphins 0. Note to Nick Saban, Sage Rosenfels (5/10 14 yards) isn’t the answer at QB.
Saints +10.5 over PATRIOTS
I think a team that loses 52 – 3 on the road to Green Bay doesn’t fare any better against the Patriots. Patriots 55 Saints 6. And if I’m right, the entire city of Foxboro can suck my cock in grateful thanks.
Actual Score: Patriots 24 Saints 17. Well, my one shot of getting sodomized by Foxboro is gone. Just like the days of New England dominating bad teams. New England will win, but the spreads are going to come back to earth this week.
Raiders +6.5 over REDSKINS
Why oh why to this day when I see the words “2 point conversion” do I think of “Opie and Anthony”? (Second note to wife: Ask me and I’ll explain, or better still I can demonstrate). Last week St. Ides predicted a collapse by Mark Brunell and for a while I thought he’d nailed it. But Brunell showed some resiliency. Meanwhile, Kerry Collins proves yet again that “ball control” are two words that just don’t appear side by side in his dictionary. I think the home cooking does the Skins a little good. Skins 31 – Raiders 20.
Actual Score: Raiders 16 Skins 13. Once again St. Ides had it nailed. The heart breaker last week really showed in the second half for the Redskins as the Raiders simply shut them down. Another 4th quarter collapse signals the end for the Skins. Put some sour cream and chives on these skins, they’re nothing more than an appetizer.
Bills +10.5 over CHARGERS
The Bills are the tale of two teams, the home team that’s pretty damn good and the road team that’s pretty lousy. However, I too think that this spread’s a bit too robust, and considering that the Bills shut down KC last week I think this one stays close. Bolts 24 – Bills 23
Actual Score: Bolts 48 Bills 10. Whoops. Guess the spread wasn’t too robust after all. I need to read my own analysis about “the road team that’s pretty lousy”. Factor in that Drew Brees played a great game for San Diego and this one should have been easy to predict.
RAVENS +4.5 over Steelers
I’m sorry but I don’t care who is handing the ball off for Pittsburgh, they’re a better team. Explain to me how the Ravens are going to score 20 on the Steelers? Steelers 26 Ravens 10.
Actual Score Ravens 16 Steelers 13. Tommy Maddox threw for 230 yards in a close game, but a key pick killed the Steelers. Meanwhile, I misjudged the Ravens D. Again.
TEXANS +6.5 over Chiefs
Tell you what, I like the over in this game. I think the analysis is right, with KC scoring a late score to finish off the Texans. Steers and queers, steers and queers. Chiefs 41 Texans 39.
Actual Score: Chiefs 45 Texans 17. What was I thinking? The Texans already had their one good game. They’re gonna suck the rest of the season, and Reggie Bush is going to make that pretty boy look pretty good next year when they draft him with the first pick…
Friday, November 18, 2005
Week 11? Shit diggity, next thing your going to tell me is it's fucking Thanksgiving.
Here we go!
Holy poop! For the second week in a row, we had an EXACT final score prediction! This time Samichlaus gets the prize for nailing the score Denver 31, Oakland 17. Amazing!
Astounding, the high quality of sports analysis we’ve been providing our readers these days… and pay no attention to my 6 – 8 record last week. I need a strong week of picks to buffer my lead over St. Ides so ‘ol Samichlaus is putting on his thinking cap….
Samichlaus -
Last Week: 6-8
Overall: 75-68
St. Ides -
Last Week: 9-5
Overall: 65-78
RAMS -9.5 over Cardinals
Rams are actually playing better without Martz. Cardinals still stink. Rams 31, Cardinals 19.
How in the hell does Kurt Warner throw for 360 yards and still score like shit? Oh yeah, because St. Ides is right, the Cardinals still stink. They’re great between the 20’s but they still stink. Rams 34 Cardinals 13
Panthers -3.5 over BEARS
If the Panthers are the NFC Super Bowl contender people are making them out to be, they blow away the Bears in Chicago. The Bears have a nice record, but have had a joke schedule. Panthers 27, Bears 10.
…and the Bears schedule gets tougher the rest of the way. Mark my words, the Bears will not win another game this season. Meanwhile, when John Fox was asked earlier this week what he thought about his Panthers being 7 – 2 Fox replied “All it means is the worst we can do is 7 – 9”. Man, that’s a tough coach. Panthers 24 Bears 10
Lions +8.5 over COWBOYS
The two traditional Thanksgiving teams play one another the week before! I don't know, I'm still not sold on the Cowboys. They should have lost last week, if not for that gift McNabb interception. Meanwhile, Joey Harrington had his best game as a pro. Could that give him the confidence he needs? Probably not, but I'll take the points. Cowboys 27, Lions 20
I like the logic, but I’m not sold on Harrington’s last game. I can’t see the Lionesses scoring more than 13 in this one. Meanwhile, Dallas just won a huge game against Philly. That counts for something. Cowboys 24 Lionesses 13
BENGALS +5.5 over Colts
The Bengals fell short during their first real "test" this season when they lost to the Steelers. Here's their second chance. The Colts are flying high, and the Bengals probably don't have the defense to stop them. But the Bengals offense should be able to move on the Colts and keep it somewhat close. Colts 29, Bengals 26.
Last season Carson Palmer (who Boomer Esiason has called the best young quarterback in the game) and Chad Johnson attended a Colts game during the Bengals bye week. They wanted to watch the chemistry between Peyton Manning and Marvin Harrison. This week we get to see if the chemistry lesson paid off, and Samichlaus is betting that it did. Break out the Champaign you wacky ’72 Dolphins, it the Bengals 31 the Colts 30 in the Samichlaus Shocker of the week.
TITANS +4.5 over Jaguars
I've said it before, I'll say it again: it's tough to figure out the Jaguars. One week they're beating a good team convincingly, the next week, they're winning a squeaker against a crappy team. I'll call this one my upset special of the week. Titans 31, Jaguars 30.
Ahh, you’re still steamed over that week one loss by Seattle. Last week was a coming out party for WR Matt Jones who last week was name NFL Offensive Player of the Week Not Named Samkon Gado. The Jags win easy against the depressing Titans: Jaguars 30 Titans 17
Dolphins +2.5 over BROWNS
The Dolphins stuck around against the Patriots last week. The Browns don't seem to be getting any better. Dolphins 24, Browns 13.
Agreed. The Fins are rebuilding, but I see Nick Saban and company pulling the road win as well Dolphins 20 Browns 17
Saints +10.5 over PATRIOTS
10 points is a lot for this banged up Patriots team to give anybody. Even the maddeningly inconsistent Saints. The game probably won't be that close, but the final score should be within 10. Patriots 24, Saints 14.
I think a team that loses 52 – 3 on the road to Green Bay doesn’t fare any better against the Patriots. Patriots 55 Saints 6. And if I’m right, the entire city of Foxboro can suck my cock in grateful thanks.
Note to my wife: don’t worry hon, there’s no way I’m right about this score, I swear.
Raiders +6.5 over REDSKINS
Heart-breaking loss last week for the Skins to the Bucs on that two-point conversion. Let's recap quickly: Bucs score a late TD to pull within 1. On the extra point, the Skins outside guys get a little too jumpy, and go offsides as they block the kick. The ball now goes to the 1-yard line after the penalty. Gruden decides to go for 2, now that it's just one-yard out. Handoff to Mike Alstott. Former All Pro linebacker Lavarr Arrington, who has spent much of the season in the doghouse because he freelances too much, tries to make a highlight film crushing stop and dives over the pile trying to hit Alstott. He whiffs. Alstott falls to the ground, and the 2-point conversion is signalled as good. Upon further review, it appears his elbow hit before the goal line, with the ball NOT in the end zone. However, the chicken shit ref doesn't reverse the call, a little home-cooking, and the Bucs win. That, my friends, is the kind of ending that can kill a team's season. Raiders 27, Redskins 26.
Why oh why to this day when I see the words “2 point conversion” do I think of “Opie and Anthony”? (Second note to wife: Ask me and I’ll explain, or better still I can demonstrate). Last week St. Ides predicted a collapse by Mark Brunell and for a while I thought he’d nailed it. But Brunell showed some resiliency. Meanwhile, Kerry Collins proves yet again that “ball control” are two words that just don’t appear side by side in his dictionary. I think the home cooking does the Skins a little good. Skins 31 – Raiders 20.
GIANTS -4.5 over Eagles
No McNabb. No TO. No chance. Giants 24, Eagles 13.
Hey, don’t forget that another Giant owner dropped dead this week. I’m not sure if Robert Tisch was as beloved as Well Mara, but I think the Giants go out and win one for the Tischer. Giants 27 – Beagles 10
Bucanneers +6.5 over FALCONS
See the above piece on their win last week over the Skins. Throw in Vick's meltdown against a Packers team the Falcons should have beaten. And what we have is a pretty big shift in power between these two teams. Bucs 26, Falcons 20.
What do the Packers and the Bucs have in common? A small fast defense. Now factor in that Vick’s probably still in the midst of a herpes outbreak and this one become easy to predict. One other thing about last weeks Bucs game: Chris Simms really took it up a notch, and I for one didn’t think he could. Kudos. Bucs 27 Vick and his herpes infested penis 24
Seahawks -12.5 over NINERS
The Niners have either Ken Dorsey or Cody Pickett starting at QB for them. They are last in the NFL in both offense and defense. Seattle has taken care of business so far, even against the crappy teams. They need to keep doing it. I don't see the Niners stopping their offense at all. Seahawks 36, Niners 16.
Argue the point: Seattle is the best team in the NFC. Think that Carolina is better? I don’t. I think they’re going to win, but I’ve got a weird feeling that it’s not going to be by 12.5. Seattle wins it 27 – 21
Bills +10.5 over CHARGERS
Put these teams down as two more that are tough to figure out this season. The conventional wisdom is that Tomlinson is going to go nuts on the worst rushing defense in the NFL. The Bills coaching staff reads these "experts", right? Won't they put like 10 in the box and force Brees to beat them? That's what I would do. Chargers should win, but not in a blowout. Chargers 26, Bills 23.
The Bills are the tale of two teams, the home team that’s pretty damn good and the road team that’s pretty lousy. However, I too think that this spread’s a bit too robust, and considering that the Bills shut down KC last week I think this one stays close. Bolts 24 – Bills 23
BRONCOS -13.5 over Jets
Jets stink. Jake Plummer has somehow not imploded yet. Broncos 27, Jets 10.
The Broncos were one pick I got right last week. They’ve proven they’re a good team, not in the same class as Pittsburgh or Indianapolis, but maybe as good as New England and Cincinatti. Broncos win New Orleans style: Big and Easy Broncos 37 Jets 10.
RAVENS +4.5 over Steelers
In week 8, the Steelers beat the Ravens, 20-19. With Big Ben playing. In Pittsburgh. This week, they're in Baltimore and Tommy Maddox is playing. Nuff said. Ravens 20, Steelers 13.
I’m sorry but I don’t care who is handing the ball off for Pittsburgh, they’re a better team. Explain to me how the Ravens are going to score 20 on the Steelers? Steelers 26 Ravens 10.
TEXANS +6.5 over Chiefs
Just one of those games that you can't figure out how it happened, but the Texans stick around. In fact, they might even win. Nahhhh... Chiefs 23, Texans 20.
Tell you what, I like the over in this game. I think the analysis is right, with KC scoring a late score to finish off the Texans. Steers and queers, steers and queers. Chiefs 41 Texans 39.
PACKERS -4.5 over Vikings
I'll leave the in-depth stuff on the Packers to the expert, and I never woulda guessed who that guy in the photo was. But I think beating the Falcons might jump-start them just a little bit, especially if they realize they still have an outside shot of actually winning the NFC North. Packers 30, Vikings 23
They’ve realized it, don’t worry. With my fantasy steal of the year Samkon Gado leading the way the Pack attack is back. Robert Ferguson returns at wide out. David Martin returns as the second TE. And there’s that little stat about the Vikings playing outdoors. Look it up because I’m too tired but I think they’re like 2 – 18 in their last 20 outdoors. Of course the 2 were against Green Bay, but they’ve lost a few to Green Bay too! The Packers look to avenge the early season loss, and the defense is coming off a huge game so expect a lot of hard hitting snot bubblers. The Vikings score 10 on special teams play. Packers 34 Vikings
Holy poop! For the second week in a row, we had an EXACT final score prediction! This time Samichlaus gets the prize for nailing the score Denver 31, Oakland 17. Amazing!
Astounding, the high quality of sports analysis we’ve been providing our readers these days… and pay no attention to my 6 – 8 record last week. I need a strong week of picks to buffer my lead over St. Ides so ‘ol Samichlaus is putting on his thinking cap….
Samichlaus -
Last Week: 6-8
Overall: 75-68
St. Ides -
Last Week: 9-5
Overall: 65-78
RAMS -9.5 over Cardinals
Rams are actually playing better without Martz. Cardinals still stink. Rams 31, Cardinals 19.
How in the hell does Kurt Warner throw for 360 yards and still score like shit? Oh yeah, because St. Ides is right, the Cardinals still stink. They’re great between the 20’s but they still stink. Rams 34 Cardinals 13
Panthers -3.5 over BEARS
If the Panthers are the NFC Super Bowl contender people are making them out to be, they blow away the Bears in Chicago. The Bears have a nice record, but have had a joke schedule. Panthers 27, Bears 10.
…and the Bears schedule gets tougher the rest of the way. Mark my words, the Bears will not win another game this season. Meanwhile, when John Fox was asked earlier this week what he thought about his Panthers being 7 – 2 Fox replied “All it means is the worst we can do is 7 – 9”. Man, that’s a tough coach. Panthers 24 Bears 10
Lions +8.5 over COWBOYS
The two traditional Thanksgiving teams play one another the week before! I don't know, I'm still not sold on the Cowboys. They should have lost last week, if not for that gift McNabb interception. Meanwhile, Joey Harrington had his best game as a pro. Could that give him the confidence he needs? Probably not, but I'll take the points. Cowboys 27, Lions 20
I like the logic, but I’m not sold on Harrington’s last game. I can’t see the Lionesses scoring more than 13 in this one. Meanwhile, Dallas just won a huge game against Philly. That counts for something. Cowboys 24 Lionesses 13
BENGALS +5.5 over Colts
The Bengals fell short during their first real "test" this season when they lost to the Steelers. Here's their second chance. The Colts are flying high, and the Bengals probably don't have the defense to stop them. But the Bengals offense should be able to move on the Colts and keep it somewhat close. Colts 29, Bengals 26.
Last season Carson Palmer (who Boomer Esiason has called the best young quarterback in the game) and Chad Johnson attended a Colts game during the Bengals bye week. They wanted to watch the chemistry between Peyton Manning and Marvin Harrison. This week we get to see if the chemistry lesson paid off, and Samichlaus is betting that it did. Break out the Champaign you wacky ’72 Dolphins, it the Bengals 31 the Colts 30 in the Samichlaus Shocker of the week.
TITANS +4.5 over Jaguars
I've said it before, I'll say it again: it's tough to figure out the Jaguars. One week they're beating a good team convincingly, the next week, they're winning a squeaker against a crappy team. I'll call this one my upset special of the week. Titans 31, Jaguars 30.
Ahh, you’re still steamed over that week one loss by Seattle. Last week was a coming out party for WR Matt Jones who last week was name NFL Offensive Player of the Week Not Named Samkon Gado. The Jags win easy against the depressing Titans: Jaguars 30 Titans 17
Dolphins +2.5 over BROWNS
The Dolphins stuck around against the Patriots last week. The Browns don't seem to be getting any better. Dolphins 24, Browns 13.
Agreed. The Fins are rebuilding, but I see Nick Saban and company pulling the road win as well Dolphins 20 Browns 17
Saints +10.5 over PATRIOTS
10 points is a lot for this banged up Patriots team to give anybody. Even the maddeningly inconsistent Saints. The game probably won't be that close, but the final score should be within 10. Patriots 24, Saints 14.
I think a team that loses 52 – 3 on the road to Green Bay doesn’t fare any better against the Patriots. Patriots 55 Saints 6. And if I’m right, the entire city of Foxboro can suck my cock in grateful thanks.
Note to my wife: don’t worry hon, there’s no way I’m right about this score, I swear.
Raiders +6.5 over REDSKINS
Heart-breaking loss last week for the Skins to the Bucs on that two-point conversion. Let's recap quickly: Bucs score a late TD to pull within 1. On the extra point, the Skins outside guys get a little too jumpy, and go offsides as they block the kick. The ball now goes to the 1-yard line after the penalty. Gruden decides to go for 2, now that it's just one-yard out. Handoff to Mike Alstott. Former All Pro linebacker Lavarr Arrington, who has spent much of the season in the doghouse because he freelances too much, tries to make a highlight film crushing stop and dives over the pile trying to hit Alstott. He whiffs. Alstott falls to the ground, and the 2-point conversion is signalled as good. Upon further review, it appears his elbow hit before the goal line, with the ball NOT in the end zone. However, the chicken shit ref doesn't reverse the call, a little home-cooking, and the Bucs win. That, my friends, is the kind of ending that can kill a team's season. Raiders 27, Redskins 26.
Why oh why to this day when I see the words “2 point conversion” do I think of “Opie and Anthony”? (Second note to wife: Ask me and I’ll explain, or better still I can demonstrate). Last week St. Ides predicted a collapse by Mark Brunell and for a while I thought he’d nailed it. But Brunell showed some resiliency. Meanwhile, Kerry Collins proves yet again that “ball control” are two words that just don’t appear side by side in his dictionary. I think the home cooking does the Skins a little good. Skins 31 – Raiders 20.
GIANTS -4.5 over Eagles
No McNabb. No TO. No chance. Giants 24, Eagles 13.
Hey, don’t forget that another Giant owner dropped dead this week. I’m not sure if Robert Tisch was as beloved as Well Mara, but I think the Giants go out and win one for the Tischer. Giants 27 – Beagles 10
Bucanneers +6.5 over FALCONS
See the above piece on their win last week over the Skins. Throw in Vick's meltdown against a Packers team the Falcons should have beaten. And what we have is a pretty big shift in power between these two teams. Bucs 26, Falcons 20.
What do the Packers and the Bucs have in common? A small fast defense. Now factor in that Vick’s probably still in the midst of a herpes outbreak and this one become easy to predict. One other thing about last weeks Bucs game: Chris Simms really took it up a notch, and I for one didn’t think he could. Kudos. Bucs 27 Vick and his herpes infested penis 24
Seahawks -12.5 over NINERS
The Niners have either Ken Dorsey or Cody Pickett starting at QB for them. They are last in the NFL in both offense and defense. Seattle has taken care of business so far, even against the crappy teams. They need to keep doing it. I don't see the Niners stopping their offense at all. Seahawks 36, Niners 16.
Argue the point: Seattle is the best team in the NFC. Think that Carolina is better? I don’t. I think they’re going to win, but I’ve got a weird feeling that it’s not going to be by 12.5. Seattle wins it 27 – 21
Bills +10.5 over CHARGERS
Put these teams down as two more that are tough to figure out this season. The conventional wisdom is that Tomlinson is going to go nuts on the worst rushing defense in the NFL. The Bills coaching staff reads these "experts", right? Won't they put like 10 in the box and force Brees to beat them? That's what I would do. Chargers should win, but not in a blowout. Chargers 26, Bills 23.
The Bills are the tale of two teams, the home team that’s pretty damn good and the road team that’s pretty lousy. However, I too think that this spread’s a bit too robust, and considering that the Bills shut down KC last week I think this one stays close. Bolts 24 – Bills 23
BRONCOS -13.5 over Jets
Jets stink. Jake Plummer has somehow not imploded yet. Broncos 27, Jets 10.
The Broncos were one pick I got right last week. They’ve proven they’re a good team, not in the same class as Pittsburgh or Indianapolis, but maybe as good as New England and Cincinatti. Broncos win New Orleans style: Big and Easy Broncos 37 Jets 10.
RAVENS +4.5 over Steelers
In week 8, the Steelers beat the Ravens, 20-19. With Big Ben playing. In Pittsburgh. This week, they're in Baltimore and Tommy Maddox is playing. Nuff said. Ravens 20, Steelers 13.
I’m sorry but I don’t care who is handing the ball off for Pittsburgh, they’re a better team. Explain to me how the Ravens are going to score 20 on the Steelers? Steelers 26 Ravens 10.
TEXANS +6.5 over Chiefs
Just one of those games that you can't figure out how it happened, but the Texans stick around. In fact, they might even win. Nahhhh... Chiefs 23, Texans 20.
Tell you what, I like the over in this game. I think the analysis is right, with KC scoring a late score to finish off the Texans. Steers and queers, steers and queers. Chiefs 41 Texans 39.
PACKERS -4.5 over Vikings
I'll leave the in-depth stuff on the Packers to the expert, and I never woulda guessed who that guy in the photo was. But I think beating the Falcons might jump-start them just a little bit, especially if they realize they still have an outside shot of actually winning the NFC North. Packers 30, Vikings 23
They’ve realized it, don’t worry. With my fantasy steal of the year Samkon Gado leading the way the Pack attack is back. Robert Ferguson returns at wide out. David Martin returns as the second TE. And there’s that little stat about the Vikings playing outdoors. Look it up because I’m too tired but I think they’re like 2 – 18 in their last 20 outdoors. Of course the 2 were against Green Bay, but they’ve lost a few to Green Bay too! The Packers look to avenge the early season loss, and the defense is coming off a huge game so expect a lot of hard hitting snot bubblers. The Vikings score 10 on special teams play. Packers 34 Vikings
Monday, November 14, 2005
Guess the Packer!!!!
OK SBS fans, we're starting a new feature here at SBS! This feature is called guess the Packer. Every day or so Mrs. Samichlaus and I will post a picture that Mrs. Samichlaus took of a Packer signing our ball. Then she'll write about what it was like to meet him. Most were nice, some were not as nice, and that dick Aaron Rodgers signed our ball but wouldn't let Mrs. Samichlaus take his picture. So, here we go, can you guess who this is?
 _____ Signing 10-7-05-748019.jpg)
Here's a hint... he was the first round draft pick for the St. Louis Rams in 2002
He's Robert Thomas, starting Strong Side, or "Sam" Linebacker. He's an all around decent player who is beginning to realize his potential in Jim Bates's defense, something he never did for the Rams. Thomas has his own web site: http://www.robertthomas55.com. But what was it like to meet him? Well, Mrs. Samichlaus did...
Mrs Samichlaus:
Now, before I took a picture of any player, I always asked. These are seriously huge guys. They look smaller on TV. Squish their little heads sized. (SNL, anyone?) But trust me, they are BIG. And I know enough to not piss off those big boys a couple days before the game.
Most players said yes but never really gave a direct chance to take a photo. And only one player said an outright no to the photo... I'll tell that story just as soon as I figure out which signature on the ball belongs to him and precisely who the hell he was.(Mr. Samichlaus says it was Aaron Rodgers, but Mr. Samichlaus was warm and toasty in the atrium waiting to meet Deanna, Bonita and Scott Favre while I froze me Irish ars off in the 30 degree wind-swept parking lot outside Lambeau Field getting autographs. If ya don't mind... I'll decide who the hell drove away!)
So I always really appreciated the guys who paused long enough to give me a little grin. And what a grin! Robert Thomas has that cute little dimple and those sweet little chipmunk cheeks. He consistantly made eye contact, was interactive, and polite. He was an "Aw, shucks, M'am" kinda guy. And he was honestly thrilled to have me ask for both his signature and his photo. Look closely. The obscenely gelatenous man sitting beside/behind him? Even he was thrilled to have me asking for a moment of their time. This is a guy you wanna have over for dinner. Hell, I may even invite him over for Thanksgiving. I'm just hoping he leaves the large man home. I don't think our oven is big enough to handle the sized turkey that man would put away!
 _____ Signing 10-7-05-753389.jpg)
Here's a hint... he was the first round draft pick for the St. Louis Rams in 2002
He's Robert Thomas, starting Strong Side, or "Sam" Linebacker. He's an all around decent player who is beginning to realize his potential in Jim Bates's defense, something he never did for the Rams. Thomas has his own web site: http://www.robertthomas55.com. But what was it like to meet him? Well, Mrs. Samichlaus did...
Mrs Samichlaus:
Now, before I took a picture of any player, I always asked. These are seriously huge guys. They look smaller on TV. Squish their little heads sized. (SNL, anyone?) But trust me, they are BIG. And I know enough to not piss off those big boys a couple days before the game.
Most players said yes but never really gave a direct chance to take a photo. And only one player said an outright no to the photo... I'll tell that story just as soon as I figure out which signature on the ball belongs to him and precisely who the hell he was.(Mr. Samichlaus says it was Aaron Rodgers, but Mr. Samichlaus was warm and toasty in the atrium waiting to meet Deanna, Bonita and Scott Favre while I froze me Irish ars off in the 30 degree wind-swept parking lot outside Lambeau Field getting autographs. If ya don't mind... I'll decide who the hell drove away!)
So I always really appreciated the guys who paused long enough to give me a little grin. And what a grin! Robert Thomas has that cute little dimple and those sweet little chipmunk cheeks. He consistantly made eye contact, was interactive, and polite. He was an "Aw, shucks, M'am" kinda guy. And he was honestly thrilled to have me ask for both his signature and his photo. Look closely. The obscenely gelatenous man sitting beside/behind him? Even he was thrilled to have me asking for a moment of their time. This is a guy you wanna have over for dinner. Hell, I may even invite him over for Thanksgiving. I'm just hoping he leaves the large man home. I don't think our oven is big enough to handle the sized turkey that man would put away!
The absolute worst quarterback in the NFL.
First of all, I want to apologize to my wife for Sunday. Specifically I want to apologize for doing none of the chores I promised to do, and then for not going food shopping with her. Honey, I apologize. I would like to make it up to you by taking you on an all expense paid trip to Baltimore on Monday, December 19th. We’ll talk.
There have been some bad quarterbacks in the NFL. Many have played for the Packers. When ol’ Samichlaus was growing up he suffered through the likes of Rich Campbell, Scott Hunter, Carlos Brown and the great David Whitehurst. But the worst most over rated over hyped bad quarterback I’ve ever seen is without question Virginia Tech’s favorite son, the one and only herpes infested Michael Vick.
Vick is the “Nuke LaLouche” of professional football. He’s got a cannon for an arm but the poor sonofabitch is dumb as a tree. So I decided that the true path to wisdom regarding Michael Vick can be found by reading from the musings of Kevin Costner’s Crash Davis. In fact, it was Crash who once described Nuke by saying “he’s got a million dollar arm with a five cent brain”. Yep, that’s Vick. This should come as no surprise. The NFL is historically full of strong armed idiots. Just spend a few minutes with Jeff George and Browning Nagle if you don’t believe me. I saw Vick stand on the 45 yard line and proceed to throw the ball clear out of the end zone. But Vick’s an absolute idiot. Once when speaking about his talents he had this to say: “I have two things going for me: my brain, my arm and my legs.”
Vick’s strong arm is useless without a modicum of accuracy, and teams are starting to figure it out. Yesterday the Packers played a soft cover 2 and let Vick throw.
And he couldn’t.
He consistently missed open receivers, overthrowing most of them. Crash, you have something to add? “Yeah. From what I hear, he couldn't hit water if he fell out of a fucking boat”. But not only couldn’t he throw, Vick couldn’t run either. He rushed 7 times for a whopping 24 yards. He was harassed by Nick Barnett who had a career game. He was crushed by Al Harris on several occasions. When Colin Cole hit him cleanly on an open field tackle he came up yelling, for what I still do not know. When he tried to scramble out of the pocket on one particular play, my wife observed, “He runs like a scared schoolgirl”. Her words, not mine.
I suspected that Vick’s performance must have been affected by an outbreak of genital herpes so I decided to look up what one can expect during an outbreak. Here’s what I read: “Symptoms of herpes are called outbreaks. The first outbreak appears within 2 weeks after you become infected and can last for several weeks. These symptoms might include tingling or sores near the area where the virus has entered the body, such as on the genital or rectal area, on buttocks or thighs, or occasionally on other parts of the body where the virus has entered through broken skin. They also can occur in the urinary passage of men. Small red bumps appear first, develop into small blisters, and then become itchy, painful sores that might develop a crust and will heal without leaving a scar. Sometimes, there is a crack or raw area or some redness without pain, itching, or tingling. Other symptoms that may accompany the first (and less often future) outbreak of genital herpes are fever, headache, muscle aches, painful or difficult urination, vaginal discharge, and swollen glands in the groin area.”
I decided to consult Crash Davis one last time before I called it a night. Crash had this to say: “You got a gift. When you were a baby, the Gods reached down and turned your right arm into a thunderbolt. You got a Hall-of-Fame arm, but you're pissing it away.”
Ouch. That’s gotta burn like a motherfucker.
There have been some bad quarterbacks in the NFL. Many have played for the Packers. When ol’ Samichlaus was growing up he suffered through the likes of Rich Campbell, Scott Hunter, Carlos Brown and the great David Whitehurst. But the worst most over rated over hyped bad quarterback I’ve ever seen is without question Virginia Tech’s favorite son, the one and only herpes infested Michael Vick.
Vick is the “Nuke LaLouche” of professional football. He’s got a cannon for an arm but the poor sonofabitch is dumb as a tree. So I decided that the true path to wisdom regarding Michael Vick can be found by reading from the musings of Kevin Costner’s Crash Davis. In fact, it was Crash who once described Nuke by saying “he’s got a million dollar arm with a five cent brain”. Yep, that’s Vick. This should come as no surprise. The NFL is historically full of strong armed idiots. Just spend a few minutes with Jeff George and Browning Nagle if you don’t believe me. I saw Vick stand on the 45 yard line and proceed to throw the ball clear out of the end zone. But Vick’s an absolute idiot. Once when speaking about his talents he had this to say: “I have two things going for me: my brain, my arm and my legs.”
Vick’s strong arm is useless without a modicum of accuracy, and teams are starting to figure it out. Yesterday the Packers played a soft cover 2 and let Vick throw.
And he couldn’t.
He consistently missed open receivers, overthrowing most of them. Crash, you have something to add? “Yeah. From what I hear, he couldn't hit water if he fell out of a fucking boat”. But not only couldn’t he throw, Vick couldn’t run either. He rushed 7 times for a whopping 24 yards. He was harassed by Nick Barnett who had a career game. He was crushed by Al Harris on several occasions. When Colin Cole hit him cleanly on an open field tackle he came up yelling, for what I still do not know. When he tried to scramble out of the pocket on one particular play, my wife observed, “He runs like a scared schoolgirl”. Her words, not mine.
I suspected that Vick’s performance must have been affected by an outbreak of genital herpes so I decided to look up what one can expect during an outbreak. Here’s what I read: “Symptoms of herpes are called outbreaks. The first outbreak appears within 2 weeks after you become infected and can last for several weeks. These symptoms might include tingling or sores near the area where the virus has entered the body, such as on the genital or rectal area, on buttocks or thighs, or occasionally on other parts of the body where the virus has entered through broken skin. They also can occur in the urinary passage of men. Small red bumps appear first, develop into small blisters, and then become itchy, painful sores that might develop a crust and will heal without leaving a scar. Sometimes, there is a crack or raw area or some redness without pain, itching, or tingling. Other symptoms that may accompany the first (and less often future) outbreak of genital herpes are fever, headache, muscle aches, painful or difficult urination, vaginal discharge, and swollen glands in the groin area.”
I decided to consult Crash Davis one last time before I called it a night. Crash had this to say: “You got a gift. When you were a baby, the Gods reached down and turned your right arm into a thunderbolt. You got a Hall-of-Fame arm, but you're pissing it away.”
Ouch. That’s gotta burn like a motherfucker.
Friday, November 11, 2005
Week 10 Picks
Well, it's about that time! I believe we had our first correct exact score pick last week!
St. Ides predicted Chiefs 27, Raiders 23. And, thanks to the gutsy last second call by Coach Vermeil (did anyone see him crying... yet again... after the game?), that was the exact final score! Maybe that will signify a turnaround for St. Ides' awful showing so far this season.
Samichlaus -
Last Week: 7-7
Previous Week: 9-5
Season: 69-60
St. Ides -
Last Week: 8-6
Previous Week: 6-8
Season: 56-73
It is a biological oddity in men: as we age, the testosterone / estrogen proportion shifts towards the estrogen. It's why men appear to "mellow out" as they get older. In a way I am grateful that dad was 43 when I was born. To this day my brothers resent the fact that I "had it easy" growing up, meaning dad only beat the living shit out of me three or four times (not counting the verbal abuse and the times my brothers interviened on my behalf). Dick Vermiel is a fine example of this phenomonon. I'd hate to be around the Vermiel residence during a showing of "Brians Song" or "It's a Wonderful Life".
...and kudos to my partner in crime for being dead on balls accurate on the KC score. Not too shabby!
On to the picks:
LIONS -4.5 over Cardinals
Cardinals stink. Warner is still starting at QB. They have no running game, and their best defensive lineman may be out for the season with a torn pec muscle from last week's game. Steve Hutchinson gave him a one-handed shove to the chest, which pretty much knocked him on his ass and somehow also tore his pec. Did I mention that Seattle offensive line is awesome? Lions 23, Cardinals 16.
We'll get the Samichlaus Stinker out of the way early. I'm assuming that Joey Harrington is still the Detroit QB, and recall that Kurt Warner had a pretty good career indoors. Detroit with Harrington is as bad as bad gets. I'm pickin the Cards: Arizona 23 - Detroit 13
Ravens +7.5 over JAGUARS
The Jaguars have had some quality wins, over the likes of the Seahawks, Bengals, and Steelers. They also kept is close against the Colts. However, they lost to a Rams team decimated by injuries, and needed a last minute winning drive to beat the hapless Texans. So basically, they don't put anybody away, no matter how good or bad the opponent. Ravens have Kyle Boller back at QB this week, which should marginally improve the offense. Jaguars 20, Ravens 16.
It's a sad day indeed when a professional football team has to laud the return of Kyle Boller. That's right up there with "Look! It's Jeff George!!!" Actually, Jeff George had a strong arm. His issues as a footbal player were most certainly hormonal. Christ, there's another house I don't want to visit during the holidays. The Ravens D will keep it close enough to cover. Jaguars 17 Ravens 14
Texans +17.5 over COLTS
Damn these huge point spreads. The Colts just won their biggest regular season game in years. The Texans are playing better of late. This might be one of those let down games. Or it could be a game the Colts put away early, and let their scrubs mop up in the 4th quarter. Either way, I have a hard time giving almost 3 touchdowns. Colts 31, Texans 14.
I'm biting. The Colts are the best team in the NFL, period. At home, coming off the big win against the team formerly known as the Patriots, you could certainly argue letdown. But the way I see it, the Colts are going to win by three TD's easy. Colts 37 Texans 10
Chiefs +2.5 over BILLS
Priest Holmes is done for the year, and his career could be over. Larry Johnson should be a capable replacement, he's played well this year. The Bills are weird. Their defense was supposed to carry them this year, but it hasn't. J.P.Losman was supposed to be their QB of the future but he's been benched for Kelly Holcombe. The Chiefs aren't great on the road, but I think the Bills kinda stink when you get down to it. Chiefs 30, Bills 20.
The Chiefs are the better team, right? Absolutely. But the stat that jumped out at me is 3 - 4 Buffalo is 3 - 1 at home. With the team fomerly known as the Patriots officially in the shitter, Buffalo has a legitimate shot at the division. I think Buffalo plays a spirited game and wins. Buffalo 27 Chiefs 24
Vikings +10.5 over GIANTS
Culpepper is done for the year. Which means they shouldn't have to worry about their QB throwing 5 picks in a game. The Giants are riding high and everybody is talking about them being one of the best teams in the NFC. Hell, there's even some talk of an Eli vs. Peyton Super Bowl. Don't buy your tickets for Detroit just yet, Giants fans. They're due for a few stinkers. They should beat the Vikings, but Minnesota has rediscovered their running game, and could keep it close. Giants 27, Vikings 23.
Man, that's a lot of points for a young team to cover. The Giants weak link is their passing defense, so IMHO the Vikings have no way to exploit the Giants weakness. Maybe the Vikings look like they've rediscovered their running game but this week they loose it somewhere near Jimmy Hoffa's burial grounds. Meanwhile the Vikes defense still sucks. I'll go with the Giants: Giants 31 Vikingas 10
Patriots -2.5 over DOLPHINS
The Dolphins are probably a bit better than most people expected. And the Patriots are probably a bit worse. But when was the last time the Patriots lost two games in a row? In fact, they've gone W-L-W-L all season this year. Time for a W. (Okay, I just looked it up. The last time they lost two in a row was in December, 2002, when they lost to the Titans and Jets. Almost 3 years ago.) Patriots 24, Dolphins 17.
All incendiary Patriot bashing aside, if they lose this week watch out. The Dolphins are marginally better than the Dave Wannstead version from last season, but I'm not sure they're better than the Jim Bates version they trotted out for the last five games.BTW, that would be the Jim Bates version that beat the Patriots last year. Do you think that the Fins can beat them two in a row? Yeah, me eiter. Patriots 30 Dolphins 20
Niners +13.5 over BEARS
Uhhh, last I checked the Bears didn't exactly have an explosive offense. And the Niners defense isn't THAT bad, it's their offense that stinks. I'll take the points in this one, guessing the Bears barely crack 20 points total. Bears 23, Niners 14.
I'll bet you the Bears score 30% of their points on defense. I think that's the only way they cover in a game like this. Truthfully, I don't think the Bears are 13.5 points better than anybody, even the pathetic Niners. Oh where have you gone Joe Montana? Bears 24 - Niners 13
BUCCANEERS +1.5 over Redskins
Redskins had a nice win over the Eagles last week. Time for Brunell to collapse against a good defense. The Bucs are still feeling the aftershocks of embarassment by losing to the Niners. Buccaneers 20, Redskins 17.
Let me get this straight... Tampa's lost it's last two, and the Redskins had a big win over the Eagles, and so the pick is Tampa? Ahh, OK. This week Jon Gruden gave Chris Simms the proverbial "Vote of confidence". That's another kiss of death. I like the Redskins in this game to win easy. Skins 27 Bucs 17
RAIDERS +3.5 over Broncos
Who was that bartender that said the Broncos are awful on the road? The entire league is waiting for Jake Plummer to regress into his usual awful decisions. A game in Oakland may be just what the doctor ordered. Raiders 23, Broncos 20.
I have to stop living in my glorious past. Mike the bartender was circa 1990, and when you get old like Ol' Samichlaus, 15 years seems like yesterday. The Broncos at 6 - 2 have proven they can win anywhere. Randy Moss is hurt, and is nowhere near 100%. I'm taking the Broncos on the road. Denver 31 Oakland 17
PANTHERS -9.5 over Jets
If the Panthers are the Super Bowl contender that everybody is claiming they are, then they demolish the Jets this week. Personally, I'm not quite convinced yet. But I don't really trust the Jets to disprove it. Panthers 27, Jets 10.
Cats at home against a pathetic Jets team. Nuff said. Panthers 34 - Jets 10
Packers +9.5 over FALCONS
The Packers will win another game this season, right? Uhhhhh, right? As much as I continue to believe Vick is overrated, the Falcons defense is pretty good. And the sad truth is the Packers offense is starting practice team players at key skill positions. Not good. Though mayeb Favre still has some magic left. Falcons 31, Packers 24.
The Packers will win the following games: Minnesota, Detroit, Chicago, at Chicago. They might beat Seattle on January 1st, and ONLY becaust the game is on January 1st in Green Bay. The have a shot against Baltimore at Baltimore, less of a shot against Philly at Philly. But they do not have a chance against Vick's clap infested penis. I'm betting that they keep it close, because they've kept it close all year. Falcons 34 - Packers 31
Rams +6.5 over SEAHAWKS
Reverse jinx time! If the Seahawks win this game, they have a 3-game lead in the division with 7 games left. Actually, it's more like a 4-game lead, since they'd own the tie-breaker over the Rams. Seahawks 7-2, Rams 4-5. Let's do a little baseball style "magic number" math, shall we? Worst Seattle can go if they win is 7-9. That's only 4 more losses than the Rams already have, so the magic number would be 4. 4 more Seattle wins or Rams losses would clinch the division. So basically, splitting that up, all Seattle would have to do is win 2 out of their last 7 (to go 9-7 at worst) and Rams lose 2 out of their last 2 (to go 9-7 at best) and Seattle wins the division. I'd say that's pretty much a done deal. Now, all that said, it doesn't matter. Because Seattle never coasts into the playoffs like that. Therefore, with Bulger, Holt, and Bruce all finally healthy this week, they march into Seattle and win. Rams 30, Seahawks 27.
Man, that is a gutsy call. I give you credit, and I respect the logic. However as an unemotional outsider I see the Seahawks as one of the top 5 teams in the NFL. Holmgren has his magic again... or is it that the receivers are actually hanging on to half the passes? Anyway, I'll take the Rams and the points. Seattle 31 Rams 27
STEELERS -8.5 over Browns
I was tempted to go against the Charlie Batch-led Steelers this week. But it cost me last week. And the Browns stink. The Steelers are just going to run it down their throat, and play solid D. Steelers 23, Browns 13.
The only reason the Steelers won was because the Packers played terribly. The Steelers showed me nothing. Well, that's not true. They've got a stud on defense, Troy Polamalu. The guy is the best safety I've seen all season. If Batch it the QB, and I'm assuming St. Ides has it right, then I'm taking the Browns. Steelers 20 - Browns 17
EAGLES -3.5 over Cowboys
TO is gone. They stuck around in that game last week in Washington. McNabb and the Eagles have something to prove and show they can win without Owens. The Cowboys are as unpredictable as any team in the league, and it's still hard to put much confidence in Bledsoe. I think the Eagles D steps up a notch, Brian Westbrook demonstrates that he deserved that juicy new contract, and Parcells is screaming at people on the sidelines. Eagles 26, Cowboys 20.
I like the Eagles at home on Monday night. I'm not happy about the 3.5 though, because this one could come down to a field goal. Tell you what, I'm taking the Eagles by a TD
Eagles 24 - Boys 17
St. Ides predicted Chiefs 27, Raiders 23. And, thanks to the gutsy last second call by Coach Vermeil (did anyone see him crying... yet again... after the game?), that was the exact final score! Maybe that will signify a turnaround for St. Ides' awful showing so far this season.
Samichlaus -
Last Week: 7-7
Previous Week: 9-5
Season: 69-60
St. Ides -
Last Week: 8-6
Previous Week: 6-8
Season: 56-73
It is a biological oddity in men: as we age, the testosterone / estrogen proportion shifts towards the estrogen. It's why men appear to "mellow out" as they get older. In a way I am grateful that dad was 43 when I was born. To this day my brothers resent the fact that I "had it easy" growing up, meaning dad only beat the living shit out of me three or four times (not counting the verbal abuse and the times my brothers interviened on my behalf). Dick Vermiel is a fine example of this phenomonon. I'd hate to be around the Vermiel residence during a showing of "Brians Song" or "It's a Wonderful Life".
...and kudos to my partner in crime for being dead on balls accurate on the KC score. Not too shabby!
On to the picks:
LIONS -4.5 over Cardinals
Cardinals stink. Warner is still starting at QB. They have no running game, and their best defensive lineman may be out for the season with a torn pec muscle from last week's game. Steve Hutchinson gave him a one-handed shove to the chest, which pretty much knocked him on his ass and somehow also tore his pec. Did I mention that Seattle offensive line is awesome? Lions 23, Cardinals 16.
We'll get the Samichlaus Stinker out of the way early. I'm assuming that Joey Harrington is still the Detroit QB, and recall that Kurt Warner had a pretty good career indoors. Detroit with Harrington is as bad as bad gets. I'm pickin the Cards: Arizona 23 - Detroit 13
Ravens +7.5 over JAGUARS
The Jaguars have had some quality wins, over the likes of the Seahawks, Bengals, and Steelers. They also kept is close against the Colts. However, they lost to a Rams team decimated by injuries, and needed a last minute winning drive to beat the hapless Texans. So basically, they don't put anybody away, no matter how good or bad the opponent. Ravens have Kyle Boller back at QB this week, which should marginally improve the offense. Jaguars 20, Ravens 16.
It's a sad day indeed when a professional football team has to laud the return of Kyle Boller. That's right up there with "Look! It's Jeff George!!!" Actually, Jeff George had a strong arm. His issues as a footbal player were most certainly hormonal. Christ, there's another house I don't want to visit during the holidays. The Ravens D will keep it close enough to cover. Jaguars 17 Ravens 14
Texans +17.5 over COLTS
Damn these huge point spreads. The Colts just won their biggest regular season game in years. The Texans are playing better of late. This might be one of those let down games. Or it could be a game the Colts put away early, and let their scrubs mop up in the 4th quarter. Either way, I have a hard time giving almost 3 touchdowns. Colts 31, Texans 14.
I'm biting. The Colts are the best team in the NFL, period. At home, coming off the big win against the team formerly known as the Patriots, you could certainly argue letdown. But the way I see it, the Colts are going to win by three TD's easy. Colts 37 Texans 10
Chiefs +2.5 over BILLS
Priest Holmes is done for the year, and his career could be over. Larry Johnson should be a capable replacement, he's played well this year. The Bills are weird. Their defense was supposed to carry them this year, but it hasn't. J.P.Losman was supposed to be their QB of the future but he's been benched for Kelly Holcombe. The Chiefs aren't great on the road, but I think the Bills kinda stink when you get down to it. Chiefs 30, Bills 20.
The Chiefs are the better team, right? Absolutely. But the stat that jumped out at me is 3 - 4 Buffalo is 3 - 1 at home. With the team fomerly known as the Patriots officially in the shitter, Buffalo has a legitimate shot at the division. I think Buffalo plays a spirited game and wins. Buffalo 27 Chiefs 24
Vikings +10.5 over GIANTS
Culpepper is done for the year. Which means they shouldn't have to worry about their QB throwing 5 picks in a game. The Giants are riding high and everybody is talking about them being one of the best teams in the NFC. Hell, there's even some talk of an Eli vs. Peyton Super Bowl. Don't buy your tickets for Detroit just yet, Giants fans. They're due for a few stinkers. They should beat the Vikings, but Minnesota has rediscovered their running game, and could keep it close. Giants 27, Vikings 23.
Man, that's a lot of points for a young team to cover. The Giants weak link is their passing defense, so IMHO the Vikings have no way to exploit the Giants weakness. Maybe the Vikings look like they've rediscovered their running game but this week they loose it somewhere near Jimmy Hoffa's burial grounds. Meanwhile the Vikes defense still sucks. I'll go with the Giants: Giants 31 Vikingas 10
Patriots -2.5 over DOLPHINS
The Dolphins are probably a bit better than most people expected. And the Patriots are probably a bit worse. But when was the last time the Patriots lost two games in a row? In fact, they've gone W-L-W-L all season this year. Time for a W. (Okay, I just looked it up. The last time they lost two in a row was in December, 2002, when they lost to the Titans and Jets. Almost 3 years ago.) Patriots 24, Dolphins 17.
All incendiary Patriot bashing aside, if they lose this week watch out. The Dolphins are marginally better than the Dave Wannstead version from last season, but I'm not sure they're better than the Jim Bates version they trotted out for the last five games.BTW, that would be the Jim Bates version that beat the Patriots last year. Do you think that the Fins can beat them two in a row? Yeah, me eiter. Patriots 30 Dolphins 20
Niners +13.5 over BEARS
Uhhh, last I checked the Bears didn't exactly have an explosive offense. And the Niners defense isn't THAT bad, it's their offense that stinks. I'll take the points in this one, guessing the Bears barely crack 20 points total. Bears 23, Niners 14.
I'll bet you the Bears score 30% of their points on defense. I think that's the only way they cover in a game like this. Truthfully, I don't think the Bears are 13.5 points better than anybody, even the pathetic Niners. Oh where have you gone Joe Montana? Bears 24 - Niners 13
BUCCANEERS +1.5 over Redskins
Redskins had a nice win over the Eagles last week. Time for Brunell to collapse against a good defense. The Bucs are still feeling the aftershocks of embarassment by losing to the Niners. Buccaneers 20, Redskins 17.
Let me get this straight... Tampa's lost it's last two, and the Redskins had a big win over the Eagles, and so the pick is Tampa? Ahh, OK. This week Jon Gruden gave Chris Simms the proverbial "Vote of confidence". That's another kiss of death. I like the Redskins in this game to win easy. Skins 27 Bucs 17
RAIDERS +3.5 over Broncos
Who was that bartender that said the Broncos are awful on the road? The entire league is waiting for Jake Plummer to regress into his usual awful decisions. A game in Oakland may be just what the doctor ordered. Raiders 23, Broncos 20.
I have to stop living in my glorious past. Mike the bartender was circa 1990, and when you get old like Ol' Samichlaus, 15 years seems like yesterday. The Broncos at 6 - 2 have proven they can win anywhere. Randy Moss is hurt, and is nowhere near 100%. I'm taking the Broncos on the road. Denver 31 Oakland 17
PANTHERS -9.5 over Jets
If the Panthers are the Super Bowl contender that everybody is claiming they are, then they demolish the Jets this week. Personally, I'm not quite convinced yet. But I don't really trust the Jets to disprove it. Panthers 27, Jets 10.
Cats at home against a pathetic Jets team. Nuff said. Panthers 34 - Jets 10
Packers +9.5 over FALCONS
The Packers will win another game this season, right? Uhhhhh, right? As much as I continue to believe Vick is overrated, the Falcons defense is pretty good. And the sad truth is the Packers offense is starting practice team players at key skill positions. Not good. Though mayeb Favre still has some magic left. Falcons 31, Packers 24.
The Packers will win the following games: Minnesota, Detroit, Chicago, at Chicago. They might beat Seattle on January 1st, and ONLY becaust the game is on January 1st in Green Bay. The have a shot against Baltimore at Baltimore, less of a shot against Philly at Philly. But they do not have a chance against Vick's clap infested penis. I'm betting that they keep it close, because they've kept it close all year. Falcons 34 - Packers 31
Rams +6.5 over SEAHAWKS
Reverse jinx time! If the Seahawks win this game, they have a 3-game lead in the division with 7 games left. Actually, it's more like a 4-game lead, since they'd own the tie-breaker over the Rams. Seahawks 7-2, Rams 4-5. Let's do a little baseball style "magic number" math, shall we? Worst Seattle can go if they win is 7-9. That's only 4 more losses than the Rams already have, so the magic number would be 4. 4 more Seattle wins or Rams losses would clinch the division. So basically, splitting that up, all Seattle would have to do is win 2 out of their last 7 (to go 9-7 at worst) and Rams lose 2 out of their last 2 (to go 9-7 at best) and Seattle wins the division. I'd say that's pretty much a done deal. Now, all that said, it doesn't matter. Because Seattle never coasts into the playoffs like that. Therefore, with Bulger, Holt, and Bruce all finally healthy this week, they march into Seattle and win. Rams 30, Seahawks 27.
Man, that is a gutsy call. I give you credit, and I respect the logic. However as an unemotional outsider I see the Seahawks as one of the top 5 teams in the NFL. Holmgren has his magic again... or is it that the receivers are actually hanging on to half the passes? Anyway, I'll take the Rams and the points. Seattle 31 Rams 27
STEELERS -8.5 over Browns
I was tempted to go against the Charlie Batch-led Steelers this week. But it cost me last week. And the Browns stink. The Steelers are just going to run it down their throat, and play solid D. Steelers 23, Browns 13.
The only reason the Steelers won was because the Packers played terribly. The Steelers showed me nothing. Well, that's not true. They've got a stud on defense, Troy Polamalu. The guy is the best safety I've seen all season. If Batch it the QB, and I'm assuming St. Ides has it right, then I'm taking the Browns. Steelers 20 - Browns 17
EAGLES -3.5 over Cowboys
TO is gone. They stuck around in that game last week in Washington. McNabb and the Eagles have something to prove and show they can win without Owens. The Cowboys are as unpredictable as any team in the league, and it's still hard to put much confidence in Bledsoe. I think the Eagles D steps up a notch, Brian Westbrook demonstrates that he deserved that juicy new contract, and Parcells is screaming at people on the sidelines. Eagles 26, Cowboys 20.
I like the Eagles at home on Monday night. I'm not happy about the 3.5 though, because this one could come down to a field goal. Tell you what, I'm taking the Eagles by a TD
Eagles 24 - Boys 17
Saturday, November 5, 2005
Call your bookie: the week 9 picks are posted...
OK kids, Samichlaus here. I've got the picks so here we go...
Falcons -2.5 over DOLPHINS
Vick is getting a lot of bad press for not being a very good passer. All I have to say is: About damn time! I've been saying that for awhile now. Still, the Falcons defense is pretty good. And the Dolphins still have Gus Frerotte at the helm. A lot of "experts" are picking the Dolphins to pull off the minor upset here. But, despite Vick's widely publicized "regression", he can still make plays with his legs. And Coach Mora seems to be a pretty good coach. Falcons 23, Dolphins 16.
I think St. Ides has it right. The thing that scares me is that Miami's defense is fast. That's the only way to stop Mr. Mexico. Well that and a herpes infested whore. Still, I'm going with Captian Penis
Falcons 27 Fins 17
Panthers -1.5 over BUCS
This may be the lock of the week. The Bucs just lost to the frickin 49ers, and QB Chris Simms played awful. The Panthers defense is a lot better than the Niners defense. Cadillac Williams is still hurting. Michael Pittman is banged up too. So basically their offense is non-existent. Meanwhile the Panthers are starting to play like a Super Bowl contender again. Panthers 20, Bucanneers 10.
I saw Chris Simms earlier this year on one of those "In their own words" specials. The show was about Jon Gruden, but Simms jumped out at me. I was amazed that the son of one of the smartest quarterbacks I've ever seen didn't seem very bright. He was easily flustered and could not remember the plays Gruden was calling. Unlike his father, he lacked command and presence in the huddle. When the show was over I concluded that he probably takes after his Mom.
Panthers 24 Bucs 13.
SAINTS +3.5 over Bears
The Saints are so inconsistent it's getting ridiculous. But the NFC North is destined to be a mess of teams that don't want to win the division all season. Saints 17, Bears 10.
God dammit. The Bears are actually becomming good again, and Mark my words, the Saints will not win another game this season. The Bears are conjuring images of the 1985 team that played great D and had just enough O. This team, though not nearly as good, is built in the same mold.
Bears 24 Saints 6
RAVENS +3.5 over Bengals
Did the Ravens find some life by keeping it close against the Steelers, despite Ray Lewis and Ed Reed both being out? Have the Bengals come back to earth a bit after the Steelers put them back in their place? I'm not sure about either of those, but it's a divisional game in Baltimore, and that ought to keep it close enough to take the Ravens. Bengals 23, Ravens 20.
The thing that struck me last week was that the Bengals scored 7 points off of 5 turnovers. I think the high powered offense of Carson Palmer & Co. takes a hit this week. And speaking of hits, the Packers put some huge hits on Chad Johnson last week. I think it's going to affect him. The Ravens pull the upset at home.
Ravens 23 Bengals 20 in the Samichlaus Shocker of the Week.
Lions -1.5 over VIKINGS
The Lions may revert to Joey Harrington after Jeff Garcia's awful game-losing interception last week in OT and his leg bothering him again. The Vikings have to be in worse shape though now that Culpepper is done for the year. Culpepper's injury may have actually saved Tice's job, since now everybody pretty much expects them to suck complete ass. Lions 20, Vikings 17.
As God as my witness, one of the headines after last weeks Detroit game was "Garcia comes up limp after loss". You can't make this stuff up. This is a tough game to pick because no one is going to win. The trick is to figure out who is going to lose, and here's where I take Mooch over Tice any day.
Lions 27 - Viqueens 10
Texans +13.5 over JAGUARS
Texans win their first game of the season. Jaguars lose to an injury-depleted Rams team. God, I hate these huge point spreads with the Texans and Niners every week. Jaguars 23, Texans 14.
Yep.
Jaguars 24 Texans 21
Raiders +5.5 over CHIEFS
I'm not sure what to make of the Raiders. I think Samichlaus made a good point when he said "Which team has Randy Moss?" in a previous prediction. And LaMont Jordan is starting to get it going on the ground. The Chiefs should win the game, but I don't think they're good enough to blow out the Raiders just yet. Chiefs 27, Raiders 23.
In case you're all not quite sure, ol' Samichlaus is no genius. Here's some insight into picking K.C. games: Much like Denver, I like 'em at home. That's a friggin noisy stadium and it tends to disrupt the opposition.
Cheifs 34 Raiders 24
Chargers -6.5 over JETS
Let's channel the "experts" for a moment and act like we know what we're talking about: "The Chargers are the best 4-4 team ever!" "They could easily be 6-2 right now if they'd closed out those close games!" Well, the fact is, they didn't close out those games. They're 4-4. And you can't call them that good at 4-4. Still, the Jets blow. If the Chargers don't win this game by at least 10 points, I don't want to hear any expert talk about how great they are. Chargers 24, Jets 9.
Don't ask me why because I couldn't tell you, but I think that the Jets are going to win this week. I'm taking the Jets and calling Bellvue.
Jets 27 Chargers 24
BROWNS -3.5 over Titans
Rookie WR and 3rd overall pick (and Michigan alum) Braylon Edwards earlier in the week suggested that maybe rookie QB Charlie Frye should get a shot at starting. Coach Roman Crennel promised to get him more involved in the offense, and promoted him from the #3 WR to a rotation at #2. But he also said it would still be Dilfer starting. Edwards seemed satisfied with that, and changed his tune to support Dilfer. All I'm gonna say is that if they throw at Braylon 10 times a game, he'll break at least one big play. Browns 26, Titans 20.
The truth is that the Titans are pretty awful. I like the analysis above, and I like the Browns at home.
Browns 27 Titans 17
NINERS +10.5 over Giants
How the hell did the Niners beat the Bucs? I have no frickin clue, I refused to watch that game. Still, this might be the sort of game that's a letdown for the Giants. After the emotional win in memory of their recently deceased owner, and a cross-country flight, they might need to be careful here. Giants 24, Niners 17.
I like the Giants to win as well, but I think they cover. The team is fired up and playing with purpose. The Niners are playng for pride, but pride is going to be able to defend Jeremy Shocky.
Giants 34 - Niners 13
Seahawks -4.5 over CARDINALS
Kurt Warner has been named the starter for this game. He hasn't started since Seattle knocked him out in week 3. WR Anquin Boldin is out for the Cardinals, meaning they can double-team Larry Fitzgerald. The Cardinals have an awful offensive line and no running game. If the Seahawks are for real (and I keep telling myself that they are), they win this game fairly easily, even in Arizona. Seahawks 31, Cardinals 17.
Here's the icing: Ray Rhodes is in the hospital. The Seahawks are going to play an emotional game, and may pitch a shut out.
Seahawks 31 - Cardinals 6
PACKERS +6.5 over Steelers
Big Ben is out. Enter Charlie Batch. I know the Packers are beat up, but they've kept a lot of their losses close this year. If they can't stay at least within a TD of the Charlie "Yes, Somehow I'm Still In The League" Batch led Steelers in Green Bay, maybe they really do need to start working on that draft board for next year. And isn't Ryan Longwell due for a game-winning kick about now? Packers 24, Steelers 23.
OK, I'm not just saying this but the Packers are going to win this game outright. Big Ben or not, the Steelers primary weapon is there running game, and the Packers D has been pretty good against the run. Bettis is out leaving Willie Parker and Duce Staley to pick up the slack. Meanwhile, Mike Sherman has committed to letting Brett Favre be Brett Favre. This one is going to be a lot of fun.
Packers 27 - Steelers 20 in the Samichlaus Shocker to everyone not named Samichlaus of the week.
REDSKINS -2.5 over Eagles
TO is out. McNabb might sit too. The Eagles have been notorious for not running the ball. The Redskins were embarassed by the Giants last week. This is one of those divisional rivalry games that I really don't give a crap about. Redskins 23, Eagles 17.
Not only is T.O. out, he's indefinitley suspended. I think this sends a statement to the Eagles who respond favorably.
Eagles 30 - Redskins 17
PATRIOTS +3.5 over Colts
The Monday Night game, and also the game of the week. Can Manning and company finally get the New England monkey off their back? Can the injury-riddled Patriots stay in Peyton's head and leave him shaking his head as he throws yet another interception against them? Will the Brusci-inspired defense step in up against the new Colts offense that isn't afraid to run the ball? No clue. But here's the big thing. Other than the psychological factor (and, don't get me wrong, that is a big factor), the Colts have very little pressure on them in this game. They have a relatively soft schedule, and at 7-1 will still be sitting pretty for home field throughout the AFC playoffs. The Patriots have a lot more to lose, and that could make the difference. And this will add another chapter to the question "Who would you rather have as your QB? Manning or Brady?" I'm going with Brady until Manning wins a Super Bowl. Patriots 30, Colts 27.
I'm convinced that the Bruschi thing last week was the turning point for the Pats. This week they have the opportunity to send a message to the league that any prior thoughts of vulnerability should be cast aside.
Patriots 31 - Colts 20.
Falcons -2.5 over DOLPHINS
Vick is getting a lot of bad press for not being a very good passer. All I have to say is: About damn time! I've been saying that for awhile now. Still, the Falcons defense is pretty good. And the Dolphins still have Gus Frerotte at the helm. A lot of "experts" are picking the Dolphins to pull off the minor upset here. But, despite Vick's widely publicized "regression", he can still make plays with his legs. And Coach Mora seems to be a pretty good coach. Falcons 23, Dolphins 16.
I think St. Ides has it right. The thing that scares me is that Miami's defense is fast. That's the only way to stop Mr. Mexico. Well that and a herpes infested whore. Still, I'm going with Captian Penis
Falcons 27 Fins 17
Panthers -1.5 over BUCS
This may be the lock of the week. The Bucs just lost to the frickin 49ers, and QB Chris Simms played awful. The Panthers defense is a lot better than the Niners defense. Cadillac Williams is still hurting. Michael Pittman is banged up too. So basically their offense is non-existent. Meanwhile the Panthers are starting to play like a Super Bowl contender again. Panthers 20, Bucanneers 10.
I saw Chris Simms earlier this year on one of those "In their own words" specials. The show was about Jon Gruden, but Simms jumped out at me. I was amazed that the son of one of the smartest quarterbacks I've ever seen didn't seem very bright. He was easily flustered and could not remember the plays Gruden was calling. Unlike his father, he lacked command and presence in the huddle. When the show was over I concluded that he probably takes after his Mom.
Panthers 24 Bucs 13.
SAINTS +3.5 over Bears
The Saints are so inconsistent it's getting ridiculous. But the NFC North is destined to be a mess of teams that don't want to win the division all season. Saints 17, Bears 10.
God dammit. The Bears are actually becomming good again, and Mark my words, the Saints will not win another game this season. The Bears are conjuring images of the 1985 team that played great D and had just enough O. This team, though not nearly as good, is built in the same mold.
Bears 24 Saints 6
RAVENS +3.5 over Bengals
Did the Ravens find some life by keeping it close against the Steelers, despite Ray Lewis and Ed Reed both being out? Have the Bengals come back to earth a bit after the Steelers put them back in their place? I'm not sure about either of those, but it's a divisional game in Baltimore, and that ought to keep it close enough to take the Ravens. Bengals 23, Ravens 20.
The thing that struck me last week was that the Bengals scored 7 points off of 5 turnovers. I think the high powered offense of Carson Palmer & Co. takes a hit this week. And speaking of hits, the Packers put some huge hits on Chad Johnson last week. I think it's going to affect him. The Ravens pull the upset at home.
Ravens 23 Bengals 20 in the Samichlaus Shocker of the Week.
Lions -1.5 over VIKINGS
The Lions may revert to Joey Harrington after Jeff Garcia's awful game-losing interception last week in OT and his leg bothering him again. The Vikings have to be in worse shape though now that Culpepper is done for the year. Culpepper's injury may have actually saved Tice's job, since now everybody pretty much expects them to suck complete ass. Lions 20, Vikings 17.
As God as my witness, one of the headines after last weeks Detroit game was "Garcia comes up limp after loss". You can't make this stuff up. This is a tough game to pick because no one is going to win. The trick is to figure out who is going to lose, and here's where I take Mooch over Tice any day.
Lions 27 - Viqueens 10
Texans +13.5 over JAGUARS
Texans win their first game of the season. Jaguars lose to an injury-depleted Rams team. God, I hate these huge point spreads with the Texans and Niners every week. Jaguars 23, Texans 14.
Yep.
Jaguars 24 Texans 21
Raiders +5.5 over CHIEFS
I'm not sure what to make of the Raiders. I think Samichlaus made a good point when he said "Which team has Randy Moss?" in a previous prediction. And LaMont Jordan is starting to get it going on the ground. The Chiefs should win the game, but I don't think they're good enough to blow out the Raiders just yet. Chiefs 27, Raiders 23.
In case you're all not quite sure, ol' Samichlaus is no genius. Here's some insight into picking K.C. games: Much like Denver, I like 'em at home. That's a friggin noisy stadium and it tends to disrupt the opposition.
Cheifs 34 Raiders 24
Chargers -6.5 over JETS
Let's channel the "experts" for a moment and act like we know what we're talking about: "The Chargers are the best 4-4 team ever!" "They could easily be 6-2 right now if they'd closed out those close games!" Well, the fact is, they didn't close out those games. They're 4-4. And you can't call them that good at 4-4. Still, the Jets blow. If the Chargers don't win this game by at least 10 points, I don't want to hear any expert talk about how great they are. Chargers 24, Jets 9.
Don't ask me why because I couldn't tell you, but I think that the Jets are going to win this week. I'm taking the Jets and calling Bellvue.
Jets 27 Chargers 24
BROWNS -3.5 over Titans
Rookie WR and 3rd overall pick (and Michigan alum) Braylon Edwards earlier in the week suggested that maybe rookie QB Charlie Frye should get a shot at starting. Coach Roman Crennel promised to get him more involved in the offense, and promoted him from the #3 WR to a rotation at #2. But he also said it would still be Dilfer starting. Edwards seemed satisfied with that, and changed his tune to support Dilfer. All I'm gonna say is that if they throw at Braylon 10 times a game, he'll break at least one big play. Browns 26, Titans 20.
The truth is that the Titans are pretty awful. I like the analysis above, and I like the Browns at home.
Browns 27 Titans 17
NINERS +10.5 over Giants
How the hell did the Niners beat the Bucs? I have no frickin clue, I refused to watch that game. Still, this might be the sort of game that's a letdown for the Giants. After the emotional win in memory of their recently deceased owner, and a cross-country flight, they might need to be careful here. Giants 24, Niners 17.
I like the Giants to win as well, but I think they cover. The team is fired up and playing with purpose. The Niners are playng for pride, but pride is going to be able to defend Jeremy Shocky.
Giants 34 - Niners 13
Seahawks -4.5 over CARDINALS
Kurt Warner has been named the starter for this game. He hasn't started since Seattle knocked him out in week 3. WR Anquin Boldin is out for the Cardinals, meaning they can double-team Larry Fitzgerald. The Cardinals have an awful offensive line and no running game. If the Seahawks are for real (and I keep telling myself that they are), they win this game fairly easily, even in Arizona. Seahawks 31, Cardinals 17.
Here's the icing: Ray Rhodes is in the hospital. The Seahawks are going to play an emotional game, and may pitch a shut out.
Seahawks 31 - Cardinals 6
PACKERS +6.5 over Steelers
Big Ben is out. Enter Charlie Batch. I know the Packers are beat up, but they've kept a lot of their losses close this year. If they can't stay at least within a TD of the Charlie "Yes, Somehow I'm Still In The League" Batch led Steelers in Green Bay, maybe they really do need to start working on that draft board for next year. And isn't Ryan Longwell due for a game-winning kick about now? Packers 24, Steelers 23.
OK, I'm not just saying this but the Packers are going to win this game outright. Big Ben or not, the Steelers primary weapon is there running game, and the Packers D has been pretty good against the run. Bettis is out leaving Willie Parker and Duce Staley to pick up the slack. Meanwhile, Mike Sherman has committed to letting Brett Favre be Brett Favre. This one is going to be a lot of fun.
Packers 27 - Steelers 20 in the Samichlaus Shocker to everyone not named Samichlaus of the week.
REDSKINS -2.5 over Eagles
TO is out. McNabb might sit too. The Eagles have been notorious for not running the ball. The Redskins were embarassed by the Giants last week. This is one of those divisional rivalry games that I really don't give a crap about. Redskins 23, Eagles 17.
Not only is T.O. out, he's indefinitley suspended. I think this sends a statement to the Eagles who respond favorably.
Eagles 30 - Redskins 17
PATRIOTS +3.5 over Colts
The Monday Night game, and also the game of the week. Can Manning and company finally get the New England monkey off their back? Can the injury-riddled Patriots stay in Peyton's head and leave him shaking his head as he throws yet another interception against them? Will the Brusci-inspired defense step in up against the new Colts offense that isn't afraid to run the ball? No clue. But here's the big thing. Other than the psychological factor (and, don't get me wrong, that is a big factor), the Colts have very little pressure on them in this game. They have a relatively soft schedule, and at 7-1 will still be sitting pretty for home field throughout the AFC playoffs. The Patriots have a lot more to lose, and that could make the difference. And this will add another chapter to the question "Who would you rather have as your QB? Manning or Brady?" I'm going with Brady until Manning wins a Super Bowl. Patriots 30, Colts 27.
I'm convinced that the Bruschi thing last week was the turning point for the Pats. This week they have the opportunity to send a message to the league that any prior thoughts of vulnerability should be cast aside.
Patriots 31 - Colts 20.
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