An apology to our reader

Well, I wish I could make an excuse for not posting picks this week. Something creative like "My pet chicken ate my research" or "I was busy working on my time machine, and I lost track of what day it was". But neither of these are accurate. The truth is I intended to do my picks on Saturday, and I plum forgot. By the time I remembered (this morning) I figured it was too late and besides, I haven't taken a bye week. So let's call week 14 a bye and to make it up to you all I will write a little bit about some of today's games and some of last weeks exciting sports events.

Let me first start by saying I did not have sex with Tiger Woods. In fact I've never met the dude. Whatever they wrote about me on TMZ is catagorically false and I hereby deny it. However several years ago Tiger, St. Ides and some guy who called himself "Klunk" were seen staggering out of the Abbey Tavern heading towards the west side, destination unknown. Days later, Klunk was reported to say something along the lines of "He should be known as Magic Johnson" and we're pretty sure he wasn't talking about St. Ides.

The Patriots mascot got arrested in a prostitution sting in Rhode Island. Apparantly there's a new law in our littlest state that now makes prostitution illegal both outdoors and indoors, and I had to ask "Huh?" Let me get this straight: up until recently prostitution was legal in Rhode Island if it was conducted indoors? First of all, how did I not know about this when I was in my 20s, and second of all how the hell did I not know about this when I was in my goddamn 20s????  Meanwhile I keep imagining that giant headed Patriot dude trying to get his f on, saying things like "be still dear wench whilst I unbutton my trousers and lay aside my musket". Seriously, I wonder if he used his celebrity to try to get reduced rates from the hookers. You know, things like "I can get you a lap dance with Tom Brady AND Randy Moss". Actually, the Moss thing is probably no big deal, I'm sure he's getting them all the time. Besides, rumor has it that Moss goes limp every third lap dance much to the shagrin of Brady and the coaching staff. 

The Packers won a game today in spite of themselves. Once, just once, I'd like to seem them throw a 6 yard pass on third and five.  Or a 7 yard pass on third and 6. Mike McCarthy seems to think that third and short means it's time to take a shot down field, and it never ever works. Well, sometimes it works, but four out of five times it kills a drive. I swear to the good Christ I was cursing at my poor TV today as we let the Bears back in the game, but thank goodness it was the Bears. Lovie Smith hasn't quite lost these guys, but they are poorly coached. The Bears commit more false starts than any other team I've seen: they're like a third quarter preseason unit. The Packers no longer know how to sustain a drive. There offense is run a few plays, pass a few plays, take a shot down field and punt. Of course when the Packers face third and long, you can rest assured that McCarthy will call for a  pass that is long minus 6 or 7 yards. Or that inside handoff out of the shotgun that fools no one. Still, my Packers have won 5 in a row so I can't complain. Next week they face the Stealers in Pittsburgh and as pedestrian as the Stealers have been, this is no easy task. The game has been moved to a 4:15 EST start (3:15 for our reader in Wisconsin) so next Sunday please don't bother me between, say, 4PM and 8PM, or later if they win.

On a personal note, Mrs. Samichlaus has been listening to a lot of "Lady Ga Ga" lately. It's gotten so bad that yesterday she told me that all her dreams at night now have "Lady Ga Ga" for their soundtrack. Who knew you could add soundtracks to your dreams? I have to try that. Tonight I'm going to open every dream with the "Looney Tunes" theme, because my dreams have this cartoon sense of reality to them. Sort of like my life at times, come to think of it. But back to the Lady Ga Ga thing: the music is quite catchy, especially when it's being cranked at decibles that rival the Concord passing over Rosedale, NY. That stuff gets in your head: La la la la la la. Rah ma rah ma ma ma.  Or my favorite "Poker Face", which if you haven't seen my old neighborhood jelly donut salesman  perform it then you're in for a treat...