Karen and I were watching the draft, basking in the glow of the Aaron Rodgers pick when Seattle came up on the clock. When they selected center Chris Spencer with the 26th pick, I was stupefied. I said to Karen "Whoa! Seattle just made a huge blunder. Terrible pick!" Karen said "Really? Why?" So I explained "Well, they drafted a center. His job is to hike the ball to the quarterback, and that's it. You can get a real good one in a later round, but man, wasting a first round pick on a center? I don't know, Steve's is going to be pissed." Karen thought a minute and said "All he does is hike the ball to the quarterback? Man, you tell Steve I could play that position!" I looked at my wife, all 5'2" and 100 lbs of her and said "Hon, the only problem is that the defensive guy who lines up against the center is the nose tackle. The biggest fattest 350 lb guy on the defensive line. You'd be crushed" Karen, with all of her confidence and southern charm said "No I wouldn't! I'd just tell him that if he laid a hand on me I would tell his mommy."
Look for Karen to declare her eligibility for the 2006 draft.
Friday, April 29, 2005
Drafting for the future
When your head coach happens to be your GM (as was the case in Green Bay the last several years) it makes sense that the GM will draft players that will address the head coach’s most immediate needs. This is particularly true if the head coach / GM is in the last year of their contract, and it is this philosophy that Packer fans have grown accustomed to. So it isn’t any wonder that I was left scratching my head on Monday morning as I reviewed GM Ted Thompson’s first Packer draft.
Let me clarify one thing: I was ecstatic with the selection of Aaron Rodgers who has a legitimate shot of being the “next Brett Favre”. With that said, he has an equally legitimate shot of being the next Rich Campbell so let’s just hope he does well as the first Aaron Rodgers. Rodgers is a bright articulate young man who has a decent arm and a great sense of humor. In press conferences he comes across comfortable and displays an air of leadership. He properly sucks up to Favre, though not nearly as much as the Sunday play by play guys (don’t worry, he’ll learn), and he put up sick numbers at Cal. Just like Rich Campbell.
See, I knew this was going to happen. I’m getting sidetracked. Fine. I have to explain who Rich Campbell is. Rich Campbell was a QB out of Cal that set every friggin passing record in college football in 1981. The only problem was Campbell had a weak arm. Some guys can tear it up in College without having the skills to make it in the pros and Campbell was one of them. The Packers selected him with the 6th pick on the NFL draft. Other players taken after Campbell included Mike Singletary, Chris Collinsworth and man this is tough, Ronnie Lott. Lott in fact dined with Bart Starr the week before the draft and the story goes that during the course of dinner indicated that he always wanted to play for Green Bay. 19 years and a hall of fame career later, all I can say is it would have been nice.
OK , back to the draft….
Much like the great St.Ides, the more I read about the draft, the more I began to like it. Well, except our second round pick. In the second round Green Bay selected Nick Collins out of Bethune-Cookman. When St. Ides posed the question “where the hell is Bethune – Cookman?” I replied “It’s right between Bethune and Cookman, just outside of Bumblefuck. Collins is a safety or a corner, no one knows for sure because he’s either too fast or too short, but he supposed to be a tremendous athlete, in other words he’s a project. He’s also not very bright, scoring a whopping 14 on the 50 question Wonderlic so I have to ask: maybe he would have been available in the third or fourth round? At least GM Thompson didn’t trade up any picks to get him.
Out second pick in the second round was Terence Murphy, a wide receiver out of Texas A& M. He’s another good, fast athlete who was able to correctly answer 15 questions on the Wonderlic exam.
We then traded out third round pick for two number 4’s .
Lets’ stop for a moment.
Last season the Packer had the third best offense in league. We also had the second worst defense in the league. So after day one we’ve drafted a QB, a WR, and a non-descript defensive back who probably won’t be able to help us for at least two seasons.
Huh?
The brilliance of Ted Thompson’s draft revealed itself on day two. With a series of trades, Thompson turned the Packer’s 7 picks into 11. The players he drafted all fit the same mold: small schools, tremendous potential, tremendous risk. I won’t get into the details here but I want you to remember two names: Marviel Underwood and Michael Hawkins. I’ll blog more about them later.
When all was said and done, no immediate help was provided to the defense and Mike Sherman was nowhere to be found after the draft, but in a way, Thompson’s strategy was a huge vote of confidence in Sherman. Sherman the GM drafted defense the last 3 years, and if you listen to defensive coordinator Jim Bates, the guys Sherman drafted are the second coming of the ’85 Bears. Here are a few Bates quotes taken shamelessly from an email to St. Ides:
• "Some people say it's going to take three years," Bates said Sunday after the draft. "I don't believe in that. Time will tell but I like what we have."
• Re: Nick “The football factory” Collins (I like that nickname, another St. Ides creation) “Collins is not a reach," Bates said. "We got two really good safeties that can tackle. And if Hawkins is into football the way we think he's into football, we may have a steal."
• Re: passing on Dan Cody and Matt Roth "Sometimes the great effort guy in college isn't as effective against the 340-pound tackles," he said. "But those guys were interesting to us."
• Re: the guys who have been injured: "I've never been in a situation that we have such good depth in the 15 years I've been in the league," he said. "People will say, 'It wasn't a very good defensive line.' I disagree. The ability's there. We will get that ability level up and you will see vast improvement in the defensive line." Peterson, Williams, Washington and Lee have done little or nothing in their pro careers but Bates sees nothing but promise. "We've never had in Miami an (inside) rusher like Cullen Jenkins," Bates said. "We never had a backup guy like Corey Williams. We never had a guy with the potential of Kenny Peterson. I mean, on and on.
• "These guys aren't just big guys. These guys are athletes. I can list five tackles that are as good depth-wise as I've ever been around."
• Finally, and this was my favorite, re: stoner loser jackass Cletius Hunt: "If he plays on an every-down basis to his ability level, he will be playing all the time," Bates said. "If he doesn't, he gets beat out. That's all there is to it. It's his job and my job to get it done."
OK, losing focus again…. The point is this: the GM is supposed to see the big picture. He’s supposed to draft the best players available. He’s supposed to be long sighted. The coaches are supposed to coach. They are supposed to take the talent and make the most out of it. Often times these jobs are diametrically opposed, but that’s what makes it great. It challenges the coaches to raise their coaching skills and it challenges the GM to sharpen his vision.
Or else what happens is the GM drafts a punter who can’t punt, and the coach is compelled to keep him on the roster even if he’s never activated.
Let me clarify one thing: I was ecstatic with the selection of Aaron Rodgers who has a legitimate shot of being the “next Brett Favre”. With that said, he has an equally legitimate shot of being the next Rich Campbell so let’s just hope he does well as the first Aaron Rodgers. Rodgers is a bright articulate young man who has a decent arm and a great sense of humor. In press conferences he comes across comfortable and displays an air of leadership. He properly sucks up to Favre, though not nearly as much as the Sunday play by play guys (don’t worry, he’ll learn), and he put up sick numbers at Cal. Just like Rich Campbell.
See, I knew this was going to happen. I’m getting sidetracked. Fine. I have to explain who Rich Campbell is. Rich Campbell was a QB out of Cal that set every friggin passing record in college football in 1981. The only problem was Campbell had a weak arm. Some guys can tear it up in College without having the skills to make it in the pros and Campbell was one of them. The Packers selected him with the 6th pick on the NFL draft. Other players taken after Campbell included Mike Singletary, Chris Collinsworth and man this is tough, Ronnie Lott. Lott in fact dined with Bart Starr the week before the draft and the story goes that during the course of dinner indicated that he always wanted to play for Green Bay. 19 years and a hall of fame career later, all I can say is it would have been nice.
OK , back to the draft….
Much like the great St.Ides, the more I read about the draft, the more I began to like it. Well, except our second round pick. In the second round Green Bay selected Nick Collins out of Bethune-Cookman. When St. Ides posed the question “where the hell is Bethune – Cookman?” I replied “It’s right between Bethune and Cookman, just outside of Bumblefuck. Collins is a safety or a corner, no one knows for sure because he’s either too fast or too short, but he supposed to be a tremendous athlete, in other words he’s a project. He’s also not very bright, scoring a whopping 14 on the 50 question Wonderlic so I have to ask: maybe he would have been available in the third or fourth round? At least GM Thompson didn’t trade up any picks to get him.
Out second pick in the second round was Terence Murphy, a wide receiver out of Texas A& M. He’s another good, fast athlete who was able to correctly answer 15 questions on the Wonderlic exam.
We then traded out third round pick for two number 4’s .
Lets’ stop for a moment.
Last season the Packer had the third best offense in league. We also had the second worst defense in the league. So after day one we’ve drafted a QB, a WR, and a non-descript defensive back who probably won’t be able to help us for at least two seasons.
Huh?
The brilliance of Ted Thompson’s draft revealed itself on day two. With a series of trades, Thompson turned the Packer’s 7 picks into 11. The players he drafted all fit the same mold: small schools, tremendous potential, tremendous risk. I won’t get into the details here but I want you to remember two names: Marviel Underwood and Michael Hawkins. I’ll blog more about them later.
When all was said and done, no immediate help was provided to the defense and Mike Sherman was nowhere to be found after the draft, but in a way, Thompson’s strategy was a huge vote of confidence in Sherman. Sherman the GM drafted defense the last 3 years, and if you listen to defensive coordinator Jim Bates, the guys Sherman drafted are the second coming of the ’85 Bears. Here are a few Bates quotes taken shamelessly from an email to St. Ides:
• "Some people say it's going to take three years," Bates said Sunday after the draft. "I don't believe in that. Time will tell but I like what we have."
• Re: Nick “The football factory” Collins (I like that nickname, another St. Ides creation) “Collins is not a reach," Bates said. "We got two really good safeties that can tackle. And if Hawkins is into football the way we think he's into football, we may have a steal."
• Re: passing on Dan Cody and Matt Roth "Sometimes the great effort guy in college isn't as effective against the 340-pound tackles," he said. "But those guys were interesting to us."
• Re: the guys who have been injured: "I've never been in a situation that we have such good depth in the 15 years I've been in the league," he said. "People will say, 'It wasn't a very good defensive line.' I disagree. The ability's there. We will get that ability level up and you will see vast improvement in the defensive line." Peterson, Williams, Washington and Lee have done little or nothing in their pro careers but Bates sees nothing but promise. "We've never had in Miami an (inside) rusher like Cullen Jenkins," Bates said. "We never had a backup guy like Corey Williams. We never had a guy with the potential of Kenny Peterson. I mean, on and on.
• "These guys aren't just big guys. These guys are athletes. I can list five tackles that are as good depth-wise as I've ever been around."
• Finally, and this was my favorite, re: stoner loser jackass Cletius Hunt: "If he plays on an every-down basis to his ability level, he will be playing all the time," Bates said. "If he doesn't, he gets beat out. That's all there is to it. It's his job and my job to get it done."
OK, losing focus again…. The point is this: the GM is supposed to see the big picture. He’s supposed to draft the best players available. He’s supposed to be long sighted. The coaches are supposed to coach. They are supposed to take the talent and make the most out of it. Often times these jobs are diametrically opposed, but that’s what makes it great. It challenges the coaches to raise their coaching skills and it challenges the GM to sharpen his vision.
Or else what happens is the GM drafts a punter who can’t punt, and the coach is compelled to keep him on the roster even if he’s never activated.
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
NFL Draft Diary
Well, a couple days late, but here's a running diary I kept during this past weekend's NFL draft. And, for the record, I didn't let out a scream when Seattle took a frickin center in round one, though I was annoyed and confused. However, after several days of reading about the kid, and their second round pick (middle linebacker from USC whose name I can't remember how to spell yet), I like both picks. Anyways, on to the running diary...
12:00pm - It's running diary time! Looks like a good start, with Chris Berman, Mel Kiper Jr., Chris Mortensen, and player commentator Torry Holt. I generally like Holt and think he's pretty intelligent (as NFL players go), but he's wearing these ridiculous glasses.
I'm actually kind of surprised they had Sportscenter on before this, and didn't come and get all the pre-game BS out of the way early. So now San Fran in on the clock, you gotta figure they have their mind made up by now, but they're sitting through all the initial "Who's the #1 pick gonna be?" doodoo.
It'll be interesting to see how quickly the draft moves along. Each team gets 15 minutes. That's a lot of time. If everybody takes their full time, by 5pm we'll still only be through 16 picks. Ouch. I probably won't make it into round 2 with this.
I'm gonna go with Edwards at #1. Just cause it doesn't take a brain surgeon to realize the Niners are still gonna suck this year, and could very well find themselves at #1 overall next year, where they can grab local boy (and much better QB prospect) Matt Leinart. But all the announcers are saying Alex Smith, so they're probably right.
12:10pm: First commercial. Not one mention that the Niners are almost ready to announce their pick. It's like they purposely planned it so they take the full 15 minutes so they can bullshit.
12:11pm: Okay, we just got scammed. They just came back from commercial, and NOW the commisioners announced the Niners are on the clock. 10 minutes wasted. Doh!
12:14pm: They just interviewed Alex Smith. Seems like a nice enough and smart enough kid. Then again, what did we expect? He's from Utah for fucks sake!
12:25pm: Alex Smith it is. Now how are they going to draft Leinart too next year? Oh well, decent pick I guess, no big surprise. I'm just annoyed they took the FULL 15 minutes. This diary might not last too long at this pace...
12:39pm: Ugh, Miami almost took the whole clock too. We'll barely squeeze 3 picks in before 1pm. They take Ronnie Brown, RB from Auburn. So much for Ricky Williams coming back. I wonder if he's smoking a big phatty and watching this right now. Probably not.
12:51pm: Cleveland takes Braylon Edwards, WR from Michigan. Now who the hell is going to throw the ball to him? Trent Dilfer? I might be going out on a limb here, but I think the Browns are still several years away from the playoffs. Chicago on the board now. They'll go with either Cedric Benson or Mike Williams I think.
1:12pm: Chicago just took Cedric Benson. During his 60 second interview he said "Ya know" about 90 times, "I'm just glad it's over" 5 times, and "Well, whatever" 3 times. Wow, he sounds totally unintelligent. He says he was getting talked down to by coaches and GMs, and compared to Ricky Williams because he's from Texas, had dreads, had a "similar background" (not sure what that means, smoking reefer?), and is also African American. Yeah? I didn't even notice, Cedric. After the showed the highlights, I thought "good pick". After they interviewed him, I thought "awful pick". Tampa Bay on the clock now. Likely Cadillac Williams.
1:35pm: Tampa took Cadillac Williams, who told us for the 7th time today how he got the nickname. Tennessee took Pac Man Jones, which led to the most amusing scene of the day: Mr. Jones celebrating with his family, hair a mess, baseball cap on sidewides, white T-shirt, and a Pac Man medallion hanging around his neck on a long chain. The Pac Man is glistening like it's covered in diamonds. He looks like the Dave Chappelle when he does his Little John impersonations. Couldn't Pac Man have sprung for a nice 3-piece suit? Is it unfair to label picks on their clothing and interviews?
2:18pm: Just as I find out we're going out for dinner around 4:30pm, and I don't think I'll still be home for the Seattle pick, Detroit helps my hopes a little by getting their pick in within the first 2 minutes they are on the clock! Their pick, WR Mike Williams from USC, is a bit more puzzling. This is the 3rd WR they've drafted in the 1st round in 3 years?!? I guess williams was just too good to pass on at this point. If he had actually played this past year, he very well could have been the #1 overall pick. Let's hope Detroit sets a trend here of getting the pick in quickly, and not taking all frickin 15 minutes.
4:10pm: Well, so much for getting Pollack. cinci took him at 17th. Then Minnesota took Erasmus James at 18th. Shawne Merriman and Derrick Johnson are gone, to San Diego at 12th and KC at 15th (the steal of the draft, I think, so far, by the way). Cody and Roth are still there, and only Jacksonville and Baltimore are left before Seattle, and I don't think either need a DLineman. Then again, I probably just jinxed myself.
4:30pm: Seattle traded their pick to the Raiders. Moved down 3 slots, and picked up a fourth round pick. I guess that's not so bad, considering most of the top tier guys on defense are gone by now. Sadly, now I must leave to go out for dinner, so I won't actually get to see Seattle's pick... Unless we get to the bar fast enough to catch it there!
(Later that night): Got to the bar in time to see Seattle pick... a frickin center... Ugh... I was confused and baffled at the time, made more frustrating that I couldn't hear the TV in the bar, so I couldn't figure out what the talking heads were saying about this guy. We needed defense, and took an offensive lineman. Our offensive line already has two Pro Bowlers, I'd say it wasn't really a high need. Oh well, let's hope they pick up some decent defensive players with the rest of their picks, and I'll trust the front office knows what they are doing..
12:00pm - It's running diary time! Looks like a good start, with Chris Berman, Mel Kiper Jr., Chris Mortensen, and player commentator Torry Holt. I generally like Holt and think he's pretty intelligent (as NFL players go), but he's wearing these ridiculous glasses.
I'm actually kind of surprised they had Sportscenter on before this, and didn't come and get all the pre-game BS out of the way early. So now San Fran in on the clock, you gotta figure they have their mind made up by now, but they're sitting through all the initial "Who's the #1 pick gonna be?" doodoo.
It'll be interesting to see how quickly the draft moves along. Each team gets 15 minutes. That's a lot of time. If everybody takes their full time, by 5pm we'll still only be through 16 picks. Ouch. I probably won't make it into round 2 with this.
I'm gonna go with Edwards at #1. Just cause it doesn't take a brain surgeon to realize the Niners are still gonna suck this year, and could very well find themselves at #1 overall next year, where they can grab local boy (and much better QB prospect) Matt Leinart. But all the announcers are saying Alex Smith, so they're probably right.
12:10pm: First commercial. Not one mention that the Niners are almost ready to announce their pick. It's like they purposely planned it so they take the full 15 minutes so they can bullshit.
12:11pm: Okay, we just got scammed. They just came back from commercial, and NOW the commisioners announced the Niners are on the clock. 10 minutes wasted. Doh!
12:14pm: They just interviewed Alex Smith. Seems like a nice enough and smart enough kid. Then again, what did we expect? He's from Utah for fucks sake!
12:25pm: Alex Smith it is. Now how are they going to draft Leinart too next year? Oh well, decent pick I guess, no big surprise. I'm just annoyed they took the FULL 15 minutes. This diary might not last too long at this pace...
12:39pm: Ugh, Miami almost took the whole clock too. We'll barely squeeze 3 picks in before 1pm. They take Ronnie Brown, RB from Auburn. So much for Ricky Williams coming back. I wonder if he's smoking a big phatty and watching this right now. Probably not.
12:51pm: Cleveland takes Braylon Edwards, WR from Michigan. Now who the hell is going to throw the ball to him? Trent Dilfer? I might be going out on a limb here, but I think the Browns are still several years away from the playoffs. Chicago on the board now. They'll go with either Cedric Benson or Mike Williams I think.
1:12pm: Chicago just took Cedric Benson. During his 60 second interview he said "Ya know" about 90 times, "I'm just glad it's over" 5 times, and "Well, whatever" 3 times. Wow, he sounds totally unintelligent. He says he was getting talked down to by coaches and GMs, and compared to Ricky Williams because he's from Texas, had dreads, had a "similar background" (not sure what that means, smoking reefer?), and is also African American. Yeah? I didn't even notice, Cedric. After the showed the highlights, I thought "good pick". After they interviewed him, I thought "awful pick". Tampa Bay on the clock now. Likely Cadillac Williams.
1:35pm: Tampa took Cadillac Williams, who told us for the 7th time today how he got the nickname. Tennessee took Pac Man Jones, which led to the most amusing scene of the day: Mr. Jones celebrating with his family, hair a mess, baseball cap on sidewides, white T-shirt, and a Pac Man medallion hanging around his neck on a long chain. The Pac Man is glistening like it's covered in diamonds. He looks like the Dave Chappelle when he does his Little John impersonations. Couldn't Pac Man have sprung for a nice 3-piece suit? Is it unfair to label picks on their clothing and interviews?
2:18pm: Just as I find out we're going out for dinner around 4:30pm, and I don't think I'll still be home for the Seattle pick, Detroit helps my hopes a little by getting their pick in within the first 2 minutes they are on the clock! Their pick, WR Mike Williams from USC, is a bit more puzzling. This is the 3rd WR they've drafted in the 1st round in 3 years?!? I guess williams was just too good to pass on at this point. If he had actually played this past year, he very well could have been the #1 overall pick. Let's hope Detroit sets a trend here of getting the pick in quickly, and not taking all frickin 15 minutes.
4:10pm: Well, so much for getting Pollack. cinci took him at 17th. Then Minnesota took Erasmus James at 18th. Shawne Merriman and Derrick Johnson are gone, to San Diego at 12th and KC at 15th (the steal of the draft, I think, so far, by the way). Cody and Roth are still there, and only Jacksonville and Baltimore are left before Seattle, and I don't think either need a DLineman. Then again, I probably just jinxed myself.
4:30pm: Seattle traded their pick to the Raiders. Moved down 3 slots, and picked up a fourth round pick. I guess that's not so bad, considering most of the top tier guys on defense are gone by now. Sadly, now I must leave to go out for dinner, so I won't actually get to see Seattle's pick... Unless we get to the bar fast enough to catch it there!
(Later that night): Got to the bar in time to see Seattle pick... a frickin center... Ugh... I was confused and baffled at the time, made more frustrating that I couldn't hear the TV in the bar, so I couldn't figure out what the talking heads were saying about this guy. We needed defense, and took an offensive lineman. Our offensive line already has two Pro Bowlers, I'd say it wasn't really a high need. Oh well, let's hope they pick up some decent defensive players with the rest of their picks, and I'll trust the front office knows what they are doing..
Saturday, April 23, 2005
All points bulletin!!!
If anyone on the western side of the lower Hudson river heard a blood curdling scream followed by a beer bottle hitting a television, please contact the authorities and send them immediately to the St. Ides residence. It could get ugly.
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
All the Cappuccino in China
Hold on to your breasts and pinch your nipples because the great Samichlaus has returned. Yes, it’s been over a month. Yes, I’m sure all of our loyal fan thought that Samichlaus had retired his keyboard and moved to greener digital pastures, but no. In fact Mrs. Chlaus and I have returned from a month long business trip to China.
Now Samichlaus ain’t no dummy. We will not be blogging about business secrets or coworker’s nuisances hence running the risk of being Dooced (note the use of the blogger savvy terminology. If you want to read a really funny chick blog check her out: www.dooce.com. Whether you have a penis or a vagina Dooce will entertain). Besides, you’re reading Sports Blog Steves, the Internet’s best site for sports insights. So without further ado….
Chinese Sports.
The number one sport for the Asians is called “Take the Westerner’s Money” and there are several variations. The object of the game is to accost the Westerner and attempt to sell them something. Points are awarded as follows: Asians are awarded 2 points for every Westerner who enters their “store”, 5 points for a sale, and an extra point if they sell more than one item. Westerners score points based on how many times they have to say no before the Asian gives up. One no, 5 points two no’s 4 points, 3 no’s three points. Deduct 1 point for a hand gesture and one point for the use of the Mandarin word for no, pronounced “boo-yah”
Without a doubt, Karen excelled at this game. Her specialty was the ubiquitous variation known as “Hey Lady want a bag?” and a typical round went like this:
Asian: Hey lady bag? Hey lady bag? Hey lady bag?
Karen: No
Asian: Hey lady bag? Just come in and look (tugging at Karen)
Karen; (crossing her wrists in the Asian gesture for no) NO!
Asian: Hey mister, watch? Rolex?
Game over. Karen scores 3 points to the Asian’s nothing. The Asian has opted to start a new game with Samichlaus who looks strikingly like f*ing Buddha with a goatee.
Asian: Hello? Hello? Hey mister, watch?
Samichlaus: NO! NO! NO! (Waving wildly) Boo Ya! Boo Ya! (nearly running over his petite wife while trying to avoid the evil watch saleswoman)
No points awarded.
When the final tally was calculated, yours truly scored a respectable 63 points for while allowing 48 points against. Karen however set a new International record by scoring 793 points for, 480 points against and 5 bags purchased.
There were several other sports that were popular in China. One of my favorites, called “Take the long way home” was played during rush hour and involved taxi drivers. Another called “Eat this you gluttonous fat American” was enjoyed by the Asians and involved eating “exotic” foods like bird spit and chicken feet. The feet, by the way, were delicious.
And then there was the cappuccino.
Yes I drank a lot of tea, and bottled water was the only water you can drink, but what amazed me was the amount of cappuccino I consumed. Asians don’t know how to make coffee, but they do know how to make cappuccino. In fact all they have is cappuccino makers, so if you order coffee you get cappuccino without the milk. Out thought was “What the hell”. So we ordered cappuccino every day and damn if it wasn’t the best goddamn cappuccino I ever freakin tasted. Delicious, frothy, smooth cappuccino, as if Marco Polo himself gave them the secret in the 1100’s AD as a way of saying thank you for rigatoni.
I have much more to write. The NFL draft is this weekend. Baseball started while we were gone. The NCAA finals were dribble-riffic. And when we got home, the flowers we planted were in bloom and the trees were sprouting leaves. We left in winter and came home to spring, and that just made sense. For on this trip, a second honeymoon as it was, I fell in love with my wife all over again, and all is right in the world.
.
Now Samichlaus ain’t no dummy. We will not be blogging about business secrets or coworker’s nuisances hence running the risk of being Dooced (note the use of the blogger savvy terminology. If you want to read a really funny chick blog check her out: www.dooce.com. Whether you have a penis or a vagina Dooce will entertain). Besides, you’re reading Sports Blog Steves, the Internet’s best site for sports insights. So without further ado….
Chinese Sports.
The number one sport for the Asians is called “Take the Westerner’s Money” and there are several variations. The object of the game is to accost the Westerner and attempt to sell them something. Points are awarded as follows: Asians are awarded 2 points for every Westerner who enters their “store”, 5 points for a sale, and an extra point if they sell more than one item. Westerners score points based on how many times they have to say no before the Asian gives up. One no, 5 points two no’s 4 points, 3 no’s three points. Deduct 1 point for a hand gesture and one point for the use of the Mandarin word for no, pronounced “boo-yah”
Without a doubt, Karen excelled at this game. Her specialty was the ubiquitous variation known as “Hey Lady want a bag?” and a typical round went like this:
Asian: Hey lady bag? Hey lady bag? Hey lady bag?
Karen: No
Asian: Hey lady bag? Just come in and look (tugging at Karen)
Karen; (crossing her wrists in the Asian gesture for no) NO!
Asian: Hey mister, watch? Rolex?
Game over. Karen scores 3 points to the Asian’s nothing. The Asian has opted to start a new game with Samichlaus who looks strikingly like f*ing Buddha with a goatee.
Asian: Hello? Hello? Hey mister, watch?
Samichlaus: NO! NO! NO! (Waving wildly) Boo Ya! Boo Ya! (nearly running over his petite wife while trying to avoid the evil watch saleswoman)
No points awarded.
When the final tally was calculated, yours truly scored a respectable 63 points for while allowing 48 points against. Karen however set a new International record by scoring 793 points for, 480 points against and 5 bags purchased.
There were several other sports that were popular in China. One of my favorites, called “Take the long way home” was played during rush hour and involved taxi drivers. Another called “Eat this you gluttonous fat American” was enjoyed by the Asians and involved eating “exotic” foods like bird spit and chicken feet. The feet, by the way, were delicious.
And then there was the cappuccino.
Yes I drank a lot of tea, and bottled water was the only water you can drink, but what amazed me was the amount of cappuccino I consumed. Asians don’t know how to make coffee, but they do know how to make cappuccino. In fact all they have is cappuccino makers, so if you order coffee you get cappuccino without the milk. Out thought was “What the hell”. So we ordered cappuccino every day and damn if it wasn’t the best goddamn cappuccino I ever freakin tasted. Delicious, frothy, smooth cappuccino, as if Marco Polo himself gave them the secret in the 1100’s AD as a way of saying thank you for rigatoni.
I have much more to write. The NFL draft is this weekend. Baseball started while we were gone. The NCAA finals were dribble-riffic. And when we got home, the flowers we planted were in bloom and the trees were sprouting leaves. We left in winter and came home to spring, and that just made sense. For on this trip, a second honeymoon as it was, I fell in love with my wife all over again, and all is right in the world.
.
Friday, April 8, 2005
Ron Mexico for NFL MVP?
Ahhh, thankfully the football news keeps coming...
The good ol' Smoking Gun comes up with this sex suit against Michael Vick, with a little "gift" left behind as evidence. Yikes. Let's hope we see some "Ron Mexico" Falcons jerseys next season!
And, as you've probably noticed, the baseball season has started… Which means something else to talk about, and a season-long watch on my baseball fantasy teams…
I only have two fantasy teams this season, one which is a year 3 keeper team (which did pretty badly last year, and didn't really have any top tier keepers) which I think I had a decent, though no great draft with. And one is a brand spanking new team. The Keeper league, and 90% of the fantasy baseball leagues I have been in have used "Head-to-Head" scoring. This means every week you go head-to-head (hence the name) against another team in the 10 categories - Pitching: Ws, Ks, Saves, ERA, WHIP; Batting: Rs, HRs, RBIs, SB, Avg. Teams are awarded Wins and Losses in the standing based on how many categories they win each week. Here's the problem - There's no limit on how many pitching starts a team can have in a given week. So, many players have adopted the tactic where they don't bother drafting good starting pitchers, and just rotate in as many possible waiver wire starters during the week. Usually, that's enough to win the Wins and Ks categories by simple brute force. And occasionally, with some luck or a crappy week by the opponent, they can squeeze out wins in ERA and/or WHIP as well. Sadly, this tactic is effective. So effective, I'm shocked that ESPN hasn't changed the rules yet to make a limited number of starts per week. Basically, why draft Randy Johnson who most weeks will give you 1-2 wins and 8-20 strikeouts (depending if he gets one start or two) when you can draft Vlad Guerrero for offensive numbers, then rotate in 6 or 7 scrub pitchers who will likely get you more wins and Ks?
So the second league I joined is old school roto scoring. Where each category is ranked 1-10, and you get points depending on your place in each category. And, for some reason, this category actually DOES have a limit to number of pitching starts (180 for the season... Or about 8 a week... ), so starting pitching matters quite a bit. I think I'm more psyched about that league than my keeper league, where some guy will win the title again by rotating the likes of Scott Kazmir, Ryan Drese, and Gustavo Chacin into their pitching stats. Who?!? Exactly. Those are 3 pitchers who started games this earlier this week who were claimed for the one day pickup in that league. And dropped the following day. It's a pretty cheesy tactic, and a lot of people have voiced their opinions against it. But the rules allow it, and it is effective. So it won't be going away.
Back to football.. Jamie Sharper visited Seattle yesterday, and there's an outside chance he'll sign with Seattle. He was cut by Houston for salary cap purposes, but he's only 30 and has been healthy pretty much his whole career. The guy plays MLB (a position that Seattle has had a glaring hole at for the past… oh.. Like 10 years!), and is a tackle machine. Signing this guy, and I'd give us a solid B+ this offseason going into the draft, with some decent looking defensive players appearing like they will be available late in the first round.
Oh yeah, and my "second chance" Final Four picks were pretty good. Here's what I said:
Here's my "second chance" picks for the Final Four: Illinois over Louisville, UNC over Utah, with UNC beating Illiniois to win it all. Word.
The good ol' Smoking Gun comes up with this sex suit against Michael Vick, with a little "gift" left behind as evidence. Yikes. Let's hope we see some "Ron Mexico" Falcons jerseys next season!
And, as you've probably noticed, the baseball season has started… Which means something else to talk about, and a season-long watch on my baseball fantasy teams…
I only have two fantasy teams this season, one which is a year 3 keeper team (which did pretty badly last year, and didn't really have any top tier keepers) which I think I had a decent, though no great draft with. And one is a brand spanking new team. The Keeper league, and 90% of the fantasy baseball leagues I have been in have used "Head-to-Head" scoring. This means every week you go head-to-head (hence the name) against another team in the 10 categories - Pitching: Ws, Ks, Saves, ERA, WHIP; Batting: Rs, HRs, RBIs, SB, Avg. Teams are awarded Wins and Losses in the standing based on how many categories they win each week. Here's the problem - There's no limit on how many pitching starts a team can have in a given week. So, many players have adopted the tactic where they don't bother drafting good starting pitchers, and just rotate in as many possible waiver wire starters during the week. Usually, that's enough to win the Wins and Ks categories by simple brute force. And occasionally, with some luck or a crappy week by the opponent, they can squeeze out wins in ERA and/or WHIP as well. Sadly, this tactic is effective. So effective, I'm shocked that ESPN hasn't changed the rules yet to make a limited number of starts per week. Basically, why draft Randy Johnson who most weeks will give you 1-2 wins and 8-20 strikeouts (depending if he gets one start or two) when you can draft Vlad Guerrero for offensive numbers, then rotate in 6 or 7 scrub pitchers who will likely get you more wins and Ks?
So the second league I joined is old school roto scoring. Where each category is ranked 1-10, and you get points depending on your place in each category. And, for some reason, this category actually DOES have a limit to number of pitching starts (180 for the season... Or about 8 a week... ), so starting pitching matters quite a bit. I think I'm more psyched about that league than my keeper league, where some guy will win the title again by rotating the likes of Scott Kazmir, Ryan Drese, and Gustavo Chacin into their pitching stats. Who?!? Exactly. Those are 3 pitchers who started games this earlier this week who were claimed for the one day pickup in that league. And dropped the following day. It's a pretty cheesy tactic, and a lot of people have voiced their opinions against it. But the rules allow it, and it is effective. So it won't be going away.
Back to football.. Jamie Sharper visited Seattle yesterday, and there's an outside chance he'll sign with Seattle. He was cut by Houston for salary cap purposes, but he's only 30 and has been healthy pretty much his whole career. The guy plays MLB (a position that Seattle has had a glaring hole at for the past… oh.. Like 10 years!), and is a tackle machine. Signing this guy, and I'd give us a solid B+ this offseason going into the draft, with some decent looking defensive players appearing like they will be available late in the first round.
Oh yeah, and my "second chance" Final Four picks were pretty good. Here's what I said:
Here's my "second chance" picks for the Final Four: Illinois over Louisville, UNC over Utah, with UNC beating Illiniois to win it all. Word.
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