What’s wrong with the men?

Guys, do you ever feel so embarrassed by your gender that you wish you could crawl away to the mountians never to offend a woman by your mere possession of a penis ever again? Oh, you’ve done nothing wrong. You’re probably a good, decent, respectable gentleman like ol Samichlaus, but some other pecker possessing fool has, and you got wind of it. If this feeling of gender apologist du jour has never gripped you, then might I suggest one of my or St. Ides’s “classic” posts. The rest of you should read on.


I was pretty embarrassed all those years ago when Jimmy the Greek explained his advanced theory of Eugenics to a TV camera while sucking on a refreshing scotch. And I cringed when Fuzzy Zoeller refered to Tiger Woods as “that little boy” and implored him not to serve “fried chicken and collared greens or whatever the hell they eat” at his championship dinner at the Masters tournament. Racisism is borne of ignorance, and there are a lot of ignorant people out there.

Sexism is something else.

Sexisim is borne of hatred and insensitivity. It is passed from generation to generation as a belief system. A belief that women should be objectified. A belief that women are inferior. A belief that women are emotionally and intellectually corrupt. Many men and some women I have known absolutely believe these axioms. Some will go as far as to quote scripture to justify their beliefs. Oh, I know you don’t, because you’re not reading one of our classic posts as I suggested earlier, but those who do believe these axioms usually do not verbalize them. You have to watch their actions to weed them out. So when the occasion of a sexist ignorant misoginist spewing his dribble presents itself, I’m going to write about it. Even if it’s in the obscure world of Formula One racing.

A few weeks ago, Danica Patrick finished fourth in the Indianapolis 500. When Bernie Ecclestone, the President of the IRL, was asked for his opinion Ecclestone acknowledged her strong finish, but then made this assessment about women racing with men "You know I've got one of those wonderful ideas ... women should be dressed in white like all the other domestic appliances."

Danica Patrick was stunned. So when Bernie called to apologize on Saturday, Patrick indicated that Ecclestone complimented her on her performance at the Indy 500. But Ecclestone caught Patrick off guard when he repeated to her his statement about women and "domestic appliances."

According to ESPN:

"I just didn't make sense of it," Patrick said during an IRL teleconference this week. "I was surprised, I guess, somebody would say that to me. And the days after, when it actually came out in the press, people were asking me 'What do you think of that?' I was like, 'You know what he told me? He said that on the phone.'"

This isn’t the first time that Ecclestone has expressed his true feelings. The 74-year-old told Autosport racing magazine in Feb. 2000 that women would never excel in Forumla One. He added that if a woman did make it, "she would have to be a woman who was blowing away the boys. ... What I would really like to see happen is to find the right girl, perhaps a black girl with super looks, preferably Jewish or Muslim, who speaks Spanish."

Christ.

So here’s the deal. I’ve decided that for today I am king of all good men, and as your king I have made a royal decision. Bernie Ecclestone is hereby sentenced to spend 24 hours locked in a room with my wife, her mom, and her grandmother. Also, if there is an African American woman with Jewish and Muslim parents living in Mexico, please contact me ASAP. These four ladies will have 5 hours each to enlighten Bernie with some lively debate, highlighting opposing viewpoints. The final 4 hours will be spent having a “round table” discussion with all 5 participants. Topics will include, but not limited to “Sexisim: foolish men, foolish choices”, “You’re never too old to be castrated” and “You stupid fucking fuckity fuck broken chromosoned piece of shit”. I put that last one in just for my wife. Upon the conclusion of the 24 hours, Bernie will be allowed to make a statement. Based upon this statement, we will as a group determine the next course of action.

And here’s to Danica Patrick, the first woman to ever lead a lap in the Indy 500. Way to handle this situation with grace and style, two things your boss is sorely lacking.