We're Back! Week 2 NFL Picks

Hello, Sports Fans! (And all 2 or 3 of our loyal readers.) Well, we were a bit lazy this season, and didn't quite get an NFL Preview off, or even our Week 1 picks. But the fans demanded our return, so here we go with our Week 2 picks!

Still pretty early in the season, and the bookies haven't even figured out what's what yet. Last week, almost all the spreads were under 4 points. This week, we have 5 spreads over 10 points. Yeah, that's a lot of points to give. Anyways, here's some shots in the dark.

Greetings from America’s all time favorite blogging fools, and a special hello to our 2 biggest fans: my wife and Anonymous. And may I note to my wife that I am writing during my lunch hour which is my time and not my bosses. Also, thanks for all the work you did on the fence Tuesday, that was amazing. When do you want to go to Lowes? I’d like to get the new doors installed. BTW, I need to take care of the windshield. Do you want them to come to the house or should I have them do it at work?

Now… if the bookies haven’t figured out what’s going on yet what are the odds that Ol’ Samichlaus has a clue? He’s still in shock over the christflogging the Bears put on the Packers last week. But anyway, here we go….

Giants +3.5 over EAGLES
McNabb looked like his old self last week. And the recently aqcuired Donte Stallworth looked like he could fill their void for a #1 WR. Their defense is solid as always (though DB Lito Shepherd is hurt now). But that was against the frickin Texans. Meanwhile, the Giants lost the "Manning Bowl", but just barely. (Maybe now we'll get less commercials starring the Mannings? Sheesh.) Anyways, with the Giants going to Seattle for Week 3, they're in danger of falling to 0-3, not good for a team lots of people picked to win the NFC East. (Small tangent - lots of "experts" keep saying how the NFC East is the league's toughest division. Only the Eagles won in Week 1. Just wanted to mention that, cause if the Skins, Giants, Cowboys, and/or Eagles suck this year, I'm going to come back to this point. A lot.) Giants pull it out by shutting down Stallworth and Westbrook. Giants 24, Eagles 23

I like the G-men in this game as well. The Giants played the mighty Colts pretty even last week, and St. Ides's analysis of the Giants predicament if they lose is dead on balls. Can the rule of the more desperate team apply as early as week two? You betcha. Giants win it outright... Giants 23 Eagles 17

Lions +8.5 over BEARS
Back to the experts - lots of them claimed Seattle is in trouble cause their offensive line looked horrible last week, and how they already miss Hutchinson. Truth is Detroit DT Shaun Rodgers is a frickin monster. Let's see how Hutch handles him one-on-one when the Vikes play Detroit twice this season. Here's a prediction - he doesn't fare much better. Anyways, Roy Williams' ridiculous guarantee aside, the Lions defense looks pretty decent, and the Bears aren't exactly an offensive powerhouse. They shouldn't be giving almost 9 points to anybody. It might take Jon Kitna and co. a few more weeks to settle intothe Mike Martz offense, but look for the Lions to challenge the Beas for the Division later this season. Bears 13, Lions 6.

I think the Lions season was last week, and I hope Detroit enjoyed it. That's as good as its going to get for the NFC North also rans, and I fully expect the Bears to shut them down at Soldier Field. Besides, the Bears offense is better than you might think. Da Bears walk away with an easy win.... Bears 17 Lions 3

PACKERS +1.5 over Saints
Packers getting points at home two weeks in a row? Ouch. It can't possibly get worse than last week, can it? And the Packerswill be able to win at least one of their first two home games, won't they? For Favre (and Samichlaus), I hope so. Watch out for Reggie Bush though, he just might be for real. (Also, the over/under on the BAC of new Packer Koren Robinson is 0.15. I'll take the over.) Packers 23, Saints 20.

St. Ides and I agree again! I'm taking the over. I'll say he blows a .17 before the bye week. Meanwhile, the last time these teams played the Packers put on a show in front of Mrs. Samichlaus and me and trounced the Saints 55 - 3. The acquisition of Drew Brees and Reggie Bush will help the Saints, but I can't believe it will help them THAT much. Meanwhile, the Packers are officially in panic mode. They are clearly the more desperate team and will pull out all the stops to win this week. Packers 35 Saints 17

Panthers -2.5 over VIKINGS
Not sure how the Vikings are home dogs after beating the Skins on the road and after that awful opener by the Panthers. Oh wait,I know how. John Fox is a good coach and there's no way his team doesn't bounce back from that disaster. Plus Jake Delhomme won't have John Abraham in his face all day. Plus Steve Smith ought to be back. Anyways, if you notice a bias against the Vikings this season, it's not imagined. I want them to lose, and lose badly. F Hutch. Panthers 26, Vikings 17.

I'm going the other way. Now that Mike Tice is out of the picture, there's nothing holding that team back. Say what you want about Hutchinson, he was a great acquisition. Fuck Ted Thompson for not having the balls to play hardball the way the VIkings did and bringing one of the best O linemen in the game to Green Bay. Like we don't need any of those. Shit. Vikings 27 Panthers 24

FALCONS -5.5 over Bucanneers
After the Ravens destroyed the Bucs last week, there was some talk that Chris Simms was heard "whimpering" as he was being hit over and over again. Not a good sign. And last year, I think it was Dan Marino, but anyways some announcer questioned the "toughness" of Chris Simms. His response? Nothing. Instead Daddy Phil Simms spoke up for his little boy and said that he was as tough as they came, blah blah blah. Apparently the younger Simms is a good team guy who everybody loves. But they won't be loving him if he keeps losing. And there's something to be said in general about these "sons of players" players who grow up rich. Who's tougher? Chris Simms and Eli Manning who grew up with the luxury of being the sons of rich and famous players, or someone from the hood who grew up playing football so they stayed out of jail. I thought so. Oh yeah, and supposedly the Falcons are just about done trying to force a square peg (Michael Vick) into a round hole (the West Coast Offense) and are gonna just let him do his thing. Falcons 23, Bucs 13.

I heard a great story about the Vick family last week. And please, put this in the right perspective, I know this Hokie fanatic friend down here who ends every rant about the Hokie hero he's talking about with "and he comes from a great family". Apparanty during the Sugar Bowl in 1998 Vick's family wanted to fight in the stands with FSU quarterback Chris Weinke's family and were forcibly removed from the stadium. Also, since we've last chatted Vick settled the infamous "Ron Mexico" lawsuit for an undisclosed monitary sum. Meanwhile Marcus remains firmly entrenched on the Dolphins practice squad. Great family. As far as the Bucs go, I said all last year that Chris Simms doesn't have the mental capacity to play quarterback in the NFL. Does it really surprise anyone that someone that blond would not only be an idiot, he'd also be a wussy? Vick's herpes infested penis 27, Phil Simms gay son 15.

Bills +6.5 over DOLPHINS
I really wanted to take the Dolphins, but two reasons I can't: First, the Bills somehow hung with the Patriots in Week 1 in Foxboro, and probably should have won that game. Second, Daunt Culpepper looked awful, and I mean AWFUL, in the opener against the Steelers. Balls clanging at the feet of wide open receivers, overthrowing a wide open receiver on an easy touch pass in the end zone, balls thrown out of bounds by 10 yards (and he wasn't trying to throw it away). He either needs to shake off the rust, or he's back to his pre-injury form from last year where he threw like 15 picks in 4 games. Dolphins 20, Bills 17.

6.5 is a lot but I'm going to risk it. I've never thought Daunte was a great quarterback, or even a good one for that matter. His hands are too small, spanning about 8" from pinky to thumb. But I like them at home and I like them by a touchdown. The Bills on the other hand hung with the Pats because the Pats played a lousy game. I'm going to swim with the fishes. Dolphins 23 Bills 10

COLTS -13.5 over Texans
Texans stink. Passing on Reggie Bush for Mario Williams maybe become this century's version of passing on Michael Jordan for Sam Bowie. Colts roll. Colts 31, Texans 13.

You mean to tell me the addition of Mike Sherman to the Texans coaching staff doesn't sweeten the pot for you? How 'bout if we throw in a little Samkon Gado? Yep, the Texans still suck. Pretty quarterback and all. Colts 37 - Texans 17

Browns +10.5 over BENGALS
Bengals looked good in dismantling the Chiefs in KC (with that dismantling including the near decapitation of Trent Green). Browns lost at home to the Saints. But 10 points is too much to give a divisional rivalry where the teams aren't really that far apart talent-wise. Or maybe they are. Anyways, divisional rivalry and stuff, blah blah blah. Bengals 30, Browns 20.

I think the Bengals are bigger than you think. I watched them play the Packers in preseason and they looked real good on both sides of the ball. In particular I must point out the play of their quarterback Carson Palmer. Let me be the first to proclain that Carson Palmer could very well be the best young quarterback in the league. I'll take the Bengals big. Bengals 35 Browns 10
RAVENS -11.5 over Raiders
Two words: Aaron Brooks. Here's two more words: God awful.
I'm still a bit shocked the Raiders didn't draft a QB this past draft and are depending on Brooks. Who may arguably be the worst starting QB in the league that's actually had a steady starting job for the longest time. If that makes sense. Second shutout in a row for the rejuvenatedRavens D. Ravens 16, Raiders 0.

Aaron Brooks. Now there's a discussion worth having. I mean, who is a worse starting quarterback? Last year I'd have said Kyle Boller, but I do believe that Steve McNair starts for the Ravens these days. With all that said, I'm having a hard time the Raiders are as bad as they looked last week. I'm taking a chance with this one, but I'm taking the Raiders and the points. Ravens 26 Raiders 17

Cardinals +6.5 over SEAHAWKS
Does last week'sclose win against the Lions scare me? A little. Does the Cardinals WR combo of Fitzgerald and Boldin terrify me? Absolutely. But here's the thing... Their offensive line still sucks. And Kurt Warner still gets rattled when under pressure. (In fact, in these teams first meeting last year, we knocked Warner out of the game. In came Josh McNown, and Football Gods wrote "Game Over" on the game.) New acquisition Deion Branch won't play this week, but they don't need him yet, as their WR core is healthy. I'm expecting 5-7 sacks from the Seattle D (including Julian Peterson and Lofa Tatupu getting in on the action) and a late garbage TD to keep Seattle from covering. Seahawks 27, Cardinals 23.

I wondered how bad that game against Detroit would fuck with St. Ides's head. Here's what's going to happen: The Seahawks are going to show up this week, and if they get 5 - 7 sacks as my partner in crime suggests they should cover easily. Seattle is hands down the best team in the NFC and one of the best teams in the NFL. Last week was an anomoly. The Seahawks will win, and win easy. The Cardinals and their head coach are simply overrrated. Seattle 38 Arizona 10

Rams -2.5 over NINERS
The Niners gave the Cardinals a run for their money last week. (Quick side note: rumor has it that the Cardinals explicitly requested, and were given, the Niners for the opening game at theirnew stadium last week. Wouldn't it have been justice if they would have lost?) Meanwhile the Rams kicked 6 field goals with no TDs, but shut down the Broncos offense. Mike Martz (offensive guru) is out. Jim Haslett (defensive guru) is in. As much as I hate to say it, I think the Rams surprise some people this year with an improved D. Though it'll only be improved so much simply cause they're not incredibly talented. Still, having a coach who knows how to play defense will help. Rams 20, Niners 13.

Jim Haslett. Didn't he used to coach the Saints? The Niners are a better team now that Mike McCarthy is no longer on their coaching staff. Oops, did I say that? I like the Niners at home, but I don't know why. Oh yeah, its St. Ides dad who loves those home dogs. Can he be my adopted dad? Or at least my drinking buddy? Niners 17 - Rams 14

Patriots -5.5 over JETS
Jets surprised some people by beating the Titans on the road last week. Let me remind you that Kerry Collins, who was signed by the Titans less than 3 weeks ago, was the Titans starter. Expect Tom Brady to bounce back from a shaky game last week and go to town. Don't let last week fool you - the Jets still stink. Patriots 24, Jets 10.

I like the Pats in this game too. Tom Brady said that the Deion Branch issue got to him last week and it affected his game. Brady stunk it up big time, what's the odds of that happening two weeks in a row. The Patriots were out of sync and out of step... and they still won. They've got better players than the Jets and a better coach than the Jets. I think they win by a touchdown. Pats 24 - Jets 17

CHARGERS +11.5 over Titans
Let me remind you that Kerry Collins, who was signed by the Titans less than 3 weeks ago, is the Titans starter. Chargers defense looks pretty brutal, and that Merriman guy (who barely beat out Lofa for Defensive Rookie of the Year last season) is a beast. Not to mention even when teams KNOW Tomlinson is touching the ball 30-40 times a game, they still can't stop him. Chargers 29, Titans 9.

This is an ugly mismatch. What's the over / under on LT's yardage, 150? 175? How about the over / under on Collins's BAC? It's the Chargers in a runaway Bolts 31 Titans 10

BRONCOS -10.5 over Chiefs
Who's the Chiefs QB now that Trent Green is out? Seriously, I don't even know. It's not Todd Collins, is it? Sheesh. Anyways, yeah, between Green being out and my unexplainable complete lack of faith in Herm Edwards as a coach, the Chiefs are going to stink. Broncos lost to the Rams and Plummer looked awful, but Denver also lost in Week 1 last week to the Dolphins (who everybody thought was going to suck). Broncos 26, Chiefs 13.

The Broncos lost last week because (repeat after me)... they suck on the road. And guess what? Even with Trent Green, so do the Cheifs. These are two historically great home teams and two historically lousy road teams, so this is an easy pick. Broncos 28 Cheifs 13

Redskins +5.5 over COWBOYS
Loser of this game is 0-2 in the "Toughest Division in the League." Drew Bledsoe is as immobile as ever. Shouldn't be long before TO starts complaining. Vandershank is unhealthy (not to mentionshaky in clutch moments). Clinton Portis showed some guts playing last week, and should be better this week. Matchup to watch: TO vs. Skins safety Sean Taylor. The dude is from U. Miami (and we know what upstanding citizens they produce), hits hard, plays dirty, and should probably be in jail. Anyways, Vanderjerk misses the potential game winner. Skins 17, Cowboys 16

Vandershank. That's pretty funny. I don't think the Skins are as good as everyone around Richmond thinks they are. In fact, as tough as these teams play each other, I think the Cowboys are going to win this game by a touchdown or more. That team has too many weapons, and I don't think the Redskins can stop them. Cowboys 24 Redskins 17.

Steelers +.05 over JAGUARS
As much as I hate the Stealers, I think Jacksonville is going to be one of those maddening teams this year that can look great or awful any given week. They pulled a minor upset against Dallas last week. Roethlisberger should be back, although Chaz Batch played just fine in his absence. Look for Byron Leftwich to start a season of inconsistency this week, with people clamoring for David Garard by Week 11. Steelers 24, Jags 13.

Chaz??? Christ on a popsicle stick. The difference maker in this game is going to be none other than Najeh Davenport. That's right, you heard it here first. Davenport was picked up by the Steelers who are pretty much done with Duce Staley as Willie Parker's backup. I can't even begin to imagine what Najeh will do with actual blockers in front of him. The only problem is he doesn't have a cool nickname like "The Bus" or "Fast". I'll have to work on that. Anyway, the Samichlaus household will be tuning in to Monday Night Football this week so my wife can see her favorite player play for a real football team. Steelers 27 Jags 17.