For the love of Anonymous: The picks are posted! All of 'em! No, Seriously!

Some comments I sent to Anonymous after watching Monday Night Football:

I think Christian Slater was stoned, drunk, or both. He was making next to no sense. And what the hell was that veiled reference to Suzy Kolber about? Weird.

Gotta love the pump fake. I don't know why more pro QBs don't do it. In today's NFL, DBs are ALWAYS looking to make the big play and peeking into the backfield, ready to jump the route. Two weeks in a row, Seneca Wallace has done the old "pump fake short, throw deep" play. Both times it resuled in TDs. Last week, Ty Law (who still gets alllllllllllllllll my love) was so faked out, he fell down. This week, Deion Branch didn't even turn around to try and sell the pump fake. He just ran a patten right for the corner cone, and thanks to the pump fake, he was wide open. Long live the pump fake!

Tony Kornhole brings nothing to the table. Nothing. Well almost nothing. At least it's somewhat entertaining when he calls out Thiesmann for ridiculous comments. Oh, and we're sick of hearing "I have him on my Fantasy Team!" every week. Either he's A) lying or B) purposely playing someone that plays on Monday night every single week JUST so he can say that. I'm not sure which is worse.

And speaking of the bad announcers, two things last night annoyed me. Well, three things. We know the Raiders are bad. We get it. No need to say it every 10 seconds.

Then going into halftime, they said "Well, at least the Raiders get the ball the second half." "Oh, that's about the only good thing I could say about their offense." See point one above. We get it. They're bad. But not only that, you're WRONG! Raiders got the opening kickoff. Seahawks got the ball to start the second half.

And lastly, late in the 4th quarter with the Raiders putting together some semblence of a drive, they face a 3rd and 20. Throw to Moss, who at first looks to make the catch rolling out of bounds. But nope, incomplete. He dropped it as he was falling out of bounds. They replayed this play about 6 ot 7 times. They talked about whether or not he caught it. They mentioned it again several times a little later on when pointing out how Moss had a bad game and didn't step up. But the thing they pretty much just glided right over was a pretty important fact: there was a penalty on the play. Illegal shift on Oakland. The play wouldn't have counted even had he caught it. SO THESE EFFIN MORONS SPENT LIKE 10 MINUTES ANALYZING AND REPAYING A NON-CATCH THAT WOULDN'T HAVE COUNTED ANYWAYS!!!! Ugh.

Hey, you know what would be a great idea? Get this: you should start a sports blog! Yeah, instead of sending emails to your friend Anonymous, you could post your thoughts on your sports blog! Then Anonymous and all of your other friends could read your blog and post comments too! It’s just like the email except everyone participates! Wow, I can’t believe we hadn’t thought of that before!

OK, enough smartassing. The reader has spoken and so here I am on Thursday night taking valuable family time to write my gambling predictions. Well, I’m writing and chatting with my wife so this could get interesting. Anyway, I’ve been meaning to write about Green Bay and low and behold my wife told a great story about the trip on her blog! So check out Mrs. Samichlaus's Blog by clicking here and I swear one of these days I’ll tell you all about meeting Fuzzy Thurston…..

Last Week:
Samichlaus: 7-7
St. Ides: 4-10

Overall:
Samichlaus: 51-47
St. Ides: 45-53

Bye weeks are over, woohooo! Full slate of 16 games every week from here on out...

EAGLES -6.5 over Redskins
Redskins got a win they needed badly last week against the Cowboys, but they're still going nowhere. Eagles got off to a great start, but have cooled off recently. Divisional game at home should be just what they need to get going again. Eagles 26, Skins 17.

The Redskins got a huge win last week against the Cowboys, a game I had a funny feeling about, and the mood in Redskin country has been somewhere between thrilled and ecstatic. I don’t think the Skins are good enough to beat Philly in Philly, but I think they keep it close. Eagles 27 Redskins 24


Niners +5.5 over LIONS
Let me beat him to it: "It's the Samichlaus Stinker of the Week!" Both teams are pretty bad, yet both teams beat "good" (and I use that term loosely) teams at home last week. Niners beat the Vikings, Lions beat the Falcons. Lions probably pull this out, but are bad enough to not cover. Lions 24, Niners 23.

Hey, ya got me! So I'll beat you to the posting.... Agreed, this one will have lower ratings than the Packer game. St. Ides nailed the Lions last week and got a win, and it was a big enough win to think they’ll do it again AND cover. Lions 24 Niners 17


VIKINGS -5.5 over Packers
Speaking of the Viqueens... Seems like just a few weeks ago I was telling a worried Anonymous that the Vikings suck. Their offense is awful. They only beat the Seahawks thanks to a horrendous defensive effort and Hasselbeck being knocked out of the game. And I think they showed it last week by laying an egg in San Fran. That said, their defense is decent, and may be enough to keep them in this game until that seemingly inevitable Favre turnover late in the game. I actually had the Packers game on last week when he threw that pick on the 1. Ouch. Take that away and the last second fumble against the Rams, and the Packers could be 5-3 right now. Vikings 17, Packers 10.

I watched an absolutely unbelievable Packer performance last week. They hands down dominated the Bills in every aspect of the game, except one: four motherfucking killer turnovers. The Favre interception that St. Ides saw was all Brett. He thought he could look off a veteran linebacker on a slant to Donald Driver (like they never run THAT play) and was easily picked. The other three turnovers? A botched snap by Scott Wells (who got a big contract extension this week), another botched snap by Scott Wells (who did I mention got a big contract extension this week?), and a terrible call on a first and goal play: a (wait for it) slant to Donald Driver that was well defended tipped and picked off. Here’s the thing with young teams: they are never as good or as bad as they look.

I want to believe the Packers can win this game, really, but (wait, my wife is dancing around the ironing board and exposing herself…. OK, shows over…. Where was I?) I know that they won’t. Even when they were good they had a hard time in Minnesota. The Viqueens are tough against the run and the Packers are thin at receiver. Jennings reinjured his ankle last week and is questionable, so look for a game plan of short to medium passes to the likes of Shawn Bodiford and Ruvel Martin. In fact, don’t be surprised if you see a slant or two to Donald Driver. Viqueens 31 Packers 24


FALCONS -7.5 over Browns
Who can figure out the frickin Falcons? Not me. Browns played the Chargers tough last week, but I can't trust them. Falcons 26, Browns 17.

I think the Falcons are more consistent at home and the Browns are less consistent on the road. I see the Falcons having all the answers for anything the Browns throw at them. Throw in ol’ drippy pecker playing like a decent QB and the Falcons win and cover. PS: know who the highest paid player in the NFL is? Mike Vick and his Sick Dick. Mr "So fucking sue me for giving you an STD": 31 Browns 17


Bills +11.5 over COLTS
Has anybody noticed the Colts aren't really blowing teams out this year? Yet they still give double-digit points almost every game? I'm too lazy to look it up, but I'm thinking they're probably only like 4-4 against the spread this year. Too many big points to cover. Colts 28, Bills 17.

I can’t begin to tell you how bad the Bills looked for 58 minutes last week. However, they had a really good 2 minutes and evidently that’s all you need to beat the Packers. That’s not going to be enough to beat the Colts. Did I mention that Willis McGay-hee is out? Colts win easy: Colts 41 Bills 10

Chiefs -0.5 over DOLPHINS
Dolphins got to enjoy beating the Bears last week. Chiefs had a pretty nice showing to win in St. Louis, not a real easy place to play. I'm kinda liking what the Chiefs offense is doing right now, and suddenly my 8-1 odds for them to win the AFC don't seem so crazy. A steady diet of Larry Johnson with throws over the middle to a wide open Tony Gonzalez all day long. Chiefs 24, Dolphins 20.

Well I guess we were a little off on last weeks Dolphins game, eh? I’m thinking it’s a blip on the radar, and the Fins will go back to sucking eggs this week. Meanwhile the Chiefs have picked it up on the road and I’m kinda liking it too. Chiefs 24 Dolphins 17

PATRIOTS -10.5 over Jets
I get the funny feeling the Patriots will come out ready to take care of business after that debacle against the Colts. Patriots 31, Jets 10.

I agree: the Pats will win but I have a funny feeling about that half point… The Jets keep on keeping ‘em close and that’s good enough for me. Pats 30 Jets 20


BENGALS +1.5 over Chargers
This one follows the rule of "most desperate team". Bengals NEED to start winning or else they're not making the playoffs. Carson Palmer may be the best young quarterback in the league, but that injured knee has effected his mobility, and he's a sitting duck behind an underachieving offensive line. At least Shawn "I didn't know my supplemants contained illegal stuff" Merriman is sitting this out. Chargers are a damn good team, but the fact they let the Browns stick around last week makes me nervous. Bengals 27, Chargers 24.

I like the Bolts for several reasons. First, that bad knee is not only affecting Palmer’s mobility, it’s affecting his throwing motion. He’s not the same QB he was last year. Second, I’m betting that the Browns anomaly last week was a team playing down to the level of the competition. Young teams do that from time to time and the Chargers are a young team, I’m going with the Bolts: Chargers 31 Bengals 27


JAGUARS -10.5 over Texans
Last week I took the Titans and a crapload of points against the Jaguars. The Jags covered by like 30 points. I'll go the other way this week behind David Garrard or however you spell it. Maybe Leftwich was the reason why they didn't blow out these weak divisional opponents when they should have. Jaguars 32, Texans 20.

I’m getting tired of trying to figure out these two teams. David Carr keeps playing well, but that supporting cast leaves a lot to be desired. The Jags meanwhile impressed without the still injured Leftwich who I heard may be more injured than he’s letting on to. I’ll take the Jags at home: Jags 34 Texans 20

Broncos -9.5 over OAKLAND
Wow, the Raiders couldn't block anybody Monday night. Andrew Walter was getting hit from every side, and that was only with 4 rushing on several of the 9 sacks. 3rd string DE Craig Terrill had THREE sacks! Anyways, don't expect Oakland to do much of anything against this defense. Broncos 20, Raiders 3.

Okie dokie, do we agree now that the Raiders are god awful? Denver meanwhile has played better on the road and that’s enough for me. PS: Art Shell, not Joe Gibbs, is the worst coach in the NFL. Period. Broncos 37 Oakland13

Saints +3.5 over STEELERS
I'm still not quite convinced that the Saints are for real. But I'm pretty sure the Steelers are done. Saints 20, Steelers 17

I like the Saints here as well, but don’t count the Steelers out. If they’d only smarten up a bit and give the ball to Najeh Trenadius Monte Davenport. Well at least my wife would be happy (update: she sitting on the couch taking a cigarette break, listening to club mix that sounds eerily like the stuff they play at those chick clothing stores like “The Limited”… OK, back to ironing… no more titty sightings) I’ll take the Saints and the points: Steelers 24 Saints 23


Rams +3.5 over SEAHAWKS
No Hasselbeck. No Alexander. Seneca Wallace has played well so far, and the Rams aren't exactly a top defense. But the Seattle defense might be worse. And if this is a shootout (and games between these two usually are), I'll take Marc Bulger over Seneca Wallace. Only way the Seahawks win this game is if their defense plays as well as they did against the Raiders. And I don't see that happening. Rams 30, Seahawks 23.

I’ll go with St. Ides here. Even with the 12th man (that amazingly loud fan base… it’s got to be the coffee) Seattle is simply outmanned. The Rams pull the upset: Rams 31 Seahawks 21


CARDINALS +6.5 over Cowboys
Did you see TO dropping those passes last week? Including a sure TD? He sucks. Cardinals actually have a decent defense (keep in mind that when they blew that game against the Bears, it wasn't the defenses fault - it was turnovers by the offense and a punt return allowed on special teams). I like Tony Romo, and Leinart will probaby be getting his ass kicked all game. But I'll take the home points. Cowboys 23, Cardinals 17.

I’d love to get that sound bite of Tony Romo doing his Brett Favre impression… I like the kid too, he’s got some spunk. Meanwhile, I don’t know which Cardinals D is going to show up: the one that held the Bears in check or the one we saw Green Bay have its way with. Oh, and admit it, you know there’s going to be more Cowboy fans in the stands than Cardinal fans…. Boys 34 Birds 17

Bears +2.5 over GIANTS
Giants are without Strahan, Toomer, and now it looks like Plaxico Burress could be out too. I think that Osi guy is hurt too. Urlacher should be fine for the Bears. Bears should be ashamed of how they played last week. Grossman is still young and mistake prone is pressured. Problem with all the injuries is will they be able to get that pressure? Probably not. And Eli in primetime in a big game? He's a Manning. Nuff said. Bears 20, Giants 17.

Holy shit are the Giants banged up. Not only is Burress questionable but so is Sam Madison and Sinorice Moss amongst others. The Bears are going to be ready to play Sunday, while the Giants are hobbling. I’m rooting for the G-men but I’m betting on the Bears: Bears 17 Giants 13

Bucs +9.5 over PANTHERS
This game probably looked great on the schedule at the beginning of the year. Now? Not so much. Panthers are ridiculously inconsistent all around, and need this home win pretty badly against a divisional rival. I think think the Bucs keep it close. Panthers 27, Bucs 20.

Fuck, I don’t know. You think the Bucs will keep it close? Who am I to argue? I’m getting tired and this club music is giving me a headache, plus my ass itches and we’re out of Preparation H. Getting older totally sucks. What in living fuck are my 50’s and 60’s going to be like??? I shouldn’t complain though, my wife IS doing the ironing. Panthers 27 Bucs 23


Ravens -7.5 over TITANS
I'm jumping on the "Brian Billick - Offensive Genius" bandwagon now while there's still room. And before Steve McNair gets hurt, which brings Kyle Boller back in at QB. Who woulda thunk the Ravens would be running away with the AFC North? Ravens 33, Titans 16.

Man, that Ray Lewis just keeps killing ‘em you know? Yeah, gotta say I didn’t see this coming either, but I’m officially on the bandwagon. I’ll take the Ravens and the points: Ravens 34 Titans 20

Peace out from the Capital of the Confederacy and points north....