Week 14 Pick! (Sub-.500 Temperatures...Samichlaus's "picks" now available)

Cutting it a bit close on the Thursday's night game, but here goes...

It's Saturday morning and today is the day of the office holiday extravaganza where they're serving barbeque. Welcome to the south, where the confederate flag still flies from the back of pickup trucks and the difference between a good meal and a great meal is determined by what type of sauce you slather on the pig you've slaughtered and smoked. Well at least where I work. But enough about me, let's get to another week of lousy picks courtesy of Ol' Samichlaus who if he had half a brain would simply just trust St. Ides's judgement and agree with his analysis...

Last Week
St. Ides: 8-8
Samichlaus: 5-10

Season:
Samichlaus: 70-75 (.483)
St. Ides: 72-90 (.444)

Browns +7.5 over STEELERS
No Troy Polamalu. No Hines Ward. Big Ben stinks. And the Super Bowl Loser curse is still in full effect on the Steelers. (Except some bribery of the commish and some referee mularky still gave them the trophy. But I'm not bitter. ) Browns 23, Steelers 20.

Pass. I'm late again. Luv ya bye bye.

CHIEFS -2.5 over Ravens
The Ravens were exposed a bit by the Bengals last week. The Chiefs are good at home and really need a win to keep their playoff hopes alive after a horrendous loss to the Browns last week. A steady does of LJ ought to be enough. Meanwhile, watch McNair begin to fold down the stretch. Chiefs 24, Ravens 20.

I always like the Chiefs at home. This week they are the more desperate team, as Baltimore sits atop their division with a two game lead. Take the Chiefs this week, but don't bet against Baltimore next week. Chiefs 17 Ravens 13

Titans +1.5 over TEXANS
The Titans are now 6-5 with Vince Young as the starter. They just finished beating the Manning brothers in back-to-back weeks. I think they're on a roll. Meanwhile, the David Carr Era may be nearing an end in Houston. Titans 26, Texans 16.

This might actually be a fun game to watch. David Carr is playing for his career while Vince Young is returning to Texas. I like the Titans as well: in a close game Young will be the difference maker. Titans 24 Texans 21

JAGUARS +1.5 over Colts
The Colts SHOULD win this game after losing last week. But guess what: teams now know they can run on them for about 600 yards a game. Which does two things: A) Moves the ball and creates some offense and points to keep up with the Indy scoring and, more importantly, B) grinds the clock and keeps the potent Indy offense off the field. Jags should be good enough to repeat the formula with their playoff life on the line. Jaguars 27, Colts 24.

Tough call: Jags are the more desperate team in a super tight wild card race. Indy is coming off a loss, and Tony Dungy should figure out a way to correct the defensive issues. Jags are at home. Indy can't lose two in a row, can they? I'll take the Colts: Indy 31 Jacksonville 24

DOLPHINS +3.5 over Patriots
I haven't watched too much Patriots action the past couple weeks, but from what Anonymous says and the boxscore shows, they need to stop turning the ball over and playing better overall football if they expect to win any playoff games. I'll take the home team and the points until the Patriots show that they've regained a bit of that championship form. Dolphins 20, Patriots 17.

If I've learned anything over the last 3 weeks, its that New England and the Jets aren't these world beating teams. It's that Green Bay stinks. Anyway, Anonymous is the expert on these matters and he doesn't like what he sees in New England. Meanwhile Miami seemed to turn it around under Joey Harrington until last week. My guess is New England will get to Harrington, and if you get to Harrington he goes all Jim Everett on you. New England 27 Miami 17

BENGALS -10.5 over Raiders
I don't bet on the Raiders at this point, against anyone, no matter the points. Still waiting to hear from Samichlaus that he updated his QB Rankings, but I suspect Aaron Brooks will be near the bottom. Bengals 25, Raiders 13.

Oh shitty! I forgot about that... I can work on that tomorrow... Meanwhile, the Bengals are reeady to make a statement. They too are in the midst of a wildcard malay, so I'm looking for a big game out of them. Bengals 37 Raiders 10.

Giants +3.5 over PANTHERS
Both these teams are in pretty bad shape after last week. Giants lost to the Cowboys at home (and pretty much lost the NFC East in the process). Panthers lost to Jeff Garcia. Jake Delhomme has looked awful. He's banged up though, and might not even play this week. Giving way to.... wait for it.. wait for it... Weinke. I forget his first name, Chris is it? Anyways, his record as a starter is something like 1-8. Not sure what's worse, his record, or the fact some team actually let him start 9 games. Anyways, provided Eli doesn't have a complete meltdown and the Giants don't turn into a complete mutiny, I'll pick against Weinke. Giants 20, Panthers 17.

Did I ever tell you about the time Mike Vick's mother got into a fist fight with Chris Weinke's family at a bowl game? Great family. The question of the week is: has Tom Coughlin lost this team? The Giants are a mess, but the Cats aren't much better. John Fox used to be the brilliant up and comer but what's the guy done lately? I'll agree... the G-men turn it around and win. Giants 27 Cats 20

Eagles +0.5 over REDSKINS
Holy poop! It's Jeff Garcia leading the team to a win! I couldn't bring myself to watch the whole game, but from what I saw, he actually looked halfway decent. At the very least, he pumped some hope into a deflated Eagles team, and they're alive for the playoffs. I'll take Garcia and the Eagles D over the inexperienced Skins QB. Eagles 24, Skins 20.

Jeff Garcia pumping anything is a poorly chosen metaphore, eh? Lets see... Skins at home, at 4 -8. Eagles at 6 - 6 and still in the wildcard hunt. Eagles are the more desperate team. I'll take the Eagles for the win: Philly 20 Skins 17

LIONS -2.5 over Vikings
The Vikings SHOULD have lost to the Lions in Minnesota earlier this season. A couple bad turnovers let the Vikings defense score and pull out the win from behind. Since then, the Vikings have gotten worse. Their receivers drop balls. Brad Johnson was benched at halftime last week (for Brooks Bollinger). Their running back is banged up. This one has Lions win written all over it. Lions 20, Vikings 17.

Detroit is duking it out for that first pick in the draft with the Raiders. The Raiders are going to lose this week so I'm guessing that the Lions will lose too. But Brooks Bollinger? Can we be looking at the SBS stinker of the week? We'll get to that in a bit. Vikings 27 Detroit 17.

Falcons -3.5 over BUCANNEERS
Oh look! The Falcons won a game! They're back in the playoff hunt! People are believing in Ron Mexico again! That's okay, I wouldn't mind the Falcons making the playoffs. They scare nobody. If they lose this game, Mora Jr. could very well be gone this offseason. Or Vick even. One or the other. Here's the real question though: When do the Falcons finally give up on Vick? Probably not until it's too late. Trade his ass now while he still has some value. Falcons 26, Bucs 17.

..and replace the Hokie Vick with the UVA Cavalier Matt Schaub. Now there's a kid with a great family. And this one knows how to throw a pass. Anyway, enough Vick bashing for a week. I think Atlanta plays well this week, and still loses. I like Chucky's Buckys: Bucs 20 Atlanta 17

NINERS -4.5 over Packers
Okay, maybe I gave the Packers too much credit against Seattle, and had too much faith in them last week against the Jets. They got smoked. At home. By a middle-of-the-pack team. Ouch. I'll let Samichlaus dissect them further, but as much as I'd love for them to win this week (a Seattle win and San Fran loss clinches the NFC West for the Seahawks), I don't see it happening. Frank Gore runs for about a buck ninety. Niners 30, Packers 17.

Oh can I dissect them, really? While they're still alive? So they can feel the pain of organ evisceraton? Let me quote Mrs. Samichlaus who has begun to repeat her mantra from the end of the 2004 season. "ALL DEFENSIVE COACHES MUST BE FIRED..." Now, keep repeating that over and over kids because that's problem number one. This week Mike McCarthy said that when he watched the film he was convinced that his players hadn't quit on him. He said they were giving great effort but were out of position (ALL DEFENSIVE COACHES MUST BE FIRED) and that sometimes they were leaving their assigments to try to make plays. BTW coach, players tend to do that when they've given up on the system (ALL DEFENSIVE COACHES MUST BE FIRED) so if they haven't given up on you they have given up on your defensive coordinator's game plan (ALL DEFENSIVE COACHES MUST BE FIRED). Meanwhile, our O line is banged up and has not been protecting Favre. Our receivers can't get open down field, our tight end is as dumb as a kumquat, our running back has asthma and can't seem to stay on the field between the 40's . Sad to say, this should be an easy win for the Niners... and sad to say this is my nominee for the SBS Stinker of the week. San Fran 37 Green Bay 24.

Seahawks -3.5 over CARDINALS
Seattle didn't look great last week, but a win in Denver is always tough to get. Seattle still hasn't really clicked on offense or defense consistently, yet they're winning games and are 8-4. They're 5-0 in games where they have both Alexander and Hasselbeck. Let's hope that the loss in San Fran about a month ago prevents them from taking this game lightly, and it's a good game to get both sides of the ball going. The big Cardinals receivers worry me a bit, but Seattle should be able to pressure Leinart and have played better in the secondary lately. They need this game if they want to keep pace for the #2 seed (and a bye) in the NFC. Seahawks 27, Cardinals 20.

Green Bay 31 Cardinals 14. Don't worry. Seattle hasn't clicked because their top players have been out. They'll win this week and win easy. Seattle 31 Arizona 17

Bills +3.5 over JETS
I still say the Jets are over-achieving, and they haven't locked up anything yet. What better time to lose and put an end to this Cinderella run than at home against a divisional rival that has been as inconsistent as anyone? Bills 21, Jets 20.

The Jets looked like the second coming of the '72 Dolphins last week. Well at least to Packers Defensive Coordinator Bob Sanders. The Jets keep winning, and I keep believing... Jets 31 Bills 20.

CHARGERS -7.5 over Broncos
Jay Cutler, meet Shawn Merriman. I wonder if Mike Shanahan will have second thoughts about benching Jake Plummer after Cutler throws another 2 picks and gets sacked like 5 times, as Denver sees their once-promising playoff run turn into a battle just to make the postseason. Chargers 27, Broncos 17.

The Bolts should handle the Broncos fairly easily. I like the analysis... is Cutler officially the starter now? Shows you how much I know, well, if my picks haven't shown you. I'll take the Chargers too: Chargers 34 Broncos 20

Saints +6.5 over COWBOYS
Ugh. I'm going to just keep picking against the Cowboys out of spite. Romo didn't play very well last week, but he made that one big pass to the tight end at the end to set up the winning field goal. So nobody is criticizing him yet. Still. How annoying. Saints 24 Cowboys 20.

The Saints are a good team, good enough to keep it close. Romo is starting to get on my nerves. He's the flavor of the month and frankly I can't stand all the gushing. I pine for those days when announcers gushed over Brett Favre like this. Hey, did you ever do the drinking game where you chug a beer every time John Madden mentions Brett Favre? I'll tell you what, it kept me good and drunk in the late 1990's Cowboys 24 Saints 21

RAMS +6.5 over Bears
The Rams are still alive for a wildcard berth in the mediocre NFC. The Bears are close to benching Rex Grossman. Did I mention Marc Bulger single-handedly killed my fantasy season? Now that I've missed the playoffs and I'm done in the league, he'll probably light it up for like 5 TDs. Rams 35, Bears 16.

The Bears will mail this one in. The rule of the more desperate team applies and the Rams will keep it close. I'll pick them to win outright as well: Rams 17 Bears 10.