Annnnddddd... We're Back! Week One Predictions!

Don't get all emotional and crap, but we're back! We'll spare you a long intro, and cut right to the chase.

Washington at NY Giants -3.5
Well , we screwed the pooch on this one, but I can honestly say that it is 7:04 PM on Thursday, I’m sitting at a kiosk at O’Hare and I have no idea about this game. So with that said, I would have taken the Giants and the points: Giants 27 Skins 10 (I looovvee the under)

Yeah, I'm writing this on Friday morning, but I would have taken the Giants too. I'll award a win on this one as a "Welcome Back SBS!" present to both of us! The Giants didn't look great, but poor Seattle great Jim Zorn looked a bit overwhelmed in his first game as a head coach. It's a pretty big jump from QB Coach to Head Coach.

St. Louis at Philadelphia -7.5
OK, here we go for real. St. Louis is a fragment of the team it once was, and besides: they were never real good on the road anyways. Philly is a hungry team, and with the home goon advantage they win this one with ease. To quote Bill Parcells “Who ever named this the city of brotherly love ain’t never been here. I’ll tell you what it is, it’s a fucking banana republic.”
Philly 31 St Louis 20

I'm going to have to agree on this one. Although the Rams were totally ravaged by injuries last year and they've added some good young players to their defensive line, Marc Bulger and Torry Holt are getting up there in years. A lot of people like the Eagles to come back strong this year. Eagles 27, Rams 16.

Seattle at Buffalo -0.5
Why is this game at only half a point? Do the oddsmakers have that little faith in Seattle? I mean Christ, don’t they read this blog? Oh right, we haven’t been blogging lately. I’ve been threatening for years that I was going to start posting St. Ides’s emails. You readers would love them. They’re short, concise, well written and intelligent. In other words nothing like our posts. I know the Bills are tough at home, but I just don’t see it being this close. Tell you what: I’ll give the odds makers their props. Seattle wins and covers
Seattle 24 Buffalo 21

There's a prevailing thought that Seattle is awful on the road in 1pm ET starts. Their record the past two years? 5-4. And two of those losses were last year to Carolina and Atlanta with the division wrapped up and second stringers mostly playing. Buffalo's Pro Bowl LT is still holding out, and they just lost one of their starting LBs for the year. (No clue if he was any good, but he was a starter.) The Seattle running game has been totally revamped, the most important part being new offensive line coach Mike Solari. His previous gig? Chiefs offensive coordinator. Okay, bad example. But before that he was the KC offensive line coach, and his lines blew open gaping holes for the likes of Priest Holmes and Larry Johnson. He was so good, they gave him the promotion to O-Coordinator. Where he flamed out, and was fired after one year. But the talent around him last year pretty much sucked. Anyways, yeah, Seattle WILL have a solid running game this year, bank it. Oh and Hasselbeck is 5-2 on opening day, including last year at Tampa Bay in a 1pm start against a team that made the playoffs.
Seattle 23, Buffalo 10.

NY Jets at Miami +3.5
Brett the Jet. I still can’t get used to it. I swear I’m going to drive up to Green Bay one evening and toilet paper Ted Thompson’s house. Fucking ass wipe. And yes, don’t worry, I’ll be doing a blog on the whole Favre thing soon so just be patient. Not sure if it’s going to happen, but my father in law may be coming over Sunday to watch this one. Readers of our blog know that he’s a die-hard Dolphins fan, so I thought he’d might like to watch his boys start the season right where they left off: losing. Honestly I think the ‘Fins are going to have a better season than last year, and that prediction has nothing to do with Dad’s ample gun collection. But the Jets and my quarterback are going to do some special things. Just watch.
Jets 31 Dolphins 24

I'm not quite sold on the Jets just yet. Their WR depth is not nearly as good as Green Bay. Their running game and defense probably isn't as good either. Plus, don't discount the revenge factor for Chad Pennington, who will be starting for the Fins. Considering the shitty records of both these teams last year, this could be one of the best games of the weekend. I'll take the home dog. Dolphins 27, Jets 26.

Kansas City at New England -16.5
This one almost isn’t fair. St. Ides’s favorite head coach Herm Edwards draws a tough matchup while New England is primed for another year of dominance. That’s a very good football team playing a pretty bad one. The only thing is (here we go) that point spread. How many times last year did I take the points against New England and get burned. I’ll tell you what: Brady hasn’t thrown a pass in pre-season and that’s got to cost him something. I think K.C. will keep it close for a half but will eventually lose. The question is how close? I’m going to say close enough to cover two TD’s.
New England 27 Kansas City 13

I'm taking the Pats and the points. I don't think the Chiefs have 13 points in them. In fact, I'm going to call a shutout on this one. Patriots 23, Chiefs 0.

Detroit at Atlanta +2.5
Wowsers. Week one SBS Stinker is a candidate for stinker of the year. Thank God we’re getting it out of the way quick. Detroit is a terrible team and Atlanta is still dealing with the curse of Vick. I’ll give ‘em the home team dog rule here.
Atlanta 20 Detroit 17

Yeah, this game blows. The only intrigue here (and I'm grasping at straws) is the debut at QB for rookie Matt Ryan. Oh, and I read an interesting tidbit recently about Jon Kitna. I forget where and what the exact details are, but apparently if he throws for 4,000 yards this season (something most people expect him to do), he'll be in something like the top 15 all-time QBs as far as yardage goes. Jon Frickin Kitna. Somehow I don't think that automatically punches his ticket to Dayton. I'll actually take the Lions though. Lions 24, Falcons 20.

Tampa Bay at New Orleans -3.5
New Orleans the city dodged a close one last week, but New Orleans the team won’t be so lucky. I’m not sure why I like Tampa: maybe because I buy into all the Gruden hype, or maybe it’s because he’s really a better head coach, or maybe it’s because I never bought into the Reggie Bush hype. Fuck if I know, I really haven’t followed either of these teams in the off season. I couldn’t even tell you who their QB’s are… wait, isn’t Jeff Garcia on Tampa Bay? OK, I changed my mind.
New Orleans 28 Tampa Bay 17

You know, for all the jokes we make about Garcia, he actually has a decent track record. But yeah, I like the Saints in this one too. Saints 24, Bucs 17.

Cincinnati at Baltimore +1.5
Here are two more teams I know very little about. Honestly I just wish my aircraft would show up so I can wrap these up and finish them in the morning. OK… the Ravens are starting a rookie QB named Joe Flaco (or Flacco? I’m too lazy to look it up). That’s a bad thing (the rookie, not my lazyness). As mediocre as these two teams are I won’t bet on a rookie QB in his first NFL start. Unless his name was Favre, but that was a long time ago. Forget what I said earlier about the home dog.
Bengals 20 Baltimore 17

It's Flacco. And if you're not going to bet on a rookie QB in his first NFL start, you better go back and change your Falcons pick. Did you see the nonsense about Chad Johnson officially and legally changing his last name to "Ocho Cinco" and that will be on the back of his jersey? Too bad T.J. Whosyourmomma is the bigger receiving threat at this point. Anyways, even with "offensive genius" Brian Billick out of Baltimore, their offense will suck and their defense isn't getting any younger. And I believe Ed Reed is out with an injury. I'll take Cinci and a slightly rejuvenated Carson Palmer. Bengals 23, Ravens 13.

Jacksonville at Tennessee +2.5
I watched Tennessee’s first team play Green Bay’s scrubs in their last preseason game and almost lose. The Packers second team D held the Titans to three field goals in three quarters and you know what? Vince Young was awful. Like Vick awful. He could run his ass off, but ask him to make an accurate throw and chances are he couldn’t do it. I left that game thinking “no way do I bet on this team week one”.
Jags 24 Titans 20

I'm not sold at all on Vince Young. But then again, I'm not sold on David Garrad either. The Titans defense is actually somewhat solid, so I'll say this one stays pretty low scoring, and I'll take the points. A lot of "experts" are predicting huge things for the Jaguars this year, some even saying they're a Super Bowl contender. Which means they'll probably suck. Jaguars 17, Titans 16.

Houston at Pittsburgh -6.5
The Steelers at home and healthy should have it easy against the constantly building Texans. I like Matt Shaub, the UVA star turned Texans QB but he’s got a long way to go. His team just doesn’t have the talent to match up with a gritty Pittsburgh squad.
Steelers 24 Texans 13

I'm going to take the points. The Texans D is starting to show some signs of being respectable. And I think the Steelers might just take them a bit lightly. I think the Steelers coach could be in for some rough times if Pittsburgh gets off to a slow start this season. Steelers 23, Texans 21.

Carolina at San Diego -8.5
Another tough first week draw as an east coast team heads west against a talented Charger team. The Chargers started slow last season and it cost them. Don’t think for a minute they’ll make the same mistake of complacency twice. 8.5 points may seem a lot against a John Fox defense, but really Fox isn’t such a defensive mastermind. Defense is easy when you’ve got Michael Strahan in his prime.
Bolts 27 Cats 17

The more I see them, the more I dislike the Chargers, mostly because of the attitudes of Tomlinson, Rivers, and Merriman. Merriman is playing despite two torn ligaments in his knee, against the advice of every doctor he's visited. Maybe this game is worth watching just to see if his lower leg become completely detached. Chargers 23, Panthers 10.

Dallas at Cleveland +5.5
Has anyone been watching “Hard Knocks” on HBO with the Cowboys? It’s been really cool seeing T.O. and Romo and all the rest of America’s team frolic through a Wade Phillips training camp. To the Cowboys, it’s Super Bowl or bust this year, and as long as Tony Romo has Terrell Owens to throw the ball to the Cowboys will win games in spite of themselves. This game will be close. I’m going to take the Cowboys to win but not cover. Don’t be surprised if Cleveland and Derek Anderson win it outright
Cowboys 23 Browns 20

Sadly, I don't have HBO. I look forward to a full season of Cowboy and Romo hype, only to watch them collapse in their first playoff game yet again. I have Jason Witten on my fantasy team, so I can cheer for him at least. Slight tangent: Seattle will be in Dallas this year for the Thanksgiving game. Hopefully the game has big NFC implications at that point. Cowboys 27, Browns 23.

Arizona at San Francisco +2.5
Uggh.
Arizona 20 San Francisco 17

I'll offer slightly more: Kurt Warner is starting at QB for the Cardinals, and Mike Martz is the new offensive coordinator in San Fran. Martz tries to make J.T. O'Sullivan (no, that's not the seedy Irish bar that serves greasy bar food on Main Street) his next Kurt Warner. The Niners just don't have the personnel to make Martz's offense work. In other words, they have almost no talent. Cardinals 27, Niners 17.

Chicago at Indianapolis -9.5
I’ve gained a new respect for Bears fans since I’ve been working in Chicago. One of them said to me the other day “Just once in my life, before I die, I want to see a real quarterback play for the Bears. Fucking Sid Luckman was it”. Luckman played in the 1940s I think. Meanwhile Indy, like New England hasn’t practiced with their starting quarterback. However Indy, like New England, has a god-like QB and Indy, unlike New England, doesn’t have to cover two TDs.
Indy 27 Chi-town 13

Yeah, I'll take the Colts at home. How long before the Bears go from Kyle Orton back to Rex Grossman? Over/under is Week 4.
Colts 24, Bears 9.

Minnesota at Green Bay -2.5
Where to begin? A young Packer team with an inexperienced and fragile quarterback; several starters hurt; A Viking team that remembers the 34 – 0 demolition they took the last time the teams played; a healthy Adrian Peterson. This game smells like an upset in the making, but here’s how the Pack wins: play 8 in the box and dare Vikings QB Tavaras Jackson to beat you with his arm. He can’t. The Packers are a talented team, and should be able to overcome all the obstacles their GM has placed before them. Packers win one for A-Rodg…
Packers 30 Vikings 24

That's pretty much how I see it too. Throw in that Pro Bowl LT Brian McKinnie is suspended the first four games for the Vikes, and Green Bay ought to get decent penetration. I'm ripping this off from somewhere, and I don't remember where, but considering the MNF stage, the replacing Favre angle, and a divisional opponent, Aaron Rodgers has more pressure on him than any American since JFK during the Cuban Missile Crisis. Good one. I don't see the Vikings scoring 20. Packers 27, Vikings 17.

Denver at Oakland +2.5
I don’t know what Oakland did to improve during the off season but if I know Al Davis he probably signed some over the hill veterans who made a big play or two 7-12 years ago.
Denver 24 Oakland 20

Well, they drafted Darren McFadden, who some are hyping as this year's Adrian Peterson. And they signed Jevon Walker, who's part headcase and part broken kneees. This rivalry ain't what it used to be. Broncos 20, Raiders 17.