Bonus coverage

Bonus Coverage....

SBS's favorite sports blog beside our own (profootballtalk.com) had this picture of Bill Belichick with the caption "It's the new Wheaties" :




















However, SBS has obtained exclusive audio from the photo shoot, which explained what Belichick was really thinking. Legally we are unable to provide this audio, however a transcript appears in balloon format below:

Week four... and another milestone for #4

Greetings SBS fans! The picks are up and they’re good, with plenty of time to fill your Friday with idle discussion! The I-genius lost a point off his formidable lead while Ol’ Samichlaus started the long road back to respectability. Meanwhile the job search is heating up with some interesting prospects. Don’t be surprised if you see Samichlaus delivering his Christmas cheer around the hallowed halls of Big Blue next week…and I don’t mean the NY Football Giants.

Sorry for the mix-up last week - I figured since you posted the previous week, you were gonna do those too, and then I was in meetings all afternoon so I didn't see the comments waiting for it until too late. Anyways....

Last Week:
Samichlaus: 8-8
St. Ides: 7-9

Overall:
St. Ides: 18-14
Samichlaus: 13-19


Ravens -4.5 over BROWNS

The Browns are actually showing some signs of life... I'm real tempted to take them. They destroyed the Bengals two weeks ago. And almost beat an improving Raiders team on the road last week. (The Raiders used the same last second timeout to cancel a game winning field goal tactic the Broncos used against them last week. ) The Ravens are having some weirdness at QB - they took out McNair for Boller last week when they had a big lead over the Cardinals, but then left Boller in to finish the game when it got very close.... I don't trust the Ravens, but I trust the Browns slightly less. But only slightly. Ravens 23, Browns 16.

I have seen the light (through a beer soaked glass): McNair has lost it, and lost it fast. Kudos to my partner for figuring this out early. However, I’m going to stick with the Ravens one more week. If the Browns win it, they win it close. (Oops... I've changed my prediction to match my analysis. Shows you how much thought I put into this) I’ll go Ravens 27 Browns 17


Raiders +3.5 over DOLPHINS

With condolences to Steve's father-in-law, I think the Dolphins are in for a rough season. Trent Green is not the answer at QB. And now Zach Thomas is concussed. Bad news. And as awful as the Raiders were last year, I really do have a bit of faith in them last year. Take away Art Shell as their coach, and that's worth an additional 3-4 wins alone. If they can almost beat the Broncos in Denver, they can probably stay within 3 in Miami. Dolphins 24, Raiders 23.

The thing that’s baffling me about the Fins is their D. To quote Vince Lombardi, what the hell is going on out there? Same goes for Trent Green. I was thrilled when Miami picked him up, but he’s been less than pedestrian. With that said I’m going to take them one more week. The Raiders are traveling coast to coast and that’s worth a few points. Meanwhile Miami is due to break out of their slump. They’re just more talented than they’re record. Miami 24 Oakland 20


Rams +12.5 over COWBOYS

Yes, the Rams are devastated by injuries. Yes, the Cowboys look like world beaters so far. But let's take a closer look at their 3 wins, shall we? They allowed 35 points to the Giants, who lost their starting RB and QB during the game. They allows 20 points to a Miami team that I just told you Trent Green is not the answer at QB. (When was the last time you heard anybody sound scared of facing Trent Green?) And then they demolished poor little Rex Grossman, possibly the worst starting QB ever for a team that played in the Super Bowl. Now, as long as Marc Bulger's broken ribs allow him to get the ball downfield with some semblance of accuracy, he'll torch those safeties all day long. Of course, nobody is going to stop TO going the other way either.... Rams 37, Cowboys 34.

Boy that Rex is a cute little fella isn’t he? “Poor little Rex Grossman” made me laugh out loud. Right now the Cowboys are a step ahead of the rest of the NFC, and they’re hot. But I like the logic here and 12.5 is a lot of coin for a team not named the Patriots. I’ll take the Rams to cover: Dallas 31 St. Louis 21


VIKINGS +1.5 over Packers

Sorry, but the dream comes crashing down this week. That's just the way this league works. Although Samichlaus has mentioned the Vikings have a crappy D, that's not entirely true. Their run defense is pretty damn good. Their pass defense is pretty damn bad though, and the Packers will have to be one-dimensional again this week. You can't win every week in the NFL with no running game. I predict a low-scoring affair with a bunch of turnovers on both sides, but the Packers giving up the most costly one. Vikings 13, Packers 9.

You’re right about the Vikings D. I underestimated them, and completely forgot just how good they are against the run. The key for Green Bay is to play essentially the same game they played against the Chargers, except to take some more shots down field. In the past, Favre has had trouble in the Metrodome, but very quietly he’s gone 3-1 his last 4 starts there. And here’s an inside scoop: the place will be loaded with Packer fans. Ticket sales in Green Bay are through the roof and I think it’s going to be surreal as Packer fans set out to see Brett Favre become the all time NFL TD passing leader (or interception leader, he needs 2). Last bit of data: Brad Childress is an idiot. I didn’t notice it last year as Childress coached in the shadow of a bigger idiot (Mike Tice) but make no mistake: he’s nuts. I like the Packers in a close game: Packers 17 Vikings 10.


LIONS +2.5 over Bears

It looks like Grossman is going to be benched. And after the Lions got torched by the Eagles last week, it's the perfect game for Griese to step in and put up decent numbers and pull out a key divisional win. Here's the thing though - the Bears defense hasn't been THAT impressive so far and they're really banged up. Two starters gone for the season and two or three more likely to miss this week. And (overrated) safety Adam Archuleta will be playing with a cast on his hand. So yeah, I'm taking Detroit. Lions 20, Bears 17.

That injury report says it all. Griese is a game manager at best, and the Bears aren’t built for Ford Field. The Lions have some offensive firepower, enough to take it to the battered Bears: Lions 27 Bears 13


Texans -2.5 over FALCONS

Nothing complicated here. I'm picking against the Falcons every week until they show me something. Other than their best player self-destructing. (DeAngelo Hall that is, not Michael Vick.) Texans 24, Falcons 10.

Even the heartiest of Tech fans hate DeAngelo Hall. My Hokie fan buddy tells me that back in his Tech days he was known as "MeAngelo" (snicker snicker). OK, I know that’s lame, but these are country folk. Fuck, they still get riled up when their favorite country star goes “GIVE ME A HELL YEAH!!!!”. Whoooo-eee! My fear is the point spread. Why is it so low? This reminds me of the Skins Giants game last week and that didn’t exactly work out as I thought. Oh, and did anyone else notice all of Mike Sherman’s rejects getting it done at running back in Texas? Ahman Green, Samkon Gado, Vonta Leach, I’ll bet Ted Thompson wishes he had at least one of those guys. I’ll take the Texans: Texans 27 Falcons 24

BILLS +3.5 over Jets

So I was wrong about the Mangini jinx last week. I'm gonna stick with it though. If the Jets play the Dolphins like the Titans play the Colts, then the Bills play the Jets like that too. Or something like that. Bills 20, Jets 17.

With Losman rolled up like an adulterous wife by a horny football coach, I don’t see the Bills having any answers on O. In addition, I’m not aware of any historical trend between the Jets and the Bills other than the fact that they’re division rivals. Finally, I like the Mangenius over a Dick Jauron coached team any day. Jets 27 Bills 20


PANTHERS -2.5 over Bucanneers

As much as I've liked the Bucs recently (and maybe secretly hope they turn out to be a good team, which would make Seattle's Week 1 win over them more impressive), I think the Panthers should be able to handle them at home. Although if Delhomme can't go, that means we get to see David Carr at QB.... Panthers 20, Bucs 17

Oooh! Girls go wild! It’s a David Carr sighting! Actually, he did a good job when Delhomme went down, and I don’t think the Cats will lose much. I like the Bucs too, but not on the road against the Panthers. Panthers 24 Bucs 17.


NINERS +2.5 over Seahawks

The Niners swept Seattle last year. Now they arguably have a better defense, and former WR Darrell Jackson looking for a little payback. This game is HUGE for the Seahawks. Maybe too huge. They haven't done well under pressure really lately. Not since the Super Bowl fiasco. Okay, maybe that's a slight exaggeration, but I'm way nervous about this game. And a loss here means they're 0-2 in the division, while San Fran would move to 3-0. Not good. The only thing we got going for us is that Alex Smith has looked horrendous. Of course, if Frank Gore runs for 200+ yards like he did last year, Alex Smith could look like Rex Grossman and the Niners will still win easily. Oh yeah, and the Niners getting points at home in this game scares me too. Niners 26, Seahawks 20.

I like the Niners as well. They’re getting points at home and they’re a hot team. Shaun Alexander is dinged up and the Seahawks are just so dern inconsistent. The difference between playing at home and playing on the road for Seattle is they still drop the passes, but this time they don’t make the big plays. Niners 31 Seattle 17


Broncos +9.5 over COLTS

I'm not very impressed with the Jay Cutler era so far. (Especially since Jevon Walker is one of my top WRs on my fantasy team, and he's done jack so far this year.) But almost 10 points is a lot to give what should be a team that's in the hunt for a playoff spot. Colts 34, Broncos 27.

Walker is dinged up as well if I’m not mistaken, but here’s the truth: He’s not the same guy since Darrent Williams died in his arms after that tragic shooting. I saw Walker in an interview a few months ago and thought “Uh oh. That shit fucked with his head”. I’m going with the Colts. They’re the second best team in the NFL, they’re at home, and the Broncos just aren’t that good. Colts 37 Broncos 20


CHARGERS -11.5 over Chiefs

I think the Chargers are going to stink this year, mostly thanks to Norv Turner. But not quite enough to be close to Herm Edwards and the Chiefs at home. LT is really way overdue for a breakout game this year. Chargers 23, Chiefs 10.

Agreed. Philip Rivers was on fire against Green Bay, and essentially missed one crucial third and three completion that would have sent the Packers home. LT was depressed after the game, and I mean depressed. He was practically in tears. If they lose this week, I’m not sure what the normally mild mannered Californians will do to Norv Turner. Like St. Ides points out, thank God he’s going up against Herm Edwards. Chargers 34 Chiefs 17


CARDINALS +5.5 over Steelers

Everybody is on the Steelers' peepee at 3-0. They've beaten the Browns (before they found their QB savior in Derek Anderson), the Bills (who are horrible), and the Niners (who hopefully are horrible as well). Of course the Cardinals have looked awful so far except for like 2 quarters against the Seahawks. Ugh. Anyways, I don't trust either team at all, so I'll take the home dog. Cardinals 23, Steelers 20.

This is a tough call for me, but I'm going with the Steelers. Big Ben is playing well (something like 6 TD’s and 1 INT) and Willie Parker is running wild. The Cardinals have played well for the Cardinals, but that just means they’re not losing by as much. Steelers by a TD: Steelers 27 Cardinals 20.


GIANTS +2.5 over Eagles

McNabb finds his groove and suddenly everybody loves the Eagles again? Not me. There's a good chance Westbrook will miss this game. But so might Plaxico for the Giants. Again, this game is too tight to call, so I'll take the home team and the points. There's a lot of games like that this week. 9 out of 14 to be exact. Think about how crazy that is for a second - only 5 home teams are favored this week. That's insane. Welcome to parity. Giants 20, Eagles 17.

Mooch had a great stat about parity. He said that half of all games in the NFL are decided by a last minute scoring drive. I’d like to check the facts, but if it isn’t completely accurate I’ll bet it’s darn close. The Giants put on a show against the Redskins, but nothing like what Philly did to the Cards. I’m going to play the hot hand and go with the Birds over the other “Big Blue”.
Eagles 37 Giants 31


Patriots -7.5 over BENGALS

Another home dog. But I just can't trust that defense. Seattle didn't get much pressure on Carson Palmer last week, and they gave up a boatload of passing yardage. But they avoided the big play, picked off two passes, kept the catches to mostly short stuff underneath (a LOT of stuff underneath), and, most importantly, held them to just two touchdowns. If Seattle's defense can slow down that Bengals offensive juggernaut, so can the Patriots. Patriots 38, Bengals 23.

Yeah, no fucking way I’m picking against New England. If the Eagles are hot, the Pats are off the dial. They’ve been winning by double digits all season and I see no reason for that trend to abate. By the way, last week was their “let down” game and they still won by over 20. Carson Palmer may be the best middle aged QB in the game but this one could get ugly early. Patriots 34 Bengals 17.

Our favorite teams...

I haven't felt this good on a Monday morning since day two of my honeymoon. In a most astounding display of good Karma, the universe decided to reward our most loyal readers with a Sunday to remember, and it's only week three. I had the pleasure of watching the Packers and Seahawks pull out two last minute victories, while the Patriots who came out decidedly flat simply demolished the Bills.

The Patriots are without a doubt the best team in the NFL by far, a league where parity narrows the point spread and an honest dirtbag can't make a buck gambling these days because on every given Sunday yada yada yada. Except if your team is playing New England. Take all my feelings about Bill Belichick out of the equation for a minute and just admire what that team can do. Moss and Brady are making it look easy, like they're men playing against children. If Moss stays healthy (because let's be frank, he's mighty happy) he has an opportunity to break every single season receiving record in the game. I said last year that Lawrence Maroney was the best young back in the league including Mr. Bush and nothing has changed that. It is a pleasure watching this team, except for the occasional sideline shots of the hoodie, and maybe it's not too soon to start thinking that they can run the table.

The Seahawks on the other hand are a frustrating and undiciplined team, and that's almost unbelievable considering who their head coach is. Consider yesterday's game: I watched Seattle receivers drop balls, saw Matt Hassleback make poor throws and decisions, and out loud observer that Shaun Alexander looked tentative and sluggish. So what happens during the last two minutes of the game? Matt Hassleback throws a perfect strike to Nate Burleson for the go ahead TD, special teams makes a huge play on the ensuing kickoff, and Shaun Alexander shows patience and burst in getting the crucial first down that stuck the dagger into the Bengals. This team is frustrating to watch, and at times seems to get in its own way on offense. But make no mistake, this was a big win for the Seahawks who collectively showed some mettle in overcoming adversity. The Seahawks need rhythm and consistency, something Holmgren preaches. The question remains: does he have enough left in him as a coach to will his sermon home?

The Packers shocked me yesterday, and I think they shocked themselves in the process. Never did I think they could play so well against a superior talented team, but there they were hanging on down by 4 with 5 minutes to play. Remember, up to this point Philip Rivers had played a near perfect game. He opened by completing his first 15 passes, and opened each half with a methodical TD drive. He had Antonio Gates open all day, and on his first TD threw about as perfect a pass as I have ever seen. The point is the Chargers did not play a poor game. As a matter of fact they played their best game of the season. Simply put, the Packers were the better team. They made more plays, had a better game plan, and executed better. A lot has been written today about Brett Favre's performance, and all of it is true. But you've got to hand it to Donald Driver and the receiving corps. Driver was hit early on by a devastating helmet to helmet blow by some scumbag named Marlon McCree that should get a hefty fine, but Driver got back up missed two or three plays and returned to scorch the Bolts for six receptions and 126 yards. Greg Jennings made the play of the game by taking a simple slant 56 yards for the go-ahead TD. Rookie James Jones had a solid day as well.

On a personal note: When the game was over, I waited for my wife to awaken from her afternoon nap. When she did, I gave her "the look" and said "I can't believe we're not going to Green Bay this year". She smiled because (a) she knew I was playing and (b) she knew this meant the Packers had won. "They WON??" she exclaimed. "Yep!" I said and proceeded to recap the last five minutes of the victory. When I was done, she smiled and deadpanned "Well, it's not my fault that you don't have a job".

Ouch.

And I love you hon!

Week three picks!!!!

Greetings SBS fans, and sorry for the delay! A little miscommunication betweens St. Ides and me and the weeks pics are late again. But as we like to say around here better late than never. Or something like that.

What a week for St. Ides! A fantastic 11-5 start marks a career best first week for the Irish genius, and plants a "north pole" firmly up Ol' Samichlaus's ample keister. Yep, Ol' Samichlaus dropped a real stink bomb on our minions last week, but I'm looking for a strong comeback. Remember, it isn't how you start, it's where you finish. Just ask the Mets and the Red Sox. But what does the I-genius have to say?

Off to a good start! (One of us...)


Last Week:
St. Ides: 11-5
Samichlaus: 5-11

Cardinals +7.5 over RAVENS

Let's not talk about the Cardinals win last week over Seattle. Let's just say I'm not too high on the Ravens after they barely beat the Jets last week. How old is Steve McNair these days anyways, 59? Ravens 16, Cardinals 13.

Actually you're right about McNair. He's 59. Do you know what keeps him feeling young? 69. I'm going to take the Ravens at home, and I'm probably going to regret this. Ravens 24 Cardinals 10


STEELERS -8.5 over Niners

Niners are 2-0 and all the "experts" who were predicting them to win the NFC West are like "Told ya so!" Relax, fellas. They needed last second scores to beat the Cardinals and Rams. Their offense is dead last in the league in yards. Look for them to remain dead last after this one. Steelers 23, Niners 13.

The Steelers will stop the run and put pressure on Alex Smith. They're a good AFC team with a good QB who reminds me a lot of Trent Dilfer in his prime. I like the Steelers too: Steelers 27 Niners 17


TEXANS +5.5 over Colts

Somehow, like the Titans, the Texans usually stick close with the Colts. I'll take the home dog, thank you very much. Even though they'll sorely miss Andre Johnson. Colts 26, Texans 21.

The Colts are the second youngest team in the league next to my Packers, and the Texans are on the rise. Ya gotta hand it to their GM: the trade for Shaub was brilliant and Ahman Green is playing like a young man. I like the Texans to keep it close: Colts 31 Texans 28


Bills +16.5 over PATRIOTS

Way too many points for a divisional game. Way too many. Or is it....? I'm not going to spend too much time on the Patriots. Sorry Anonymous, but even without the whole cheating scandal, I think Belichick's cockiness (rubbing off on their fans?) is getting old. Tom Brady still gets alllllllllllllllll my love though. Patriots 30, Bills 17.

I love the Patriots, and I love Bill Belichick. There's a class act. Here's whats going to happen: The Bills fly in on Friday, giving Belichick all day Saturday to fly to Buffalo, fuck Dick Jauron's wife and daughters, and fly back by Sunday morning to coach another Patriots win. But man, 16.5 is a lot of coin. I'll take the Bills: Patriots 27 Bills 13

Dolphins +2.5 over JETS

Take note of what I said last week about the Jets bad karma for blowing the whistle on the Pats. File that away. And then we'll revisit it in Week 17 when they're 3-12. Shaky QB. Shaky O-line. Shaky RB situation. Dolphins 20, Jets 10.

Ah! Begorrah with the superstitions! The Jets play the Fins like the the Titans play the Colts. Jets by a field goal: Jets 27 Fins 24


BUCANNEERS -3.5 over Rams

Marc Bulger signed a huge new contract just before the season started. And his numbers look pretty good. But here's what doesn't look so good: 0-2. Both losses at home, where just a few years ago they were virtually unbeatable. And Bulger is getting absolutely clobbered back there. Here's another prediction: he doesn't make it past Week 7. Bucs 23, Rams 17.

St. Ides correctly points out that Samichlaus is living in the past. If the Rams can't win at home, what chance do they have on the road? Meanwhile the Bucs are still a well coached team. I like the Bucs to win easy: Bucs 27 Rams 17


Vikings +1.5 over CHIEFS

*Sniff sniff* What's that smell? Oh, it's the Stinker of the Week! I'm glad Samichlaus has finally seen the light and admits Herm Edwards is a terrible coach. I haven't seen that series he mentions, but from what I've read and heard, not only does good ol' Herm come across as a bad coach, but he's about as sharp as a bowling ball. Meanwhile, the Vikings have some serious QB issues. I think their D is probably good enough to win this one. They have an excellent run D, and the Chiefs have zero passing game aside from Tony Gonzalez. Vikings 16, Chiefs 10.

I'll tell you what the HBO mini series showed me: Herm still thinks he's one of the players. Sorry, but he's not a leader. The truth is he had success with the Jets, but the bigger truth is his act wore thin in a hurry. Meanwhile the Vikings aren't much better. They've got a good running game and a decent young QB but not much else. I'm going with the AFC team at home where they used to dominate. Chiefs 27 Vikings 20


PACKERS +4.5 over Chargers

Holy poop, could the Packers be a playoff team? Well, they're 2-0, their defense has looked about as solid as could be expected so far, their offense showed some life against the (admittedly, awful) Giants D. And Favre has had a ridiculously high completion percentage. There's still some questions at RB and maybe a lack of depth at WR, but at least they've got options. As for the Chargers... not sure if I said this last week or not, but I see them underachieving by quite a bit this year. Expectations are way high. Too high. Yes, they have LT, but opponents gameplan for him now. And Phillip Rivers is still young and fairly unproven. But the X-Factor? Norv Turner at head coach. The dude has had like ZERO success as a head coach, he's supposed to start now? If football is a game of chess, Norv is still playing checkers. I wouldn't be too surprised to see the Packers win this outright. Packers 24, Chargers 23.

All along I've said the Chargers would win this game easy. They should be able to get Antonio Gates matched up against any of our linebackers and this should open it up for LT to have a breakout game. But I also said that Norv Turner couldn't possibly fuck up a team with this much talent, and I was wrong about that. The Packers are a hot team now, and they're starting to get a little swagger back, but I don't think they've got enough to compete with the Chargers. I can only hope that the reverse mojo holds true. Chargers 31 Packers 21

Lions +6.5 over EAGLES

I refuse to take the Eagles until McNabb demonstrates he has more than one good leg or they bench him. Oh, and Jon Kitna is playing the "It was a miracle from God!" card regarding his ability to get back into the game last week after suffering a concussion. Back to McNabb - I'm seeing flashbacks of a year ago when the Dolphons traded for Culpepper, and he was so incredibly immobile because of his healing knee injury that he was a disaster. Hell, Culpepper still hasn't recovered. Watching McNabb hop and skip and hobble around on Monday night looked eerily similar. So much for morons who picked the Eagles to win the NFC. They stink. Lions 27, Eagles 20.

I'm not jumping off the Eagles peepee, err, bandwagon quite yet, though if they lose this week all hell will break lose in Philly. That crowd is just waiting to turn on McNabb, aren't they? With that, I think the Eagles finally put together a win with a solid D that will confuse the young Detroit offense. Philly 23 Detroit 10


Bengals +3.5 over SEAHAWKS

So much for the reverse jinx last week. This week, it's not reverse jinx. It's just that frickin Bengals offense is scary. (So is their defense, but all it takes if one horrible loss like last week for me to revert to pre-2005 "we always fine a way to lose games" mentality.) Bengals 63, Seahawks 60.

I LOVE the final score! Truthfully, that's not unreasonable, but I like Seattle at home to win. Oh, and I take back what I said about the Bengals being a good football team: they're not. Seattle's loss last week was an aberration. They'll win this week and cover: Seahawks 34 Bengals 24

Browns +3.5 over RAIDERS

I told you guys the Raiders weren't so bad! They SHOULD have won in Denver last week. Devious tactic by Mike Shanahan to wait til the last possible second before calling a timeout on the winning kick by Janikowski. Meanwhile, the Browns may have found their offensive groove. People know who Derek Anderson is now. The Brady Quinn Era is officially on hold. Browns 20, Raiders 17.

I heard that Shanahan learned that trick from Belichick, who developed the technique while filming himself with another man's wife. I like the Browns to win and cover: Browns 27 Raiders 20


BRONCOS -3.5 over Jaguars

I took Maurice Jones-Drew in one of my Fantasy leagues in the 2nd round, and people were like "Oh awesome pick!" and "Damn, I was gonna take him next!" He's gotten me 6 frickin points in 2 weeks. Fred Taylor is still prominently featured in their offense. And their usually stout defense took another big hit this week when they lost one of their starting safeties for the year. Meanwhile, the Broncos are 2-0 with 2 last second winnning field goals. They won't need that this week. Broncos 23, Jaguars 13.

I like the Broncos as well. There's a team that's been tested thoroughly the first two games and has found a way to win... and I always like them at home. Broncos 20 Jaguars 10


Panthers -3.5 over FALCONS

Maybe Samichlaus is right about the Falcons being cursed this year. Though their defense hasn't looked bad. Panthers 17, Falcons 10.

Home dog ehh? I'll bet Mike Vick can tell us all about "home dogs". Look for Carolina to shoot, electrocute, drown and in one case body slam the home dog: Panthers 27 Falcons 17.


REDSKINS -3.5 over Giants

This line seems a bit low considering how awful the Giants have looked... Almost smells like a trap... Redskins 27, Giants 20.

Yeah... what's up with the line? The Giants looked like a team in disarray against the Packers, as if they've lost all sense of belief in their head coach. The Skins haven't exactly over impressed anyone, but they're 2-0 and I think when Sunday's over they're going to be 3-0. Skins 27 Giants 17.


BEARS -3.5 over Cowboys

I hate both these teams. But I think I hate the Cowboys slightly more. Hopefully the Bears will break the legs of TO AND Romo. That'd be nice. I'm still waiting for a team with a halfway decent offense (read: not the Dolphins last week) to exploit the Dallas safeties who can absolutely not cover the pass. I don't think it's gonna be Grossman, but who knows. Bears 20, Cowboys 13.

This is the best D that Romo has faced thus far. I think that both of these teams are overrated, especially the Bears, but I think the Bears D is the difference maker. Romo's going to get better as time goes on, but this game will be a painful learning experience. Bears 24 Cowboys 17

Titans +4.5 over SAINTS

Vince Young vs. Reggie Bush. Who wins? I don't care that much really, but I think the Saints are due for a win. They can't be THAT bad after the awesome year they had a season ago, can they? Saints 26, Titans 20.

OK, paranoid conspiracy theory number 1: The Saints weren't very good last year, it was all a fix. This year we're seeing the real Saints and they aren't that good. Meanwhile the Titans played pretty well against the Super Bowl champs. They're getting 4.5 and I think they win it outright... Titans 27 Saints 21

Week two picks.

Good Saturday to all of our readers and welcome to our week 2 picks! In bringing lameness to a new level, St. Ides got these to me at 4:08 PM on Friday but I didn't get them until much later because I was... bowling. In fact, Ol' Samichlaus is so lame that he called Mrs. Samichlaus after rolling a 224 to share his joy. Anyway, for those who do not remember the drill, St. Ides's Picks are in Seahawk blue and Samichlaus's picks are in Packer green. Home team is in all CAPS and St. Ides always lists his choice against the spread first ... so on to the picks!

A little late in the day, but better late than never, right? :P

BUCS +3.5 over Saints

Home underdogs baby. The Bucs actually didn't look that bad against Seattle last week. Jeff "Light In The Loafers" Garcia actually gives them their best QB in years. Their defense is still pretty good. And I think the Saints are overrated this year. Mostly because of their "ride the emotions" and "feel good story" success last year. Their defense isn't great, their receivers are very thin after Colston, and they still haven't really figured out the best way to maximize their MacAllister/Bush backfield. Saints 20, Bucs 17.

I hate going against the home dog, that is a huge betting no-no but the talent differential is huge with theses teams. The Saints are looking to rebound after the beat-down the Colts put on them and they come up huge this week
Saints 34 Bucs 10


Packers +0.5 over GIANTS

The spread is so low because they're not sure if Eli is going to play or not. I think he will. Either way, the Giants secondary is pretty horrendous, and their starting RB is out. So the Packers defense should be able to hold up against a no-name RB and an injured QB. Packers 20, Giants 17.

I really thought that this was going to be a no-brainer, but I made two erroneous assumptions: I assumed both Vernand Morrency and Greg Jennings would be back, but today's JS Online reports that neither will play Sunday. That's why the spread is so low: the Packers are running with the same offense they stumbled with last week. The other thing to consider is that Sunday is my birthday. What better gift for Brett Favre to give to me than to march into my old home town and secure a win. Considering we've been to Green Bay for his last two birthdays its the least he can do. With that said, the Packers D is what really makes the difference: Packers 17 Giants 10


Bills +9.5 over STEELERS

Big Ben had an awesome game last week. I'm still not sold on him, and will continue to call him a modern day Trent Dilfer until he strings together like 5 consecutive starts where he actually wins the game for his team, and doesn't just not lose it. If that makes any sense. Steelers 16, Bills 14.

Boy, some people would rather be right than smart. Take a look at the other side of the field and remember that's Dick Jauron staring back at you. Besides, last time I checked Dilfer won a Super Bowl. Well, then again so did Hasselbeck... holding Brett Favre's clipboad in 1996. Steelers 27 Bills 13


TITANS +7.5 over Colts

The Titans always play the Colts tough. Somehow, some way, they always do. And that goes back even a few years ago when they had the likes of Billy Volen and Steve McNair at QB. I think Vince Young can do enough to keep it close. Colts 26, Titans 20.

Yep, I agree. They won't beat the Colts but they'll give them a good fight. Colts 31 Titans 24


Bengals -6.5 over BROWNS

Charlie Frye went from opening day starting QB (for the Browns)... to 3rd string QB (for the Seahawks) in a matter of days. I think they're planning on sticking Dereck Anderson back at QB this week. So we'll watch him implode, and then they'll have to start Brady Quinn next week by default. Romeo Crennel's strong point is not offense, and it's becoming more and more obvious every week. Meanwhile, the Bengals took care of business against their rival Ravens last week. They should roll. Bengals 27, Browns 13.

Again, St. Ides analysis is dead on. Who the hell is Dereck Anderson? I may live to regret this but he can't possibly have Charlie Frye's talent... and Frye couldn't do shit with the Browns. Meanwhile, the Bengals are a real good football team period. Bengals 31 Browns 10


Falcons +10.5 over JAGUARS

The Falcons have to win a few games this year, right? The Jaguars could possibly be one of the worst teams in the league this year. Their defense is getting older and lost some key parts, their QB was only named their starter a couple weeks ago (and they have no Plan B at QB after releasing Leftwich), and their receivers can't catch a cold. This game might just be the Stinker of the Week, if it's not too early to start using that title. Falcons 17, Jags 13.

The Falcons are cursed. They may not win a game this year. The Jags aren't much better, but they're not cursed... unless they decide to sign Marcus Vick or something. I see a Jaguar win, but not by 10.5 Jags 20 Falcons 13


Texans +6.5 over PANTHERS
I just have a feeling that the Panthers are in for another one of those roller coaster seasons where they beat tough teams and lose to sucky teams. I'm not saying Houston is sucky... Okay, maybe I am.. But with Mario Williams coming to life last week and that Schaub guy at QB, maybe they have a pulse. Texans 20, Panthers 17.

Houston is on the upswing. Shaub was a great acquisition (gotta wonder how the Falcons feel about letting him go. Perhaps they feel a little.... cursed???) and Mario Williams finally had a breakout game. However, I'm going the other way on this one. I think Shaub will be confused by his first look at a John Fox defense and I see the Panthers winning by a TD: Panthers 24 Texans 17.


Niners +3.5 over RAMS

All the pre-season hype was about the Niners, and how they're ready to lay claim to the NFC West title. Blah blah blah. Meanwhile, they stunk the place up against the Cardinals last week. They had something like 80(!!!) total offensive yards before their final drive. They still finished with under 200 yards total. The Rams were also supposed to challenge. But now Orlando Pace is hurt, as is Tye Hill, their starting CB #1 pick from 2 years ago. And Steven Jackson had fumbilitis last week. Bulger isn't effective when he gets consistent pressure, and he will see that in this game. Niners 23, Rams 20.

Everything St. Ides said is correct. The problem is the Rams are real good at home. Take an outdoor grass team and place them indoors in a loud stadium and strange stuff starts to happen. All the Niner hype is BS. That's a 8-8 team at very best, and I'd be surprised if they win more than 6. I'm going with the Rams at home: Rams 31 Niners 21


CARDINALS +2.5 over Seahawks

Reverse jinx baby! Leinart had an awful game last week, but he should be better this week. Boldin and Fitzgerald usually light up the Seahawks secondary. It'll be a good test to see how far the revamped secondary (3 new starters) has REALLY come. Anyways, Seattle should win this game easily, but I know better. Cardinals 26, Seahawks 23.

Aww jeez. Thanks for the gimme. What's with you Irishes and the superstitions? OK, like I should talk. Once, two of my Aunts got into a fist fight with a woman on the Second Ave. El when they accused said woman of giving them "the evil eye". My uncle Cono had to bail them out of jail. Fucking idiots. But I digress... This is a simple case of one of the top 5 teams in the NFC beating one of the bottom 5 teams in the NFC, even if "Matty" is getting coached by Archie Manning. Seahawks 27 Cardinals 17

DOLPHINS +3.5 over Cowboys

Let's everybody jump on the Tony Romo bandwagon after he lit up the Giants for 45 points, woohoo! Let's not. Overrated, he is. The Cowboys safeties (Roy Williams and former Seahawk Ken Hamlin) are probably two of the hardest hitters - and worst coverage safeties - in the league. Bombs away! Under/over on how many 40+ passes they give up this season is 20 and a half. Tony Romo, meet Jason Taylor. Dolphins 27, Cowboys 20.

I'm not sure what to make of the Dolphins. I really thought they'd beat the Redskins what with Trent Green making his first start and the Redskins essentially sucking. But Green looked ordinary and the Skins won. I'm going agree with St. Ides. I'll give the Fins the win as a special birthday gift to my father-in-law. Dolphins 24 Cowboys 15


LIONS -3.5 over Vikings
Adrian Peterson was impressive in his debut. But I'm still not convinced Tavaris Jackson is going to be able to do anything in the air to balance their offense. Mike Martz has some serious weapons to work with on offense. Let's see how they do at home, against a divisional opponent with a stingy D. Lions 20, Vikings 16.

I've been agonizing over this one for a while, wavering back and forth. Both teams have really explosive offensive capabilities, and both have suspect defenses. This game will tell a lot, but in the end I think that the Lions will prevail in a shoot out. Detroit 41 Minnesota 37


Chiefs +12.5 at BEARS

Chiefs are awful. Horrible. Throw in Herm Edwards as coach, and they'll be lucky to win 4 games. Although I don't think Rex Grossman can score more than 13 points on anyone. Did you see where the Chargers LB said his coach called Rex a "mental midget" and said all you need to do is trash talk him a little to get into his head and throw him off his game? I believe it. And you can bet opposing defense will try it. Only way the Bears cover is if they get 2 or more special teams/defensive scores. Bears 14, Chiefs 3.

Did anyone catch the HBO series "Inside Minicamp: the Kansas City Chiefs"? St. Ides has told us for years that Herm Edwards was a terrible coach and for years I defended him. So let me say it here for all to read: St. Ides was right and Ol' Samichlaus was wrong. Herm Edwards is a terrible coach. The Bears should win this easily. Bears 24 Chiefs 7


RAVENS -6.5 over Jets
The Jets and Mangini are due for some bad karma after squealing on Belichick. As something I read pointed out, I bet Belichick didn't object to the video taped spying while he worked for the Pats, did he? And who's to say that those little advantages didn't even help him land his current head coaching gig to some degree. Anyways, it's going to be a long season for the Jets. They got some breaks last year. This year, karma and luck are against them. Ravens 20, Jets 10.

Christ there's a lot of games this week. I'm typing as fast as I can and there's three more to go. OK... even with the Patriots cheating against the Jets, I still think the Jets are a second or third class team. I've studied the film of that game and really, the Jets didn't look like they belonged on the same field as the Pats. On the other hand, the Ravens are going to get better as the year progresses. Just like St. Ides, I like the Ravens by 10: Ravens 24 Jets 14


Raiders +9.5 over BRONCOS
The Raiders aren't as bad as people think. And it looks like Culpepper might get a chance to prove he's not washed up this week. Not sure if that improves or hurts their chances, but I think they keep this game somewhat close. Broncos 20, Raiders 16.

Seriously? The Raiders are awful. Now put them on the road. Now put them on the road in Denver. You still think this is a 4 point game? The Broncos romp: Denver 34 Oakland 13


PATRIOTS -3.5 over Chargers

The Chargers are talking a bit too much smack for a team that hasn't won jack. Spying or not, they won't be able to stop Brady. And you can bet they'll have a decent game plan cooked up to shut down (and shut up) Tomlinson. I think he called the Patriots big cheaters or something this week. What about Merriman and his steroids suspension? Suddenly that's not cheating?
Patriots 23, chargers 17.

So, when are you and Anonymous leaving for Vermont? If the Pats weren't at home they wouldn't be favored, but I think the Bolts pull the upset. This game has been circled on their calendar since the schedule first came out and I see a fired up Charger team catching the Patriots at the right time. I'll be curious to see how there "second half adjustments" look now that they can't cheat. Chargers 27 Patriots 24


EAGLES -6.5 over Redskins

Eagles aren't as bad as they played last week. And the Redskins aren't as good as they played last week. Things even out a bit this time around. Eagles 23, Skins 16.

Agreed. The Eagles at home make a statement here. They clean up the special teams and smack the Redskins good: Eagles 27 Redskins 13

Holy Fuck

I really love Roger Goodell. He's the first guy to put a world class beat down on the Patriots since Desmond Howard did it in January of 1997. Half a mil from the coach, a quarter mil from the team and the Pats first round pick if they make the playoffs is nothing short of monstrous. Of course, New England has two first round picks this year so this only means they're going to have their usual fantastic draft as opposed to a ridiculously spectacular draft. And would someone explain to me how the Cowboys got Cleveland's first round pick??? But I digress...

This is a severe punishment. In fact, the only jackass who thinks this wasn't severe enough is John Clayton, who judging by his picture used to get beat up a lot by jocks and football coaches. Probably has some mother issues as well. Either way, I think the punishment is fair and correct, and whats more I'm really starting to dislike this Bill Belichick. I used to think he was a class act, but between this and the whole boffing a married woman while he was married really ruined it for me. Belichick may be a great football coach, but he isn't a very good man, even if the married woman was a really hot MILF (I'm not saying she was, I've never seen her. I'm just saying, you know, that it shouldn't matter, right?). It turns out that Belichick is a self serving egotistical pig who cheats on his wife and cheats with his team. Note to the IRS: I'd be fixin' to send an auditor or two over to Bill's place if I were you. I also read that this wasn't the first time the Pats had been caught. Apparently Packers officials had spotted a cameraman with Patriots credentials who was not supposed to be on the sidelines last season. They asked him to stop filming, and he did. But again I have to ask: what did they gain from cheating? The Patriots were going to destroy the Packers in that game, there was no reason to risk cheating.

You know who Bill Belichick reminds me of? Richard Nixon. Now there was a paranoid fucker if there ever was one. Nixon had the '72 election in the bag. He was truly loved by the "silent majority" and was guaranteed to be re-elected. So what happens? He gets involved in Watergate, an event that never should have happened, and the rest is history. I wonder if history will repeat itself? I wonder if this is the beginning of the end for Bill Belichick and the New England Patriots?

How about them Packers?

I think the absolutely worst most boring thing bloggers can write about are prognostications and predictions. That's why the crack staff at SBS provides you with loads of 'em, from out weekly picks to this boring dribble that I'm about to write: The Packers season: you heard it here first...

OK kids, you want to know what's going to happen this season? Feel free to cancel your subscription to NFL Sunday Ticket fellow cheeseheads because here's the season in a nutshell...

Week 1: Philadelphia at Green Bay: I predict that special teams and defense will be the difference maker in the season opener. I also predict that rookie kicker Mason Crosby will win the game on a last second field goal. Watch for it.

Week 2: Green Bay at New York Giants: I predict a Packer road win against a beat up Giants team that is missing three starters (or two and a half if Manning plays hurt). Favre gets his first and second TD tosses, throws 1 pick, and suspectly falls at the feet of Michael Strahan who needs one more sack to pass Lawrence Taylor for the all time Giants record.

Week 3: San Diego at Green Bay: I predict a Packers loss against the most talented team in Football. Not even Norv Turner can fuck this team up, and that's saying something.

Week 4: Packers at Minnesota: I predict a Packer loss. Still reeling from the beatdown pimpslap the Chargers put on them, the Vikings sneak a win on a last minute pick and TD run-back.

Week 5: Chicago at Green Bay: I predict a Packer win. This week, they're pissed and the overrated Bears pay for it. Favre is on fire, while Rex Grossman admires from the sideline. After the game a frustrated Grossman, looking for someone he can beat up, mercilessly attacks Bob Costas.

Week 6: Washington at Green Bay: I predict a Packers win. Besides Clinton Portis, who do the Redskins really have? The Packer D shuts 'em down easy

Week 7: Bye. Mrs. Samichlaus and I finally have a chance to use all those coupons from "Bed, Bath and Beyond"

Week 8: Green Bay at Denver: I predict a Packer loss. Denver demonstrates the correct technique for executing a zone-blocking running scheme, and schools the Packers. Its a lesson the Pack won't forget.

Week 9: Green Bay at Kansas City: I predict a Packers win. After watching the HBO mini series "Inside Training Camp with the Kansas City Chiefs" I've come to two conclusions: Herm Edwards is an idiot, and the Chiefs suck. I will say this about Edwards: the man can still run up the stadium stairs. Perhaps after he gets fired he can pick up some work as a concessionaire.

Week 10: Minnesota at Green Bay: I predict a Packers win. Revenge is a dish best served cold, as in November in Green Bay cold. The Vikes are overmatched and overwhealmed.

Week 11: Carolina at Green Bay: I predict a Packers win. Carolina's diminutive Steve Smith gets shut down by Al Harris, and David Carr (who is starting because Jake Delhomme has gotten injured at some point) is just too pretty and gay to do well in a November game in Wisconsin.

Week 12: Green Bay at Detroit (Thanksgiving): I predict a Packers loss. The overconfident Packers fail to adjust for the Detroit Thanksgiving mojo and are caught by surprise. Meanwhile, Detroit wins its second game of the season.

Week 13: Green Bay at Dallas: I predict a Packers win. Since both teams played on Thanksgiving, you might think that the extra time off is not a factor. But you are wrong. The extra time gives Green Bay the opportunity to further prepare for the Cowboys and gives the Cowboys just the right amount of time to realize that Bill Parcells isn't their head coach any more.

Week 14: Oakland at Green Bay: I predict a Packers win. Come on, do I really need to explain this one???

Week 15: Green Bay at St. Louis: I predict a Packers loss. Favre hates playing in that stadium. Some of his biggest stinkers have been against the Rams and this game is no different. Favre attempts to mitigate this by bringing his wife Deanna with him, but does not succeed in "leaving my boners back at the hotel".

Week 16: Green Bay at Chicago: I predict a Packers loss. Chicago, desperately competing for the last wild card spot pulls out all the stops and starts newly acquired Daunte Culpepper at QB. Catching the Packers off guard, the Bears unveil their new offensive scheme. Known as the "South Side Offense", it is a variation on the "run and shoot" and is also referred to as the "shoot and run".

Come on, that's a pretty good line for an out of work computer geek

Week 17: Detroit at Green Bay: I predict a Packers win... and I'd love to explain this but my wife needs the computer.

Final record 10-6
The Pack makes the playoffs!

Major board announcement!!!!!!

We're back! Phone your drunk ass friends and tie your daughters down, America's favorite sports blogging Steves are back. We'll be providing our usual weekly insights including our now famous picks as well as detailed Seahawks and Packers information you can't find anywhere else! And for all you ladies, Ol' Samichlaus will be sharing those sporting secrets that make up a healthy marriage so stand by for another terrific season of Dr. Phil and some sports blogging.

So, how did this all happen? I mean with St. Ides now a father and Ol' Samichlaus once again unemployed, what could possibly motivate us to blog? Maybe it has something to do with the fact that St. Ides is a father and I'm unemployed.

Actually it was this email I sent to St. Ides:

"Hey you fucking Irish prick, I miss our football chats! How the hell are you? I've been thinking about you, what with Michigan in the proverbial shitter and football season under way. I heard the Seahawks got Charlie Frye and thought "well crap, the rich just keep getting richer". Things are OK here in the southland, but I am still out of work. I've got a few hot leads but still no offers. I even had to apply for unemployment, but I'm not complaining. We're OK with money so I am being a bit choosy.

How's life and fatherhood treating you? Drop me an email when you get a chance, oh and tell Anonymous the Patriots are a bunch of cheating pieces of shit."

St. Ides thought this was a good time to bring up the old blog:

"Hahaha I just finished writing a reply to Anonymous about the Patriots. He doesn't think they'll take away a first round pick, I think it's pretty likely.

Things are good! Fatherhood is pretty exciting. I've given up on Michigan for this season obviously, but Seattle looks good! Their defense was scary good this weekend. Kerney, Peterson, and Tatupu were all over the place, and the secondary actually played well for a change. Those two new safeties make a BIG difference.

Green Bay had a nice win too. A lot of people were on the Eagles' peepee before the season, but I think they're overrated.

Good luck with the job search! If you have enough spare time in between resume tweaking and interviews, maybe we could actually resume our picks or something. :P"

And that's how it happened.

All I can say is I'm glad we're back, and we hope you are too!

The Eagles' peepee?