Week Three Picks

We've been brief with the pre-pick cute openers. And that trend continues this week. Both Steves are 16-16 after two weeks.

Tennessee (0-2) at NY Jets (2-0) -2.5
I am so totally on the Jets bandwagon. What Rex Ryan and Mark Sanchez have done in two weeks is quite an accomplishment. Sanchez is playing with the poise of a veteran, while Ryan has the team and it’s fan base energized. The Titans? Disappointing as usual. I’ll take the Jets and the points: Jets 27 Titans 17

You know what? I think I am too. Moreso for their defense than Dirty Sanchez. They shut down the Texans, and we thought Houston’s offense was bad. But then Houston went nuts last week. Of course, it’s only week 2, and in another two weeks we could be talking about Sanchez isn’t ready for the NFL, but hey, live in the present, right? Jets 20, Titans 17.

Jacksonville (0-2) at Houston (1-1) -3.5
Houston beat the afformentioned Titans by a field goal last week, but more importantly put up 34 points in the process. This week will be no different… but that half point is bothering me. Meanwhile Jacksonville is looking to get off the shneid as it were, so expect a tough game from David Garrard and company. After reviewing the films of last week’s game against the Cardinals, Ol Samichlaus thought he was watching the Packers what with Garrard running for his life half the time. I’m going with Houston and the points: Houston 31 Jacksonville 27

I don’t think I’ve ever seen the word “shneid” in print before. I hope to never again. I’ve been saying it ever since Jacksonville let Byron Leftwich get away and anointed Garrard their starter after a fluky low INT season (I think it was only 7 picks all season), but I have zero faith in him as a QB asked to win games. Texans 27, Jaguars 17.

NY Giants (2-0) at Tampa Bay (0-2) +7.5
The Giants continue to roll and roll well against the Bucs, a shadow of the Jon Gruden team that they were. The G-men have these kid receivers that are making everyone forget all about Plaxico Burress and the ass fuckings he’s receiving in prison as I write. I know that this is a lot of points to give to a home dog, but I’m giving them anyway: Jints 30 Bucs 13

I think the Giants are due for a bit of a letdown after ruining the Cowboys’ new stadium opener. Yes, the Bucs are pretty bad. And yes, their starting QB is the aforementioned Jaguars reject Byron Leftwich. But I think Manning is due for a stinker, and the Giants win but just barely. Giants 23, Bucs 20.

Cleveland (0-2) at Baltimore (2-0) -13.5
Ouch. Two touchdowns… tempt Ol’ Samichlaus why don’t you? Last week the Browns lost by two touchdowns to the Vikings. At home. What do you think the Ravens are going to do to them in Baltimore? Look for Eric Mangini to be waiting tables for Artie Bucco at Vesuvio’s any day now. I would love to be in Baltimore for this one… Ravens 37 Browns 10.

Remember before the season how one of the position battles to watch was Browns QB? Would it be the somewhat proven Derek Anderson or high draft pick Brady Quinn? Well, Quinn won the job.. And we’ve heard exactly nothing on that front since then. I have no clue how Quinn is playing, but it surely doesn’t seem like he has the defensive support or running game for it to matter much anyways. Ravens 23, Browns 3.

Washington (1-1) at Detroit (0-2) +6.5
The Redskins were so awful last week in defeating the Rams that Sonny Jurgenson called out Jim Zorn in a radio interview. Zorn has tried to spin it as “a win is a win” and “we did a lot of things right”, and really he’s right. But I think this is the week Detroit gets off the shneid with their first win of the season. And if they do I can’t wait for all the Jason Campbell haters to start in on him Monday morning. Fun fun fun! Detroit 24 Redskins 20

WTF, the word “shneid” twice in one week? Ack! Poor Jim Zorn. If he would have stuck around Seattle, he would likely be the offensive coordinator right now. Which probably would have prepared him slightly better for a head coaching job than simply being Quarterbacks Coach. I agree with my colleague. The Lions have shown signs of life, and they’ll get a few wins this season. They may even only be the 4th worst team in the league. Kind of crazy they’re getting that many points at home against this Skins team. I think that’s Vegas again setting the line against people thinking of last year’s 0-16 team and not this year’s reality. Lions 17, Redskins 10.

Kansas City (0-2) at Philadelphia (1-1) -9.5
In another Samichlaus bust, the Chiefs lost at home last week to the Raiders. How the fuck does that happen? This week we get to see Michael Vick finally play and I think that’s going to be fun. I heard Vick say earlier this week that he “invented the wildcat” offense. So what do they call it in Philly? The wild dog? Meanwhile Bryan Westbrook hasn’t practiced so I’m not sure how good Philly can be this week. I’ll take the Chiefs and the points: Philly 27 KC 20

After sticking around against the Ravens in week 1, the Chiefs came back to earth last week losing to the horrible Raiders in KC. No way they keep this close. I wonder if Vick and Jeff Garcia have a special bond in those QB meetings since they’ve both taken it up the…. Eagles 30, Chiefs 10.

Atlanta (2-0) at New England (1-1) -4.5
New England at home. That’s worth a field goal. But quietly Atlanta has become one of the best teams in the league. They are young and this will be a test, but I like the Falcons and the points. Tom B hasn’t shown me he’s back, and the Big A called it: the D is suspect. New England 24 Atlanta 23

Can the Pats recover now that every team simply copies the Giants’ “pressure the poop out of Brady non-stop” blueprint for success? This team should be 0-2 really. How the hell has “genius” Belichick not figured out a way to protect his star QB? I don’t care if you need to keep 7 guys in to protect him, you have GOT to keep Brady’s uniform clean. I’m taking the Falcons and the points for sure. Patriots 27, Falcons 23.

Green Bay (1-1) at St. Louis (0-2) +6.5
How bad is the Packers moral right now? Mike McCarthy had this to say earlier in the week: “We're 1-1 and we're excited about this opportunity in St. Louis. So we're going to line up and play just the way we did every day, nothing's going to change, we're not changing any plays, any practice schedules, any linemen, any safeties, OK? So we're going down to St. Louis to win a game and we're going to play our type of football. That's our approach.” With that, McCarthy waited a beat, said, "Thank you," and walked away from the podium.
The next day the Packers released safety Aaron Rouse (another VA Tech bust), signed safety Matt Giordano, declared O lineman Chad Clifton out until after the bye, moved Darren Colledge from, guard to tackle, moved center Jason Spitz to guard and brought Scott Wells off the bench to play center.
Yoiks and away.
Smart money tells me to bet on the Rams, but I’m not smart. I actually believe all the hype that the Packers are really focused this week… Packers 34 Rams 10

The Rams are REALLY bad. Like potentially 0-16 bad. Marc Bulger is a shell of his former self and has nobody to throw to. Steven Jackson seems to have lost a step. Their defense has some promising young players, but more than enough holes to exploit. If the Packers somehow lose this game, they can officially go into panic mode. Packers 27, Rams 13.

San Francisco (2-0) at Minnesota (2-0) -7.5
San Francisco showed me something last week, and I’m starting to love Mike Singletary. I read this about him earlier today: “Then there is the Mike Singletary approach. I thought he would lose his team with the in your face mentality. He sent his TE to the locker room during a game, embarrassing him He dropped his shorts in front of the team.” Jeez. If Mike McCarthy ever dropped his shorts in front of the team… Anyway, I think the Niners catch the Vikings napping. Oh, and Adrian Peterson has been limited in practice with back pain. Niners 24 Vikings 21

Despite them being a division rival, I don’t mind this Niners team that much. And I hope they beat the Vikings. I’m so sick of hearing about Adrian Peterson this and Adrian Peterson that. Blah blah blah. Frank Gore absolutely tore up Seattle last week, and if he can get through (or around) the Williams wall up front he can probably do the same thing. Niners 24, Vikings 21.

Chicago (1-1) at Seattle (1-1) +2.5
Let’s assume that Hassleback is out or really too hurt to play well. I always like Seattle at home with their coffee fed minions pushing the decibels of a Who concert. But I like the Bears, who looked really good at home against the Steelers. Seattle on the other hand looked awful against Frank Gore, who ran with more success than Al Gore. What? That’s overused? Well, uhh, Dirty Sanchez. Bears 27 Seahawks 17

I was sitting in Newark airport trying to watch the Seahawks-Niners game on my laptop using the wonderful DirecTV “SuperCast” application. Sadly, my Verizon air card had a weak signal, all the WiFi signals in the airport require registration, and it was like watching a frickin flip book of still images rather than a live video broadcast. I did manage to see the play where Hasselbeck got hurt, and immediately thought “Oh well, so much for a promising season.” After several years of success and playoffs, I think it might truly be back to the lean times for the Seahawks. They have other key injuries too – starting LBs Tatupu and Leroy Hill, CB Marcus Trufant is still on the PUP, Whosyourmomma missed some practice time this week with back spasms, and the Sean Locklear, who was playing LT with Walter Jones out, is hurt too. This is starting to look like last year. I’ve gone from excited to depressed very quickly about this season. Bears 23, Seahawks 16.

New Orleans (2-0) at Buffalo (1-1) +5.5
Boy do I like the Saints this year. They’ve finally stopped trying to make Reggie Bush into something he’s not: a professional football player. Remember kids, you read it here first. Ol’ Samichlaus never thought Reggie Bush was “all that’, though I did scratch my head over the Mario Williams thing, Anyway, here I go picking against the home dog again: Saints 30 Bills 24

I’m taking the Saints until they prove me wrong. I don’t think it happens this week. Drew Brees somehow continues to do it. He’s on pace for something ridiculous like 75 TD passes. The Bills aren’t as bad as people expected them to be going into the season (and really, they should be 2-0), but the Saints are on another level. Saints 36, Bills 20.

Pittsburgh (1-1) at Cincinnati (1-1) +4.5
The Bengals are not as good as they looked against the Packers, and the Steelers are not as pedestrian as they looked against the Bears. Granted they are a different team without Troy Polamalu, but I expect them to be quite fired up this week. The Bengals made good on all their promises against the Packers, including a “tasteful” Lambeau leap by Chad Ochocinco after a touchdown catch. Chad had the decency to find 3 Bengals fans to leap into, and the Packer fans went easy on him. I like the Steelers by 7. Steelers 17 Bengals 10

You know, this going second thing with the picks makes life easy. I can just say “I agree” and move on to the next game. (PS – Big Ben is overrated.) Stealers 20, Bengals 13.

Miami (0-2) at San Diego (1-1) -6.5
Miami held the ball for 46 minutes on Monday night and lost. That’s astounding. This week they travel to San Diego where the Chargers are coming off a tough loss to the Ravens. Much like the Steelers, I see a fired up Bolts team ready to demolish the lowly Fins. Sorry Dad, it’s an 0-3 start for your favorite team. Bolts coast: San Diego 34 Dolphins 20

That was a pretty exciting game to watch Monday night. The Colts had 3 plays the entire 3rd quarter. Three. That’s crazy. I’m flabbergasted. (On the way home the other evening, I had the Yankees-Angels game on the radio. The Yankees brought in Ian Kennedy to pitch the 8th with a one run lead. He hadn’t pitched in the majors all season. Michael Kay proceeded to say “I’m flabbergasted” 27 times in a 5 minute span, setting a new world record. I’m gunning for that record soon.) But yeah, I said it in week one and I’ll keep saying it until they show otherwise, but I don’t expect much from the Fins this year. Chargers 29, Dolphins 17.

Denver (2-0) at Oakland (1-1) -1.5
The 2-0 Broncos. Who’da thunk it. Here’s another one: The 1 – 1 Raiders? Alrighty then. Let’s think this one through. Denver beat the ever living shit out of Cleveland but that was no surprise. Meanwhile the Raiders shocked the poo-poo out of me with a victory at Arrowhead. This is a close spread so I’m going with the Broncos. I think that in the end Denver matches up well against the Raiders and is simply the better team. Too soon for a Samichlaus stinker, in fact this may be fun to watch. Broncos 20 Raiders 17

This game is actually for a share of 1st place in the AFC West? The Broncos have been playing over their heads a bit. Let’s see how Kyle Orton does in the Black Hole against a divisional rival. I suspect the answer is “not so good.” And let me remind everyone that the Broncos defense really isn’t very good. Given the expectations going into this season, it’ll be pretty amazing if Seattle’s first round pick is actually higher than the one they’re getting from Denver. I’ll be flabbergasted. Raiders 26, Broncos 20.

Indianapolis (2-0) at Arizona (1-1) -1.5
What the Colts did to the Dolphins was astounding. Wait, I said that already. Peyton Manning is really something. He keeps finding ways to win. Despite the drop off in talent with the Colts, he manages to run that offense efficiently and effectively. I still think the Cards are good for 4 wins. OK, maybe 6, but not this week: Colts 31 Cards 27

One of my less knowledgeable co-workers said to me on Tuesday morning, “Wow, I didn’t realize Peyton Manning was that good!” My actual response was, “Are you kidding me? Yeah, he’s awesome, it’s pretty much him and Brady as the top QBs in the league.” What I was thinking was, “Wow, have you ever watched football before last night? If you don’t know how good Peyton Manning is, you don’t even have the right to talk football. Go stick your head in a microwave.” Meanwhile, Kurt Warner set a record for completion percentage last week in a single game, something like 24 for 26, which is like uhhh 96% or something. Of course, what that doesn’t tell you was he wasn’t going deep at all, something that has reportedly irked Larry Fitzgerald. I’m not sold on the Cardinals. If the Niners could beat them in Arizona, so can the Colts. Colts 27, Cardinals 20.

Carolina (0-2) at Dallas (1-1) -9.5
There’s no way Dallas loses again at home, in front of what, 105,000 fans? People will start calling that building cursed. Earlier this week ESPN took a poll that asked “Will the Cowboys ever win a Super Bowl with Tony Romo as their QB” and overwhelmingly the nation voted No. Even in Texas. Now, back to this game: 9.5 is a lot of points against the Cats, so I’m taking the Cats and the points Dallas 30 Carolina 23

Actually, it will be rare for the Cowboys to top 100,000 fans again this season. Apparently a lot of that capacity is standing room, and they have these “party platforms” for people to hang out on. And there were several near riots last week as people wanted to get to the platforms with the best views, and they became overcrowded. So they did some math and considered the danger of the situation, and decided they had oversold those passes a bit. By a mere 20,000. So yeah, there will be closer to 80,000-85,000 for the rest of the season in the new stadium. I think the pressure might get to Romo and I agree that the Cowboys will not cover. Cowboys 27, Panthers 20.