Happy Thanksgiving from your favorite jive turkeys

SBS Fans: It's Sunday morning and I've been trying to get this thing to work since Wednesday. I finally received the account information from the hosting company so we'll see if my changes work. Otherwise I will have to ask the great web guru St. Ides to see if he can figure it out... wish me luck.. Samichlaus

SBS Fans: We are experiencing technical difficulties with the Web site. Of course, if you are reading this those problems have been solved. Meanwhile, it's the Friday after Thanksgiving and St. Ides is already 2-0 whilst Ol' Samichlaus is at 0 - 2.

Happy holidays to all you SBS-Artists, Samichlaus here with this weeks picks. We're getting 'em in early so you can call your bookie and spread a little holiday cheer. First, let's recap:

If you listened to St. Ides -
Last week your bookie was happy: 7-9
This season your bookie is very happy: 72-87

If you listened to Samichlaus -
Last week your bookie was estatic: 5-11
This season your bookie is a little upset: 80-79

I'm actually feeling fairly confident this week. Seems there's a few spreads that are bigger or smaller than they should be. Maybe the odds makers were slacking this week too?

I’m glad some one is feeling good. After last weeks pre-thanksgiving turkey I’m feeling a little less confident in my prognosticating abilities. Oh, and upon further review, the Packers suck.


Atlanta -3.5 over LIONS
The overrated Michael Vick versus the totally not overrated Joey Harrington. I'm very tempted to take the Lions, except for two things really. 1) I still think the Falcons defense is pretty good and 2) Harrington is usually pretty bad when he's NOT in the national spotlight. I think he will absolutely choke this one away, to the point we could see him and his receivers going at it on the sideline. Maybe we'll have a Jeff Garcia sighting before this one is over. We can hope. Falcons 27, Lions 13

Thanksgiving is like a totally different universe for the Lions. No matter how bad they suck, they always play tough on Thanksgiving. In my head, I don’t see the Herpes carriers losing three in a row but in my heart I see a Lions victory.
Lions 27 Vick’s Herpes Infested Penis 24


Broncos -2.5 over COWBOYS
Huge game for both teams. Both QBs are playing incredibly (and shockingly) well. So which one reverts to their old self first, Bledsoe or Plummer? I'm going to go with Bledsoe, just because I love seeing Parcells pissed off. God, I hate him. Not to mention, my uncle is a huge Cowboys fan, and I'll have to listen to him all fricking day about what a genius Parcells is, and how good the Cowboys are this year. Please, whoever is has kidnapped Jake Plummer and is masquerading as him, keep it up just one more week. Broncos 24, Cowboys 17.

You have an uncle who is a Cowboys fan? Man, you grow ‘em weird in da Bronx. Hey, he isn’t like one of those “evil” uncles who like to watch you get changed when you’re about 7 years old, is he??? Anyway, I’m going with the same logic as I did in the first pick: throw out the logic, it’s Thanksgiving. Cowboys 31 Broncos 30


Ravens +9.5 over BENGALS
The Bengals may have exposed the Colts defense as not as good as hyped last week. The Ravens kicked the poop out of the Steelers. I don't think the Ravens will win this one, but they might keep it close with solid D. Also, it seems like they might be realizing that Chester Taylor is a better running option than the recently incarcerated Jamal Lewis. Lewis sucks this year. Bengals 26, Ravens 18.

Man that’s a lot of points… you think I’d learn from last week, but I’m not. I’m actually quite stubborn that way. I think after watching Indy pretty much have their way with the Bengals D, the D will rise to the occasion and play a solid game. Meanwhile Carson Palmer, who Boomer Esiason called the best young quarterback in the league earlier this year, will have enough to manage the ferocious D of the Ravens.
Bengals 27 Ravens 13

BILLS +4.5 over Panthers
Both teams coming off tough road losses last week. The Panthers will have to go into the cold and try and proove that they are one of the NFC elite. Meanwhile, the Bills have been good at home and still have a shot at the AFC East. Samichlaus noted that Jake Delhomme has the worst technique he's ever seen. That's good enough for me to think maybe the Panthers aren't as good as everybody is claiming… Bills 24, Panthers 23.

Let me qualify that statement, because in all fairness to Jake Delhomme, Jerry Tagge and Rich Campbell were much worse. Delhomme is at least supposed to be a good NFL quarterback. Tagge and Campbell (the other first round QB out of Cal we took) simply sucked. Bills dogs at home? I love it.
Bills 24 Cats 17


Bears +3.5 over BUCANNEERS
After the dominant defensive performance against the Panthers, consider me on the Bears bandwagon. This defense is good. Although Chris Simms has put together back-to-back nice games, this analysis by Samichlaus keeps sticking in my head: "I saw Chris Simms earlier this year on one of those "In their own words" specials. The show was about Jon Gruden, but Simms jumped out at me. I was amazed that the son of one of the smartest quarterbacks I've ever seen didn't seem very bright. He was easily flustered and could not remember the plays Gruden was calling. Unlike his father, he lacked command and presence in the huddle." Let's just say that I think the Bears defense is going to eat him alive. Bears 20, Bucanneers 9

I’m officially jumping on the Bearwagon. Although Simms has improved considerably, I agree with myself (and St. Ides). The Bears D is just that good, but the under (33) is even better.
Bears 17 Bucs 10.


VIKINGS -4.5 over Browns
I said a few weeks ago something along the lines of "Well, at least with Brad Johnson at QB, he won't turn the ball over 3-6 times a game like Culpepper does." Well, guess what. He hasn't been turning the ball over, and the Vikings have been winning. And everybody's favorite alcoholic ex-Seahawk, Koren Dropinson, is starting to take a prominent role in the offense. On one hand, it's nice to see the young man get his life turned around. On the other hand, why did it take getting cut for the ungrateful bastard to realize how lucky he was. I guess I'm fairly indifferent to how he does, mostly cause I don't give a crap about the Vikings. But everytime he drops a catch (and he WILL drop the ball), I'll grin a little bit and think "Thank god that wasn't a key play for Seattle instead." Vikings 23, Browns 16.

Note about Robinson: he’s a #3 receiver and a special teams demon for the Vikings. Nice and easy, no pressure. In fact he made a key catch against Green Bay on a blown coverage by rookie corner Jason Horton, and as the ball was in the air I wished a special wish: “Please drop it”. He didn’t. Vikings 27 Browns 24


CHIEFS -3.5 over Patriots
The Patriots last 3 wins came by an average of 6 points against the Bills, Dolphins, and Saints. The Chiefs are pretty good at home, and Larry Johnson is running rampant. Brady somehow keeps it close, but I think the Patriots are just too banged up this year to beat good offensive teams on the road. Chiefs 30, Patriots 24.

Exactly, and let me say it again: the Chiefs are a different team at home. The Patriots, decimated by injuries, will play tough but they’ll lose by 7 or more. Chiefs 31 Patriots 20


Chargers -3.5 over REDSKINS
I said it last week, I'll say it again: that heart-breaking loss to the Bucanneers two weeks ago is the kind of game that can totally change a team's season. Believe me, as a long-time Seahawks fan, I know those games. I've seen teams go into downward spirals, especially when they're a bit shaky on one side of the ball, and despite some early season success, I'd have to call the Brunell led Skins offense "shaky." Drew Brees proved last week that he can singe-handedly beat teams that stack the line against Tomlinson. Chargers 30, Redskins 17.

OK, OK, you win. You’re right about the Skins and I think they lose at home. Brees is going to pick that team apart, like the white meat off a tom turkey. The Redskins will leave their giblets on the turf after a good old fashioned stuffing by the Chargers. Yep, it’s going to be all gravy for the Bolts as they leave the Redskins bleeding cranberry red on Sunday. Chargers 37 Skins 13


Niners +8.5 over TITANS
The Niners are not as bad as people think. Their defense has some good players up front. And this just in: Steve McNair is still the QB in Tennessee. Doesn't that seem a bit weird? 49ers 23, Titans 20.

The Niners are as bad as people think. They’re just not as bad as the Seahawks thought. Don’t let that game fool you, that was more of a let down on Seattle’s part than a true indication of the Niners. Titans 27 Niners 10


Rams -3.5 over TEXANS
Let's see… Larry Johnson ran over the Texans for 200+ yards. The Rams just ran the ball a mere 12 times for 6 yards against a crappy Cardinals defense. Starting QB Marc Bulger is hurt. If I were the Rams coach, I would make sure Steven Jackson runs the ball at least 25 times. But I'm not. So they'll probably go throw crazy. Still, the Texans are bad enough that either approach should work. Rams 30, Texans 23.

The Texans have so given up on the season, I’m sure that they have a locker all set for Reggie Bush. That’s the worst team in football kids. Pretty quarterback and all. Rams 33 Texans 17


CARDINALS +3.5 over Jaguars
Kurt Warner looked revitalized last week in St. Louis. Can he bring that back to the desert with him? Maybe, and here's why: he has two absolute studs in receivers Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin. He just needs the time to find them. And, I'll repeat, the Jaguars are not blowing out far inferior teams. I'm not going to say the Cardinals win, but I wouldn’t be shocked. Jaguars 24, Cardinals 23.

St. Ides pointed it out: the Jags play to the level of their opponents. Every reader at SBS knows we’re a big fan of home dogs, and I like this one. Cardinals 24 Jaguars 23


RAIDERS -7.5 over Dolphins
The Dolphins QB woes have gotten to them. Shutout by the Browns? Yikes It might be time for them to seriously consider becoming a part of the Matt Leinart sweepstakes. Raiders 23, Dolphins 13.

They’ve got a legitimate shot at Leinart, considering the Texans have invested in “sugar lips” and the Niners have invested in Alex Smith. Anyway, Nick Saban said earlier this week that the Fins would use the remainder of the season to examine talent for next year. That’s coach speak for “we’re mailing it in”. Raiders 27 Dolphins 10


Packers +4.5 over EAGLES
The Packers keep staying competitive, and keep losing the close games. Without McNabb and Owens, the Eagles offense is pretty bad. Let's say this is another close loss. Eagles 24, Packers 21.

I don’t think it’s going to be close. I saw something that really bothered me this week: Favre looked perplexed and disgusted. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that Sherman has lost him. The Packers offensive line is pathetic, particularly the play of Will Whitiker and Scott Wells. The defense is good, but they still give up too many big plays. The game’s in Philly. Eagles 34 Packers 21


Giants +4.5 over SEAHAWKS
Reverse jinx time! So far, my reverse jinxes are 3-0.. Everytime I have picked Seattle to lose outright, they have won! When I take the Seahawks, they are 5-2 (4-3 against the spread). So, faced with another playoff-caliber team that a lot of "experts" are picking as a possible Super Bowl team, I have to think the Seahawks choke this one away. Although, they are pretty good at home (only 3 losses at home since Qwest Field opened 3 years ago, including none this year). And the Giants aren't very good on the road. Still, I think the Giants offense can expose the weaknesses in the still young Seattle defense. Really, this game will come down to Hasselbeck having to put together a 2-minute drill to pull it out. He's done it before, but I don't see it happening this week. In fact, it may even be better if we lose this game. Because if we win this and are sitting at 9-2, then everybody will pretty much HAVE to call us the best in the NFC. And I'm not sure I want that. Not yet. Giants 27, Seahawks 24.


Seattle will run Shawn Alexander up the Giants proverbial asses, and the defense will be better prepared this week. Last week was their letdown. This week they recover. Seattle 34 Giants 17


Saints -1.5 over JETS
This is the same Jets team who had 5th (yes, FIFTH) string QB Klif Kingsbury in at QB last weekend? And they're only getting 1 and a half points? Uhhhhh, okay… Saints 24, Jets 10.

One thing I have to add: this absolute stinker is the Sunday night game and it couldn’t have happened to a nicer crew. I absolutely fucking hate the Sunday night team. They are the least entertaining, least insightful most boring announcing crew covering professional football. Why couldn’t Lawrence Taylor have broken Joe Theisman’s larynx instead of his leg? Jesus H Christ in a chicken basket. I hope that no one, and I mean no one watches… hey wait… the game’s in New York? On ESPN? You think Suzy Kolber might be coaxed to do another sideline interview with Broadway Joe Namath? Now that might be worth watching… Jets 15 Saints 13. Home dog baaayyybeee,


COLTS -0.5 over Steelers
Big Ben is back, but is he 100%? The Colts defense was exposed a bit against the Bengals, but they proved they could still run and gun with the best offenses out there. I can't figure out how this spread is so low, it must be a misprint. The Steelers defense is pretty good, but they're not dominant enough to keep the Colts off the scoreboard a few times. 11-0, anyone? Colts 27, Steelers 20.

USA Today has the spread at 8 – 42 is your over/under. BTW, the over is 5 – 2 in the last 7 games between these teams. OK, with that said I’m taking the Colts. The sons of bitches are going to run the table. Colts 38 Steelers 20