Upon further review, or why you should never listen to me, ever.

Welcome to yet another new feature at SBS. I like to call this “Upon further review” and here’s how it works: Each week I will review the picks I got wrong. We’ll look at what I thought would happen and what went wrong. As far as the picks I got right, you can just review my picks and marvel at how smart I am.

But feel free to read on and see how dumb I am. I invite St. Ides to join in…

RAMS -9.5 over Cardinals

How in the hell does Kurt Warner throw for 360 yards and still score like shit? Oh yeah, because St. Ides is right, the Cardinals still stink. They’re great between the 20’s but they still stink. Rams 34 Cardinals 13

Actual Score: Cardinals 38 Rams 28. I totally missed that this was Kurt Warner’s return to St. Louis. Warner, cast out like a martyr by Mike Martz had something to prove, and he did. His return was the mitigating factor.


Panthers -3.5 over BEARS

…and the Bears schedule gets tougher the rest of the way. Mark my words, the Bears will not win another game this season. Meanwhile, when John Fox was asked earlier this week what he thought about his Panthers being 7 – 2 Fox replied “All it means is the worst we can do is 7 – 9”. Man, that’s a tough coach. Panthers 24 Bears 10

Actual Score: Bears 13 Panthers 3. OK, I found a more overrated quarterback than Michael Vick. Jake Delhomme has the worst technique I’ve ever seen. I don’t think he’s ever heard of looking off the corner because the guy zones on one receiver and stares the ball into him. Regarding my bold prediction about the Bears, what I meant was they won’t win another game starting THIS week…



BENGALS +5.5 over Colts

Last season Carson Palmer (who Boomer Esiason has called the best young quarterback in the game) and Chad Johnson attended a Colts game during the Bengals bye week. They wanted to watch the chemistry between Peyton Manning and Marvin Harrison. This week we get to see if the chemistry lesson paid off, and Samichlaus is betting that it did. Break out the Champaign you wacky ’72 Dolphins, it the Bengals 31 the Colts 30 in the Samichlaus Shocker of the week.

Actual Score: Colts 45 Bengals 37. The Colts scored touchdowns on their first 5 drives, and the only reason it was this close was that they got greedy. Towards the end of the first half, up by 21 they continued to throw the ball. As a result, Peyton Manning got picked leading to a Bengals score. FYI, Carson Palmer, who Boomer Esiason has called the best young quarterback in the game, statistically had a higher completion percentage than Manning.


TITANS +4.5 over Jaguars

Ahh, you’re still steamed over that week one loss by Seattle. Last week was a coming out party for WR Matt Jones who last week was name NFL Offensive Player of the Week Not Named Samkon Gado. The Jags win easy against the depressing Titans: Jaguars 30 Titans 17

Actual Score: Jaguars 31 Titans 28. OK, this one goes right to St. Ides, who is becoming a master of figuring the trend. Here’s what he had to say about the Jags: “One week they're beating a good team convincingly, the next week, they're winning a squeaker against a crappy team. I'll call this one my upset special of the week. Titans 31, Jaguars 30”. The man’s right. The Jags play to the level of their opponents.


Dolphins +2.5 over BROWNS

Agreed. The Fins are rebuilding, but I see Nick Saban and company pulling the road win as well Dolphins 20 Browns 17

Actual Score: Browns 22 Dolphins 0. Note to Nick Saban, Sage Rosenfels (5/10 14 yards) isn’t the answer at QB.

Saints +10.5 over PATRIOTS

I think a team that loses 52 – 3 on the road to Green Bay doesn’t fare any better against the Patriots. Patriots 55 Saints 6. And if I’m right, the entire city of Foxboro can suck my cock in grateful thanks.

Actual Score: Patriots 24 Saints 17. Well, my one shot of getting sodomized by Foxboro is gone. Just like the days of New England dominating bad teams. New England will win, but the spreads are going to come back to earth this week.


Raiders +6.5 over REDSKINS

Why oh why to this day when I see the words “2 point conversion” do I think of “Opie and Anthony”? (Second note to wife: Ask me and I’ll explain, or better still I can demonstrate). Last week St. Ides predicted a collapse by Mark Brunell and for a while I thought he’d nailed it. But Brunell showed some resiliency. Meanwhile, Kerry Collins proves yet again that “ball control” are two words that just don’t appear side by side in his dictionary. I think the home cooking does the Skins a little good. Skins 31 – Raiders 20.

Actual Score: Raiders 16 Skins 13. Once again St. Ides had it nailed. The heart breaker last week really showed in the second half for the Redskins as the Raiders simply shut them down. Another 4th quarter collapse signals the end for the Skins. Put some sour cream and chives on these skins, they’re nothing more than an appetizer.


Bills +10.5 over CHARGERS

The Bills are the tale of two teams, the home team that’s pretty damn good and the road team that’s pretty lousy. However, I too think that this spread’s a bit too robust, and considering that the Bills shut down KC last week I think this one stays close. Bolts 24 – Bills 23

Actual Score: Bolts 48 Bills 10. Whoops. Guess the spread wasn’t too robust after all. I need to read my own analysis about “the road team that’s pretty lousy”. Factor in that Drew Brees played a great game for San Diego and this one should have been easy to predict.


RAVENS +4.5 over Steelers

I’m sorry but I don’t care who is handing the ball off for Pittsburgh, they’re a better team. Explain to me how the Ravens are going to score 20 on the Steelers? Steelers 26 Ravens 10.

Actual Score Ravens 16 Steelers 13. Tommy Maddox threw for 230 yards in a close game, but a key pick killed the Steelers. Meanwhile, I misjudged the Ravens D. Again.


TEXANS +6.5 over Chiefs

Tell you what, I like the over in this game. I think the analysis is right, with KC scoring a late score to finish off the Texans. Steers and queers, steers and queers. Chiefs 41 Texans 39.

Actual Score: Chiefs 45 Texans 17. What was I thinking? The Texans already had their one good game. They’re gonna suck the rest of the season, and Reggie Bush is going to make that pretty boy look pretty good next year when they draft him with the first pick…