Week 11? Shit diggity, next thing your going to tell me is it's fucking Thanksgiving.

Here we go!

Holy poop! For the second week in a row, we had an EXACT final score prediction! This time Samichlaus gets the prize for nailing the score Denver 31, Oakland 17. Amazing!

Astounding, the high quality of sports analysis we’ve been providing our readers these days… and pay no attention to my 6 – 8 record last week. I need a strong week of picks to buffer my lead over St. Ides so ‘ol Samichlaus is putting on his thinking cap….

Samichlaus -
Last Week: 6-8
Overall: 75-68

St. Ides -
Last Week: 9-5
Overall: 65-78

RAMS -9.5 over Cardinals
Rams are actually playing better without Martz. Cardinals still stink. Rams 31, Cardinals 19.

How in the hell does Kurt Warner throw for 360 yards and still score like shit? Oh yeah, because St. Ides is right, the Cardinals still stink. They’re great between the 20’s but they still stink. Rams 34 Cardinals 13


Panthers -3.5 over BEARS
If the Panthers are the NFC Super Bowl contender people are making them out to be, they blow away the Bears in Chicago. The Bears have a nice record, but have had a joke schedule. Panthers 27, Bears 10.

…and the Bears schedule gets tougher the rest of the way. Mark my words, the Bears will not win another game this season. Meanwhile, when John Fox was asked earlier this week what he thought about his Panthers being 7 – 2 Fox replied “All it means is the worst we can do is 7 – 9”. Man, that’s a tough coach. Panthers 24 Bears 10


Lions +8.5 over COWBOYS
The two traditional Thanksgiving teams play one another the week before! I don't know, I'm still not sold on the Cowboys. They should have lost last week, if not for that gift McNabb interception. Meanwhile, Joey Harrington had his best game as a pro. Could that give him the confidence he needs? Probably not, but I'll take the points. Cowboys 27, Lions 20

I like the logic, but I’m not sold on Harrington’s last game. I can’t see the Lionesses scoring more than 13 in this one. Meanwhile, Dallas just won a huge game against Philly. That counts for something. Cowboys 24 Lionesses 13


BENGALS +5.5 over Colts
The Bengals fell short during their first real "test" this season when they lost to the Steelers. Here's their second chance. The Colts are flying high, and the Bengals probably don't have the defense to stop them. But the Bengals offense should be able to move on the Colts and keep it somewhat close. Colts 29, Bengals 26.

Last season Carson Palmer (who Boomer Esiason has called the best young quarterback in the game) and Chad Johnson attended a Colts game during the Bengals bye week. They wanted to watch the chemistry between Peyton Manning and Marvin Harrison. This week we get to see if the chemistry lesson paid off, and Samichlaus is betting that it did. Break out the Champaign you wacky ’72 Dolphins, it the Bengals 31 the Colts 30 in the Samichlaus Shocker of the week.


TITANS +4.5 over Jaguars
I've said it before, I'll say it again: it's tough to figure out the Jaguars. One week they're beating a good team convincingly, the next week, they're winning a squeaker against a crappy team. I'll call this one my upset special of the week. Titans 31, Jaguars 30.

Ahh, you’re still steamed over that week one loss by Seattle. Last week was a coming out party for WR Matt Jones who last week was name NFL Offensive Player of the Week Not Named Samkon Gado. The Jags win easy against the depressing Titans: Jaguars 30 Titans 17


Dolphins +2.5 over BROWNS
The Dolphins stuck around against the Patriots last week. The Browns don't seem to be getting any better. Dolphins 24, Browns 13.

Agreed. The Fins are rebuilding, but I see Nick Saban and company pulling the road win as well Dolphins 20 Browns 17


Saints +10.5 over PATRIOTS
10 points is a lot for this banged up Patriots team to give anybody. Even the maddeningly inconsistent Saints. The game probably won't be that close, but the final score should be within 10. Patriots 24, Saints 14.

I think a team that loses 52 – 3 on the road to Green Bay doesn’t fare any better against the Patriots. Patriots 55 Saints 6. And if I’m right, the entire city of Foxboro can suck my cock in grateful thanks.

Note to my wife: don’t worry hon, there’s no way I’m right about this score, I swear.


Raiders +6.5 over REDSKINS
Heart-breaking loss last week for the Skins to the Bucs on that two-point conversion. Let's recap quickly: Bucs score a late TD to pull within 1. On the extra point, the Skins outside guys get a little too jumpy, and go offsides as they block the kick. The ball now goes to the 1-yard line after the penalty. Gruden decides to go for 2, now that it's just one-yard out. Handoff to Mike Alstott. Former All Pro linebacker Lavarr Arrington, who has spent much of the season in the doghouse because he freelances too much, tries to make a highlight film crushing stop and dives over the pile trying to hit Alstott. He whiffs. Alstott falls to the ground, and the 2-point conversion is signalled as good. Upon further review, it appears his elbow hit before the goal line, with the ball NOT in the end zone. However, the chicken shit ref doesn't reverse the call, a little home-cooking, and the Bucs win. That, my friends, is the kind of ending that can kill a team's season. Raiders 27, Redskins 26.

Why oh why to this day when I see the words “2 point conversion” do I think of “Opie and Anthony”? (Second note to wife: Ask me and I’ll explain, or better still I can demonstrate). Last week St. Ides predicted a collapse by Mark Brunell and for a while I thought he’d nailed it. But Brunell showed some resiliency. Meanwhile, Kerry Collins proves yet again that “ball control” are two words that just don’t appear side by side in his dictionary. I think the home cooking does the Skins a little good. Skins 31 – Raiders 20.


GIANTS -4.5 over Eagles
No McNabb. No TO. No chance. Giants 24, Eagles 13.

Hey, don’t forget that another Giant owner dropped dead this week. I’m not sure if Robert Tisch was as beloved as Well Mara, but I think the Giants go out and win one for the Tischer. Giants 27 – Beagles 10


Bucanneers +6.5 over FALCONS
See the above piece on their win last week over the Skins. Throw in Vick's meltdown against a Packers team the Falcons should have beaten. And what we have is a pretty big shift in power between these two teams. Bucs 26, Falcons 20.

What do the Packers and the Bucs have in common? A small fast defense. Now factor in that Vick’s probably still in the midst of a herpes outbreak and this one become easy to predict. One other thing about last weeks Bucs game: Chris Simms really took it up a notch, and I for one didn’t think he could. Kudos. Bucs 27 Vick and his herpes infested penis 24


Seahawks -12.5 over NINERS
The Niners have either Ken Dorsey or Cody Pickett starting at QB for them. They are last in the NFL in both offense and defense. Seattle has taken care of business so far, even against the crappy teams. They need to keep doing it. I don't see the Niners stopping their offense at all. Seahawks 36, Niners 16.

Argue the point: Seattle is the best team in the NFC. Think that Carolina is better? I don’t. I think they’re going to win, but I’ve got a weird feeling that it’s not going to be by 12.5. Seattle wins it 27 – 21


Bills +10.5 over CHARGERS
Put these teams down as two more that are tough to figure out this season. The conventional wisdom is that Tomlinson is going to go nuts on the worst rushing defense in the NFL. The Bills coaching staff reads these "experts", right? Won't they put like 10 in the box and force Brees to beat them? That's what I would do. Chargers should win, but not in a blowout. Chargers 26, Bills 23.

The Bills are the tale of two teams, the home team that’s pretty damn good and the road team that’s pretty lousy. However, I too think that this spread’s a bit too robust, and considering that the Bills shut down KC last week I think this one stays close. Bolts 24 – Bills 23


BRONCOS -13.5 over Jets
Jets stink. Jake Plummer has somehow not imploded yet. Broncos 27, Jets 10.

The Broncos were one pick I got right last week. They’ve proven they’re a good team, not in the same class as Pittsburgh or Indianapolis, but maybe as good as New England and Cincinatti. Broncos win New Orleans style: Big and Easy Broncos 37 Jets 10.


RAVENS +4.5 over Steelers
In week 8, the Steelers beat the Ravens, 20-19. With Big Ben playing. In Pittsburgh. This week, they're in Baltimore and Tommy Maddox is playing. Nuff said. Ravens 20, Steelers 13.

I’m sorry but I don’t care who is handing the ball off for Pittsburgh, they’re a better team. Explain to me how the Ravens are going to score 20 on the Steelers? Steelers 26 Ravens 10.


TEXANS +6.5 over Chiefs
Just one of those games that you can't figure out how it happened, but the Texans stick around. In fact, they might even win. Nahhhh... Chiefs 23, Texans 20.

Tell you what, I like the over in this game. I think the analysis is right, with KC scoring a late score to finish off the Texans. Steers and queers, steers and queers. Chiefs 41 Texans 39.


PACKERS -4.5 over Vikings
I'll leave the in-depth stuff on the Packers to the expert, and I never woulda guessed who that guy in the photo was. But I think beating the Falcons might jump-start them just a little bit, especially if they realize they still have an outside shot of actually winning the NFC North. Packers 30, Vikings 23

They’ve realized it, don’t worry. With my fantasy steal of the year Samkon Gado leading the way the Pack attack is back. Robert Ferguson returns at wide out. David Martin returns as the second TE. And there’s that little stat about the Vikings playing outdoors. Look it up because I’m too tired but I think they’re like 2 – 18 in their last 20 outdoors. Of course the 2 were against Green Bay, but they’ve lost a few to Green Bay too! The Packers look to avenge the early season loss, and the defense is coming off a huge game so expect a lot of hard hitting snot bubblers. The Vikings score 10 on special teams play. Packers 34 Vikings