Crazy week this week. Basically the thing that really screws things up are teams that are locked into their seeding already. Some of the coaches are saying "We're going to stay healthy and rest our starters mostly." (Makes sense.) Some are saying, "Well, our starters will play a bit to stay sharp, but probably get pulled early." (Also makes sense.) And then you have those those who are saying "We're going to play all our starters and play to win!" (Doesn't make as much sense...) What further confuses things is that both Atlanta and Philly benched their starters last week and lost rather handily. So do they try and recover and get the momentum going again? Or do they just continue to play it safe and not risk a championship-dream-demolishing injury?
I can almost see it now... Rams win the early game, which means the Seahawks need to beat Atlanta to win the divison.. Oh the 40-yard scramble for the game winning touchdown, Michael Vick takes a huge hit as he crosses the goal line and breaks his leg into tiny pieces. Atlanta wins and has some momentum going into the playoffs! But how far are they getting with Matt Schaub as their QB?
On to the picks....
St. Ides in blue, Samichlaus in Green.
Records so far:
St. Ides: 21-25
Samichlaus: 22-24
Home team in CAPS:
Playoff implications:
RAMS (+3.5) over Jets
Yes, I dislike both teams. Yes, I hope both teams miss the playoffs. And guess what, they can! Here's how:
We need Rams (vs Jets), Bills (vs Pitt), Broncos (vs Indy), Seahawks (vs Atlanta), and Vikings (at Wash) all to win, and the Saints-Panthers game to not end in a tie. In this scenario, Seattle wins the West, Vikes get the 5 seed at 9-7, and Rams lose the tie-breaker to either the Saints or Panthers, whoever wins will be 8-8 just like the Rams. (The Rams lost to both teams head-to-head this season.) Oh, and this is also a emotional security pick. If the Rams win and Seattle loses, the Rams win the less. Having picked them will ease the sting of that just a little.
This is an “Organization” game. In other words both teams have their flaws, so it comes down to the better organization, and the Jets are the Hindenburg of Organizations. The Rams win outright.
Saints (+7.5) over PANTHERS
This is basically a playoff game. Winner most likely gets in. Although there are some scenarios where the winner could still go home. I'm going with the Saints. Just because people are kissing the Panthers' asses a little too much. And because Aaron Brooks is due to win a big game, right? Uhm, don't answer that. More than a touchdown worth of points is a lot to give in a playoff game. Even against the Aints. Let's just move on before I change my mind...
Yeah, well I’m jumping all over that Cats bandwagon. Right now they are the hottest team in the NFC, and frankly I hope you’re right. They’re the one team I see giving the Packers fits in that first playoff game. Cats win and cover.
Steelers (+8.5) over BUFFALO
Okay, this is the first of several games where you have a team locked into their seeding versus a team playing for their playoff life. But still, that's a lot of points. Steelers won't have Ben or the Bus in there. And most of their defense will probably play most of the game. And oh by the way, Tommy Maddox was doing a pretty decent job at QB before he got hurt. He could throw just enough TDs to keep this close. Bills win a close one. But won't cover.
This is a hard game to pick. I’m going with Buffalo to win and cover. Buffalo is the more desperate team and I think Cowher mails in the Steeler performance. If the Steelers decide to keep it close then your pick is right on. I just don’t see it happening.
Colts (+8.5) over BRONCOS
Watch this: "Okay, this is the second of several games where you have a team locked into their seeding versus a team playing for their playoff life. But still, that's a lot of points." Copy and paste is a wonderful thing. Dungy claims he's going to play his starters and play to win. But 50 would be a nice TD total for Peyton to stop at. And this could very well be a first round matchup next week, except in Indy. So do the Colts want to tip their hand very much? Probably not. Everything screams take the Broncos. Except one thing: Jake Plummer. Actually, I kinda hope the Broncos win this, so they get in and I can bet my house against Plummer next weekend.
Denver at home. Dungy would be insane to leave his starters in for very long in Colorado. Denver keeps it close or wins outright. Can I cut and paste Denver is the more desperate team?
Falcons (+5.5) over SEAHAWKS
Another game where one team is locked into a seed, and the other team could still be battling for positioning. The funny thing about this game is the Seahawks will know by kickoff whether they need to win or not. If the Rams beat the Jets in the early game, Seattle needs a win for the division title. If the Rams lose, they have it clinched and can relax a bit. And we're getting mixed signals from Atlanta, who lost to NO last week while benching several starters. They say this week they're playing their starters and playing to win. But can they really risk a Vick injury in a game that means nothing to them?
All week I’ve been listening to Mike Sherman say that he was going to start his starters and they are going to play to win, and I’ve thought “That’s pretty cool and unique!” What a fool I’ve been. All these asswipes are saying it. OK, back to my analysis. Seattle is the more desperate team. Seattle wins and covers.
SKINS (+3.5) over Vikes
I'll let Samichlaus drop the "insider stat" he came up with for this game. But I think I liked the Skins even before hearing that juicy piece of info. Time for the Vikes and Culpepper to choke yet again. One writer joked that Tice recently had his contract renewed "Through 2005" but if they lose this one, that could mean "Through January 3rd, 2005". I'm willing to bet they don't have Moss throw any passes in this one.
Thank you sir! The insider stat St. Ides is referring to is this: In their last 15 games outdoors, the Viqueens have gone 1-14. The 1 was a victory over the completely unprepared Packers last season. Want more? Karen and I were listening to Mike Tice on NFL Network last night, and we both quickly came to the conclusion that he might be the stupidest man on the planet. He sounds like Raymond’s brother on “Everybody Loves Raymond”. Gibbs wins at home as Samichlaus delivers one last Christmas gift for the season.
Meaningless:
Cowboys (+3.5) over GIANTS
Meaningless game. Would be nice for Eli to get a win before the season ends. I don't see it.
Is that fat racist fuck still starting Testaverde? No offense to the Orientals but I think the Giants run a few Jap plays and pull it out. I’ll guess the Giants cover.
Niners (+14.5) over PATS
Yikes, that's a lot of points to give a team that will likely be facing practice squad players. Here's one of those games where you really don't know how long New England will keep their starters in. But I'm guessing not long enough to hold onto a 15 point lead. Pats hang on to win, but don't cover.
The Pats may just win this one 14 – 0 depending on the weather. I’ll take the Niners with the pointless points.
Miami (+10.5) over BALTIMORE
What can I say... in a week where things will likely be very wacky, why not take the points when in doubt? Ravens have an outside chance of making the playoffs still, but they need a lot of help. And the Pitt D last week exposed just how awful the Ravens O is. They'll need to pitch a shutout to cover this spread.
I’ll say this, since Wannstead was fired, the fins have been in every game. The players love the interim coach and will send him off with a victory. Reason 35 why Dave Wannstead was a terrible head coach: Wannstead’s defensive coordinator when he was Bears head coach was, you guessed it, Packer defensive coordinator Bob Slowik.
Lions (+3.5) over TITANS
The Billy Volek-Drew Bennett Show came crashing back down to earth last week. (Sadly, two weeks too late to save my fantasy season. Bastards.) Volek might not even play this week. And Harrington is starting to quiet some rumors that he sucks. I'm not quite sure he doesn't suck, but I'm betting that he sucks less than whoever the Titans 3rd string QB is.
The Goose had a great line about Harrington: “I wouldn't see him ordering a beer anytime soon. He's over there with the champagne and caviar and the strawberries and chocolate. “-- Fox broadcaster (and ex-NFLer) Tony Siragusa on Lions QB Joey Harrington
I’ll take the Titans, who I have taken and lost with all season.
Browns (+10.5) over TEXANS
I really don't have much to say about this game. Sticking with the points.
Do we really have to analyze this one? Do you think our reader cares? I’ll take the Browns because every time our reader sees David Carr on TV she gives him the finger.
CARDS (-3.5) over Bucs
Just because I needed to pick at least one favorite this week. And because it seems Arizona was really only that bone-headed Denny Green 4 game benching of McNown from being a playoff team. Their defense looks pretty good, and those two big receivers are very promising.
Plus Gruden has completely lost control over the Bucs. Cards win and cover.
EAGLES (-1.5) over Bengals
After that horrible Monday night showing against the Rams, surely the Eagles want to work on some stuff and put in a strong effort without TO before their playoff game in two weeks, right? Surely they realize that if they bench their starters again, it will be almost a whole month between meaningful games by the time they host a game for the right to go to the NFC Championship game, no? I'm giving Andy Reid enough credit to say yes, they'll try and do some things to win this game. In a way, I hope I'm wrong, cause I'd love for Seattle to go into Philly against a very rusty team if they ever make it that far.
I agree. Reid’s a better coach than that. Philly wins by a TD.
Packers (+3.5) over DA BEARS
Packers are locked into the 3 seed and don't have much to play for aside from avenging an early season loss to Chicago in Green Bay. But the Bears offense is just awful enough that the Packers D should be able to stay within 3, even with Green Bay's second stringers playing. Big day for Mr. Poopie Pants on the way!
Easy there. Keep calling him Poopie Pants and we’ll lose our reader. Besides, he pooped into a hamper. That’s not as bad, right? PS: He banged up his shoulder against the Vikes and is listed a questionable. I’m thinking we’re going to see Tony Fischer and Vontay Leech. OK, here’s the deal. This is a huge local rivalry. Think Yankees / Red Sox and you’re starting to get close. The Packers have not been swept by the Bears since 1991, and I don’t think they are going to just lay down. If they lose, it’s by a field goal, but I’m picking them to win outright.
Jags (+2.5) over RAIDERS
Who cares. Jags faded fast after a good start and a lot of people calling them this year's Panthers. They blew it last week though, getting shutout by Houston and pretty much killing their playoff hopes.
The same Jags that beat the Packers at Lambeau? Christ, we suck at home. We’re 5-2 on the road and 4-4 at home. Wait, sorry, I’m supposed to be analyzing this game. Uhh… Jags with the points.
Chiefs (-3.5) over CHARGERS
Chiefs O is finally rolling. I hear Vermeil is already planning for next year. Would be nice to go out on a winning note against a divisional rival. PS: Chargers have nothing to play for, locked into the #4 seed, and will likely rest starters.
Sounds good. I’ve liked KC all year, it’s about time they did something on the road. Cheifs win and cover.
Thursday, December 30, 2004
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
"Holy shit, we're going to win this game!"
Those were the words I blurted, no, shouted out when Brett Favre completed a 31 yard pass to Javon Walker during the final decisive drive of the Packers 34-31 victory on Christmas Eve. This was a victory so sweet and so joyful that I was compelled to go to a Methodist Service later that night to praise the baby Jesus.
…and it was at that point as those words came blurting, no shouting out that Karen found the next level of football fan-hood. She looked at me with a horrified stare and said “You didn’t! You know better than to FUCKING say that! Quick, knock on wood or something, FAST.” The verbal berating continued, deservedly I might add, for she was right. I should have known better. I knocked wood, crossed my fingers, and silently said an “Our Favre”, and Karen, I now know, is completely and emotionally invested. All of a sudden my ritual of placing the autographed Favre mini helmet in between me (wearing my custom made genuine Packer jersey…both gifts from my beloved) and the TV doesn’t seem so silly any more. She now believes the things we say and do at home affect the game on TV. Mission accomplished.
It was a tale of two drives, one that tied the game and one that won it. Favre had been picked off by Vikings linebacker Chris Clairborne, a spectacular grab of a patented Favre bullet pass that Clairborne ran in for the go ahead touchdown. With the Metrodome crowd in a frenzy, I fully expected Favre to meltdown as he has done so many times in this dome before. Instead, Favre was in complete command, showing a poise and confidence I have never seen before.
Drive one: On a third and 10 early on, he threaded a pass between two defenders and hits Donald Driver for 20. It was as clutch a throw as I’d seen… until fourth and one at the 3. Favre hits Driver as Driver falls into the end zone, placing the ball where only Driver could have caught it.
Drive two: Facing third and long, and anticipating a Vikings blitz, the Packers call for a quick slant to Javon Walker. It’s the perfect call as the Vikings bring 7 against the Packers 6 defenders. Favre holds the ball until the last second and releases it an instant before he gets hit. Walker breaks a tackle and runs free for 31 yards to the Vikings 7. “Holy shit, we’re going to win this game”
This win was all about Favre and his receivers. The receivers had dedicated the game to Robert Ferguson and played flawlessly. Favre was nothing short of spectacular, passing for 365 yards including 165 to Donald Driver, who had man coverage most of the game as the Vikings decided to double Javon Walker. However, Favre’s most brilliant play came at the end of the second quarter. On a third and 5 play with no time outs Favre hit Javon Walker for a four and ¾ yard gain. No time outs, fourth down, clock is running, 7 seconds to go, how do you get your field goal unit out? Favre calls for a measurement. This stops the clock long enough to allow the field goal unit to take the field. Vikings coach Mike Tice is beside himself, in a rage that would have made Lou Pinella proud. The clock restarts and Ryan Longwell kicks a field goal to end the first half.
The Defense, well that’s another story.
I have never seen a shoddier defense than this one, including the one we trotted out in 1983. To say that the tackling was terrible would be an understatement. It was almost non existent. The players are clearly not coached in the fundamentals and that is absolutely unacceptable. While watching the attempts at tackling on Michael Bennett's 26 yard TD catch St. Ides's dad had this to say: "Jesus, these guys are a joke". Yep, that's about right. In an earlier email to St. Ides, I said the following: “I'm not sure if you saw the Packer game Friday, but I swear to holy Christ that Archbishop Stepenack can tackle better than our guys. Even the team with fat Mario Vasquez.” So if fat Mario Vasquez ever reads this please take that as a complement.
After the game, the players were all bragging about defensive coordinator Bob Slowik. The postulate was that Slowik’s second half adjustment to a cover two scheme was the difference maker. What I don’t get is how week in and week out Slowik’s game plans are so awful that they require paradigm shifts just to stay close. Here’s a thought for Slow, free of charge, like a Christmas gift from Samichlaus himself: Each week, plan out your defense like you always do. Then when the game starts, do the complete opposite. Just try it, OK? If it works as well as I suspect it will you can send St. Ides a case of Colt 45 because being a Seahawks fan he’s going to need it. Also, go ahead and send fat Mario Vasquez some rice and pork. It wasn't nice of me to call him fat.
…and it was at that point as those words came blurting, no shouting out that Karen found the next level of football fan-hood. She looked at me with a horrified stare and said “You didn’t! You know better than to FUCKING say that! Quick, knock on wood or something, FAST.” The verbal berating continued, deservedly I might add, for she was right. I should have known better. I knocked wood, crossed my fingers, and silently said an “Our Favre”, and Karen, I now know, is completely and emotionally invested. All of a sudden my ritual of placing the autographed Favre mini helmet in between me (wearing my custom made genuine Packer jersey…both gifts from my beloved) and the TV doesn’t seem so silly any more. She now believes the things we say and do at home affect the game on TV. Mission accomplished.
It was a tale of two drives, one that tied the game and one that won it. Favre had been picked off by Vikings linebacker Chris Clairborne, a spectacular grab of a patented Favre bullet pass that Clairborne ran in for the go ahead touchdown. With the Metrodome crowd in a frenzy, I fully expected Favre to meltdown as he has done so many times in this dome before. Instead, Favre was in complete command, showing a poise and confidence I have never seen before.
Drive one: On a third and 10 early on, he threaded a pass between two defenders and hits Donald Driver for 20. It was as clutch a throw as I’d seen… until fourth and one at the 3. Favre hits Driver as Driver falls into the end zone, placing the ball where only Driver could have caught it.
Drive two: Facing third and long, and anticipating a Vikings blitz, the Packers call for a quick slant to Javon Walker. It’s the perfect call as the Vikings bring 7 against the Packers 6 defenders. Favre holds the ball until the last second and releases it an instant before he gets hit. Walker breaks a tackle and runs free for 31 yards to the Vikings 7. “Holy shit, we’re going to win this game”
This win was all about Favre and his receivers. The receivers had dedicated the game to Robert Ferguson and played flawlessly. Favre was nothing short of spectacular, passing for 365 yards including 165 to Donald Driver, who had man coverage most of the game as the Vikings decided to double Javon Walker. However, Favre’s most brilliant play came at the end of the second quarter. On a third and 5 play with no time outs Favre hit Javon Walker for a four and ¾ yard gain. No time outs, fourth down, clock is running, 7 seconds to go, how do you get your field goal unit out? Favre calls for a measurement. This stops the clock long enough to allow the field goal unit to take the field. Vikings coach Mike Tice is beside himself, in a rage that would have made Lou Pinella proud. The clock restarts and Ryan Longwell kicks a field goal to end the first half.
The Defense, well that’s another story.
I have never seen a shoddier defense than this one, including the one we trotted out in 1983. To say that the tackling was terrible would be an understatement. It was almost non existent. The players are clearly not coached in the fundamentals and that is absolutely unacceptable. While watching the attempts at tackling on Michael Bennett's 26 yard TD catch St. Ides's dad had this to say: "Jesus, these guys are a joke". Yep, that's about right. In an earlier email to St. Ides, I said the following: “I'm not sure if you saw the Packer game Friday, but I swear to holy Christ that Archbishop Stepenack can tackle better than our guys. Even the team with fat Mario Vasquez.” So if fat Mario Vasquez ever reads this please take that as a complement.
After the game, the players were all bragging about defensive coordinator Bob Slowik. The postulate was that Slowik’s second half adjustment to a cover two scheme was the difference maker. What I don’t get is how week in and week out Slowik’s game plans are so awful that they require paradigm shifts just to stay close. Here’s a thought for Slow, free of charge, like a Christmas gift from Samichlaus himself: Each week, plan out your defense like you always do. Then when the game starts, do the complete opposite. Just try it, OK? If it works as well as I suspect it will you can send St. Ides a case of Colt 45 because being a Seahawks fan he’s going to need it. Also, go ahead and send fat Mario Vasquez some rice and pork. It wasn't nice of me to call him fat.
Sunday, December 26, 2004
Hey, I was only kidding...
In my last post, I made a humorous remark that went something like "I wish that no Packer fans drop dead of heart attacks this holiday season. Evidentially some one was listening. Instead, Reggie White dropped dead.
Reggie White was the best defensive end I ever saw. He came to the Packers in 1993 as the biggest free agent signing the league had ever seen. Prior to White's arrival, Green Bay was a virtual Siberia for NFL players, the team the coach threatened to trade you to if you didn't perform. Reggie White changed all of that. When everyone thought he would go to a successful franchise like San Francisco, White chose Green Bay and 17 million dollars to be his home. That was the moment that changed the franchise, well that and the trade for Favre.
White was a deeply religious man who during his free agency said he would go where God told him to go. In response to this Packer head coach Mike Holmgren called White's answering machine and left the following message: "Reggie, this is God. Sign with Green Bay. Reggie thought it was hysterical, and promptly signed. He promised to bring a Super Bowl championship to Green Bay, and he did.
White was a leader on and off the field, but his career was not without controversy. In a speech to the Wisconsin State Assembly, White made several remarks that were considered racially insensitive. In fact, they were an attempt by a very simple man to explain a very personal and complex view of God's creation. And the words came out all wrong. When all was said and done, White should have left well enough alone. After all he did as a football player, here we are still talking about the speech.
It was said that he died of a massive heart attack the day after Christmas. I can't imagine anything sadder for his family, except if he had passed the day before. Reggie White was a simple man, a gifted athlete, and by all accounts a good man with a big heart. He just turned 43 last week.
Reggie White was the best defensive end I ever saw. He came to the Packers in 1993 as the biggest free agent signing the league had ever seen. Prior to White's arrival, Green Bay was a virtual Siberia for NFL players, the team the coach threatened to trade you to if you didn't perform. Reggie White changed all of that. When everyone thought he would go to a successful franchise like San Francisco, White chose Green Bay and 17 million dollars to be his home. That was the moment that changed the franchise, well that and the trade for Favre.
White was a deeply religious man who during his free agency said he would go where God told him to go. In response to this Packer head coach Mike Holmgren called White's answering machine and left the following message: "Reggie, this is God. Sign with Green Bay. Reggie thought it was hysterical, and promptly signed. He promised to bring a Super Bowl championship to Green Bay, and he did.
White was a leader on and off the field, but his career was not without controversy. In a speech to the Wisconsin State Assembly, White made several remarks that were considered racially insensitive. In fact, they were an attempt by a very simple man to explain a very personal and complex view of God's creation. And the words came out all wrong. When all was said and done, White should have left well enough alone. After all he did as a football player, here we are still talking about the speech.
It was said that he died of a massive heart attack the day after Christmas. I can't imagine anything sadder for his family, except if he had passed the day before. Reggie White was a simple man, a gifted athlete, and by all accounts a good man with a big heart. He just turned 43 last week.
Thursday, December 23, 2004
Samichlaus to Santa Claus: My Christmas wish list, better late than never!
Dear Santa,
I know it's December 23rd and you're in serious prep mode for tomorrow night's mission, but I was hoping to get my Christmas wish list in. I know it's late, but I don't think I'm asking for anything unreasonable here. Besides, after all these years you should know how I procrastinate! Anyway, thanks Santa in advance. Here's the list...
I wish that football fans everywhere find their families tolerant of their behavior this year as they slip away in the middle of Christmas dinner to watch the games the NFL has so thoughtfully scheduled on Christmas day.
I wish good health for all Packer fans, despite their diet of beer, cheese, and bratwurst, and that none of them drop dead of heart attacks this holiday season.
Realizing that my last wish might be a bit unreasonable, I wish all Packer fans who do drop dead this holiday season find God greeting them wearing his #4 jersey
I wish that every football fan’s favorite team wins this weekend by at least two touchdowns, and that all of their players remain healthy while the opposition players sideline looks like something out of “Saving Private Ryan”.
I wish that the New York Giants head coach Tom Coughlin meets UT head coach Bobby Knight for a pay per view special sponsored by the WWF. I hope Coughlin wins.
I wish the Seahawks pull it together for my buddy St. Ides, who hasn’t had a win since the 1994 Rangers Stanley Cup.
I wish that Brett Favre announces he will play at least one more year so I still have a chance to see him play at Lambeau field.
I wish that Deanna Favre gets better, right now, no joking here.
I wish that Mike Sherman fires Bob Slowick the day before Bob Harlan fires Mike Sherman. I wish that day was about three months ago.
I wish that someone would dig up the late Fritz Shurmer and let him be defensive coordinator. I’m still convinced he’d do a better job than Slowick.
I wish that Robert Ferguson plays football again soon, and that Donovan Darrius does not.
I wish that the next time Brett Favre looks downfield and sees Bubba Franks wildly waving his arms, he takes a moment to locate the safety before tossing another interception.
May Mike Piazza, Jeff Garcia, Brady Anderson, Carl Lewis, Isaiah Thomas, Scott Hamilton and Greg Louganis know that the true meaning of Christmas is that you never leave your friends behind.
May the Yankees get Randy Johnson on Christmas Eve, so that Yankee fans everywhere can celebrate on a joyous Christmas day. Then, may Randy Johnson’s right arm get sawed off in a freak hunting accident so that he becomes an instant inspiration to disabled veterans returning from Iraq.
May Santa bring our favorite sports teams at least one gift, except for the Jets who received several gifts last week against the Seahawks.
May we all have that dream this holiday season where we discover that we have a really large penis that we didn’t know, and may we not wake up right away this time.
May everybody’s wife be as supportive and as beautiful as mine.
…and may everyone have a very Merry Christmas!
I know it's December 23rd and you're in serious prep mode for tomorrow night's mission, but I was hoping to get my Christmas wish list in. I know it's late, but I don't think I'm asking for anything unreasonable here. Besides, after all these years you should know how I procrastinate! Anyway, thanks Santa in advance. Here's the list...
I wish that football fans everywhere find their families tolerant of their behavior this year as they slip away in the middle of Christmas dinner to watch the games the NFL has so thoughtfully scheduled on Christmas day.
I wish good health for all Packer fans, despite their diet of beer, cheese, and bratwurst, and that none of them drop dead of heart attacks this holiday season.
Realizing that my last wish might be a bit unreasonable, I wish all Packer fans who do drop dead this holiday season find God greeting them wearing his #4 jersey
I wish that every football fan’s favorite team wins this weekend by at least two touchdowns, and that all of their players remain healthy while the opposition players sideline looks like something out of “Saving Private Ryan”.
I wish that the New York Giants head coach Tom Coughlin meets UT head coach Bobby Knight for a pay per view special sponsored by the WWF. I hope Coughlin wins.
I wish the Seahawks pull it together for my buddy St. Ides, who hasn’t had a win since the 1994 Rangers Stanley Cup.
I wish that Brett Favre announces he will play at least one more year so I still have a chance to see him play at Lambeau field.
I wish that Deanna Favre gets better, right now, no joking here.
I wish that Mike Sherman fires Bob Slowick the day before Bob Harlan fires Mike Sherman. I wish that day was about three months ago.
I wish that someone would dig up the late Fritz Shurmer and let him be defensive coordinator. I’m still convinced he’d do a better job than Slowick.
I wish that Robert Ferguson plays football again soon, and that Donovan Darrius does not.
I wish that the next time Brett Favre looks downfield and sees Bubba Franks wildly waving his arms, he takes a moment to locate the safety before tossing another interception.
May Mike Piazza, Jeff Garcia, Brady Anderson, Carl Lewis, Isaiah Thomas, Scott Hamilton and Greg Louganis know that the true meaning of Christmas is that you never leave your friends behind.
May the Yankees get Randy Johnson on Christmas Eve, so that Yankee fans everywhere can celebrate on a joyous Christmas day. Then, may Randy Johnson’s right arm get sawed off in a freak hunting accident so that he becomes an instant inspiration to disabled veterans returning from Iraq.
May Santa bring our favorite sports teams at least one gift, except for the Jets who received several gifts last week against the Seahawks.
May we all have that dream this holiday season where we discover that we have a really large penis that we didn’t know, and may we not wake up right away this time.
May everybody’s wife be as supportive and as beautiful as mine.
…and may everyone have a very Merry Christmas!
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
Another day, another defensive collapse.
Sunday was a typical day in Bob Slowick’s happy world. His front line was beaten repeatedly, his secondary continued to find new ways to fail, and ultimately the defense was no match for an offense that has two, count ‘em two, weapons. Packer fans who dare to insinuate that this is the worst defense they’ve ever seen are told to look at the Packer teams of the 1980’s, but which would you rather have: less talented players who play their hearts out (80’s) or more talented players who seem clueless (today)?
What was not typical was the inability of the offense to score in the red zone. Four potential scores were taken off the board by Packer miscues. Had we converted on any one of these we’re looking at a very different game. Favre had 2 interceptions in the end zone, and one was unforgivable. Favre later said as much, calling the play “bonehead” and saying “a quarterback who has been in the league as long as I’ve been shouldn’t make that mistake”.
Agreed. Let’s move on.
I was encouraged by their ability to move the ball against a good defense. I think that’s why I wasn’t too upset with this game. Karen however, who is now fully emotionally committed to this whole football thing, was a bit more demonstrative. First off, when Donovan Darrius clothes lined Robert Ferguson I thought she was going to hop in the car and head to Jacksonville to meet the plane at the airport. When the Jags easily scored on a fourth and goal from the one, she began yelling “Why can’t we stop that? These guys should all be fired!”
Agreed, or as we say around the house “Right again honey”
On the plus side, Javon Walker came to play, catching 11 passes for 156 yards. That was about it on the plus side.
When all is said and done, Sunday ended with the Packers locking up a playoff spot, and strange as it may seem a win on Friday gets them the division. However I suspect that Minnesota will absolutely destroy Green Bay. I have the feeling that it’s going to be an absolute testicle-popping-in–the-microwave blow out, with Packers being carted off the field like Confederates at Gettysburg.
I can only hope to be wrong...
.
What was not typical was the inability of the offense to score in the red zone. Four potential scores were taken off the board by Packer miscues. Had we converted on any one of these we’re looking at a very different game. Favre had 2 interceptions in the end zone, and one was unforgivable. Favre later said as much, calling the play “bonehead” and saying “a quarterback who has been in the league as long as I’ve been shouldn’t make that mistake”.
Agreed. Let’s move on.
I was encouraged by their ability to move the ball against a good defense. I think that’s why I wasn’t too upset with this game. Karen however, who is now fully emotionally committed to this whole football thing, was a bit more demonstrative. First off, when Donovan Darrius clothes lined Robert Ferguson I thought she was going to hop in the car and head to Jacksonville to meet the plane at the airport. When the Jags easily scored on a fourth and goal from the one, she began yelling “Why can’t we stop that? These guys should all be fired!”
Agreed, or as we say around the house “Right again honey”
On the plus side, Javon Walker came to play, catching 11 passes for 156 yards. That was about it on the plus side.
When all is said and done, Sunday ended with the Packers locking up a playoff spot, and strange as it may seem a win on Friday gets them the division. However I suspect that Minnesota will absolutely destroy Green Bay. I have the feeling that it’s going to be an absolute testicle-popping-in–the-microwave blow out, with Packers being carted off the field like Confederates at Gettysburg.
I can only hope to be wrong...
.
Most Hated NFL Teams
Well, after the Patriots suffered a Seahawk-esque collapse Monday night and Seattle suffered a Seahawk-esque god awful loss at the hands of some questionable calls, I'm back with the Seahawks. Sorry to all you Pats fans out there for the temporary jinx I crippled your team with.
And speaking of the Jets.. I used to not mind the Jets so much, but between Herm Edwards and Chad Pennington now giving the media the cold shoulder cause they were rough on him the previous week, I think I'm starting to dislike them pretty strongly..
Time to count down which NFL teams I hate the most, and why...
6.) The Jets crack this list with Pennington's latest move and Herm just being a moron. The headline on the back of Tuesday's Post said "Just Whine, Baby"
5.) Whatever team Warren Sapp is on, so right now, this spot goes to the Raiders. Bonus points for Al Davis and their kooky fans, so when Sapp retires, they might hold onto this spot.
4.) Tampa Bay.. residual effect of Warren Sapp being there and being a loudmouth for so long, combined with the "Okay, give me a break with the scowl already" Jon Gruden. Throw in them losing whenever I pick them this year, and vice versa, and that scores some extra points.
3.) Dallas... throw in the Tuna (can you say "overrated"? I knew you could.) and the fact that there were a ton of jerks I went to school with who were on the early 90s Super Bowl bandwagon with this team, and you have a real unlikable team. Oh, and their owner is unlikable, and people still try and claim they're "America's Team" and we have a winner.
2.) St. Louis... this one gets this high on sheer Martz power alone. I really didn't dislike this team with Vermeil as the coach. Of course, Seattle was still in the AFC West at that time, so there was no divisional rivalry yet either. But jesus, he's a moron.
1.) Baltimore.. Let's see.. cocky coach who comes off like a jerk 95% of the time? Check. Player who was involved with a double homicide who got off because he's rich/famous? Check. Player who was involved in a drug deal who got off because he's rich/famous? Check. Loudmouth cocky bastards on defense who piss you off whenever you hear them "micced up" ? Check. Retarded dance moves used to celebrate plays even when your team is down by 20? Check. Last night they had that safety guy (Ed Reed I think his name is) "micced up", and he was just talking so much smack it was unbearable. I only watched the first half, and jesus, it made me cringe whenever they went to a clip of him. And there are the announcers saying how great it is that he's so intense and brings so much energy and stuff. Do they really believe that?
One more note on Monday night's game... I had Manning going for my fantasy team, and he needed 40 points for me to pull out a miraculous win. Even in his highest scoring game of the year where he threw SIX TDs, he was only worth 38 fantasy points. At halftime he had 3. I went to bed. Thank you Drew Fucking Bennett for bringing my fantasy season to a crashing and disappointing end. Drew Fucking Bennett. Un-fucking-believable.
And speaking of the Jets.. I used to not mind the Jets so much, but between Herm Edwards and Chad Pennington now giving the media the cold shoulder cause they were rough on him the previous week, I think I'm starting to dislike them pretty strongly..
Time to count down which NFL teams I hate the most, and why...
6.) The Jets crack this list with Pennington's latest move and Herm just being a moron. The headline on the back of Tuesday's Post said "Just Whine, Baby"
5.) Whatever team Warren Sapp is on, so right now, this spot goes to the Raiders. Bonus points for Al Davis and their kooky fans, so when Sapp retires, they might hold onto this spot.
4.) Tampa Bay.. residual effect of Warren Sapp being there and being a loudmouth for so long, combined with the "Okay, give me a break with the scowl already" Jon Gruden. Throw in them losing whenever I pick them this year, and vice versa, and that scores some extra points.
3.) Dallas... throw in the Tuna (can you say "overrated"? I knew you could.) and the fact that there were a ton of jerks I went to school with who were on the early 90s Super Bowl bandwagon with this team, and you have a real unlikable team. Oh, and their owner is unlikable, and people still try and claim they're "America's Team" and we have a winner.
2.) St. Louis... this one gets this high on sheer Martz power alone. I really didn't dislike this team with Vermeil as the coach. Of course, Seattle was still in the AFC West at that time, so there was no divisional rivalry yet either. But jesus, he's a moron.
1.) Baltimore.. Let's see.. cocky coach who comes off like a jerk 95% of the time? Check. Player who was involved with a double homicide who got off because he's rich/famous? Check. Player who was involved in a drug deal who got off because he's rich/famous? Check. Loudmouth cocky bastards on defense who piss you off whenever you hear them "micced up" ? Check. Retarded dance moves used to celebrate plays even when your team is down by 20? Check. Last night they had that safety guy (Ed Reed I think his name is) "micced up", and he was just talking so much smack it was unbearable. I only watched the first half, and jesus, it made me cringe whenever they went to a clip of him. And there are the announcers saying how great it is that he's so intense and brings so much energy and stuff. Do they really believe that?
One more note on Monday night's game... I had Manning going for my fantasy team, and he needed 40 points for me to pull out a miraculous win. Even in his highest scoring game of the year where he threw SIX TDs, he was only worth 38 fantasy points. At halftime he had 3. I went to bed. Thank you Drew Fucking Bennett for bringing my fantasy season to a crashing and disappointing end. Drew Fucking Bennett. Un-fucking-believable.
Friday, December 17, 2004
Many football fans and non fans alike often point to the over saturation of Favre related material on the airwaves. Two weeks ago after Favres 200th consecutive start, ESPN Classic did 7 hours of Favre. Even I was a bit embarrassed.
With that said, this was posted today on the Packers home site. Cheeseheads, mark your calendars….
NFL FILMS TELLS THE COMPLETE STORY OF A FOOTBALL LEGEND IN "FAVRE 4-EVER"
ONE-HOUR SPECIAL NARRATED BY ACTOR BILLY BOB THORNTON
-Premiering Friday, December 24 @ 12:00 p.m. (CT) On FOX
-Re-airs Friday, December 31 @ 8:00 p.m. CT On NFL Network
From the car accident that nearly killed him in college, to the emotional 24-hours that followed his father's death and all things in between, NFL Films examines the rollercoaster life of a modern NFL legend, Brett Favre in Favre 4-Ever premiering Friday, December 24 at 1:00 PM ET/ 10:00 AM PT on FOX. The special, narrated by Billy Bob Thornton, precedes the Green Bay Packers-Minnesota Vikings game (FOX, 2:00 PM ET).
Through the use of never-before seen footage, along with revealing personal insights from Deanna Favre (wife), Bonita Favre (mother), Favre's former coaches Mike Holmgren, Steve Mariucci and Jerry Glanville, teammates Doug Pederson, Ryan Longwell and many more, this one-hour special profiles the life and career of the NFL's iron-man quarterback.
Favre 4-Ever re-airs on NFL Network Friday, December 31 at 9:00 PM ET/PT.
Favre on playing after having 30 inches of his intestines removed following a near fatal car accident:
"Everyone is saying 'I don't know if he's gonna play again this year, it doesn't look good.' Dad wasn't one of these guys who would say, 'we'll sit this one out and come back next year.' He just sat in the back of the hospital room and when the doctor leaves he says, 'I don't know, a few days, I think you'll be fine.' I thought the same way."
Favre on learning the quarterback position:
"I was willing to do whatever it took to be a great quarterback, but I didn't know what that was. I worked hard at practice and watched film. When I first started watching film, I was just watching a game. I kept hearing coaches talk about "nickel, nickel." Well I just played along, 'yeah nickel.' Finally one day I pulled Ty (Detmer) aside and said 'what are they talking about when they say nickel?' He said, 'you're joking right?' I said, 'no what is nickel.' He says, 'they pull out a linebacker and put in a defensive back.' I said, 'that's it!' 'Who cares?'
Favre on the decision to play after his father's death:
"There is no doubt he (Favre's father) would have said to me, 'get your ass in there and play. Are you crazy'?"
Favre after his record setting performance against Oakland last season 24 hours after his father's death:
"I believe in God. I was born and raised Catholic, but never really considered myself overly spiritual. If there was ever divine intervention, he was there that night. Under perfect circumstances, I've never been able to do what I did in that game." (Favre threw for 399 yards and four touchdowns in the game.)
With that said, this was posted today on the Packers home site. Cheeseheads, mark your calendars….
NFL FILMS TELLS THE COMPLETE STORY OF A FOOTBALL LEGEND IN "FAVRE 4-EVER"
ONE-HOUR SPECIAL NARRATED BY ACTOR BILLY BOB THORNTON
-Premiering Friday, December 24 @ 12:00 p.m. (CT) On FOX
-Re-airs Friday, December 31 @ 8:00 p.m. CT On NFL Network
From the car accident that nearly killed him in college, to the emotional 24-hours that followed his father's death and all things in between, NFL Films examines the rollercoaster life of a modern NFL legend, Brett Favre in Favre 4-Ever premiering Friday, December 24 at 1:00 PM ET/ 10:00 AM PT on FOX. The special, narrated by Billy Bob Thornton, precedes the Green Bay Packers-Minnesota Vikings game (FOX, 2:00 PM ET).
Through the use of never-before seen footage, along with revealing personal insights from Deanna Favre (wife), Bonita Favre (mother), Favre's former coaches Mike Holmgren, Steve Mariucci and Jerry Glanville, teammates Doug Pederson, Ryan Longwell and many more, this one-hour special profiles the life and career of the NFL's iron-man quarterback.
Favre 4-Ever re-airs on NFL Network Friday, December 31 at 9:00 PM ET/PT.
Favre on playing after having 30 inches of his intestines removed following a near fatal car accident:
"Everyone is saying 'I don't know if he's gonna play again this year, it doesn't look good.' Dad wasn't one of these guys who would say, 'we'll sit this one out and come back next year.' He just sat in the back of the hospital room and when the doctor leaves he says, 'I don't know, a few days, I think you'll be fine.' I thought the same way."
Favre on learning the quarterback position:
"I was willing to do whatever it took to be a great quarterback, but I didn't know what that was. I worked hard at practice and watched film. When I first started watching film, I was just watching a game. I kept hearing coaches talk about "nickel, nickel." Well I just played along, 'yeah nickel.' Finally one day I pulled Ty (Detmer) aside and said 'what are they talking about when they say nickel?' He said, 'you're joking right?' I said, 'no what is nickel.' He says, 'they pull out a linebacker and put in a defensive back.' I said, 'that's it!' 'Who cares?'
Favre on the decision to play after his father's death:
"There is no doubt he (Favre's father) would have said to me, 'get your ass in there and play. Are you crazy'?"
Favre after his record setting performance against Oakland last season 24 hours after his father's death:
"I believe in God. I was born and raised Catholic, but never really considered myself overly spiritual. If there was ever divine intervention, he was there that night. Under perfect circumstances, I've never been able to do what I did in that game." (Favre threw for 399 yards and four touchdowns in the game.)
Thursday, December 16, 2004
Week 15 NFL Picks
After a pretty awful week with picks last week, here's another attempt.. I picked way too many visitors this week, and I know it'll kill me, but screw it. Last week should pretty much guarantee I don't finish in the money in either of my pools. At least I won one of the weekly prizes, so I made my money back.
Home teams in caps, St. Ides picks in blue, Samichlaus picks in green. And away we go....
We have some Saturday games this week, woohoo! Though 2 of the 3 games are likely stinkers...
Pitt (-10.5) over GIANTS
Eli looks totally confused. I think his passer rating last week was actually 0.0. Although the Steelers are due for a bad game, this won't be it.
Eli sucks. In fact, it goes way beyond suck, but to exacerbate the problem the Giants defense sucks even more. The Steelers cover.
Redskins (-4.5) over NINERS
Skins showed something against the Eagles last week. Niners had a nice comeback against the Cardinals. But that's the Cardinals.
Plus the Redskins play D. Last week was the Niner’s season highlight film. I like the Skins too.
Carolina (+3.5) over FALCONS
I like the little run the Panthers have gone on, but they still need to keep winning if they expect to make the playoffs. Vick is so frickin inconsistent it's frustrating.
Carolina is a little slow on D, but the Falcons lost their fullback this week. I’m looking for the Cats to out-“Fox” the dirty birds. Cats wins it
Seattle (+6.5) over JETS
I know I'll probably regret this pick, but I just read that the Jets are only 1-3 against teams with a winning record. And that one win was an early one against a Chargers team that hadn't come together quite yet.. I'll take the points in this one, though I'm expecting Seattle to lose. Setting expectations low keeps disappointments less.... well, disappointing...
Some Patriots fan you turned out to be. I don’t know what to make out of these teams. I think Seattle’s better than their record and I think the Jets are worse than theirs, but is it close enough? Sure, why not. Seattle with the points. PS: Wayne Fontes: Still available.
Dallas (+12.5) over EAGLES
These are still division rivals and maybe Parcells learned something from watching the tape of the Redskins defense shutting down Philly last week? Maybe not, but I don't think this one's a blowout.
You’re probably right, but my eyes are still clouded by that recent devastation. Here’s how I see it: If the Packers can beat Dallas by 21, then lose to Philly by 30, then Philly should win by 51. Philly covers.
DETROIT (+3.5) over Vikings
This one is a toss-up. On one hand you have the Vikings who have to be in rough shape emotionally after last week's loss and the absolute beating Tice has taken for that Moss pass playcall. On the other you have a Detroit team who's been slightly disappointing and talk about benching Harrington. I don't like either team to get it done. But since we're on the 6th game and I haven't taken a home team yet, I'll go Lions and the points.
Ready for this? I think that Detroit wins outright in the Samichlaus Shocker of the week.
Chargers (-10.5) over BROWNS
Another home dog getting a ton of points. And I'm not taking them. Why? They only had 17 yards of total offense last week. 17 yards. Give me the ball 25 times and I'll probably even run for 17 yards in the NFL. Okay, maybe not, but still. I can't take them after a display like that. Plus they still have their 3rd string QB playing.
Sunday’s forcast for Cleveland: 33 degrees with Snow and Wind. Breeze defeats Brees. Cleveland with the points.
BEARS (-1.5) over Texans
The Texans are starting to look like a decent team. And they hung around with Indy last week. But they still have to learn to win on the road, and I'm not convinced Carr can do that yet. Not in Chicago in December.
The Bears are tough at home and David Carr is too pretty for Chi-town in December. “The Monsters of the Midway” win and cover
Aints (+8.5) over BUCS
Just when I'm talking about how bad the Saints are and how Jim Haslett is done, and how the Bucs are coming around and could make a playoff push.. both teams prove me wrong. So let's see if the previous trend or the new trend continues. I did so poorly last week, I'm beginning to pick against myself and hope that works better. If that makes any sense..
Absolutelty no sense. I have no idea who you picked. I like the Bucs at home. They may just pitch another shut-out.
Rams (-1.5) over ARIZONA
Looks like Bulger might play, but it's not definite yet. That'd be a huge boost for the Rams, who need a win to stay in the thick of the playoff hunt. McNown was disappointing in his return as a starter last week. As long as Chris Chandelier doesn't throw another 6 INTs, Rams should have enough talent to win this one.
The rule of the more desperate team is at play here. Rams are fighting for the division, Cards are fighting for respect. Division trumps respect, Rams win and cover.
Titans (+2.5) over RAIDERS
Jeez, the Titans put on a nice offensive display against the Chiefs on Monday night. They also couldn't stop anybody. Now, the Raiders are not the Chiefs defensively (which is good) or offensively (which is bad). But I think Tennessee still wins a few games with this Volek guy in there. Especially if the Raiders forget to cover Drew Bennett like KC did. Sheesh. Cover the fucking guy please!!!! Especially since I'm going against him right now in round one of my Fantasy Football playoffs. I went into Monday up 20 points. I am now down 13 due to Drew Bennett. Ugh.
The Raiders are FAVORITES? Has anyone in Vegas noticed that’s not Stabler and Belitnikoff out there? Remember the Titans….
INDY (-9.5) over Baltimore
I'm a bit hesitant to give this many points to a decent Baltimore team, especially after Indy barely squeaked out last week's win against the Texans... But Manning and co. are back home in the dome, on Primetime Sunday night, only needing 3 TDs to break Marino's record. Says here he throws 4.
Manning gets knocked out in the first quarter on a vicious cheap shot by Ray Lewis well after the whistle. Players and fans however notice something odd: Lewis seems smaller than usual, a little pale and his traded his game day gloves for Isotoners. Muffled screams can be heard from the Ravens locker room. Ravens with the points.
Pats (-9.5) over DOLPHINS
I just don't see the Miami offense breaking double digits against this defense. And that means all New England needs is about 19 points to cover. Done and done.
This one isn’t even close. The oddsmakers must be on drugs, and not the good kinds. I’m talking prescription laxitaves. Pats cover.
By the way, last week's records:
St. Ides: 4-12 (Overall: 13-19)
Samichlaus: 7-9 (Overall: 18-14)
Home teams in caps, St. Ides picks in blue, Samichlaus picks in green. And away we go....
We have some Saturday games this week, woohoo! Though 2 of the 3 games are likely stinkers...
Pitt (-10.5) over GIANTS
Eli looks totally confused. I think his passer rating last week was actually 0.0. Although the Steelers are due for a bad game, this won't be it.
Eli sucks. In fact, it goes way beyond suck, but to exacerbate the problem the Giants defense sucks even more. The Steelers cover.
Redskins (-4.5) over NINERS
Skins showed something against the Eagles last week. Niners had a nice comeback against the Cardinals. But that's the Cardinals.
Plus the Redskins play D. Last week was the Niner’s season highlight film. I like the Skins too.
Carolina (+3.5) over FALCONS
I like the little run the Panthers have gone on, but they still need to keep winning if they expect to make the playoffs. Vick is so frickin inconsistent it's frustrating.
Carolina is a little slow on D, but the Falcons lost their fullback this week. I’m looking for the Cats to out-“Fox” the dirty birds. Cats wins it
Seattle (+6.5) over JETS
I know I'll probably regret this pick, but I just read that the Jets are only 1-3 against teams with a winning record. And that one win was an early one against a Chargers team that hadn't come together quite yet.. I'll take the points in this one, though I'm expecting Seattle to lose. Setting expectations low keeps disappointments less.... well, disappointing...
Some Patriots fan you turned out to be. I don’t know what to make out of these teams. I think Seattle’s better than their record and I think the Jets are worse than theirs, but is it close enough? Sure, why not. Seattle with the points. PS: Wayne Fontes: Still available.
Dallas (+12.5) over EAGLES
These are still division rivals and maybe Parcells learned something from watching the tape of the Redskins defense shutting down Philly last week? Maybe not, but I don't think this one's a blowout.
You’re probably right, but my eyes are still clouded by that recent devastation. Here’s how I see it: If the Packers can beat Dallas by 21, then lose to Philly by 30, then Philly should win by 51. Philly covers.
DETROIT (+3.5) over Vikings
This one is a toss-up. On one hand you have the Vikings who have to be in rough shape emotionally after last week's loss and the absolute beating Tice has taken for that Moss pass playcall. On the other you have a Detroit team who's been slightly disappointing and talk about benching Harrington. I don't like either team to get it done. But since we're on the 6th game and I haven't taken a home team yet, I'll go Lions and the points.
Ready for this? I think that Detroit wins outright in the Samichlaus Shocker of the week.
Chargers (-10.5) over BROWNS
Another home dog getting a ton of points. And I'm not taking them. Why? They only had 17 yards of total offense last week. 17 yards. Give me the ball 25 times and I'll probably even run for 17 yards in the NFL. Okay, maybe not, but still. I can't take them after a display like that. Plus they still have their 3rd string QB playing.
Sunday’s forcast for Cleveland: 33 degrees with Snow and Wind. Breeze defeats Brees. Cleveland with the points.
BEARS (-1.5) over Texans
The Texans are starting to look like a decent team. And they hung around with Indy last week. But they still have to learn to win on the road, and I'm not convinced Carr can do that yet. Not in Chicago in December.
The Bears are tough at home and David Carr is too pretty for Chi-town in December. “The Monsters of the Midway” win and cover
Aints (+8.5) over BUCS
Just when I'm talking about how bad the Saints are and how Jim Haslett is done, and how the Bucs are coming around and could make a playoff push.. both teams prove me wrong. So let's see if the previous trend or the new trend continues. I did so poorly last week, I'm beginning to pick against myself and hope that works better. If that makes any sense..
Absolutelty no sense. I have no idea who you picked. I like the Bucs at home. They may just pitch another shut-out.
Rams (-1.5) over ARIZONA
Looks like Bulger might play, but it's not definite yet. That'd be a huge boost for the Rams, who need a win to stay in the thick of the playoff hunt. McNown was disappointing in his return as a starter last week. As long as Chris Chandelier doesn't throw another 6 INTs, Rams should have enough talent to win this one.
The rule of the more desperate team is at play here. Rams are fighting for the division, Cards are fighting for respect. Division trumps respect, Rams win and cover.
Titans (+2.5) over RAIDERS
Jeez, the Titans put on a nice offensive display against the Chiefs on Monday night. They also couldn't stop anybody. Now, the Raiders are not the Chiefs defensively (which is good) or offensively (which is bad). But I think Tennessee still wins a few games with this Volek guy in there. Especially if the Raiders forget to cover Drew Bennett like KC did. Sheesh. Cover the fucking guy please!!!! Especially since I'm going against him right now in round one of my Fantasy Football playoffs. I went into Monday up 20 points. I am now down 13 due to Drew Bennett. Ugh.
The Raiders are FAVORITES? Has anyone in Vegas noticed that’s not Stabler and Belitnikoff out there? Remember the Titans….
INDY (-9.5) over Baltimore
I'm a bit hesitant to give this many points to a decent Baltimore team, especially after Indy barely squeaked out last week's win against the Texans... But Manning and co. are back home in the dome, on Primetime Sunday night, only needing 3 TDs to break Marino's record. Says here he throws 4.
Manning gets knocked out in the first quarter on a vicious cheap shot by Ray Lewis well after the whistle. Players and fans however notice something odd: Lewis seems smaller than usual, a little pale and his traded his game day gloves for Isotoners. Muffled screams can be heard from the Ravens locker room. Ravens with the points.
Pats (-9.5) over DOLPHINS
I just don't see the Miami offense breaking double digits against this defense. And that means all New England needs is about 19 points to cover. Done and done.
This one isn’t even close. The oddsmakers must be on drugs, and not the good kinds. I’m talking prescription laxitaves. Pats cover.
By the way, last week's records:
St. Ides: 4-12 (Overall: 13-19)
Samichlaus: 7-9 (Overall: 18-14)
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
Beer Drinking as a Sport?
Okay, so I've been slacking a bit. This isn't really sports related, but read about this guy who used a device to push beer down his throat with such force that it ripped a hole through his stomach. Ouch.
I'm back on board with the Seahawks after a gut-wrenching (but not as gut-wrenching as a drill powered beer funnel) win this past week. They can actually clinch a playoff spot this week if they beat the Jets and a few things go right. Here's what they need to happen...
Seattle win + Dallas loss or tie + N.Y. Giants loss or tie + Detroit loss or tie + Carolina loss + Chicago loss or tie
Oh, and hell to freeze over and monkeys to fly out of my heiney.
Actually, it's not impossible, given the matchups involved:
Dallas at Philadelphia (Saturday), N.Y. Giants vs. Pittsburgh, Detroit vs. Minnesota, Carolina at Atlanta (Saturday), and Chicago vs. Houston.
Figure Dallas, Giants, and Detroit are all expected to lose those games. Actually, Seattle winning is probably the least likely of those to happen, haha. I'm really happy I didn't get tickets for the game.
Oh, and in case you're really bored, here's my breakdown of this past Sunday's game:
Hasselstiff actually looked pretty good. One of his two picks I thought was a pretty blatant pass intereference that didn't get called. There were several calls that went against Seattle (again).. And the last play of the game actually almost hurt too.. With no time on the clock, Culpepper is scrambling around, and gets sacked. But it's one of those tackles where the defender kinda pulls the player on top of him, so he barely touches the ground. Anyways, Culpepper rolls over on him, gets up, and chucks it into the end zone. He was never whistled down. The ball actually was almost caught in the back of the end zone. Now, the replay showed that Culpepper's knee DID touch down when he was being tackled. But if that guy catches the ball, the Vikings go wild, the score board shows the 6 points and all zeroes, the referees run off the field, and Seattle gets screwed again. Hell, even the announcers were talking about how the players and coaches rushed onto the field early if Culpepper wasn't really down, and how they might get flagged and give the Vikes another play. I'd say maybe Seattle's luck is changing a bit, but I think it's more a testimony to Minnesota just being worse off, heh.
So now we're at the Jets next week, then home to Arizona and Atlanta.
Rams lost (as expected) to the Panthers. Chris Chandelier with 6 picks. Oofa. So it's a one game lead. Suddenly it looks like all they really have to do is beat the Cardinals at home to make the playoffs. Rams are at Arizona, then host Philly and the Jets. I don't see them winning all 3 of those, and probably not even 2.
As for Holmgren.. yeah, it was interesting when Collinsworth made the point that if they fired him, he'd still be at the top of the list of available coaches. I mean, who would they replace him with? Wannestadt? Wayne Fontes? Ray Rhodes? Ugh. Personally, I like him most of the time... Though there was a call in the 4th quarter I didn't agree with... Seahawks up by 1. 3rd and 5 from like the Minnesota 30 or so. Hasselstiff drops back, scrambles... sack! Now it'd be about a 52-yard field goal attempt. In a dome. That means no wind or rain. Holmgren decides to punt. The punter actually makes a beauty, and it bounces at the 5 with 3 Seahawks surrounding it. Niko Koutivedes grabs it on the 1, but the tips of his toes touch the goal line. Touchback. One 10-yard running play later, and the Vikings were pretty much back where Seattle would have given it to them had they gone for it on 4th. Luckily, they fumbled in that series soon after, and Seattle booted the insurance kick. But I was fuming when he punted and then it was a touchback.
But they won, that's the important thing, right?
I'm back on board with the Seahawks after a gut-wrenching (but not as gut-wrenching as a drill powered beer funnel) win this past week. They can actually clinch a playoff spot this week if they beat the Jets and a few things go right. Here's what they need to happen...
Seattle win + Dallas loss or tie + N.Y. Giants loss or tie + Detroit loss or tie + Carolina loss + Chicago loss or tie
Oh, and hell to freeze over and monkeys to fly out of my heiney.
Actually, it's not impossible, given the matchups involved:
Dallas at Philadelphia (Saturday), N.Y. Giants vs. Pittsburgh, Detroit vs. Minnesota, Carolina at Atlanta (Saturday), and Chicago vs. Houston.
Figure Dallas, Giants, and Detroit are all expected to lose those games. Actually, Seattle winning is probably the least likely of those to happen, haha. I'm really happy I didn't get tickets for the game.
Oh, and in case you're really bored, here's my breakdown of this past Sunday's game:
Hasselstiff actually looked pretty good. One of his two picks I thought was a pretty blatant pass intereference that didn't get called. There were several calls that went against Seattle (again).. And the last play of the game actually almost hurt too.. With no time on the clock, Culpepper is scrambling around, and gets sacked. But it's one of those tackles where the defender kinda pulls the player on top of him, so he barely touches the ground. Anyways, Culpepper rolls over on him, gets up, and chucks it into the end zone. He was never whistled down. The ball actually was almost caught in the back of the end zone. Now, the replay showed that Culpepper's knee DID touch down when he was being tackled. But if that guy catches the ball, the Vikings go wild, the score board shows the 6 points and all zeroes, the referees run off the field, and Seattle gets screwed again. Hell, even the announcers were talking about how the players and coaches rushed onto the field early if Culpepper wasn't really down, and how they might get flagged and give the Vikes another play. I'd say maybe Seattle's luck is changing a bit, but I think it's more a testimony to Minnesota just being worse off, heh.
So now we're at the Jets next week, then home to Arizona and Atlanta.
Rams lost (as expected) to the Panthers. Chris Chandelier with 6 picks. Oofa. So it's a one game lead. Suddenly it looks like all they really have to do is beat the Cardinals at home to make the playoffs. Rams are at Arizona, then host Philly and the Jets. I don't see them winning all 3 of those, and probably not even 2.
As for Holmgren.. yeah, it was interesting when Collinsworth made the point that if they fired him, he'd still be at the top of the list of available coaches. I mean, who would they replace him with? Wannestadt? Wayne Fontes? Ray Rhodes? Ugh. Personally, I like him most of the time... Though there was a call in the 4th quarter I didn't agree with... Seahawks up by 1. 3rd and 5 from like the Minnesota 30 or so. Hasselstiff drops back, scrambles... sack! Now it'd be about a 52-yard field goal attempt. In a dome. That means no wind or rain. Holmgren decides to punt. The punter actually makes a beauty, and it bounces at the 5 with 3 Seahawks surrounding it. Niko Koutivedes grabs it on the 1, but the tips of his toes touch the goal line. Touchback. One 10-yard running play later, and the Vikings were pretty much back where Seattle would have given it to them had they gone for it on 4th. Luckily, they fumbled in that series soon after, and Seattle booted the insurance kick. But I was fuming when he punted and then it was a touchback.
But they won, that's the important thing, right?
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
Bob Slowick, Defensive Genius, Child of God.
After being torched for over 900 yards in the air over the last two games, Bob Slowick came up with an ingenious game plan this week that harkened the days of Fritz Shurmer. During the team meeting last Wednesday, Slowick by all accounts chose not to install a defensive package to combat the Detroit Lions. Instead, Slowick dropped to his knees and began wailing in what appeared to be an Aramaic tongue. After several minutes, bewildered players reported that Slowick “wriggled on the floor a little bit” while screaming “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me? Oh, and could you please teach my corners how to play zone?” Slowick then abruptly stopped and quietly slunk out the room.
On Sunday, God answered Slowick’s prayer by sending 35 mph winds through Lambeau Field that adequately defended weak-armed Joey Harrington’s passing attack thus insuring a Packer victory. Although Slowick was afforded this divine intervention, it was apparent that the slow minded “Slo” did not recognize his good fortune until the second half. As the wind gusted mightily throughout the first half, the Packers continued to send pass defense packages out. The Lions seized this opportunity by running rookie Kevin Jones for 138 yards during the first half while building a 13-0 lead. By the end of the half, the running joke between Karen and I was “Guess what? They’re going to call a run to 34”.
Now I am not certain what happened during half time, but rumors abound that the Virgin Mary paid a visit to Slo in the locker room. As he gazed upon the beatific vision, the mother of God allegedly said “Who’s Detroit’s quarterback? How hard is the wind blowing? You got it? Good”. Slowick responded with 8 men in the box, single man coverage on the receivers, and leave it in God’s hands to defend the passes. As a result, the ex-Hokie Jones ran for about 40 yards in the second half effectively shutting down Detroit’s offense.
While all this Devine (get it? Former Packer coach Dan Devine!!!) Divinity was blowing across the frozen tundra, Brett Favre was having his share of challenges. Genius number two, Mike Sherman, insisted on calling short passes which were either (a) blown off course or (b) dropped. The end result for the first half was 15 passes, 3 completions, about 30 yards. Favre told the coaches at half time that he thought he could do better throwing hard downfield against the wind, and Sherman adjusted. Favre lit up Detroit’s defense in the second half, engineering a 13 point comeback in the third quarter against the wind. He was 16 for 21 in the second half, gaining about 150 yards in the air.
The hero of this game though was kicker Ryan Longwell. For the third time this year Longwell has kicked a walk off game winning field goal, and this time it was in the wind that Slowick had prayed for. Longwell is fast becoming the Packers answer to Adam Vinateri, the ice man of the ice bowl, and a serious contender for the Pro Bowl. Longwell’s game winner was kicked from the left hash mark (after a terrible outside run by Ahman Green), aimed at the right goal post, and sailed right down Broadway for the win. This season, Longwell set a team record for most points scored in a career. The record had been held by Don Hutson. For those who don’t know him, “The Alabama Antelope” played for the Packers from 1935 – 1945. Hutson’s record had stood for almost 60 years.
On Sunday, God answered Slowick’s prayer by sending 35 mph winds through Lambeau Field that adequately defended weak-armed Joey Harrington’s passing attack thus insuring a Packer victory. Although Slowick was afforded this divine intervention, it was apparent that the slow minded “Slo” did not recognize his good fortune until the second half. As the wind gusted mightily throughout the first half, the Packers continued to send pass defense packages out. The Lions seized this opportunity by running rookie Kevin Jones for 138 yards during the first half while building a 13-0 lead. By the end of the half, the running joke between Karen and I was “Guess what? They’re going to call a run to 34”.
Now I am not certain what happened during half time, but rumors abound that the Virgin Mary paid a visit to Slo in the locker room. As he gazed upon the beatific vision, the mother of God allegedly said “Who’s Detroit’s quarterback? How hard is the wind blowing? You got it? Good”. Slowick responded with 8 men in the box, single man coverage on the receivers, and leave it in God’s hands to defend the passes. As a result, the ex-Hokie Jones ran for about 40 yards in the second half effectively shutting down Detroit’s offense.
While all this Devine (get it? Former Packer coach Dan Devine!!!) Divinity was blowing across the frozen tundra, Brett Favre was having his share of challenges. Genius number two, Mike Sherman, insisted on calling short passes which were either (a) blown off course or (b) dropped. The end result for the first half was 15 passes, 3 completions, about 30 yards. Favre told the coaches at half time that he thought he could do better throwing hard downfield against the wind, and Sherman adjusted. Favre lit up Detroit’s defense in the second half, engineering a 13 point comeback in the third quarter against the wind. He was 16 for 21 in the second half, gaining about 150 yards in the air.
The hero of this game though was kicker Ryan Longwell. For the third time this year Longwell has kicked a walk off game winning field goal, and this time it was in the wind that Slowick had prayed for. Longwell is fast becoming the Packers answer to Adam Vinateri, the ice man of the ice bowl, and a serious contender for the Pro Bowl. Longwell’s game winner was kicked from the left hash mark (after a terrible outside run by Ahman Green), aimed at the right goal post, and sailed right down Broadway for the win. This season, Longwell set a team record for most points scored in a career. The record had been held by Don Hutson. For those who don’t know him, “The Alabama Antelope” played for the Packers from 1935 – 1945. Hutson’s record had stood for almost 60 years.
Friday, December 10, 2004
Why a BDF name?
There are several reasons why I chose a BDF name, in particular Samichlaus. As a non-band member I feel the need to explain:
Why a BDF name?
• I was the winner of the first BDF contest and placed in the third BDF contest. I’m still milking it. Since I did not enter the second contest that puts me in the money two for two.
• I have contributed numerous lines to BDF songs and have never asked for royalties. OK that’s a lie. I contributed one line a long time ago.
• I’m brutally honest
• BDF is kind enough to host this blog. It’s a respect thing.
Why Samichlaus?
• Samichlaus is in the Guinness book of World Records for “Worlds Strongest Beer” yet it is extremely smooth and drinkable.
• Samichlaus is brewed once a year on December 6th. It sits in casks for one year and is released at Christmas (Samichlaus = Santa Claus in Swiss)
• Samichlaus is sold for $165.00 a bottle here in Richmond, where “The Beast” is the beer of choice.
• I once got ripped on 2 bottles of Samichlaus at the Peculiar Pub on Bleeker. After vomiting fairly ubiquitously, I crawled back to bed. My cousin who was sleeping in the next room enquired if I was OK, to which I replied “Shaka, when the walls fell”.
The biggest Packer news thus far is that Favre shaved his head to show support for his wife Deanna who is facing chemotherapy and radiation treatments. When Favre was a young cocky SOB hooked on booze and vicodin, it was Deanna who really pulled him through. I don’t think he truly appreciated her until then. Their daughter Brittany was 8 years old at the time, and they remained unwed. Several weeks after he got out of counseling, they were married. He was a changed guy, and she was the constant in his life. It’s really heart warming to see them together.
Why a BDF name?
• I was the winner of the first BDF contest and placed in the third BDF contest. I’m still milking it. Since I did not enter the second contest that puts me in the money two for two.
• I have contributed numerous lines to BDF songs and have never asked for royalties. OK that’s a lie. I contributed one line a long time ago.
• I’m brutally honest
• BDF is kind enough to host this blog. It’s a respect thing.
Why Samichlaus?
• Samichlaus is in the Guinness book of World Records for “Worlds Strongest Beer” yet it is extremely smooth and drinkable.
• Samichlaus is brewed once a year on December 6th. It sits in casks for one year and is released at Christmas (Samichlaus = Santa Claus in Swiss)
• Samichlaus is sold for $165.00 a bottle here in Richmond, where “The Beast” is the beer of choice.
• I once got ripped on 2 bottles of Samichlaus at the Peculiar Pub on Bleeker. After vomiting fairly ubiquitously, I crawled back to bed. My cousin who was sleeping in the next room enquired if I was OK, to which I replied “Shaka, when the walls fell”.
The biggest Packer news thus far is that Favre shaved his head to show support for his wife Deanna who is facing chemotherapy and radiation treatments. When Favre was a young cocky SOB hooked on booze and vicodin, it was Deanna who really pulled him through. I don’t think he truly appreciated her until then. Their daughter Brittany was 8 years old at the time, and they remained unwed. Several weeks after he got out of counseling, they were married. He was a changed guy, and she was the constant in his life. It’s really heart warming to see them together.
Thursday, December 9, 2004
Week 14 NFL Picks..
New weekly feature! Sadly, the season is almost over, so you won't get a ton of mileage out of this piece, but here it is anyways.. A two-pronged attack on Week 14 in the NFL...
Ridiculous week this week. Just ridiculous. Only one spread smaller than 5 points, and only 6 less than a full touchdown. Yet 7 spreads over 9. Only 2 home dogs, but both are getting over 9 points as they host Philly and Indy. Well, your guess is as good as mine, but here goes... (Home team in caps.)
St. Ides picks in blue, Samichlaus picks in green:
PATRIOTS (-11.5) over Cinci
As my new favorite team, I have to go with the Pats. This one scares me just a little because Carson Palmer has been playing well lately, and sometimes the Pats don't pull out all the stops to smash lesser teams, but I think Carson's streak runs out in Foxboro.
Some sort of light went on in Cincy’s collective brain against the Ravens in the 4th quarter, but I suspect that the Patriots will close the refrigerator door. Pats Cover
BILLS (-9.5) over Cleveland
Garcia is still hurt. The Buffalo offense is finally clicking. And the new coach didn't exactly inspire the team last week.
The Bills are a real good team, honest. Bills cover
Giants (+10.5) over BALTIMORE
Yes, Eli has struggled. Yes, the Ravens defense will give him more trouble. But that's a lot of points to give for a team who's offense is pretty bad. Jamal Lewis is still out. Ravens win but don't cover.
I’ll bet the Giants are reviewing the film of that aforementioned fourth quarter Raven meltdown. Giants with the points.
PACKERS (-9.5) over Lions
Almost a bit hesitant to give that many points... But Harrington has been so damn erratic, Green Bay is back home after that Philly debacle, and the Lions defense probably won't keep GB from scoring at will.
This is a tough game for me because frankly I am pretty fucking far from alright after that Philly game… Detroit has a good RB and this Williams kid that can catch passes. I’m picking Detroit with the points
VIKINGS (-6.5) over Seattle
I'd almost take Seattle here. Almost. But I just can't. If Vinny and Keyshawn can move down the field and into the end zone at will, what will Moss and Culpepper do?
Both teams are equally desperate, but I’m taking Holmgren over Tice. Seattle keeps it close and maybe wins outright.
Oakland (+7.5) over ATLANTA
Michael Vick looked awfully mortal last week in Tampa. They're back home this week, but I'm still not sold on the Falcons yet. Plus the Raiders have been playing better. I'll take the points.
I just don’t see it. Oakland isn’t going to be able to stop Vick on the ground or in the air. I know this because it says so on ESPN.com. Insider too! Atlanta to win and cover.
Da Bears (+7.5) over JAGUARS
Suddenly Chad Hutchinson is their starter, and they throw for 3 TDs. The Jaguars don't blow people out. They'll win, but not by more than 10. The spread isn't quite 10, but I'll still take those points.
Everybody’s favorite skinhead is back on D for Chicago and it showed last week. I like the Bears with the points.
DALLAS (-7.5) over the Aints
Sing it with me now: Duh nuh nuh nuh, duh nuh nuh nuh, hey hey hey, goodbye! Haslett's last game, as Julius Jones runs for 592 yards and 11 TDs.
Please don’t make me sing. Besides, I’m supposed to be at work. I’ll just agree. Dallas is a different team with Dr. J.
Indy (-10.5) over HOUSTON
I'm sticking with Indy until
A) they don't cover.
or
B) the spread becomes 20+ points.
Keep on ridin’. Indy to cover
Jets (+6.5) over STEELERS
The Steelers were lucky to escape last week with a win. I think they probably win this one, but it'll be close.
I may have taken the Jets to win this one outright. BTW, did I mention that the Confederate Lee Lovers are on the leader board, a mere 4 picks out of first place? Lets go Jets….
Miami (+11.5) over DENVEREvery time I'm about to bet on Denver, I remind myself of two little words: Jake Plummer. Last week I switched my pick at the last minute once I remembered this, and sure enough, he cost them the game. Sadly, they were getting 3 and a half and only lost by 3, so they won with the points. 11 points is too many to give a team that will likely intercept him 4-5 times.
Deep breath… I can’t be reading that right can I? Denver is a different team on the road. Denver sucks on the road. Denver is at home. Miami is a warm weather team. This just reeks of Denver blow out. I’m taking Denver.
PANTHERS (-6.5) over Rams
Bulger out, Chris Chandelier in. He should last about 3 series before they bring in 3rd stringer Jeff Smoker. "Who's Jeff Smoker?," you ask? Rookie QB out of Michigan State who had a promising career.. until he got into off the field problems and spent some time in rehab. Oh, and it looks like Faulk and Stephen Jackson are both out too. Here come the Panthers for a playoff push!
Right on! Nobody has done more with less this year than John Fox. Cats win and cover.
CARDINALS (-6.5) over Niners
Josh McNown is back in at QB. Look for him to try and prove that him being bench in the first place was a BIG mistake. And I think it was. And if Dennie Green doesn't make that move, the Cards are a playoff contender right now. The Niners? Not a playoff contender. Definitely not.
I think the Niners are about 2 touchdowns worse than the next best team in the NFL. Cards win and cover.
BUCS (+5.5) over Chargers
I think this is the pick I'm having the toughest time with this week. Last week Tampa Bay shut out Atlanta. But San Diego continues defying all logic and keeps on winning. I'll going with the "upset special" pick here, though the Bucs might not win the game, I think they keep it close.
I think the Bucs are coming around, and eventually logic is going to catch the Bolts. This is the week. Tampa with the points
Eagles (-9.5) over WASHINGTON
If they can dismantle the Packers like that, what will they do to the Skins? Now, the Skins do have a much better D, but also a much crappier O. Look for Patrick Ramsey to throw a few key picks here.
Every week I pick against the Eagles and every week I lose. Why should this week be any different? Skins with the points.
Chiefs (+2.5) over TITANS
The Chiefs are still the same team people were picking to win the AFC. They've still got a ridiculous offense, even with Holmes out. Its the defense that's the problem. But I think the Chiefs come out ahead in this shootout, especially with McNair still hurt.
I like the Cheifs too in the “Samichlaus Suck-Ass Game of the week”.
Although this site didn't exist last week, I have those picks in my archives, so I'll start the records from there:
Ridiculous week this week. Just ridiculous. Only one spread smaller than 5 points, and only 6 less than a full touchdown. Yet 7 spreads over 9. Only 2 home dogs, but both are getting over 9 points as they host Philly and Indy. Well, your guess is as good as mine, but here goes... (Home team in caps.)
St. Ides picks in blue, Samichlaus picks in green:
PATRIOTS (-11.5) over Cinci
As my new favorite team, I have to go with the Pats. This one scares me just a little because Carson Palmer has been playing well lately, and sometimes the Pats don't pull out all the stops to smash lesser teams, but I think Carson's streak runs out in Foxboro.
Some sort of light went on in Cincy’s collective brain against the Ravens in the 4th quarter, but I suspect that the Patriots will close the refrigerator door. Pats Cover
BILLS (-9.5) over Cleveland
Garcia is still hurt. The Buffalo offense is finally clicking. And the new coach didn't exactly inspire the team last week.
The Bills are a real good team, honest. Bills cover
Giants (+10.5) over BALTIMORE
Yes, Eli has struggled. Yes, the Ravens defense will give him more trouble. But that's a lot of points to give for a team who's offense is pretty bad. Jamal Lewis is still out. Ravens win but don't cover.
I’ll bet the Giants are reviewing the film of that aforementioned fourth quarter Raven meltdown. Giants with the points.
PACKERS (-9.5) over Lions
Almost a bit hesitant to give that many points... But Harrington has been so damn erratic, Green Bay is back home after that Philly debacle, and the Lions defense probably won't keep GB from scoring at will.
This is a tough game for me because frankly I am pretty fucking far from alright after that Philly game… Detroit has a good RB and this Williams kid that can catch passes. I’m picking Detroit with the points
VIKINGS (-6.5) over Seattle
I'd almost take Seattle here. Almost. But I just can't. If Vinny and Keyshawn can move down the field and into the end zone at will, what will Moss and Culpepper do?
Both teams are equally desperate, but I’m taking Holmgren over Tice. Seattle keeps it close and maybe wins outright.
Oakland (+7.5) over ATLANTA
Michael Vick looked awfully mortal last week in Tampa. They're back home this week, but I'm still not sold on the Falcons yet. Plus the Raiders have been playing better. I'll take the points.
I just don’t see it. Oakland isn’t going to be able to stop Vick on the ground or in the air. I know this because it says so on ESPN.com. Insider too! Atlanta to win and cover.
Da Bears (+7.5) over JAGUARS
Suddenly Chad Hutchinson is their starter, and they throw for 3 TDs. The Jaguars don't blow people out. They'll win, but not by more than 10. The spread isn't quite 10, but I'll still take those points.
Everybody’s favorite skinhead is back on D for Chicago and it showed last week. I like the Bears with the points.
DALLAS (-7.5) over the Aints
Sing it with me now: Duh nuh nuh nuh, duh nuh nuh nuh, hey hey hey, goodbye! Haslett's last game, as Julius Jones runs for 592 yards and 11 TDs.
Please don’t make me sing. Besides, I’m supposed to be at work. I’ll just agree. Dallas is a different team with Dr. J.
Indy (-10.5) over HOUSTON
I'm sticking with Indy until
A) they don't cover.
or
B) the spread becomes 20+ points.
Keep on ridin’. Indy to cover
Jets (+6.5) over STEELERS
The Steelers were lucky to escape last week with a win. I think they probably win this one, but it'll be close.
I may have taken the Jets to win this one outright. BTW, did I mention that the Confederate Lee Lovers are on the leader board, a mere 4 picks out of first place? Lets go Jets….
Miami (+11.5) over DENVEREvery time I'm about to bet on Denver, I remind myself of two little words: Jake Plummer. Last week I switched my pick at the last minute once I remembered this, and sure enough, he cost them the game. Sadly, they were getting 3 and a half and only lost by 3, so they won with the points. 11 points is too many to give a team that will likely intercept him 4-5 times.
Deep breath… I can’t be reading that right can I? Denver is a different team on the road. Denver sucks on the road. Denver is at home. Miami is a warm weather team. This just reeks of Denver blow out. I’m taking Denver.
PANTHERS (-6.5) over Rams
Bulger out, Chris Chandelier in. He should last about 3 series before they bring in 3rd stringer Jeff Smoker. "Who's Jeff Smoker?," you ask? Rookie QB out of Michigan State who had a promising career.. until he got into off the field problems and spent some time in rehab. Oh, and it looks like Faulk and Stephen Jackson are both out too. Here come the Panthers for a playoff push!
Right on! Nobody has done more with less this year than John Fox. Cats win and cover.
CARDINALS (-6.5) over Niners
Josh McNown is back in at QB. Look for him to try and prove that him being bench in the first place was a BIG mistake. And I think it was. And if Dennie Green doesn't make that move, the Cards are a playoff contender right now. The Niners? Not a playoff contender. Definitely not.
I think the Niners are about 2 touchdowns worse than the next best team in the NFL. Cards win and cover.
BUCS (+5.5) over Chargers
I think this is the pick I'm having the toughest time with this week. Last week Tampa Bay shut out Atlanta. But San Diego continues defying all logic and keeps on winning. I'll going with the "upset special" pick here, though the Bucs might not win the game, I think they keep it close.
I think the Bucs are coming around, and eventually logic is going to catch the Bolts. This is the week. Tampa with the points
Eagles (-9.5) over WASHINGTON
If they can dismantle the Packers like that, what will they do to the Skins? Now, the Skins do have a much better D, but also a much crappier O. Look for Patrick Ramsey to throw a few key picks here.
Every week I pick against the Eagles and every week I lose. Why should this week be any different? Skins with the points.
Chiefs (+2.5) over TITANS
The Chiefs are still the same team people were picking to win the AFC. They've still got a ridiculous offense, even with Holmes out. Its the defense that's the problem. But I think the Chiefs come out ahead in this shootout, especially with McNair still hurt.
I like the Cheifs too in the “Samichlaus Suck-Ass Game of the week”.
Although this site didn't exist last week, I have those picks in my archives, so I'll start the records from there:
St. Ides: 9-7
Samichlaus: 11-5
I really don't like to write
I want to start my blogging by stating unequivocally that I love my wife. However, I really don’t like to write. Honest. I come up with great ideas for stories, I mean killer ideas, and sit at my computer waiting for inspiration and either (a) nothing happens or (b) some mindless disconnected drivel spews forth for all of about a minute and I’m done. When my wife and I first started dating she bought me a journal. She wrote on the liner how much she loved me and how I deserved a journal. My wife is extremely creative and a wonderful journal keeper, and what better gift than a journal for her talented and creative husband? Recently we found the journal. My wife’s inscription is the only words that appear in the journal. It’s embarrassing. I just don’t like to write…
…well, except for email.
I am the Messaging Administrator for a global corporation. My job is to design and maintain the email system, and so my primary mode of communication has become email, and I've decided that I'm pretty darn good at writing emails.. I worked with Steve when I lived in New York. We shared some mutual cube space. He programmed and I engineered and maybe we said a couple of sentences to each other every day and that was it. Steve just doesn’t have much to say when he’s sober so his day sounded like this: several hours of feverish tapping at the keyboard followed by a pause, perhaps an exclamation of “I rock!” followed by several more hours of feverish tapping at the keyboard. When I left the firm I fully expected that our friendship would at best consist of an occasional “how are you doing” email and an eventual drift off into work friendship oblivion. But then something happened. The focus of those “How you doing” emails became “How’s your fantasy team doing” became “How are the Seahawks doing” and thus a friendship was born. On occasions the emails morph into “How’s the band doing?” or “How’s that Civil War book doing?” but always it comes back to sports, and usually it’s NFL football. Wait! I’d be doing a disservice if I didn’t mention the “Gosh, isn’t beer a great thing?” emails. Anyway, Steve, a Seahawks fan, and me a Packers fan both grew up in NYC where no one seemed to be a Seahawks fan or a Packers fan. So it is from that disassociated common ground, and with this dedication to my wife Karen who has always encouraged me to be creative that I begin my life as a Blogger.
Hmm, maybe I do like to write after all….
…well, except for email.
I am the Messaging Administrator for a global corporation. My job is to design and maintain the email system, and so my primary mode of communication has become email, and I've decided that I'm pretty darn good at writing emails.. I worked with Steve when I lived in New York. We shared some mutual cube space. He programmed and I engineered and maybe we said a couple of sentences to each other every day and that was it. Steve just doesn’t have much to say when he’s sober so his day sounded like this: several hours of feverish tapping at the keyboard followed by a pause, perhaps an exclamation of “I rock!” followed by several more hours of feverish tapping at the keyboard. When I left the firm I fully expected that our friendship would at best consist of an occasional “how are you doing” email and an eventual drift off into work friendship oblivion. But then something happened. The focus of those “How you doing” emails became “How’s your fantasy team doing” became “How are the Seahawks doing” and thus a friendship was born. On occasions the emails morph into “How’s the band doing?” or “How’s that Civil War book doing?” but always it comes back to sports, and usually it’s NFL football. Wait! I’d be doing a disservice if I didn’t mention the “Gosh, isn’t beer a great thing?” emails. Anyway, Steve, a Seahawks fan, and me a Packers fan both grew up in NYC where no one seemed to be a Seahawks fan or a Packers fan. So it is from that disassociated common ground, and with this dedication to my wife Karen who has always encouraged me to be creative that I begin my life as a Blogger.
Hmm, maybe I do like to write after all….
Wednesday, December 8, 2004
"Latrell.. He's my favorite criminal!"
Good ol' Spree in the news again! Check out the official report, and a less formal piece on it, including which offensive word he actually used. Looks like the BDF classic tune will always have new material to work with!
Tuesday, December 7, 2004
The Pains of a Seahawks Fan
For those of you who might not know, I'm a Seahawks fan. Living in New York. Go figure. I've been a fan of them for like 20+ years now, and just when they're supposed to be "good" according to all the experts, well... you get this disappointing season.
Here's the running diary I started during last night's Monday Night Football game between the Seahawks and the Cowboys.. Until the 3rd quarter when Alexander fumbled and Dallas had a quick TD to make it 26-14. I gave up then and there. Woulda been better if they never got close.
9:04pm: First note of the night:
They're not kissing Seattle's ass too much. Which is good. Not that they deserve it, but you never know when Madden latches onto someone he really likes, he'll kiss their ass no matter what. The good thing is Parcells is on the other sideline. And announcers love kissing his ass. That's a point in our favor.
9:05pm: They just flashed a stat going to the last commercial before kickoff:
Vinny has a better QB rating than Hasselstiff. Something like 76.9 to 74.2.
Ouch.
9:07pm: The female sideline reporter (not sure who she is, but she's not the usual eye candy) just said Julius Jones fractured his scaptulure earlier this season. I have no idea what or where that is. And I suspect neither does she.
9:08pm: Edgar Martinez just raised the "12th man" flag. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Let's just move on.
9:12pm: 3 and out for Dallas. Good punt return. Seattle starts the first drive in Dallas territory. If they don't get at least 3 now, not good times.
9:17pm: 3rd and one. Hasselstiff drops back... WHAT ARE YOU DOING RUN THE BALL AND GET THE FIRST DOWN!!! Under pressure... rolling out.. chucks it up wildly.. NOOOOO!! Oh wait... TD Jerry Rice!! Uh oh, contact. Flag. They're saying it might be offensive. Nope, defensive pass interference. TD. Good times. That's the kind of play we haven't made 9 out of 10 times this season. Hasselstiff was 3 for 3 on the drive. Alexander only got the ball once (not good).
9:22pm: Jones has a big run. Nobody touches him for the first 50 yards of the run. Yikes. Al Michaels mentions his broken scaptulure again. Without saying where or what it is. Okay, officially starting the "scaptulure" count now. That's 2. Vegas just set the over/under at 5 and a half. I'll take the over, thank you very much. The Seattle defense breaks up two passes, and holds Dallas to a field goal attempt. Justtttt squeezed inside the left upright. These bastards just need to stop giving up the big play and they'll be fine.
Easier said than done. 7-3 Seattle, and it's not even 9:30.
9:30pm: Seattle is 3 for 3 on 3rd downs so far. Including a nice catch by Rice on the sideline. I don't like the pass to run ratio though so far, it's like 8 to 3.
9:33pm: Holy poop, the offense looks unstoppable. Now THIS was what the people were saying might be a Super Bowl contender. (Okay, right here I typed something about how they're not dropping the ball at all. Then I deleted it because I was afraid I'd jinx them. I just made a little note to "insert THAT comment here later" in this space, and am filling this in the next morning. I guess it doesn't matter now, since they lost, and I'm now a Patriots fan, but I have to say they caught most of the passes last night. In hindsight, even if I had jinxed them, they still would have lost. The lesson: don't worry about jinxing a shitty team, they'll find a way to lose anyways.)
14-3 Seattle. Nice playfake on 1st and goal from the 5. Jackson wide open in the back of the end zone. TMQ always says playfakes inside the 10 work best on 1st down. Maybe Holmgren is reading it. Hasselstiff keeps playing like this and he'll redeem his name.
9:54pm: After a 3 and out by Seattle, Dallas puts together a small drive.
Defense looks decent again, but Dallas gets a lucky bounce off the upright on a long field goal. 14-6. I like how the defense is looking. I've liked them all year. Except when they give up those big plays.
10:03pm: Jerehme Urban makes a nice catch, but fumbles when hit. Dalls ball.
Still not sure if he's white or not. I was hoping they'd show a close up of him after he fumbled, but they didn't. We just found out Julius Jones' mom was coal miner. Al made sure he clarified that she no longer mines coal.
Gee, ya think? Her son only rakes in millions of dollars now. I'm willing to bet she hasn't mined coal since he was a high school prospect. But that would be implying high school and college standout athletes receive special perks. And we all know that's not true. Right, Mr. Clarrett?
10:10pm: Short field for Dallas after the fumble. TD. They go for 2 and miss it on some wacky play with Vinny running out as a receiver. I think Parcells has officially lost his mind. We just learned Vinny broke Steve DeBerg's NFL record for throwing TD passses to 63 different receivers. Now there's elite company. Is it just me or does that "record" scream "Hey, I'm not good enough to be around the same receivers for more than 3 years." Somehow I don't think that one has clinched Vinny a bust in Canton.
10:18pm: Seattle ball. 4th and a foot on the Dallas 39. 3:35 left in the first half. This is the play I been begging them to go for all season, and they haven't. Just hand it to Alexander left side. Behind two huge Pro Bowlers.
Oh fucking A, Hasselstiff fumbles the snap. God dammit. Right after Madden agrees with me and says they should run over the left side. Bad times. (Post-game note: That exact run worked on both Alexander's TD runs later. They should just do that every goddamn play.)
10:28pm: Fuckin A. (Maybe we should start counting how many times I say
that.) This Julius Jones guy looks like Barry Sanders. Even after Vinny botches a spike and loses a down, they give up an easy 8 yard draw TD. I'm almost ready to change the channel. The sad thing is I almost think we've been outplaying them. But that damn fumble and botched 4th and 1 is the difference. Looks like textbook Seahawks. Dallas 19-14, have scored the last
16 points.
10:34pm: Halftime. 19-14 Dallas. Tiger Woods is being interviewed at halftime. Somehow I don't think they'll ask him the question everybody wants to know: "So, Tiger, tell us. Does the fact that you now suck have anything to do with that hot blonde you're banging 24/7?" So I change the channel.
10:40pm: Okay, I lied. I watched the Tiger interview. Mostly because I don't want to get sucked in something worth watching and forget to switch back for the second half. Tiger just said "cumulated". I'm no Rhodes scholar or anything, but I believe it's "culminated". He's "buddies" with Peyton Manning. And Dave Chappelle NAILS his impersonation of him. I don't think I've ever left the channel on before while Tiger's being interviewed.
(That's as far as I got before I got disgusted and gave up. :P Maybe I'll try this again for a playoff game or something, it was kind of fun. Final "scaptulure" mention count is 3. The under takes it.)
Here's the running diary I started during last night's Monday Night Football game between the Seahawks and the Cowboys.. Until the 3rd quarter when Alexander fumbled and Dallas had a quick TD to make it 26-14. I gave up then and there. Woulda been better if they never got close.
9:04pm: First note of the night:
They're not kissing Seattle's ass too much. Which is good. Not that they deserve it, but you never know when Madden latches onto someone he really likes, he'll kiss their ass no matter what. The good thing is Parcells is on the other sideline. And announcers love kissing his ass. That's a point in our favor.
9:05pm: They just flashed a stat going to the last commercial before kickoff:
Vinny has a better QB rating than Hasselstiff. Something like 76.9 to 74.2.
Ouch.
9:07pm: The female sideline reporter (not sure who she is, but she's not the usual eye candy) just said Julius Jones fractured his scaptulure earlier this season. I have no idea what or where that is. And I suspect neither does she.
9:08pm: Edgar Martinez just raised the "12th man" flag. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Let's just move on.
9:12pm: 3 and out for Dallas. Good punt return. Seattle starts the first drive in Dallas territory. If they don't get at least 3 now, not good times.
9:17pm: 3rd and one. Hasselstiff drops back... WHAT ARE YOU DOING RUN THE BALL AND GET THE FIRST DOWN!!! Under pressure... rolling out.. chucks it up wildly.. NOOOOO!! Oh wait... TD Jerry Rice!! Uh oh, contact. Flag. They're saying it might be offensive. Nope, defensive pass interference. TD. Good times. That's the kind of play we haven't made 9 out of 10 times this season. Hasselstiff was 3 for 3 on the drive. Alexander only got the ball once (not good).
9:22pm: Jones has a big run. Nobody touches him for the first 50 yards of the run. Yikes. Al Michaels mentions his broken scaptulure again. Without saying where or what it is. Okay, officially starting the "scaptulure" count now. That's 2. Vegas just set the over/under at 5 and a half. I'll take the over, thank you very much. The Seattle defense breaks up two passes, and holds Dallas to a field goal attempt. Justtttt squeezed inside the left upright. These bastards just need to stop giving up the big play and they'll be fine.
Easier said than done. 7-3 Seattle, and it's not even 9:30.
9:30pm: Seattle is 3 for 3 on 3rd downs so far. Including a nice catch by Rice on the sideline. I don't like the pass to run ratio though so far, it's like 8 to 3.
9:33pm: Holy poop, the offense looks unstoppable. Now THIS was what the people were saying might be a Super Bowl contender. (Okay, right here I typed something about how they're not dropping the ball at all. Then I deleted it because I was afraid I'd jinx them. I just made a little note to "insert THAT comment here later" in this space, and am filling this in the next morning. I guess it doesn't matter now, since they lost, and I'm now a Patriots fan, but I have to say they caught most of the passes last night. In hindsight, even if I had jinxed them, they still would have lost. The lesson: don't worry about jinxing a shitty team, they'll find a way to lose anyways.)
14-3 Seattle. Nice playfake on 1st and goal from the 5. Jackson wide open in the back of the end zone. TMQ always says playfakes inside the 10 work best on 1st down. Maybe Holmgren is reading it. Hasselstiff keeps playing like this and he'll redeem his name.
9:54pm: After a 3 and out by Seattle, Dallas puts together a small drive.
Defense looks decent again, but Dallas gets a lucky bounce off the upright on a long field goal. 14-6. I like how the defense is looking. I've liked them all year. Except when they give up those big plays.
10:03pm: Jerehme Urban makes a nice catch, but fumbles when hit. Dalls ball.
Still not sure if he's white or not. I was hoping they'd show a close up of him after he fumbled, but they didn't. We just found out Julius Jones' mom was coal miner. Al made sure he clarified that she no longer mines coal.
Gee, ya think? Her son only rakes in millions of dollars now. I'm willing to bet she hasn't mined coal since he was a high school prospect. But that would be implying high school and college standout athletes receive special perks. And we all know that's not true. Right, Mr. Clarrett?
10:10pm: Short field for Dallas after the fumble. TD. They go for 2 and miss it on some wacky play with Vinny running out as a receiver. I think Parcells has officially lost his mind. We just learned Vinny broke Steve DeBerg's NFL record for throwing TD passses to 63 different receivers. Now there's elite company. Is it just me or does that "record" scream "Hey, I'm not good enough to be around the same receivers for more than 3 years." Somehow I don't think that one has clinched Vinny a bust in Canton.
10:18pm: Seattle ball. 4th and a foot on the Dallas 39. 3:35 left in the first half. This is the play I been begging them to go for all season, and they haven't. Just hand it to Alexander left side. Behind two huge Pro Bowlers.
Oh fucking A, Hasselstiff fumbles the snap. God dammit. Right after Madden agrees with me and says they should run over the left side. Bad times. (Post-game note: That exact run worked on both Alexander's TD runs later. They should just do that every goddamn play.)
10:28pm: Fuckin A. (Maybe we should start counting how many times I say
that.) This Julius Jones guy looks like Barry Sanders. Even after Vinny botches a spike and loses a down, they give up an easy 8 yard draw TD. I'm almost ready to change the channel. The sad thing is I almost think we've been outplaying them. But that damn fumble and botched 4th and 1 is the difference. Looks like textbook Seahawks. Dallas 19-14, have scored the last
16 points.
10:34pm: Halftime. 19-14 Dallas. Tiger Woods is being interviewed at halftime. Somehow I don't think they'll ask him the question everybody wants to know: "So, Tiger, tell us. Does the fact that you now suck have anything to do with that hot blonde you're banging 24/7?" So I change the channel.
10:40pm: Okay, I lied. I watched the Tiger interview. Mostly because I don't want to get sucked in something worth watching and forget to switch back for the second half. Tiger just said "cumulated". I'm no Rhodes scholar or anything, but I believe it's "culminated". He's "buddies" with Peyton Manning. And Dave Chappelle NAILS his impersonation of him. I don't think I've ever left the channel on before while Tiger's being interviewed.
(That's as far as I got before I got disgusted and gave up. :P Maybe I'll try this again for a playoff game or something, it was kind of fun. Final "scaptulure" mention count is 3. The under takes it.)
Welcome to the Sports Blog Place, woohoo!
Hello crazy people!
Well, after sending hundreds of emails back and forth over the past few years discussing sports, myself and my partner in crime (also named Steve, I'll let him introduce himself once he gets his posts working) thought we'd let others have a peek at our insightful conversations. Especially since lately we've been on a pretty good hot streak with making calls during this crazy football season.
Expect the site to be updated at least two or three times a week. Even when there's nothing going on in sports, I'll pull some stuff out of my email archive for entertainment purposes.
Props to Jon for giving me the final words of encouragement to actually set this shit up. ;)
Well, after sending hundreds of emails back and forth over the past few years discussing sports, myself and my partner in crime (also named Steve, I'll let him introduce himself once he gets his posts working) thought we'd let others have a peek at our insightful conversations. Especially since lately we've been on a pretty good hot streak with making calls during this crazy football season.
Expect the site to be updated at least two or three times a week. Even when there's nothing going on in sports, I'll pull some stuff out of my email archive for entertainment purposes.
Props to Jon for giving me the final words of encouragement to actually set this shit up. ;)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)