Dear Santa,
I know it's December 23rd and you're in serious prep mode for tomorrow night's mission, but I was hoping to get my Christmas wish list in. I know it's late, but I don't think I'm asking for anything unreasonable here. Besides, after all these years you should know how I procrastinate! Anyway, thanks Santa in advance. Here's the list...
I wish that football fans everywhere find their families tolerant of their behavior this year as they slip away in the middle of Christmas dinner to watch the games the NFL has so thoughtfully scheduled on Christmas day.
I wish good health for all Packer fans, despite their diet of beer, cheese, and bratwurst, and that none of them drop dead of heart attacks this holiday season.
Realizing that my last wish might be a bit unreasonable, I wish all Packer fans who do drop dead this holiday season find God greeting them wearing his #4 jersey
I wish that every football fan’s favorite team wins this weekend by at least two touchdowns, and that all of their players remain healthy while the opposition players sideline looks like something out of “Saving Private Ryan”.
I wish that the New York Giants head coach Tom Coughlin meets UT head coach Bobby Knight for a pay per view special sponsored by the WWF. I hope Coughlin wins.
I wish the Seahawks pull it together for my buddy St. Ides, who hasn’t had a win since the 1994 Rangers Stanley Cup.
I wish that Brett Favre announces he will play at least one more year so I still have a chance to see him play at Lambeau field.
I wish that Deanna Favre gets better, right now, no joking here.
I wish that Mike Sherman fires Bob Slowick the day before Bob Harlan fires Mike Sherman. I wish that day was about three months ago.
I wish that someone would dig up the late Fritz Shurmer and let him be defensive coordinator. I’m still convinced he’d do a better job than Slowick.
I wish that Robert Ferguson plays football again soon, and that Donovan Darrius does not.
I wish that the next time Brett Favre looks downfield and sees Bubba Franks wildly waving his arms, he takes a moment to locate the safety before tossing another interception.
May Mike Piazza, Jeff Garcia, Brady Anderson, Carl Lewis, Isaiah Thomas, Scott Hamilton and Greg Louganis know that the true meaning of Christmas is that you never leave your friends behind.
May the Yankees get Randy Johnson on Christmas Eve, so that Yankee fans everywhere can celebrate on a joyous Christmas day. Then, may Randy Johnson’s right arm get sawed off in a freak hunting accident so that he becomes an instant inspiration to disabled veterans returning from Iraq.
May Santa bring our favorite sports teams at least one gift, except for the Jets who received several gifts last week against the Seahawks.
May we all have that dream this holiday season where we discover that we have a really large penis that we didn’t know, and may we not wake up right away this time.
May everybody’s wife be as supportive and as beautiful as mine.
…and may everyone have a very Merry Christmas!
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