For those of you who might not know, I'm a Seahawks fan. Living in New York. Go figure. I've been a fan of them for like 20+ years now, and just when they're supposed to be "good" according to all the experts, well... you get this disappointing season.
Here's the running diary I started during last night's Monday Night Football game between the Seahawks and the Cowboys.. Until the 3rd quarter when Alexander fumbled and Dallas had a quick TD to make it 26-14. I gave up then and there. Woulda been better if they never got close.
9:04pm: First note of the night:
They're not kissing Seattle's ass too much. Which is good. Not that they deserve it, but you never know when Madden latches onto someone he really likes, he'll kiss their ass no matter what. The good thing is Parcells is on the other sideline. And announcers love kissing his ass. That's a point in our favor.
9:05pm: They just flashed a stat going to the last commercial before kickoff:
Vinny has a better QB rating than Hasselstiff. Something like 76.9 to 74.2.
Ouch.
9:07pm: The female sideline reporter (not sure who she is, but she's not the usual eye candy) just said Julius Jones fractured his scaptulure earlier this season. I have no idea what or where that is. And I suspect neither does she.
9:08pm: Edgar Martinez just raised the "12th man" flag. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Let's just move on.
9:12pm: 3 and out for Dallas. Good punt return. Seattle starts the first drive in Dallas territory. If they don't get at least 3 now, not good times.
9:17pm: 3rd and one. Hasselstiff drops back... WHAT ARE YOU DOING RUN THE BALL AND GET THE FIRST DOWN!!! Under pressure... rolling out.. chucks it up wildly.. NOOOOO!! Oh wait... TD Jerry Rice!! Uh oh, contact. Flag. They're saying it might be offensive. Nope, defensive pass interference. TD. Good times. That's the kind of play we haven't made 9 out of 10 times this season. Hasselstiff was 3 for 3 on the drive. Alexander only got the ball once (not good).
9:22pm: Jones has a big run. Nobody touches him for the first 50 yards of the run. Yikes. Al Michaels mentions his broken scaptulure again. Without saying where or what it is. Okay, officially starting the "scaptulure" count now. That's 2. Vegas just set the over/under at 5 and a half. I'll take the over, thank you very much. The Seattle defense breaks up two passes, and holds Dallas to a field goal attempt. Justtttt squeezed inside the left upright. These bastards just need to stop giving up the big play and they'll be fine.
Easier said than done. 7-3 Seattle, and it's not even 9:30.
9:30pm: Seattle is 3 for 3 on 3rd downs so far. Including a nice catch by Rice on the sideline. I don't like the pass to run ratio though so far, it's like 8 to 3.
9:33pm: Holy poop, the offense looks unstoppable. Now THIS was what the people were saying might be a Super Bowl contender. (Okay, right here I typed something about how they're not dropping the ball at all. Then I deleted it because I was afraid I'd jinx them. I just made a little note to "insert THAT comment here later" in this space, and am filling this in the next morning. I guess it doesn't matter now, since they lost, and I'm now a Patriots fan, but I have to say they caught most of the passes last night. In hindsight, even if I had jinxed them, they still would have lost. The lesson: don't worry about jinxing a shitty team, they'll find a way to lose anyways.)
14-3 Seattle. Nice playfake on 1st and goal from the 5. Jackson wide open in the back of the end zone. TMQ always says playfakes inside the 10 work best on 1st down. Maybe Holmgren is reading it. Hasselstiff keeps playing like this and he'll redeem his name.
9:54pm: After a 3 and out by Seattle, Dallas puts together a small drive.
Defense looks decent again, but Dallas gets a lucky bounce off the upright on a long field goal. 14-6. I like how the defense is looking. I've liked them all year. Except when they give up those big plays.
10:03pm: Jerehme Urban makes a nice catch, but fumbles when hit. Dalls ball.
Still not sure if he's white or not. I was hoping they'd show a close up of him after he fumbled, but they didn't. We just found out Julius Jones' mom was coal miner. Al made sure he clarified that she no longer mines coal.
Gee, ya think? Her son only rakes in millions of dollars now. I'm willing to bet she hasn't mined coal since he was a high school prospect. But that would be implying high school and college standout athletes receive special perks. And we all know that's not true. Right, Mr. Clarrett?
10:10pm: Short field for Dallas after the fumble. TD. They go for 2 and miss it on some wacky play with Vinny running out as a receiver. I think Parcells has officially lost his mind. We just learned Vinny broke Steve DeBerg's NFL record for throwing TD passses to 63 different receivers. Now there's elite company. Is it just me or does that "record" scream "Hey, I'm not good enough to be around the same receivers for more than 3 years." Somehow I don't think that one has clinched Vinny a bust in Canton.
10:18pm: Seattle ball. 4th and a foot on the Dallas 39. 3:35 left in the first half. This is the play I been begging them to go for all season, and they haven't. Just hand it to Alexander left side. Behind two huge Pro Bowlers.
Oh fucking A, Hasselstiff fumbles the snap. God dammit. Right after Madden agrees with me and says they should run over the left side. Bad times. (Post-game note: That exact run worked on both Alexander's TD runs later. They should just do that every goddamn play.)
10:28pm: Fuckin A. (Maybe we should start counting how many times I say
that.) This Julius Jones guy looks like Barry Sanders. Even after Vinny botches a spike and loses a down, they give up an easy 8 yard draw TD. I'm almost ready to change the channel. The sad thing is I almost think we've been outplaying them. But that damn fumble and botched 4th and 1 is the difference. Looks like textbook Seahawks. Dallas 19-14, have scored the last
16 points.
10:34pm: Halftime. 19-14 Dallas. Tiger Woods is being interviewed at halftime. Somehow I don't think they'll ask him the question everybody wants to know: "So, Tiger, tell us. Does the fact that you now suck have anything to do with that hot blonde you're banging 24/7?" So I change the channel.
10:40pm: Okay, I lied. I watched the Tiger interview. Mostly because I don't want to get sucked in something worth watching and forget to switch back for the second half. Tiger just said "cumulated". I'm no Rhodes scholar or anything, but I believe it's "culminated". He's "buddies" with Peyton Manning. And Dave Chappelle NAILS his impersonation of him. I don't think I've ever left the channel on before while Tiger's being interviewed.
(That's as far as I got before I got disgusted and gave up. :P Maybe I'll try this again for a playoff game or something, it was kind of fun. Final "scaptulure" mention count is 3. The under takes it.)
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