The final week of the regular season! But fear not, loyal readers. We'll continue to make bold predictions and insightful analysis throughout the playoffs.
I'll start this week with an interesting article comparing Favre and Hasselbeck, and how their seasons have gone this year. This fact really jumped out as pretty damn impressive, and a nice indication of just how good a season Hasselbeck has had: "Hasselbeck, in his last three games, has thrown only five more incomplete passes (14) than touchdowns (nine)."
For you non-math people out there, that means he's averaging only 4.67 incompletions and 3 TDs in each of the past 3 games. Oh, and zero INTs. So less than 2 more passes clank onto the ground per game than find a receiver in the end zone. (And it's not like those low incompletions come from not throwing much, averaging almost 25 attempts each of those games.) So about 20/25, 3 TD, 0 INT. That's pretty frickin hot going into the playoffs.
Can we tell who's team has the best record in football and who's team is fighting for the worst? The normally laconic St. Ides is a loquatious plethora of commentary, while I am a depressed, terse pancake.
Please don't retire Brett.
On to the picks… It's a tough week, considering that there are so many teams with nothing to play for.. Some teams are locked into their playoff seeding and resting people, some teams are done and might consider taking a look at young players. (ie, do the Chargers give Phillip Rivers a chance? Do the Packers put Rodgers out there?) There are 9 teams with something to play for: Giants, Panthers, Chiefs, Bengals, Steelers, Patriots, Bucs, Redskins, and Cowboys. And of those 9 teams, only the Chiefs and Bengals are playing each other.
Samichlaus
Last Week: 7-9
Overall: 123-116
St. Ides
Last Week: 8-8
Overall: 116-123
Broncos +9.5 over CHARGERS
And we begin with a weird one… Chargers are done. They cannot make the playoffs. There are even rumors they might let Phillip Rivers start this weekend to see how he does (since Brees didn't have a great season). Broncos are locked into the #2 seed, and their starters probably won't see much action. But after a disappointing season for the Chargers, do they really care enough to blow out a JV team? I'll take those points. Chargers 27, Broncos 23.
I'm going to agree. I'm not sure how good the Denver J.V. team is but I suspect they're good enough to keep this one close. Bolts 27 Broncos 24
Giants -8.5 over RAIDERS
Kerry "Whiskey" Collins looks for revenge on his old team, who jettisoned him when they drafted Eli Manning and brought in Kurt Warner as Eli's "mentor". He probably has something to prove. Sadly, the rest of his team sucks, Randy Moss isn't 100% healthy, and the Giants need this game to wrap up the NFC East. If the Giants don't win this game, they don't deserve to be in the playoffs. Giants 27, Raiders 17.
The Giants have something to play for, while the Raiders do not. However the Giants have not really played very well of late. That's a lot of points to be giving. I'll take the Raiders: Giants 27 Raiders 20
COLTS -7.5 over Cardinals
You know what, that Sorgi guy who backs up Manning didn't look half bad against Seattle last week. And Dominic Rhodes isn't too shabby a RB. And even the Colts' 4th string WRs can catch the ball. Can the Colts JV team beat the Cardinals? I think so. More importantly, Dungy is back with the team, and I think he'll do his best to get the win. After starting 13-0, do the Colts want to enter the playoffs on the 3-game losing streak? I sure wouldn't. Colts 27, Cardinals 18.
Excellent analysis. There's nothing I can add except the obvious: Arizona sucks. Colts 34 Cardinals 17
RAVENS -3.5 over Browns
What the hell?!? Kyle Boller had ANOTHER good game? Could it be this guy is coming around? Maybe, but I don't really care enough to think about it more than these few sentences. Ravens 23, Browns 17.
I think the light went on in Boller's head against the Packers. He's letting his receivers make the plays and he's not forcing the ball. Favre could learn something from this kid: Ravens 24 Browns 17
Bills -1.5 over JETS
Bills showed something by going into Cinci and beating the Bengals last week. The Jets should be a cakewalk. Bills 20, Jets 7.
The Bills stunned last week... well at least I was stunned. Look for the Jets to blow this one in hopes of landing Mr. Bush. Bills 24 Jets 10
FALCONS +4.5 over Panthers
The Panthers win, and they're in the playoffs. The Falcons are looking to play spoiler. I think Mr. Mexico comes up short, but I'll take the points at home. Panthers 24, Falcons 23.
The rule of the more desperate team applies. Look for "The Blister" to sit out the second half. Cats 31 Birds 20
Vikings +3.5 over BEARS
Bears are locked in as the 2 seed, and although Rex Grossman has looked pretty good since he's been put back in at QB, they'd be nuts to play him much with his fragile history. Vikings don't have anything to play for either, but I don't expect the Bears second stringers to put up that much of a fight. Bears 20, Vikings 17.
I think the Bears JV totally shuts down the Vikes JV. The Bears will look to send the Soldier Field crowd home happy. Bears 24 Vikqueens 7
CHIEFS -0.5 over Bengals (-7.5)
The first of four games where the spread wasn't out early enough in the week, so in my pool, the dude running it simply set the home team as a half point favorite. Basically a "pick em" game. The actual up to date spread is in parenthesees. In fairness to ourselves as the analysts (and to pad our record a bit as a Holiday gift), and to maintain consistency (since this has happened in the past), we'll go with the easy spread for our purposes. Anyways, Chiefs need a win and a Steelers loss (ain't gonna happen) to make the playoffs. Bengals need a win to hang onto the #3 seed. Here's the catch though… If the Bengals win, they host the Steelers next week. If they lose, they host the Jaguars. Now, who do you think they'd rather play? Yeah, I thought so too. Chiefs 30, Bengals 20.
The Chiefs, at home, are the more desperate team. As much as I like Carson Palmer (who Boomer Esiason has called the best young quarterback in the game) I'm going to take the Chiefs: Chiefs 31 Bengals 27
STEELERS -0.5 over LIONS (-13.5)
With only a half point, this may be the easiest pick of the year. The 13.5 makes this more interesting. But I don't trust the Lions much, and the Steelers need this to make the playoffs. It's also very likely the final home game for Jerome Bettis. The Bus rolls. Steelers 27, Lions 13.
Keep those Christmas gifts coming! Steelers 2,834 - Lions 6
Ok.... maybe that's a bit of an exageration.... Steelers 721 - Lions 3
PATRIOTS -0.5 over Dolphins (-5.5)
Like I said above, a Patriots win and a Bengals loss gives them the #3 seed and Pittsburgh. A loss or Bengals win gives them the #4 seed and Jacksonville. I don't think the Patriots are afraid of either team though, and they win to sneak into the 3 seed. Patriots 23, Dolphins 17.
Two hot teams, but the champs are coming on strong. Christmas gift or not, I like the Pats by 10 or more: Patriots 24 Dolphins 13
Saints +14.5 over Bucs
Bucs win and the clinch the NFC South. They should win fairly easily, but look for a garbage time score to allow the Saints to cover. Bucs 26, Saints 17.
Where is this game being played? Ahh, who cares. The Bucs are the more desperate team and the better team too. Bucs 31 Saints 10
NINERS +1.5 over Texans
The Reggie Bush Bowl! Texans win, they get the #1 pick… Niners win (and the Saints, Packers, and Jets all lose)… Saints (?!?) get the #1 pick due to strength of schedule tie breakers. Given and tension between Saints ownership and the league this season, looks for the Texans and referees to do everything in their power to make sure that doesn't happen. Niners 24, Texans 17.
I hope the Saints get the first pick. All of a sudden Green Bay won't look so bad to Mr. Bush. At least we've got a FUCKING CITY. Niners 24 Texans 21
Titans +3.5 over JAGUARS
Jaguars have nothing to play for. Titans usually play them fairly tough. Titans 27, Jaguars 20.
I'll take the Jags at home just to be different. Call this my mirror pick: Jags 27 Titans 20
Seahawks +3.5 over PACKERS
Favre's last game? I don't think so. He'll be playing against mostly second and third stringers, so if he has anything left in the tank, this is the game to show it. Meanwhile, the Seattle second string offense can be pretty good. Watch out for Mo Morris, Seneca Wallace, and Leonard "The Dumptruck" Weaver. Favre and the Packers should win, but the Seattle JV keeps it close. Packers 23, Seahawks 20.
I agree. The Seahawks will score a TD on their first possession, a Shawn Alexander run off left tackle. He'll get his TD record, and sit the rest of the way. Watch for Rod Gardner to have a breakout game for the Packers... and watch Favre's face as he comes off the field. If he's crying, he's retiring.
Redskins +0.5 over EAGLES (-7.5)
Another freebie. Easy spread. Redskins win and they're in. In fact, if the Giants lose, the Skins can still win the division. I doubt that'll happen, but they should beat the hapless Eagles. Redskins 23, Eagles 10.
I'll take the Christmas points. The Skins are the hottest team in the east. Skins 34 Eagles 20
Rams +12.5 over COWBOYS
Here's the thing… Cowboys need to win, and one of the following three teams to lose: Redskins, Panthers, or Buccaneers (and some help with that last one). By the time this game starts at 8:30 on New Year's Day night, they'll very likely be eliminated already. In which case, they'll play a flat, meaningless game with Parcells pouting on the sidelines. I think that'll happen, and the Harvard QB keeps it close. Cowboys 20, Rams 13
Or... the 'Boys start the game with a chance to make the playoffs. It's a long shot, I know... Cowboys 34 Rams 17
Friday, December 30, 2005
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Slogan's Heros
Each week of the season the Green Bay Press Gazette held a contest to pick a slogan for the upcoming game. For example, this week’s winner Peggy Anderson of Bloomer, Wis came up with the clever “Rattle Seattle” and won. Anderson when asked how she came up with the slogan replied “The slogan … just popped into my head and I liked that it rhymed.” Anderson is a legend among the slogan writers, as she is the only two time winner this season. She also came up with last week’s winner, the equally clever “Jingle the Bears Bells”.
Other weeks featured slogans like “Demolish Detroit” (a clever alliteration) and “Stuff the Bengals” (a clever reference to taxidermy). The week Mrs. Samichlaus and I went to Green Bay the winning slogan was “We doo Packers Voodo” (sic), a clever reference to New Orleans’s Creole black magic sub culture.
I wondered if the Press Gazette was going to have a season ending slogan contest, some thing to sum up the Packers 2005 season in a clever sentence. Then I began to ponder that if they had such a contest, Peggy Anderson might pull off a season ending slogan hat trick. I decided it was time to act. My strategy is simple: submit a large amount of slogans that will overwhelm the judges with my creativity. I’m hoping that this approach will cause the judges to be so struck with admiration that Peggy Anderson’s entry will be overlooked.
So here’s a Samichlaus exclusive for our loyal SBS readers, my entries for the “Slogan of the Season” contest….if the Press Gazette decides to have one…
Other weeks featured slogans like “Demolish Detroit” (a clever alliteration) and “Stuff the Bengals” (a clever reference to taxidermy). The week Mrs. Samichlaus and I went to Green Bay the winning slogan was “We doo Packers Voodo” (sic), a clever reference to New Orleans’s Creole black magic sub culture.
I wondered if the Press Gazette was going to have a season ending slogan contest, some thing to sum up the Packers 2005 season in a clever sentence. Then I began to ponder that if they had such a contest, Peggy Anderson might pull off a season ending slogan hat trick. I decided it was time to act. My strategy is simple: submit a large amount of slogans that will overwhelm the judges with my creativity. I’m hoping that this approach will cause the judges to be so struck with admiration that Peggy Anderson’s entry will be overlooked.
So here’s a Samichlaus exclusive for our loyal SBS readers, my entries for the “Slogan of the Season” contest….if the Press Gazette decides to have one…
“The 2005 Packers: fuggedaboudit”
“The 2005 Packers: We beat New Orleans”
“The 2005 Packers: It’s like ‘Titanic’, except there’s footballs”
“The 2005 Packers: We’re the New Jersey of the NFL”
“The 2005 Packers: More turnovers than your favorite bakery”
“The 2005 Packers: Our offensive line has more loose holes than a truckload of hookers”
“The 2005 Packers: A living tribute to the legacy that is Ray Scooter McLean” (editors note: Google him and select the Wikipedia link for a brief explanation)
“The 2005 Packers: Come see the NFL Europe All Stars”
“The 2005 Packers: Train wreck football at its finest”
“The 2005 Packers: More penalties than the ’76 Philadelphia Flyers”
“The 2005 Packers: Where B.J. Sander earns $230,000.00”
“The 2005 Packers: They’re as likely to win as the Washington Generals” (editors note: Google them and select the Wikipedia link as well)
“The 2005 Packers: ‘We’ll take the ball and we’re gonna score….NOT!’ “
“The 2005 Packers: Come marvel at the size of Mike Sherman’s ass”
“The 2005 Packers: They’ll leave you begging for the sweet relief of death”
“The 2005 Packers: They finally found something lower than whale shit”
“The 2005 Packers: See our star running back Ahman Green, err, Najeh Davenport, err, Tony Fisher, err, Samkon Gado, err, err, who the hell is Noah Herron?”
“The 2005 Packers: I want my mommy...WAAAAHHHHHHH”
“The 2005 Packers: As bland as English cooking”
“The 2005 Packers: It’s a mammogram and a prostate exam all rolled into one”
“The 2005 Packers: Here’s your chance to move up on the season ticket waiting list”
“The 2005 Packers: It was a mistake, we made a mistake. We'll just pretend it never happened. You go back to your family and I'll go back to mine, and we'll never speak of this to anyone”
If you'd like to see this year's weekly winners along with a clever cartoon drawn by the Green Bay Press Gazette's resident artist, copy this link into your browser because 'Ol Samichlaus doesn't know how to add a fucking hyperlink... nevermind, I just figured it out!
http://www.packersnews.com/topics/slogans/index.shtml
“The 2005 Packers: We beat New Orleans”
“The 2005 Packers: It’s like ‘Titanic’, except there’s footballs”
“The 2005 Packers: We’re the New Jersey of the NFL”
“The 2005 Packers: More turnovers than your favorite bakery”
“The 2005 Packers: Our offensive line has more loose holes than a truckload of hookers”
“The 2005 Packers: A living tribute to the legacy that is Ray Scooter McLean” (editors note: Google him and select the Wikipedia link for a brief explanation)
“The 2005 Packers: Come see the NFL Europe All Stars”
“The 2005 Packers: Train wreck football at its finest”
“The 2005 Packers: More penalties than the ’76 Philadelphia Flyers”
“The 2005 Packers: Where B.J. Sander earns $230,000.00”
“The 2005 Packers: They’re as likely to win as the Washington Generals” (editors note: Google them and select the Wikipedia link as well)
“The 2005 Packers: ‘We’ll take the ball and we’re gonna score….NOT!’ “
“The 2005 Packers: Come marvel at the size of Mike Sherman’s ass”
“The 2005 Packers: They’ll leave you begging for the sweet relief of death”
“The 2005 Packers: They finally found something lower than whale shit”
“The 2005 Packers: See our star running back Ahman Green, err, Najeh Davenport, err, Tony Fisher, err, Samkon Gado, err, err, who the hell is Noah Herron?”
“The 2005 Packers: I want my mommy...WAAAAHHHHHHH”
“The 2005 Packers: As bland as English cooking”
“The 2005 Packers: It’s a mammogram and a prostate exam all rolled into one”
“The 2005 Packers: Here’s your chance to move up on the season ticket waiting list”
“The 2005 Packers: It was a mistake, we made a mistake. We'll just pretend it never happened. You go back to your family and I'll go back to mine, and we'll never speak of this to anyone”
If you'd like to see this year's weekly winners along with a clever cartoon drawn by the Green Bay Press Gazette's resident artist, copy this link into your browser because 'Ol Samichlaus doesn't know how to add a fucking hyperlink... nevermind, I just figured it out!
http://www.packersnews.com/topics/slogans/index.shtml
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Christmas greetings!
I want to choose my words carefully this Christmas morning, for it was just about a year ago today that I wrote the following in my holiday wishes column: “I wish good health for all Packer fans, despite their diet of beer, cheese, and bratwurst, and that none of them drop dead of heart attacks this holiday season.”
Two days later Reggie White dropped dead of a heart attack.
Christmas is a time for family and fun in the Samichlaus house. It’s also the time for our yearly visit to church for midnight service. I hesitate to call it midnight mass (which by its sheer alliteration sounds better) because evidentially the non-Catholic denominations don’t call it “Mass”. In retrospect, that’s probably a good idea. I’m not sure what a “mass” is, except for a heinous growth somewhere on your body that should be removed immediately. Just like Catholicism now that I think about it.
So for Christmas Eve Mrs. Samichlaus and I headed down to the local Methodist church and were ready to enjoy a good hour of prayer and reflection. Things were going well until we got to the singing. Specifically it was the second verse of “What Child is This?” where the whole evening began to go south. As we sang the line “Why lies he in such mean estate where ox and ass are feeding?” Mrs. Claus and I simultaneously started to giggle like we were two twelve year olds. It was then that the giggle shifted to laughter, compounded by my sudden inspiration to make the universal symbol for “flying asshole” and pretend that it was feeding on Mrs. Claus’s sleeve.
After that everything seemed funny to us. When the pastor told how Jesus was laid in the manger I thought “See, he DID get laid”. And when the angel appeared to the shepards in their fields to proclaim that “Unto this day a savior is born in the city of David”, I imagined that the shepards reaction was not “We must go to this city”, but rather “WHAT the FUCK was THAT?” This became a dialogue between two shepards. Pick up the scene after the choir of angels have finished their Hosannas and have left. The shepards are walking home.
Don: Holy fucknuts, I shit my tunic. You ever see anything like that?
Phil: No fuckin way. Fuck! I pissed my sandals.
Don: Shit Phil, didn’t Deb just pick those up for you?
Phil: Yep. They were brand new. Fuck. Look, tomorrow I need to go to Wal-Mart in the city of David to pick up new sandals. You want to go? Maybe there’s something to this savior thing. We could check it out.
Don: Sure, what the fuck, but I’ll put on some “Depends” just in case.
Phil: Good call.
Mrs. Samichlaus came up with the pissing on the sandals.
Happy holidays to all!
Two days later Reggie White dropped dead of a heart attack.
Christmas is a time for family and fun in the Samichlaus house. It’s also the time for our yearly visit to church for midnight service. I hesitate to call it midnight mass (which by its sheer alliteration sounds better) because evidentially the non-Catholic denominations don’t call it “Mass”. In retrospect, that’s probably a good idea. I’m not sure what a “mass” is, except for a heinous growth somewhere on your body that should be removed immediately. Just like Catholicism now that I think about it.
So for Christmas Eve Mrs. Samichlaus and I headed down to the local Methodist church and were ready to enjoy a good hour of prayer and reflection. Things were going well until we got to the singing. Specifically it was the second verse of “What Child is This?” where the whole evening began to go south. As we sang the line “Why lies he in such mean estate where ox and ass are feeding?” Mrs. Claus and I simultaneously started to giggle like we were two twelve year olds. It was then that the giggle shifted to laughter, compounded by my sudden inspiration to make the universal symbol for “flying asshole” and pretend that it was feeding on Mrs. Claus’s sleeve.
After that everything seemed funny to us. When the pastor told how Jesus was laid in the manger I thought “See, he DID get laid”. And when the angel appeared to the shepards in their fields to proclaim that “Unto this day a savior is born in the city of David”, I imagined that the shepards reaction was not “We must go to this city”, but rather “WHAT the FUCK was THAT?” This became a dialogue between two shepards. Pick up the scene after the choir of angels have finished their Hosannas and have left. The shepards are walking home.
Don: Holy fucknuts, I shit my tunic. You ever see anything like that?
Phil: No fuckin way. Fuck! I pissed my sandals.
Don: Shit Phil, didn’t Deb just pick those up for you?
Phil: Yep. They were brand new. Fuck. Look, tomorrow I need to go to Wal-Mart in the city of David to pick up new sandals. You want to go? Maybe there’s something to this savior thing. We could check it out.
Don: Sure, what the fuck, but I’ll put on some “Depends” just in case.
Phil: Good call.
Mrs. Samichlaus came up with the pissing on the sandals.
Happy holidays to all!
Friday, December 23, 2005
Ho Ho Ho! Week 16!
It's been a hell of a week at SBS! We our proud to say that with average readership doubling over the last 7 days, SBS has become the fastest growing sports blog on the Web. Thank you, thank you all of our loyal readers!
Ho Ho Ho, Week 16!
St. Ides
Last Week: 9-7
Season: 108-115
Samichlaus
Last Week: 8-8
Season: 116-107
BUCS -3.5 over Falcons
Stick a fork in em, the Falcons are done. This is not a playoff caliber
team. Bucanneers 24, Falcons 17.
I like the Bucs too. Another fast defense spells disaster for Mike Vick and his sick dick. Bucs 27 Falcons 20
Bills +14.5 over BENGALS
That's a lot of points to give. And although the Bengals are still
battling for a possible first round bye, they've got to be a cruise
control just a little bit. Bengals 31, Bills 20.
Only because the Bills are so god awful on the road... Bengals 34 Bills 15
Cowboys +5.5 over PANTHERS
The Cowboys are desperate, but these games still mean something for the
Panthers too, who have not locked up a playoff spot yet. I think
Parcells is overrrated as a coach, and I've never liked him. Ever. Not
his attitude, not his "humor", not his treatment of players, not his
coaching ability. Don't like him. And I don't think the Cowboys have
enough talent to actually make the playoffs. But they should keep this
game close enough. Panthers 24, Cowboys 20.
When each team is equally desperate, and the home team is favored, the question one has to ask is "Are the Cats 5.5 points better than the
Cowboys?" You bet they are. Cats 27 Cowboys 17
Lions +3.5 over SAINTS
The only thing interesting I can say about this game is that Joey
Harrington is back in as starter for the Lions instead of Jeff "Light in
the Loafers" Garcia. Not that anyone cares. Saints 26, Lions 24.
Hands down winner of the "Samichlaus stinker of the season", the only drama here is if the Saints will win one for their hometown fans. Detroit is so horriffic, I think this one is a no-brainer. Saints 31 Detroit 10
TEXANS +6.5 over Jaguars
The Texans generally play the Jaguars tough somehow. And we've said it a
dozen times, but the Jaguars do play down to the level of their
opponent. They're going to get crushed by the Patriots in round one of
the playoffs. That spread will be interesting to see. Jaguars 23, Texans
20.
What's wrong with me? St. Ides's logic makes perfect sense, but for some reason I see the Jags romping in this game. Jags 31 Texans 20
Giants +3.5 over REDSKINS
I think Eli is still a bit too mistake prone to take the Giants deep
into the playoffs, but they should at least win the NFC East this week.
The Giants defense (particularly their pass rush) will be too much for
Mark Brunell to handle. Giants 27, Redskins 17.
This is a tough game to call. The Skins are coming off their biggest win of the year while the Giants are the hottest team in the East. I'll bet it's going to be close. I'll take the Gints and the points. Skins 23 Gints 20
Steelers -7.5 over BROWNS
I've like the Browns and rookie QB Charlie Frye for a few weeks now. But
I think the Steelers are getting hot at the right time, and roll.
Steelers 27, Browns 10.
I agree, the Steelers are starting to gel. Their D is going to be too much for the rookie Frye. Steelers 24 Browns 10
Chargers +1.5 over CHIEFS
This is a huge game for both teams, with the loser likely out of the
playoff hunt. I usually like the Chiefs at home, but the Chargers are
riding high after knocking off the Colts last week. This one comes down
to the last drive of the game, and who does or doesn't get it done.
Chargers 30, Chiefs 29.
Tough game to figure, because the X factor is Arrowhead Stadium, but considering what the Bolts accomplished last week I'm finding it hard to bet against them. Bolts 34 Chiefs 24
Niners +9.5 over RAMS
We really get some meaningless games this late in the season, don't we?
Rams Harvard QB gets to continue his audition for the role of backing up
Bulger next season. Alex Smith continues to prove why he wasn't a #1
overall pick to really get too excited about. Rams 27, Niners 20.
My heart's just not into analyzing this game. Go figure. I'll take Harvard, because if I'm wrong I can count on a detailed and eriudite explanation. Rams 27 Niners 13
DOLPHINS -5.5 over Titans
Titans showed some spunk last week against Seattle. But they're really
not that great. They took advantage of a few slips and stumbles by the
Seattle defense, something the Dolphins won't give them. Dolphins 24,
Titans 17.
The Fish are pretty hot, and at home my guess is that they handle the Titans with ease. Fish 27 Titans 20
Eagles +1.5 over CARDINALS
Remember when both these teams used to be NFC East rivals? Well, maybe
rivals is the wrong word, since the Cardinals always sucked. And still
do. Eagles 27, Cardinals 17.
Shit, now that you mention it, I can't remember the Cardinals EVER being good.... maybe when they had Neil Lomax.. Eagles 31 Cardinals 20
Colts +7.5 over SEAHAWKS
Sad story this week with the death of Tony Dungy's son. The Colts were
likely already mailing this one in after their loss last week. With the
added gloom and distraction on top of that, it'll be hard to see them
giving more than a half-hearted effort from mostly 2nd and 3rd
stringers. Seattle still has home field advantage to play for, but
they'll likely rest some people too. Seahawks 27, Colts 21.
The Dungy story is heartbreaking, and worthy of it's own blog. As far as the game is concerned, my guess is the Colts will win one for their coach. Besides, the Seahawks have a bye next week. Colts 37 Seatte 27
BRONCOS -13.5 over Raiders
Who woulda thunk - there's actually a "Jake Plummer for MVP" bandwagon
starting up. Relax, folks. He'll implode in the playoffs. The Raiders
just flat out stink. I could probably do a better job of getting the
ball to Randy Moss than their QBs have this year. Somehow, he's been
surprisingly quiet though. Maybe he learned a lesson from the TO farce?
Nahhh, he's just waiting for the offseason to mouth off. Broncos 32,
Raiders 16.
I like the Broncos a lot. They are probably the third best team in the NFL behind the Colts and Seahawks. The Raiders, in no uncertain terms, are fucked. Broncos 37 Raiders 17
PACKERS +6.5 over Bears
When was the last time the Packers were getting almost a TD at home
against the Bears? I'm not sure where or how to look it up, but I'm
guessing it was either A) maybe during the great Bears teams of the 80s
before the Favre era started or B) never. Rumor has it that Favre has
been reading the SBS debates on his current talent level, and is out to
make a few points this game. Of course, with his supporting task,
Urlacher will probably eat him alive. Still, look for Rex Grossman to
make all the media peeps praising Lovie Smith for putting him in for
Kyle Orton to second guess that thought as he throws a few picks. Bears
20, Packers 13.
Here's how bad it is for the Packers: today they signed a bartender to handle the punting duties for the rest of the season. Ryan Flinn, who
actually looks a bit like St. Ides, will be filling in for B.J. Sander who
was put on I.R. Sander is the 17th Packer to be put on the Injured Reserve
list this season. Flinn, who missed Packers GM Ted Thompson's phone call
Tuesday because he was sleeping was thrilled to have the opportunity. More
details plus the kid's picture can be found at http://www.packersnews.com/index2.shtml . Meanwhile, the Bears will win
easy. Besides, Favre is washed up and shoud retire. There will be no present
under the Samichlaus tree this year. Bears 34 Packers 20
Vikings +1.5 over RAVENS
Can the Vikings right the ship and have Captain Tice sail them towards
the playoffs? Can I still get away with using lameass "Love Boat"
references to refer to the Vikings? No and no. But they should beat the
Ravens to stay alive until next week at least. Kyle Boller actually
looked like an NFL-caliber QB last week. Two weeks in a row? No chance.
Vikings 23, Ravens 16.
LOL! That Boller kid looked like the best young quarterback in the league besides Carson Palmer, and I think the Vikings are falling apart again. I'm going against the rule of the more desperate team here and taking the Ravens. Ravens 31 Vikings 20
Patriots -4.5 over JETS
The Meadowlands is selling no beer for this game in fear that the
combined Monday Night Football excitement, with the Pats-Jets rivalry,
and the holiday season would lead to a bit too much drunken debauchery.
So they're not selling beer. Talk about a bunch of frickin Scrooges.
Expect the stadium to be half-empty by mid-3rd quarter. It'd be empty by
halftime if it was below 20 degrees, but it's supposed to be in like the
40s. Patriots 27, Jets 12.
The Jets fans have brought this upon themselves. If they weren't a collective bunch of arrogant alcoholic street scum (except my cousin of course) they'd have their beer. New England might give up 7. Pats 24 Jets 7
Ho Ho Ho, Week 16!
St. Ides
Last Week: 9-7
Season: 108-115
Samichlaus
Last Week: 8-8
Season: 116-107
BUCS -3.5 over Falcons
Stick a fork in em, the Falcons are done. This is not a playoff caliber
team. Bucanneers 24, Falcons 17.
I like the Bucs too. Another fast defense spells disaster for Mike Vick and his sick dick. Bucs 27 Falcons 20
Bills +14.5 over BENGALS
That's a lot of points to give. And although the Bengals are still
battling for a possible first round bye, they've got to be a cruise
control just a little bit. Bengals 31, Bills 20.
Only because the Bills are so god awful on the road... Bengals 34 Bills 15
Cowboys +5.5 over PANTHERS
The Cowboys are desperate, but these games still mean something for the
Panthers too, who have not locked up a playoff spot yet. I think
Parcells is overrrated as a coach, and I've never liked him. Ever. Not
his attitude, not his "humor", not his treatment of players, not his
coaching ability. Don't like him. And I don't think the Cowboys have
enough talent to actually make the playoffs. But they should keep this
game close enough. Panthers 24, Cowboys 20.
When each team is equally desperate, and the home team is favored, the question one has to ask is "Are the Cats 5.5 points better than the
Cowboys?" You bet they are. Cats 27 Cowboys 17
Lions +3.5 over SAINTS
The only thing interesting I can say about this game is that Joey
Harrington is back in as starter for the Lions instead of Jeff "Light in
the Loafers" Garcia. Not that anyone cares. Saints 26, Lions 24.
Hands down winner of the "Samichlaus stinker of the season", the only drama here is if the Saints will win one for their hometown fans. Detroit is so horriffic, I think this one is a no-brainer. Saints 31 Detroit 10
TEXANS +6.5 over Jaguars
The Texans generally play the Jaguars tough somehow. And we've said it a
dozen times, but the Jaguars do play down to the level of their
opponent. They're going to get crushed by the Patriots in round one of
the playoffs. That spread will be interesting to see. Jaguars 23, Texans
20.
What's wrong with me? St. Ides's logic makes perfect sense, but for some reason I see the Jags romping in this game. Jags 31 Texans 20
Giants +3.5 over REDSKINS
I think Eli is still a bit too mistake prone to take the Giants deep
into the playoffs, but they should at least win the NFC East this week.
The Giants defense (particularly their pass rush) will be too much for
Mark Brunell to handle. Giants 27, Redskins 17.
This is a tough game to call. The Skins are coming off their biggest win of the year while the Giants are the hottest team in the East. I'll bet it's going to be close. I'll take the Gints and the points. Skins 23 Gints 20
Steelers -7.5 over BROWNS
I've like the Browns and rookie QB Charlie Frye for a few weeks now. But
I think the Steelers are getting hot at the right time, and roll.
Steelers 27, Browns 10.
I agree, the Steelers are starting to gel. Their D is going to be too much for the rookie Frye. Steelers 24 Browns 10
Chargers +1.5 over CHIEFS
This is a huge game for both teams, with the loser likely out of the
playoff hunt. I usually like the Chiefs at home, but the Chargers are
riding high after knocking off the Colts last week. This one comes down
to the last drive of the game, and who does or doesn't get it done.
Chargers 30, Chiefs 29.
Tough game to figure, because the X factor is Arrowhead Stadium, but considering what the Bolts accomplished last week I'm finding it hard to bet against them. Bolts 34 Chiefs 24
Niners +9.5 over RAMS
We really get some meaningless games this late in the season, don't we?
Rams Harvard QB gets to continue his audition for the role of backing up
Bulger next season. Alex Smith continues to prove why he wasn't a #1
overall pick to really get too excited about. Rams 27, Niners 20.
My heart's just not into analyzing this game. Go figure. I'll take Harvard, because if I'm wrong I can count on a detailed and eriudite explanation. Rams 27 Niners 13
DOLPHINS -5.5 over Titans
Titans showed some spunk last week against Seattle. But they're really
not that great. They took advantage of a few slips and stumbles by the
Seattle defense, something the Dolphins won't give them. Dolphins 24,
Titans 17.
The Fish are pretty hot, and at home my guess is that they handle the Titans with ease. Fish 27 Titans 20
Eagles +1.5 over CARDINALS
Remember when both these teams used to be NFC East rivals? Well, maybe
rivals is the wrong word, since the Cardinals always sucked. And still
do. Eagles 27, Cardinals 17.
Shit, now that you mention it, I can't remember the Cardinals EVER being good.... maybe when they had Neil Lomax.. Eagles 31 Cardinals 20
Colts +7.5 over SEAHAWKS
Sad story this week with the death of Tony Dungy's son. The Colts were
likely already mailing this one in after their loss last week. With the
added gloom and distraction on top of that, it'll be hard to see them
giving more than a half-hearted effort from mostly 2nd and 3rd
stringers. Seattle still has home field advantage to play for, but
they'll likely rest some people too. Seahawks 27, Colts 21.
The Dungy story is heartbreaking, and worthy of it's own blog. As far as the game is concerned, my guess is the Colts will win one for their coach. Besides, the Seahawks have a bye next week. Colts 37 Seatte 27
BRONCOS -13.5 over Raiders
Who woulda thunk - there's actually a "Jake Plummer for MVP" bandwagon
starting up. Relax, folks. He'll implode in the playoffs. The Raiders
just flat out stink. I could probably do a better job of getting the
ball to Randy Moss than their QBs have this year. Somehow, he's been
surprisingly quiet though. Maybe he learned a lesson from the TO farce?
Nahhh, he's just waiting for the offseason to mouth off. Broncos 32,
Raiders 16.
I like the Broncos a lot. They are probably the third best team in the NFL behind the Colts and Seahawks. The Raiders, in no uncertain terms, are fucked. Broncos 37 Raiders 17
PACKERS +6.5 over Bears
When was the last time the Packers were getting almost a TD at home
against the Bears? I'm not sure where or how to look it up, but I'm
guessing it was either A) maybe during the great Bears teams of the 80s
before the Favre era started or B) never. Rumor has it that Favre has
been reading the SBS debates on his current talent level, and is out to
make a few points this game. Of course, with his supporting task,
Urlacher will probably eat him alive. Still, look for Rex Grossman to
make all the media peeps praising Lovie Smith for putting him in for
Kyle Orton to second guess that thought as he throws a few picks. Bears
20, Packers 13.
Here's how bad it is for the Packers: today they signed a bartender to handle the punting duties for the rest of the season. Ryan Flinn, who
actually looks a bit like St. Ides, will be filling in for B.J. Sander who
was put on I.R. Sander is the 17th Packer to be put on the Injured Reserve
list this season. Flinn, who missed Packers GM Ted Thompson's phone call
Tuesday because he was sleeping was thrilled to have the opportunity. More
details plus the kid's picture can be found at http://www.packersnews.com/index2.shtml . Meanwhile, the Bears will win
easy. Besides, Favre is washed up and shoud retire. There will be no present
under the Samichlaus tree this year. Bears 34 Packers 20
Vikings +1.5 over RAVENS
Can the Vikings right the ship and have Captain Tice sail them towards
the playoffs? Can I still get away with using lameass "Love Boat"
references to refer to the Vikings? No and no. But they should beat the
Ravens to stay alive until next week at least. Kyle Boller actually
looked like an NFL-caliber QB last week. Two weeks in a row? No chance.
Vikings 23, Ravens 16.
LOL! That Boller kid looked like the best young quarterback in the league besides Carson Palmer, and I think the Vikings are falling apart again. I'm going against the rule of the more desperate team here and taking the Ravens. Ravens 31 Vikings 20
Patriots -4.5 over JETS
The Meadowlands is selling no beer for this game in fear that the
combined Monday Night Football excitement, with the Pats-Jets rivalry,
and the holiday season would lead to a bit too much drunken debauchery.
So they're not selling beer. Talk about a bunch of frickin Scrooges.
Expect the stadium to be half-empty by mid-3rd quarter. It'd be empty by
halftime if it was below 20 degrees, but it's supposed to be in like the
40s. Patriots 27, Jets 12.
The Jets fans have brought this upon themselves. If they weren't a collective bunch of arrogant alcoholic street scum (except my cousin of course) they'd have their beer. New England might give up 7. Pats 24 Jets 7
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Another quick and loving tribute to my wife...
I meant to write about this last week, but forgot. This is how far my wife has come along as a football fan: While watching another Packer abomination I started bitching about special teams. "I CANT BELIEVE HOW #$@))$% AWFUL THE SPECIAL TEAMS ARE!!!! I DON'T !*#&^%@ GET IT! THEY SHOULD FIRE THAT BALD !*(!@#(*@^&*$@ (Packer Special Teams coach John Bonemego) MOTHER&#(*$(#,#@!$^* @#^*@#($&*#. GODDAMMIT. My wife calmly replied "You know all those injuries to the startes?" "Yeah," I said, "what about them?" "Well, who do you think replaced the starters? Special teams guys. These special teams guys are guys they got off the street to replace the special teams players who replaced the injured starters. That's why they suck. It's not the coaches fault."
I was speechless. And I hadn't even thought about that.
Right again sweetie.
I was speechless. And I hadn't even thought about that.
Right again sweetie.
Think it's time for a Brett Favre retirement column? Think again.
It's not that Favre's skills haven't diminished (they have) or that Favre hasn't lost focus on the games (he has). It has nothing to do with horrendus stats or so called excuses. The truth is that Brett Favre could be playing a lot better, and he isn't. But that doesn't mean it's time for him to retire.
The Green Bay Packers have a unique relationship with their city: they are the city, and the ONLY symbol, the face of that team is Brett Favre. Drive around Green Bay for a day and you will see Favre's image every where. Listen to a local child, say four or five years old, and you'll hear that child speak of Favre. Chances are he or she will be wearing a Favre jersey too. Brett Favre means more to the town of Green Bay than any other athlethe has meant to any town in the history of sport. I dare you to find me a better example. Babe Ruth? He was hated by half the baseball fans of New York. Jerry Rice? Frisco is too big of a town.
Brett Favre brought respectability to Green Bay. He made the game exciting again. He made Packer fans believe again, and he has helped turn Green Bay into a booming NFL tourist attraction. I saw the stadium. It's a cathedral, and Favre made that happen.
For that, he can retire whenever he's goddamn ready.
The Green Bay Packers have a unique relationship with their city: they are the city, and the ONLY symbol, the face of that team is Brett Favre. Drive around Green Bay for a day and you will see Favre's image every where. Listen to a local child, say four or five years old, and you'll hear that child speak of Favre. Chances are he or she will be wearing a Favre jersey too. Brett Favre means more to the town of Green Bay than any other athlethe has meant to any town in the history of sport. I dare you to find me a better example. Babe Ruth? He was hated by half the baseball fans of New York. Jerry Rice? Frisco is too big of a town.
Brett Favre brought respectability to Green Bay. He made the game exciting again. He made Packer fans believe again, and he has helped turn Green Bay into a booming NFL tourist attraction. I saw the stadium. It's a cathedral, and Favre made that happen.
For that, he can retire whenever he's goddamn ready.
Saturday, December 17, 2005
Kiner's Korner
I was born in 1962 at the beginning of one of the greatest social revolutions in the history of this country. In my life I have seen our culture transformed from a segregated male dominated society to a, well, less segregated less male dominated society. And although the racists and misogynists are holding on for dear life I am sure that by the time I croak I will be able to say that the country had become a better place, at least better than it was in 1962.
One of the things that has noticeably changed is the cultural acceptance of alcohol. I bring this up because of a comment that was posted by bekah on my last blog. Bekah had this to say about John Madden: “I can’t stand watching Monday Night Football because of Madden. I’m sure the man is boozing it up because he says the most unbelieveably retarded things ever, and it gets worse through the night as he gets drunker and drunkerer.”
Back when I was growing up, this was all part of the show…
My earliest recognition of sports broadcasting was watching the Mets games on channel 9 in New York. I remember that Rheingold beer had a commercial between almost every inning, and all I ever wanted to do was get a taste of that amazing golden foamy liquid that appeared on my screen. (And let me be historically accurate: it didn’t appear to be golden until 1969 when dad trotted home with our first color TV… but it always looked quite tasty). Rheingold was the Mets beer. Ballantine was the Yankee beer so in our house we always had Rheingold. I sincerely believe that if someone had showed up at the house with a six of Ballantine as a house warmer, my father would have beaten the living shit out of them. Dad, an old Brooklyn Dodgers fan was funny that way. But I digress…
The Mets broadcast team included Baseball Hall of Famer Ralph Kiner, and folks (I am not kidding here) Kiner was usually pretty lit up by the third inning. His drunken butchery of the English language is legendary in the annuls of New York baseball folklore. When the Mets acquired catcher Gary Carter in 1985, Kiner consistently called him Gary Cooper, particularly in the later innings. Kiner once left Mets fans scratching their heads when he claimed that the Los Angles Dodgers played in the “Eastern Standard Pacific Coast League” time zone. On fathers day one season Kiner wished all the viewers “a happy birthday”. Another broadcast featured Kiner telling fans that the Hall of Fame ceremonies were scheduled for the 31st and 32nd of July.
Kiner was the first person I ever heard curse on the air. During the 1970’s, the Mets had a catcher named Ron Hodges who Kiner liked to call Gil Hodges (a hall of fame colleague of Kiner’s). Once after a game, Kiner while broadcasting his wrap-up show “Kiners Korner” committed his faux-pax and somewhat exasperated said “Dammit I always do that”. On another occasion, Kiner couldn’t remember his own name. The Kiner’s Korner broadcast began with this memorable introduction: “Weclome to Kiner’s Korner, this is uh… I’m uh… uh...”
Often times Kiner was simply a word or two off. For example, instead of saying “The Mets have had their leadoff batter on only once this game” Kiner said “The Mets have had their leadoff batter on only once this inning”. Another time it was “Darryl Strawberry has been voted to the Hall of Fame 5 years in a row” Of course Ralph meant the All Star game. During a May broadcast several years ago Kiner happily proclaimed that “Tony Gwynn was named player of the year for April”. He meant month.
The point I’m making is that back in the day I overlooked this sort of behavior as an acceptable part of the show. It is no wonder that I had my own struggles with alcohol abuse, because frankly it seemed like so much fun. About 10 years ago Kiner contracted Bell’s Palsy which caused him to slur his words even more. I didn’t buy it. My theory was that Kiner had achieved what all drunks hope to achieve: a permanent state of stupid face (that point in the evening when you look in the mirror across the bar and you’ve got that stupid little smile and you really don’t know why). I wonder if that’s what has happened to Madden?
There was no more embarrassing a moment than Suzy Kolber’s infamous interview with a drunken Joe Namath, who kept interrupting Kolber and saying “I want to kiss you”. The days of finding slobbering drunks funny have long since passed for me. The other day I saw a famous clip of a drunken Howard Cosell on Monday Night Football unable to say the word “Philadelphia”. It made me cringe. That was a long time ago, and today that sort of behavior is not tolerated. I guess some of the old timers are having a hard time adjusting to it, or as Ralph Kiner once said: “If Casey Stengel were alive today he’d be spinning in his grave”
One of the things that has noticeably changed is the cultural acceptance of alcohol. I bring this up because of a comment that was posted by bekah on my last blog. Bekah had this to say about John Madden: “I can’t stand watching Monday Night Football because of Madden. I’m sure the man is boozing it up because he says the most unbelieveably retarded things ever, and it gets worse through the night as he gets drunker and drunkerer.”
Back when I was growing up, this was all part of the show…
My earliest recognition of sports broadcasting was watching the Mets games on channel 9 in New York. I remember that Rheingold beer had a commercial between almost every inning, and all I ever wanted to do was get a taste of that amazing golden foamy liquid that appeared on my screen. (And let me be historically accurate: it didn’t appear to be golden until 1969 when dad trotted home with our first color TV… but it always looked quite tasty). Rheingold was the Mets beer. Ballantine was the Yankee beer so in our house we always had Rheingold. I sincerely believe that if someone had showed up at the house with a six of Ballantine as a house warmer, my father would have beaten the living shit out of them. Dad, an old Brooklyn Dodgers fan was funny that way. But I digress…
The Mets broadcast team included Baseball Hall of Famer Ralph Kiner, and folks (I am not kidding here) Kiner was usually pretty lit up by the third inning. His drunken butchery of the English language is legendary in the annuls of New York baseball folklore. When the Mets acquired catcher Gary Carter in 1985, Kiner consistently called him Gary Cooper, particularly in the later innings. Kiner once left Mets fans scratching their heads when he claimed that the Los Angles Dodgers played in the “Eastern Standard Pacific Coast League” time zone. On fathers day one season Kiner wished all the viewers “a happy birthday”. Another broadcast featured Kiner telling fans that the Hall of Fame ceremonies were scheduled for the 31st and 32nd of July.
Kiner was the first person I ever heard curse on the air. During the 1970’s, the Mets had a catcher named Ron Hodges who Kiner liked to call Gil Hodges (a hall of fame colleague of Kiner’s). Once after a game, Kiner while broadcasting his wrap-up show “Kiners Korner” committed his faux-pax and somewhat exasperated said “Dammit I always do that”. On another occasion, Kiner couldn’t remember his own name. The Kiner’s Korner broadcast began with this memorable introduction: “Weclome to Kiner’s Korner, this is uh… I’m uh… uh...”
Often times Kiner was simply a word or two off. For example, instead of saying “The Mets have had their leadoff batter on only once this game” Kiner said “The Mets have had their leadoff batter on only once this inning”. Another time it was “Darryl Strawberry has been voted to the Hall of Fame 5 years in a row” Of course Ralph meant the All Star game. During a May broadcast several years ago Kiner happily proclaimed that “Tony Gwynn was named player of the year for April”. He meant month.
The point I’m making is that back in the day I overlooked this sort of behavior as an acceptable part of the show. It is no wonder that I had my own struggles with alcohol abuse, because frankly it seemed like so much fun. About 10 years ago Kiner contracted Bell’s Palsy which caused him to slur his words even more. I didn’t buy it. My theory was that Kiner had achieved what all drunks hope to achieve: a permanent state of stupid face (that point in the evening when you look in the mirror across the bar and you’ve got that stupid little smile and you really don’t know why). I wonder if that’s what has happened to Madden?
There was no more embarrassing a moment than Suzy Kolber’s infamous interview with a drunken Joe Namath, who kept interrupting Kolber and saying “I want to kiss you”. The days of finding slobbering drunks funny have long since passed for me. The other day I saw a famous clip of a drunken Howard Cosell on Monday Night Football unable to say the word “Philadelphia”. It made me cringe. That was a long time ago, and today that sort of behavior is not tolerated. I guess some of the old timers are having a hard time adjusting to it, or as Ralph Kiner once said: “If Casey Stengel were alive today he’d be spinning in his grave”
Friday, December 16, 2005
Week 15 Picks
(Somewhere along the way, we got our actual week number wrong. I'm too lazy to track it down, but don't let the "Week 13" title below fool you.. that was Week 14.. And this is Week 15.. On with the show...)
We're getting towards the end! Saturday games this week (and a couple good ones), and a lot of playoff spots still up for grabs. Actually, the Colts and Seahawks are the only two to have even clinched playoff berths yet, though several teams are close and should lock up at least an appearance this weekend.
Just a quick comment on the excellent Samichlaus piece about things that piss me off…. Yes, most announcers suck. During the Seattle game this past weekend, the announcers were talking about how well rookie MLB Lofa Tatupu has played for the Seahawks this year. Then the announcer said something like "It just goes to show you can find good talent out there, Tatupu came in here as an undrafted rookie and is now starting!" A commercial soon followed. As we returned from commercial, and the announcer corrected himself: "Sorry, Tatupu wasn't a rookie free agent. He was drafted in the by Seattle this year out of BC (Boston College)."
For the record, Tatupu was drafted in the second round this year out of (two-time defending national champ) USC. I guess someone in the booth or on his headphones or wherever told him about his mistake before the commercial, but to correct him with incorrect information? Un-frickin-believable.
My favorite color guy right now is Bill Maas. That’s right, Bill Maas. Maas calls games on Fox with play by play man Sam Rosen and by my best guess this is the third or fourth string Fox team. Maas is correctly criticized by media types for his absolute butchering of the English language, but he brings a level of analysis that few broadcasters come close to. He, much like a young John Madden, has the ability to break down complex plays and explain them in simple terms. He’s very technical but easy to understand. The problem with most color commentators is that they add absolutely nothing to the broadcast. When was the last time Phil Simms or Troy Aikman said something during a broadcast that really meant something? What about Dan Dierdoff? The extent of their color commentary is usually a statement of the obvious, like “Wow, did you see that catch? Driver fully extended his body and caught the ball!”. I’m sorry, but that’s not color. This weekend find the game that Rosen and Maas are calling, and try to put aside the mispronunciations. I’ll bet you learn something from Bill Maas.
Yeah, I'm a big fan of Sam Rosen (or as we call him around here, Sam Nosen.. ) He's been calling Rangers games for years, and him and John Davidson are probably the best pair of hockey announcers out there. I'll save my story about when I met John Davidson for another time...
Anyways, on to the picks:
St. Ides
Last Week: 8-8
Overall: 99-108
Samichlaus:
Last Week: 9-7
Overall: 108-99
PATRIOTS -4.5 over Bucanneers
Chris Simms on the road in the cold against a Patriots team that's getting healthy? No thanks. Although Brady is listed as questionable for this game, so don't bet the house until you're sure he's playing. Let me toot my own horn for a second, here's what I wrote last week for the Bucs Panthers game: "The NFC South battle will be a good one down the stretch, with the Panthers, Bucs, and Falcons all playing each other. First I was thinking "There's no way Chris Simms beats the Panthers defense." But the more I think about it, the more I like how the Bucs defense is playing. Ronde Barber is playing like a man possessed, and I think he can bait Delhomme into a pick or two. This ought to be a pretty close defensive game. Which is why I'm taking the points. Panthers 20, Bucs 16." Ronde Barber DID in fact have a key interception, and the Bucs won 20-10. Brady is a few notches smarter than Delhomme. Patriots 26, Bucs 13.
Brady’s dinged up, and the Bucs are hot. Chris Simms has gotten better as the year has gone on. I am tempted to take the Bucs outright, but there’s that whole “below 32 degrees” thing. I’m going to take the Bucs and the points: Patriots 23 – Bucs 21
Chiefs +3.5 over GIANTS
Eli is starting to throw up questionable balls in key situations. Really, the Giants should have lost last week to the decimated Eagles (who, I might remind you, Seattle absolutely destroyed 42-0 the week before) because of Manning's picks. Their defense bailed them out, and Feely actually made the game winning field goal this time. Oh, and they also had a few key injuries. Look for Larry Johnson to have a nice day running, and Tony Gonzalez to show Jeremy Shockey how a TRUE clutch TE plays. Chiefs 29, Giants 24.
Larry Johnson is probably the most exciting player in the game right now, but I think the Giants D will contain him. The Chiefs are a good team but they are not a good road team. The Giants need this win in a tight divisional race. Giants 24 Chiefs 17
BILLS +9.5 over Broncos
The Broncos barely beat an awful Ravens team last week. Kyle Boller (who probably won't have a starting job next season) handed them the game. Although I don't have much faith in Losman for Buffalo, I do think the Bills play much better at home and ought to keep the score within 10. Broncos 23, Bills 16.
I agree. The Bills are a different team at home, and regular readers of SBS know this is an easy bet. Broncos 17 Bills 14
Cardinals -1.5 over TEXANS
I actually flipped on the Texans game last week in time to see their attempt at the game winning field goal. Before the ball was snapped, I thought to myself, "You know, they have more to lose if he actually makes this." Sure enough, he shanked the kick (and I believe it was only like a 38-yarder or so) so badly it wasn't even close. Now, I agree with the points previously made that a team should not lose games to move up the draft, because you never REALLY know who will pan out as a pro. But here's the thing: I believe that if the Texans get the #1 pick, they'll trade it for a boatload of picks. And one of those picks they get has to work out, right? Errr, nevermind. Cardinals 29, Texans 20.
Why oh why couldn’t the Sunday night crew get stuck with this one? I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. BTW, if Rosen and Haas are calling this one, I rescind my earlier suggestion. I’ll take the Cardinals: Cardinals 27 Texans 20.
SAINTS +8.5 over Panthers
Panthers choked against the Bucs last week, and Steve Smith got lit up with a huge hit. I generally like the Panthers and think they're a well-coached, disciplined, competitive team. But something's just not right this year. Their defense isn't as dominant as it usually is, and they've lost to some crappy teams. Plus, there is a chance Aaron Brooks gets benched. And that improves the Saints chances I think. Panthers win, but don't cover. Panthers 23, Saints 17.
The Panthers may be one of those teams that play to their opponents level. I’m guessing that John Fox will have them ready this week no matter who they’re playing. The Cats will stroll and rock and roll: Panther 34 Saints 13
REDSKINS -2.5 over Cowboys
Redskins are barely clinging to their playoff chances. Mark Brunell has cooled off considerably after a nice start to the season. But I keep getting the feeling the Cowboys really are NOT that good. They needed Drew Bledsoe to have a career game and a missed tying field goal as time expired to beat the Chiefs in Dallas last week. The Dallas running game still hasn't really gotten going all year, and having a one-dimensional offense against a defense as good as Washington is not a good thing. Redskins 23, Cowboys 16.
The entire Redskin secondary is banged up, and although they’re going to play they will be a step behind. The last time they played, Dallas dominated the game for 3 ½ quarters, only to allow the Redskins to steal the game with 2 sick passes to Santana Moss. This time the Skins won’t be so lucky: Dallas 27 Washington 20
DOLPHINS -9.5 over Jets
Dolphins with the huge upset last week over the Chargers. Jets actually beat the Raiders. Does anybody care about this game? No, not really. Dolphins defense shuts down the Jets. Dolphins 23, Jets 10.
The Jets always play the fish tough, just ask my father in law. He dreads these games the way most of us dread prostate exams. Jets 24 Dolphins 20
Steelers -3.5 over VIKINGS
I found this spread a bit weird considering the Vikings have been on a huge roll lately, and the Steelers were struggling before last week's win over the Bears. I guess that win was convincing enough for the bookies. And you know what, the Vikings have rolled off their winning streak against pretty bad teams. The Steelers ought to put them back in their place. Steelers 31, Vikings 20.
With indictments handed down against 4 players, the Vikings are ready to come apart at the seams. I agree with St. Ides, this spread is bullspit. Steelers 31 Vikings 13
Chargers +8.5 over COLTS
I hope the Colts win. I want to see them come into Seattle next week undefeated. The Chargers are desperate for a win to keep their playoff hops alive, but if they couldn't beat the frickin Dolphins at home last week, do they have a chance? The damn Colts allowed a late Jaguars TD AND 2-point conversion and failed to cover by a half point last week. I said I'd keep taking the Colts til they failed to cover. Well, they failed to cover. Colts 34, Chargers 27.
The rule of the more desperate team may not apply when the Colts are involved, they are that good. However I expect the Chargers to play inspired football this week, then lose. Colts 37 Chargers 31.
Seahawks -7.5 over TITANS
Seattle has won the last two games by a combined 83-3. I wonder what the record is for 3 games of consecutive thrashings. How does 117-13 sound? PS - The defense has also moved up from 20th to 11th in the past two games. #2 offense, #11 defense. That almost sounds like a championship caliber combination. Almost. Oh and #1 WR Darrell Jackson is back this week for the first time since Week 2. Seahawks 34, Titans 10.
I like Seattle too. When a team is this hot you have to play ‘em. I don’t see any reason why Seattle would cool down even if the Titans are at home.
Seattle 37 Tennessee 17
Niners +16.5 over JAGUARS
Too many points. Jaguars 30, 49ers 14.
Yeah. Jaguars 28 Niners 17
Bengals -8.5 over LIONS
The Bengals game against the Browns was way too close for comfort. Meanwhile, the Lions are a sinking ship and can't even catch a break. And yes, that tackle of Gado in the end zone should have been a safety. (Sorry dude.) Bengals 36, Lions 17.
Yes it should have. But since the refs already called intentional grounding resulting in a safety, they had already determined that it was a forward pass. Kudos to Mike Sherman for pointing out that the QB Gado was outside the box. Brilliant. The Lions are a terribly coached team. Bengals 34 Lions 10
Browns +3.5 over RAIDERS
Charlie Frye looked pretty good last week in staying competitive against the Bengals. The Raiders new QB, that Tatiupsopososo guy…. Did not look so good against the Jets. They'll probably put Kerry Whiskey Collins back in. It won't matter much. Browns 24, Raiders 16.
Sit, I’m running out of time…. I’ll take the Raiders at home just to be different Raiders 24 Browns 17
Eagles +3.5 over RAMS
John Madden, about 20 frickin times during the Seahawks thrashing of the Eagles two weeks ago: "Well, we really don't know if the Seahawks are this good or if the Eagles are this bad." Well, they almost beat the playoff-bound Giants, so they can't be THAT bad, can they? They still have some pride. And the Rams Harvard QB is quickly losing his novelty act appeal. Eagles 30, Rams 22.
The Rams are the more desperate team. The Rams are at home. Last week the Eagles played their best, and still came up short. Stick a fork in them: Rams 24 Eagles 17
BEARS -3.5 over Falcons
If Seattle wins and the Bears lose, Seattle locks up home field advantage in the NFC. Which means they have nothing to play for next week against the Colts. I'm REALLY hoping to see a still-undefeated Colts team play a Seahawks team who still have something to play for. So I'm hoping the Bears win. I think Ron Mexico will blow this one. Bears 19, Falcons 14.
I like the Bears fast D and the elements at Soldier Field to overcome Michael Vick and his sick dick. Bears 23 Vicks Herpes Infested Penis 15
Packers +3.5 over RAVENS
The Packers have 3 Monday Night games and at least 1 Sunday Night game this season. Including 3 prime time games in the past 5 weeks. I'm guessing the league thought they'd be a bit better. Get ready for 3 hours of Madden kissing Favre's heiney. The over/under on how many times Madden mentions this could be Favre's last season and/or Monday Night Game: 19 and a half. Packers 24, Ravens 19.
The Packers played a mediocre game against a lousy team and finally won one. The Ravens are pretty good, but I’m thinking my boys are going to steal another win. In Gado we trust: Packers 24 Ravens 10
We're getting towards the end! Saturday games this week (and a couple good ones), and a lot of playoff spots still up for grabs. Actually, the Colts and Seahawks are the only two to have even clinched playoff berths yet, though several teams are close and should lock up at least an appearance this weekend.
Just a quick comment on the excellent Samichlaus piece about things that piss me off…. Yes, most announcers suck. During the Seattle game this past weekend, the announcers were talking about how well rookie MLB Lofa Tatupu has played for the Seahawks this year. Then the announcer said something like "It just goes to show you can find good talent out there, Tatupu came in here as an undrafted rookie and is now starting!" A commercial soon followed. As we returned from commercial, and the announcer corrected himself: "Sorry, Tatupu wasn't a rookie free agent. He was drafted in the by Seattle this year out of BC (Boston College)."
For the record, Tatupu was drafted in the second round this year out of (two-time defending national champ) USC. I guess someone in the booth or on his headphones or wherever told him about his mistake before the commercial, but to correct him with incorrect information? Un-frickin-believable.
My favorite color guy right now is Bill Maas. That’s right, Bill Maas. Maas calls games on Fox with play by play man Sam Rosen and by my best guess this is the third or fourth string Fox team. Maas is correctly criticized by media types for his absolute butchering of the English language, but he brings a level of analysis that few broadcasters come close to. He, much like a young John Madden, has the ability to break down complex plays and explain them in simple terms. He’s very technical but easy to understand. The problem with most color commentators is that they add absolutely nothing to the broadcast. When was the last time Phil Simms or Troy Aikman said something during a broadcast that really meant something? What about Dan Dierdoff? The extent of their color commentary is usually a statement of the obvious, like “Wow, did you see that catch? Driver fully extended his body and caught the ball!”. I’m sorry, but that’s not color. This weekend find the game that Rosen and Maas are calling, and try to put aside the mispronunciations. I’ll bet you learn something from Bill Maas.
Yeah, I'm a big fan of Sam Rosen (or as we call him around here, Sam Nosen.. ) He's been calling Rangers games for years, and him and John Davidson are probably the best pair of hockey announcers out there. I'll save my story about when I met John Davidson for another time...
Anyways, on to the picks:
St. Ides
Last Week: 8-8
Overall: 99-108
Samichlaus:
Last Week: 9-7
Overall: 108-99
PATRIOTS -4.5 over Bucanneers
Chris Simms on the road in the cold against a Patriots team that's getting healthy? No thanks. Although Brady is listed as questionable for this game, so don't bet the house until you're sure he's playing. Let me toot my own horn for a second, here's what I wrote last week for the Bucs Panthers game: "The NFC South battle will be a good one down the stretch, with the Panthers, Bucs, and Falcons all playing each other. First I was thinking "There's no way Chris Simms beats the Panthers defense." But the more I think about it, the more I like how the Bucs defense is playing. Ronde Barber is playing like a man possessed, and I think he can bait Delhomme into a pick or two. This ought to be a pretty close defensive game. Which is why I'm taking the points. Panthers 20, Bucs 16." Ronde Barber DID in fact have a key interception, and the Bucs won 20-10. Brady is a few notches smarter than Delhomme. Patriots 26, Bucs 13.
Brady’s dinged up, and the Bucs are hot. Chris Simms has gotten better as the year has gone on. I am tempted to take the Bucs outright, but there’s that whole “below 32 degrees” thing. I’m going to take the Bucs and the points: Patriots 23 – Bucs 21
Chiefs +3.5 over GIANTS
Eli is starting to throw up questionable balls in key situations. Really, the Giants should have lost last week to the decimated Eagles (who, I might remind you, Seattle absolutely destroyed 42-0 the week before) because of Manning's picks. Their defense bailed them out, and Feely actually made the game winning field goal this time. Oh, and they also had a few key injuries. Look for Larry Johnson to have a nice day running, and Tony Gonzalez to show Jeremy Shockey how a TRUE clutch TE plays. Chiefs 29, Giants 24.
Larry Johnson is probably the most exciting player in the game right now, but I think the Giants D will contain him. The Chiefs are a good team but they are not a good road team. The Giants need this win in a tight divisional race. Giants 24 Chiefs 17
BILLS +9.5 over Broncos
The Broncos barely beat an awful Ravens team last week. Kyle Boller (who probably won't have a starting job next season) handed them the game. Although I don't have much faith in Losman for Buffalo, I do think the Bills play much better at home and ought to keep the score within 10. Broncos 23, Bills 16.
I agree. The Bills are a different team at home, and regular readers of SBS know this is an easy bet. Broncos 17 Bills 14
Cardinals -1.5 over TEXANS
I actually flipped on the Texans game last week in time to see their attempt at the game winning field goal. Before the ball was snapped, I thought to myself, "You know, they have more to lose if he actually makes this." Sure enough, he shanked the kick (and I believe it was only like a 38-yarder or so) so badly it wasn't even close. Now, I agree with the points previously made that a team should not lose games to move up the draft, because you never REALLY know who will pan out as a pro. But here's the thing: I believe that if the Texans get the #1 pick, they'll trade it for a boatload of picks. And one of those picks they get has to work out, right? Errr, nevermind. Cardinals 29, Texans 20.
Why oh why couldn’t the Sunday night crew get stuck with this one? I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. BTW, if Rosen and Haas are calling this one, I rescind my earlier suggestion. I’ll take the Cardinals: Cardinals 27 Texans 20.
SAINTS +8.5 over Panthers
Panthers choked against the Bucs last week, and Steve Smith got lit up with a huge hit. I generally like the Panthers and think they're a well-coached, disciplined, competitive team. But something's just not right this year. Their defense isn't as dominant as it usually is, and they've lost to some crappy teams. Plus, there is a chance Aaron Brooks gets benched. And that improves the Saints chances I think. Panthers win, but don't cover. Panthers 23, Saints 17.
The Panthers may be one of those teams that play to their opponents level. I’m guessing that John Fox will have them ready this week no matter who they’re playing. The Cats will stroll and rock and roll: Panther 34 Saints 13
REDSKINS -2.5 over Cowboys
Redskins are barely clinging to their playoff chances. Mark Brunell has cooled off considerably after a nice start to the season. But I keep getting the feeling the Cowboys really are NOT that good. They needed Drew Bledsoe to have a career game and a missed tying field goal as time expired to beat the Chiefs in Dallas last week. The Dallas running game still hasn't really gotten going all year, and having a one-dimensional offense against a defense as good as Washington is not a good thing. Redskins 23, Cowboys 16.
The entire Redskin secondary is banged up, and although they’re going to play they will be a step behind. The last time they played, Dallas dominated the game for 3 ½ quarters, only to allow the Redskins to steal the game with 2 sick passes to Santana Moss. This time the Skins won’t be so lucky: Dallas 27 Washington 20
DOLPHINS -9.5 over Jets
Dolphins with the huge upset last week over the Chargers. Jets actually beat the Raiders. Does anybody care about this game? No, not really. Dolphins defense shuts down the Jets. Dolphins 23, Jets 10.
The Jets always play the fish tough, just ask my father in law. He dreads these games the way most of us dread prostate exams. Jets 24 Dolphins 20
Steelers -3.5 over VIKINGS
I found this spread a bit weird considering the Vikings have been on a huge roll lately, and the Steelers were struggling before last week's win over the Bears. I guess that win was convincing enough for the bookies. And you know what, the Vikings have rolled off their winning streak against pretty bad teams. The Steelers ought to put them back in their place. Steelers 31, Vikings 20.
With indictments handed down against 4 players, the Vikings are ready to come apart at the seams. I agree with St. Ides, this spread is bullspit. Steelers 31 Vikings 13
Chargers +8.5 over COLTS
I hope the Colts win. I want to see them come into Seattle next week undefeated. The Chargers are desperate for a win to keep their playoff hops alive, but if they couldn't beat the frickin Dolphins at home last week, do they have a chance? The damn Colts allowed a late Jaguars TD AND 2-point conversion and failed to cover by a half point last week. I said I'd keep taking the Colts til they failed to cover. Well, they failed to cover. Colts 34, Chargers 27.
The rule of the more desperate team may not apply when the Colts are involved, they are that good. However I expect the Chargers to play inspired football this week, then lose. Colts 37 Chargers 31.
Seahawks -7.5 over TITANS
Seattle has won the last two games by a combined 83-3. I wonder what the record is for 3 games of consecutive thrashings. How does 117-13 sound? PS - The defense has also moved up from 20th to 11th in the past two games. #2 offense, #11 defense. That almost sounds like a championship caliber combination. Almost. Oh and #1 WR Darrell Jackson is back this week for the first time since Week 2. Seahawks 34, Titans 10.
I like Seattle too. When a team is this hot you have to play ‘em. I don’t see any reason why Seattle would cool down even if the Titans are at home.
Seattle 37 Tennessee 17
Niners +16.5 over JAGUARS
Too many points. Jaguars 30, 49ers 14.
Yeah. Jaguars 28 Niners 17
Bengals -8.5 over LIONS
The Bengals game against the Browns was way too close for comfort. Meanwhile, the Lions are a sinking ship and can't even catch a break. And yes, that tackle of Gado in the end zone should have been a safety. (Sorry dude.) Bengals 36, Lions 17.
Yes it should have. But since the refs already called intentional grounding resulting in a safety, they had already determined that it was a forward pass. Kudos to Mike Sherman for pointing out that the QB Gado was outside the box. Brilliant. The Lions are a terribly coached team. Bengals 34 Lions 10
Browns +3.5 over RAIDERS
Charlie Frye looked pretty good last week in staying competitive against the Bengals. The Raiders new QB, that Tatiupsopososo guy…. Did not look so good against the Jets. They'll probably put Kerry Whiskey Collins back in. It won't matter much. Browns 24, Raiders 16.
Sit, I’m running out of time…. I’ll take the Raiders at home just to be different Raiders 24 Browns 17
Eagles +3.5 over RAMS
John Madden, about 20 frickin times during the Seahawks thrashing of the Eagles two weeks ago: "Well, we really don't know if the Seahawks are this good or if the Eagles are this bad." Well, they almost beat the playoff-bound Giants, so they can't be THAT bad, can they? They still have some pride. And the Rams Harvard QB is quickly losing his novelty act appeal. Eagles 30, Rams 22.
The Rams are the more desperate team. The Rams are at home. Last week the Eagles played their best, and still came up short. Stick a fork in them: Rams 24 Eagles 17
BEARS -3.5 over Falcons
If Seattle wins and the Bears lose, Seattle locks up home field advantage in the NFC. Which means they have nothing to play for next week against the Colts. I'm REALLY hoping to see a still-undefeated Colts team play a Seahawks team who still have something to play for. So I'm hoping the Bears win. I think Ron Mexico will blow this one. Bears 19, Falcons 14.
I like the Bears fast D and the elements at Soldier Field to overcome Michael Vick and his sick dick. Bears 23 Vicks Herpes Infested Penis 15
Packers +3.5 over RAVENS
The Packers have 3 Monday Night games and at least 1 Sunday Night game this season. Including 3 prime time games in the past 5 weeks. I'm guessing the league thought they'd be a bit better. Get ready for 3 hours of Madden kissing Favre's heiney. The over/under on how many times Madden mentions this could be Favre's last season and/or Monday Night Game: 19 and a half. Packers 24, Ravens 19.
The Packers played a mediocre game against a lousy team and finally won one. The Ravens are pretty good, but I’m thinking my boys are going to steal another win. In Gado we trust: Packers 24 Ravens 10
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Maybe it’s because the average sports fan is a fucking idiot.
Most of the people I surround myself with are brilliant. I married a brilliant, creative, intelligent woman who was not only smart enough to snag me, she was smart enough to become a Packers fan. St. Ides (who I did not marry) is a graduate of Regis H.S. (and probably a college too, I never asked). He is a brilliant programmer and is considered by many* to be a musical genius. I work with some brilliant kids who have written a program that is used by schools all across the south. It helps teach and manage special education kids. I am surrounded with brilliance. It is truly what makes me shine.
So it shouldn’t surprise me when idiocy makes its way through my satellite dish or across the Internet to my computer screen. Especially when it involves football. I have been wrestling with the format this blog should take, and since I type pretty slow I have decided to take the easy way out and simply list the things that pissed me off between Sunday and about three hours ago.
Thing that pissed me off on Sunday:
In case I’ve never stated it on this blog, I fucking hate the Sunday night football crew. Fucking hate them. Hate hate hate. Actually, the play by play guy is OK, and Paul Macguire is no worse than say, Dan Dierdoff. It’s Joe Theisman that frosts my ass. I should take notes on Sundays, because trying to recall Theisman’s idiocy is impossible simply because of the sheer volume of material to work with. However, I’ll try. On Detroit’s first drive, the Lions had fourth and goal on the 1. Theisman argued that the Lions had nothing to lose and should go for the TD. This was less than 1 minute into the game, and I was yelling at the TV. My wife, a bonafide football fan for all of three seasons, said “What is he, an idiot?” (correct answer: yes dear) “You don’t take points off the board!” (again, yes dear). About a minute later, Detroit after recovering a fumble found themselves in the exact same situation. They briefly considered going for it, at which time Theisman contradicted himself and said essentially (paraphrasing) “how could the Lions even think about going for it.” It was an astonishing contradiction, even for Theisman.
Another example: The Lions, on a second and goal play, came out in an empty backfield spread formation and attempted a fade pass that failed. Theisman loved the call. In fact he loved it so much that he thought the Lions should try it again. But love can cloud one’s vision. When the Lions came out of the huddle on third down, they set up with a single back and a tight end. Theisman exclaimed “IT’S THE SAME FORMATION!!!” My wife, now thoroughly disgusted with the Sunday night crew shouted “There’s a RUNNING BACK there you FUCKING IDIOT!”
If my wife (who I mentioned is brilliant) can tell that the formation is different, why can’t a hall of fame quarterback? Maybe the hall of fame needs less quarterbacks and more offensive linemen…
Thing that pissed me off on Monday:
Here’s the scenario: The Raiders, down by 16 to the Jets, rallied to score a touchdown. A touchdown is 6 points, so the lead after the TD and before the extra point is 10. If you go for 2, you cut the lead to 8 points. 8 points is a touchdown and a 2 point conversion, and is attainable on one possession. Turner went for 1, cutting the lead to 9. 9 points is not attainable on one possession. When asked after the game why he didn’t go for two, Turner replied “We discussed going for two, but we were talking about a nine point game and that’s still two possessions”. Turner, who evidently was not a math major did not realize that 10 – 2 is 8. Eight point game. One possession. Idiot.
Thing that pissed me off Tuesday:
The normally stepfordesque Milwaukee press had a field day with the Packers victory Sunday night, but not how you might think. There were two articles by well respected Milwaukee journalists that criticized the Packer victory because it all but assured that Reggie Bush would not be a Packer. First, I want you to read some of the quotes, and I am not making this up:
Cliff Cristl: “The Green Bay Packers could retool this off-season and make a run at the playoffs again next year. But by beating the Detroit Lions, they basically blew any chance of winning the Super Bowl any time soon” ‘The Packers could still draft an outstanding defender or some other special player who might make a difference next year. But for Favre to have a shot at winning another ring, at least next year or maybe for the next two years, he needed more than that. He needed a franchise running back. No other player at any other position figures to make that kind of impact.”
Bob McGinn: “By winning, the Packers improved to 3-10 and earned a brief respite from a sea of bad tidings this season. At the same time, they severely damaged their chances of securing the first selection in the 2006 National Football League draft. That pick is expected to be Reggie Bush, the Heisman Trophy-winning running back from Southern California. At 1-12, the Houston Texans continue leading in the race to draft Bush.”
What is disturbing about this is the intimation that the Packers would be better off losing games and getting Bush than playing games to win. One argument I heard on T.V. referred to the ’89 draft. The Packers won one more game in 1988 than the Dallas Cowboys, who took Troy Aikman with the first pick in the draft. The Packers, with the second pick took Tony Mandarich, the all time greatest flop in the history of the draft. So what would the Packers would have been like with Troy Aikman? Well, they wouldn’t have Brett Favre, and so I’m glad we didn’t get Troy Aikman. Besides, the third pick in that draft was Barry Sanders, and the fifth pick in the draft was Deion Sanders.
Reggie Bush is considered a “can’t miss” pick. He’s doing things in college that people have never seen before. The last guy that I can remember coming out of college with these kind of accolades? Tony Mandarich.
*drunks
So it shouldn’t surprise me when idiocy makes its way through my satellite dish or across the Internet to my computer screen. Especially when it involves football. I have been wrestling with the format this blog should take, and since I type pretty slow I have decided to take the easy way out and simply list the things that pissed me off between Sunday and about three hours ago.
Thing that pissed me off on Sunday:
In case I’ve never stated it on this blog, I fucking hate the Sunday night football crew. Fucking hate them. Hate hate hate. Actually, the play by play guy is OK, and Paul Macguire is no worse than say, Dan Dierdoff. It’s Joe Theisman that frosts my ass. I should take notes on Sundays, because trying to recall Theisman’s idiocy is impossible simply because of the sheer volume of material to work with. However, I’ll try. On Detroit’s first drive, the Lions had fourth and goal on the 1. Theisman argued that the Lions had nothing to lose and should go for the TD. This was less than 1 minute into the game, and I was yelling at the TV. My wife, a bonafide football fan for all of three seasons, said “What is he, an idiot?” (correct answer: yes dear) “You don’t take points off the board!” (again, yes dear). About a minute later, Detroit after recovering a fumble found themselves in the exact same situation. They briefly considered going for it, at which time Theisman contradicted himself and said essentially (paraphrasing) “how could the Lions even think about going for it.” It was an astonishing contradiction, even for Theisman.
Another example: The Lions, on a second and goal play, came out in an empty backfield spread formation and attempted a fade pass that failed. Theisman loved the call. In fact he loved it so much that he thought the Lions should try it again. But love can cloud one’s vision. When the Lions came out of the huddle on third down, they set up with a single back and a tight end. Theisman exclaimed “IT’S THE SAME FORMATION!!!” My wife, now thoroughly disgusted with the Sunday night crew shouted “There’s a RUNNING BACK there you FUCKING IDIOT!”
If my wife (who I mentioned is brilliant) can tell that the formation is different, why can’t a hall of fame quarterback? Maybe the hall of fame needs less quarterbacks and more offensive linemen…
Thing that pissed me off on Monday:
Here’s the scenario: The Raiders, down by 16 to the Jets, rallied to score a touchdown. A touchdown is 6 points, so the lead after the TD and before the extra point is 10. If you go for 2, you cut the lead to 8 points. 8 points is a touchdown and a 2 point conversion, and is attainable on one possession. Turner went for 1, cutting the lead to 9. 9 points is not attainable on one possession. When asked after the game why he didn’t go for two, Turner replied “We discussed going for two, but we were talking about a nine point game and that’s still two possessions”. Turner, who evidently was not a math major did not realize that 10 – 2 is 8. Eight point game. One possession. Idiot.
Thing that pissed me off Tuesday:
The normally stepfordesque Milwaukee press had a field day with the Packers victory Sunday night, but not how you might think. There were two articles by well respected Milwaukee journalists that criticized the Packer victory because it all but assured that Reggie Bush would not be a Packer. First, I want you to read some of the quotes, and I am not making this up:
Cliff Cristl: “The Green Bay Packers could retool this off-season and make a run at the playoffs again next year. But by beating the Detroit Lions, they basically blew any chance of winning the Super Bowl any time soon” ‘The Packers could still draft an outstanding defender or some other special player who might make a difference next year. But for Favre to have a shot at winning another ring, at least next year or maybe for the next two years, he needed more than that. He needed a franchise running back. No other player at any other position figures to make that kind of impact.”
Bob McGinn: “By winning, the Packers improved to 3-10 and earned a brief respite from a sea of bad tidings this season. At the same time, they severely damaged their chances of securing the first selection in the 2006 National Football League draft. That pick is expected to be Reggie Bush, the Heisman Trophy-winning running back from Southern California. At 1-12, the Houston Texans continue leading in the race to draft Bush.”
What is disturbing about this is the intimation that the Packers would be better off losing games and getting Bush than playing games to win. One argument I heard on T.V. referred to the ’89 draft. The Packers won one more game in 1988 than the Dallas Cowboys, who took Troy Aikman with the first pick in the draft. The Packers, with the second pick took Tony Mandarich, the all time greatest flop in the history of the draft. So what would the Packers would have been like with Troy Aikman? Well, they wouldn’t have Brett Favre, and so I’m glad we didn’t get Troy Aikman. Besides, the third pick in that draft was Barry Sanders, and the fifth pick in the draft was Deion Sanders.
Reggie Bush is considered a “can’t miss” pick. He’s doing things in college that people have never seen before. The last guy that I can remember coming out of college with these kind of accolades? Tony Mandarich.
*drunks
Saturday, December 10, 2005
Week 13 Picks
Better late than never, right? Samichlaus' analysis is a bit brief this week cause of a tight schedule, so he apologizes for that.
St. Ides
Last Week: 8-8
Season: 91-100
Samichlaus
Last Week: 10-6
Season: 99-92
Bears +6.5 over STEELERS
Big Ben has a thumb injury that might be a break and will definitely need surgery in the off-season. Considering I never really trusted him to win games with his arm in the first place, that does not bode well against a Bears defense that's looking more and more impressive each week. Although the Steelers really need this game badly to stay in the playoff hunt and it is at home, that's a lot of points to give a team giving up only 10.6 points per game. Even if the Steelers manage 17 (a whole TD more than what Chicago is giving up on average), all the Bears need is more than 10 points to cover. Steelers 13, Bears 10.
Big Ben had a career game last week, bad thumb and all.... Steelers 24 Bears 10
BROWNS +12.5 over Bengals
Braylon Edwards had his "break out" game last week (though he's had some decent games this season), then tore his ACL and is done for the year. Charlie Frye will no doubt throw a few picks against the opportunistic Bengals D. So why am I taking the Browns? Good question. Divisional rivalry, cold weather, home team getting points, this is a 10-point game. Bengals 30, Browns 20.
I like the Browns to cover in a low scoring game Bengals 20, Browns 10 Hey, I guess it is a 10 point game!
Texans +6.5 over TITANS
The Texans lost a heart-breaker last week, and should probably lose out so they get a shot at Reggie Bush (even if their offensive skill positions aren't the real problem - their offensive line is). Still, the Titans are bad enough for this to be close enough. Titans 26, Texans 23.
Who cares??? Why do they even play this one. Titans 24 Texans 13
Colts -8.5 over JAGUARS
See previous notes about taking the Colts no matter what the spread. Some people are saying this could be the first Colts loss. I don't buy it, especially with backup QB David Garrard (or something like that) in for the Jags. Colts 27, Jaguars 17.
No comment: Jaguars 31 Colts 30
Patriots -3.5 over BILLS
Bills lost a tough one last week as Sage Frickin Rosenfals (or something like that) picked them apart, including a very predictable fade pattern with time running out on the clock. J.P. Losman hasn't exactly shown that he can be the Bills franchise QB of the future. I think the Pats defense ought to be able to shut him down. Oh, and the Patriots are quietly getting healthy, with Corey Dillon and Kevin Faulk back on the field. Patriots 23, Bills 13.
Pats win easy: Patriots 27 Bills 10
Raiders -3.5 over JETS
J-E-T-S stink stink stink! Your team is in trouble when the biggest news of the week is that the opposing QB may be who they want to play for them next season. Yes, the hot rumor is that Kerry Whiskey Collins could be in a Jets uniform next year. Who cares? It's Kerry Collins, not anybody good. Raiders 23, Jets 16.
I heard Herm Edwards had a meltdown this week. It had to be bad to make the news in Richmond. Raiders 27 Jets 14
Rams +7.5 over VIKINGS
Vikings have been on a roll with Brad Johnson not making mistakes while replacing Culpepper. Rams defense can't stop anybody. And the Harvard kid didn't look so great going up against a real (ie, not the Texans) defense last week. Still, you gotta just pick the unreasonable pick sometimes, cause there's always games that go the way they shouldn't. Rams 30, Vikings 28
Vikes are coming on strong.... Vikings 27 Rams 17
Bucanneers +5.5 over PANTHERS
The NFC South battle will be a good one down the stretch, with the Panthers, Bucs, and Falcons all playing each other. First I was thinking "There's no way Chris Simms beats the Panthers defense." But the more I think about it, the more I like how the Bucs defense is playing. Ronde Barber is playing like a man possessed, and I think he can bait Delhomme into a pick or two. This ought to be a pretty close defensive game. Which is why I'm taking the points. Panthers 20, Bucs 16.
Both teams are equally desperate. Take the better team: Cats 24 Bucs 17
Giants -6.5 over EAGLES
Westbrook is now done for the season too. The Eagles downward spiral continues, and if the Giants are a playoff team (and most people, including myself, think they are), they take care of business. If the Seahawks defense can disrupt the Philly offense like that, what will the Giants offense do? Giants 27, Eagles 10.
Seattle effectively killed the Eagles season last week. They're done. Giants 31 Eagles 13
Niners +16.5 over SEAHAWKS
Seattle barely beat the Niners in San Fran, with a failed two-point conversion being the only thing not sending the game to OT. So that should help the Seahawks not take this game too lightly. Still, after the thrashing they gave the Eagles on MNF and the sudden "respect" they are finally getting around the media, their confidence has to be sky high right now. They went from generally ranked in the bottom of the top 10 in most "power rankings" after barely escaping with the win against the Giants (usually behind the Bears, Panthers, and sometimes even the Chargers), to a consensus top 3 team (always behind the Colts, sometimes behind the Bengals). This should be an easy win at home, but I'm not giving over two touchdowns to a team we only beat by 2 points three weeks ago. Seahawks 30, Niners 16
That's a lot of points. Too many for my taste. Seattle 34 San Fran 21
Redskins -3.5 over CARDINALS
Skins still have a shot at making the playoffs. Cardinals do not. Cardinals still have NO running game, which means the Redskins team can tee off on Warner. Over/under on Warner turnovers this game: 3 and a half. Redskins 20, Cardinals 10.
The Skins still have something to play for.. Redskins 27 Cardinals 13
BRONCOS -14.5 over Ravens
Ray Lewis is done for the year. Jamal Lewis is still out of shape from his little trip to prison. Kyle Boller looks awful. The Ravens needed a last minute field goal to beat the hapless Texans last week (after allowing the legendary David Carr to march down the field for the go ahead TD). Broncos 28, Ravens 13.
Denver should have no problems at home. Denver 31 Ravens 13
Chiefs +3.5 over COWBOYS
Future Hall of Famer Willie Roaf is back for the Chiefs offensive line. (And yes, that's two weeks in a row I referred to an offensive lineman as a Future Hall of Famer.) Larry Johnson is running as well as any back in the league right now. Trent Green is getting time in the pocket. And Drew Bledsoe has returned to his usual inconsistent self after a great start to the season. Both teams need this game badly. But I think the Chiefs have a much better offense, and that'll be the difference. Chiefs 24, Cowboys 17.
Keep this up St. Ides and no one is going to visit the Hall of Fame in 20 years. Does anyone really want to see the Marco Riviera wing? Chiefs 27 Cowboys 20
CHARGERS -13.5 over Dolphins
The Dolphins are actually having a decent season. But they're playing much better at home than on the road. Meanwhile, the Chargers are actually back in the hunt for the AFC West title with the Chiefs beating Denver last week. Tomlinson has some bruised ribs, but last I checked, his legs were just fine. Chargers 33, Dolphins 16.
I'll take the points. The Fins are slowly improving... Chargers 27 Fins 24
Lions +6.5 over PACKERS
Jeff Garcia will start for the Lions. I'm not sure which team is in worse shape right now. I'd say the Lions. Did you see the highlight last week of the dude with the sign in the stands? Apparently signs are banned from the stands in Detroit, which is something I'd never heard of before. I'm guessing it's because the team has been so awful for so long, it'd just be 90% negative signs anyways. Well, last week, some dude was running around the stands holding up a makeshift sign that said "Fire Millen" (Lions GM Matt Millen). As he made his way through the stands, it wasn't because he was spreading his message, but because he was being chased by security. Finally, some big African-American security guard sneaks out of a tunnel behind him, and blindsides him, tackling him and throwing him to the ground. Not good times. Packers 24, Lions 19.
Things are bad for the Pack, but things are worse for Detroit. The Lions do not ave a QB that can throw outdoors in the winter. Packers 31 Lions 13
FALCONS -10.5 over Saints
Somehow the Saints hung around against the Bucs last week. They were actually driving with a chance to tie late in the game. Until Aaron Brooks worked his usual magic and threw a game-ending interception in the end zone. So here's a tip I'm confident in sharing with you all: never bet on Aaron Brooks on the road. Ever. Falcons 26, Saints 10.
St. Francis Prep could beat the Saints, and that's coming from an Archbishop Molloy alumni. Falcons 34 Saints 10
St. Ides
Last Week: 8-8
Season: 91-100
Samichlaus
Last Week: 10-6
Season: 99-92
Bears +6.5 over STEELERS
Big Ben has a thumb injury that might be a break and will definitely need surgery in the off-season. Considering I never really trusted him to win games with his arm in the first place, that does not bode well against a Bears defense that's looking more and more impressive each week. Although the Steelers really need this game badly to stay in the playoff hunt and it is at home, that's a lot of points to give a team giving up only 10.6 points per game. Even if the Steelers manage 17 (a whole TD more than what Chicago is giving up on average), all the Bears need is more than 10 points to cover. Steelers 13, Bears 10.
Big Ben had a career game last week, bad thumb and all.... Steelers 24 Bears 10
BROWNS +12.5 over Bengals
Braylon Edwards had his "break out" game last week (though he's had some decent games this season), then tore his ACL and is done for the year. Charlie Frye will no doubt throw a few picks against the opportunistic Bengals D. So why am I taking the Browns? Good question. Divisional rivalry, cold weather, home team getting points, this is a 10-point game. Bengals 30, Browns 20.
I like the Browns to cover in a low scoring game Bengals 20, Browns 10 Hey, I guess it is a 10 point game!
Texans +6.5 over TITANS
The Texans lost a heart-breaker last week, and should probably lose out so they get a shot at Reggie Bush (even if their offensive skill positions aren't the real problem - their offensive line is). Still, the Titans are bad enough for this to be close enough. Titans 26, Texans 23.
Who cares??? Why do they even play this one. Titans 24 Texans 13
Colts -8.5 over JAGUARS
See previous notes about taking the Colts no matter what the spread. Some people are saying this could be the first Colts loss. I don't buy it, especially with backup QB David Garrard (or something like that) in for the Jags. Colts 27, Jaguars 17.
No comment: Jaguars 31 Colts 30
Patriots -3.5 over BILLS
Bills lost a tough one last week as Sage Frickin Rosenfals (or something like that) picked them apart, including a very predictable fade pattern with time running out on the clock. J.P. Losman hasn't exactly shown that he can be the Bills franchise QB of the future. I think the Pats defense ought to be able to shut him down. Oh, and the Patriots are quietly getting healthy, with Corey Dillon and Kevin Faulk back on the field. Patriots 23, Bills 13.
Pats win easy: Patriots 27 Bills 10
Raiders -3.5 over JETS
J-E-T-S stink stink stink! Your team is in trouble when the biggest news of the week is that the opposing QB may be who they want to play for them next season. Yes, the hot rumor is that Kerry Whiskey Collins could be in a Jets uniform next year. Who cares? It's Kerry Collins, not anybody good. Raiders 23, Jets 16.
I heard Herm Edwards had a meltdown this week. It had to be bad to make the news in Richmond. Raiders 27 Jets 14
Rams +7.5 over VIKINGS
Vikings have been on a roll with Brad Johnson not making mistakes while replacing Culpepper. Rams defense can't stop anybody. And the Harvard kid didn't look so great going up against a real (ie, not the Texans) defense last week. Still, you gotta just pick the unreasonable pick sometimes, cause there's always games that go the way they shouldn't. Rams 30, Vikings 28
Vikes are coming on strong.... Vikings 27 Rams 17
Bucanneers +5.5 over PANTHERS
The NFC South battle will be a good one down the stretch, with the Panthers, Bucs, and Falcons all playing each other. First I was thinking "There's no way Chris Simms beats the Panthers defense." But the more I think about it, the more I like how the Bucs defense is playing. Ronde Barber is playing like a man possessed, and I think he can bait Delhomme into a pick or two. This ought to be a pretty close defensive game. Which is why I'm taking the points. Panthers 20, Bucs 16.
Both teams are equally desperate. Take the better team: Cats 24 Bucs 17
Giants -6.5 over EAGLES
Westbrook is now done for the season too. The Eagles downward spiral continues, and if the Giants are a playoff team (and most people, including myself, think they are), they take care of business. If the Seahawks defense can disrupt the Philly offense like that, what will the Giants offense do? Giants 27, Eagles 10.
Seattle effectively killed the Eagles season last week. They're done. Giants 31 Eagles 13
Niners +16.5 over SEAHAWKS
Seattle barely beat the Niners in San Fran, with a failed two-point conversion being the only thing not sending the game to OT. So that should help the Seahawks not take this game too lightly. Still, after the thrashing they gave the Eagles on MNF and the sudden "respect" they are finally getting around the media, their confidence has to be sky high right now. They went from generally ranked in the bottom of the top 10 in most "power rankings" after barely escaping with the win against the Giants (usually behind the Bears, Panthers, and sometimes even the Chargers), to a consensus top 3 team (always behind the Colts, sometimes behind the Bengals). This should be an easy win at home, but I'm not giving over two touchdowns to a team we only beat by 2 points three weeks ago. Seahawks 30, Niners 16
That's a lot of points. Too many for my taste. Seattle 34 San Fran 21
Redskins -3.5 over CARDINALS
Skins still have a shot at making the playoffs. Cardinals do not. Cardinals still have NO running game, which means the Redskins team can tee off on Warner. Over/under on Warner turnovers this game: 3 and a half. Redskins 20, Cardinals 10.
The Skins still have something to play for.. Redskins 27 Cardinals 13
BRONCOS -14.5 over Ravens
Ray Lewis is done for the year. Jamal Lewis is still out of shape from his little trip to prison. Kyle Boller looks awful. The Ravens needed a last minute field goal to beat the hapless Texans last week (after allowing the legendary David Carr to march down the field for the go ahead TD). Broncos 28, Ravens 13.
Denver should have no problems at home. Denver 31 Ravens 13
Chiefs +3.5 over COWBOYS
Future Hall of Famer Willie Roaf is back for the Chiefs offensive line. (And yes, that's two weeks in a row I referred to an offensive lineman as a Future Hall of Famer.) Larry Johnson is running as well as any back in the league right now. Trent Green is getting time in the pocket. And Drew Bledsoe has returned to his usual inconsistent self after a great start to the season. Both teams need this game badly. But I think the Chiefs have a much better offense, and that'll be the difference. Chiefs 24, Cowboys 17.
Keep this up St. Ides and no one is going to visit the Hall of Fame in 20 years. Does anyone really want to see the Marco Riviera wing? Chiefs 27 Cowboys 20
CHARGERS -13.5 over Dolphins
The Dolphins are actually having a decent season. But they're playing much better at home than on the road. Meanwhile, the Chargers are actually back in the hunt for the AFC West title with the Chiefs beating Denver last week. Tomlinson has some bruised ribs, but last I checked, his legs were just fine. Chargers 33, Dolphins 16.
I'll take the points. The Fins are slowly improving... Chargers 27 Fins 24
Lions +6.5 over PACKERS
Jeff Garcia will start for the Lions. I'm not sure which team is in worse shape right now. I'd say the Lions. Did you see the highlight last week of the dude with the sign in the stands? Apparently signs are banned from the stands in Detroit, which is something I'd never heard of before. I'm guessing it's because the team has been so awful for so long, it'd just be 90% negative signs anyways. Well, last week, some dude was running around the stands holding up a makeshift sign that said "Fire Millen" (Lions GM Matt Millen). As he made his way through the stands, it wasn't because he was spreading his message, but because he was being chased by security. Finally, some big African-American security guard sneaks out of a tunnel behind him, and blindsides him, tackling him and throwing him to the ground. Not good times. Packers 24, Lions 19.
Things are bad for the Pack, but things are worse for Detroit. The Lions do not ave a QB that can throw outdoors in the winter. Packers 31 Lions 13
FALCONS -10.5 over Saints
Somehow the Saints hung around against the Bucs last week. They were actually driving with a chance to tie late in the game. Until Aaron Brooks worked his usual magic and threw a game-ending interception in the end zone. So here's a tip I'm confident in sharing with you all: never bet on Aaron Brooks on the road. Ever. Falcons 26, Saints 10.
St. Francis Prep could beat the Saints, and that's coming from an Archbishop Molloy alumni. Falcons 34 Saints 10
Monday, December 5, 2005
We Have A Winner!
I'm not sure if I've mentioned it here or not (and I'm too lazy to go back and check), but I've been in a pool since like Week 6 or so where you can pick any 4 games, College or Pros, and if you go 4-for-4, you win a cut of the pot (usually around $300 a week). My dad paid my entry fee for the rest of the season after he hit twice in the first few weeks (on home dogs mostly, no doubt), so I've been playing along. Every week, I'd take 1 or 2 college games. And almost every week, it'd be a college game that knocked me out. This week, I decided to not pick any college games, and go just with the pros…
And here's the other thing.. These picks need to be in on Wednesday (since there are some college games on Thursday night). So I generally don't spend more than about 15 minutes on these picks, and sometimes forget them by the time I do the SBS full analysis on Thursday or Friday.
This week, I finally went 4-for-4 with the following picks: Colts (-15.5), Texans (+7.5), Bengals (+3.5), and Tampa Bay (-3.5).
The funny thing is, I totally picked the opposite teams on Friday for the Bengals and Texans games. Anyways, it looks like I'll be splitting the prize this week with like 3 or 4 others, so I'll only be getting less than $100, but it's better than nothing. I'll probably skip the "Further Review" piece this week cause it'd be too long, since I'm back to stinking up the joint.
Here's what I will say about tonight's Seahawks-Eagles game though….
It's supposed to snow. A lot. That probably hurts Seattle more than Philly, since the Hawks use the pass to set up the run, and the Eagles would rather not have backup QB Mike McMahon throwing too much. I've read a few "experts" talk about how well the Eagles bottled up Tomlinson when they played the Chargers, and how they can easily do the same against Alexander. First, I'm sick of everybody claiming the new "LT" is so obviously the best back in the NFL. Alexander and maybe even Tiki Barber are right there stats-wise. So is Edge James. I'll save the details breakdown until the regular season is over, but I think the evidence will strongly favor Alexander when all is said and done.
Yes, they shut down Tomlinson. But they also gave up 111 yards to Samkon (who?) Gado last week. And 112 yards to Tiki Barber. And 126 yards to Mike Anderson and 107 yards to Tatum Bell.. In the same game… Philly has the 19th ranked rushing defense in the league.
Meanwhile, it took OT last week for Tiki Barber to become the first 100-yard rusher against Seattle this season. Yes, you read that right. Seattle did not give up a 100-yard rusher for their first 10 games this season. They are currently ranked 14th against the run. And their defense is playing better than their numbers… a lot of the yardage that's been given up has been in garbage time, playing the prevent defense, just protecting a multiple-score lead. The overall defense in terms of yardage allowed is around the middle of the pack. But their scoring defense is top 10, and that’s the important one really.
So, if the snow is a factor tonight, don't count out Seattle. I think their defense this year can stuff the Eagles offense pretty easily, and I think their ground game will be able to move the ball.
And here's the other thing.. These picks need to be in on Wednesday (since there are some college games on Thursday night). So I generally don't spend more than about 15 minutes on these picks, and sometimes forget them by the time I do the SBS full analysis on Thursday or Friday.
This week, I finally went 4-for-4 with the following picks: Colts (-15.5), Texans (+7.5), Bengals (+3.5), and Tampa Bay (-3.5).
The funny thing is, I totally picked the opposite teams on Friday for the Bengals and Texans games. Anyways, it looks like I'll be splitting the prize this week with like 3 or 4 others, so I'll only be getting less than $100, but it's better than nothing. I'll probably skip the "Further Review" piece this week cause it'd be too long, since I'm back to stinking up the joint.
Here's what I will say about tonight's Seahawks-Eagles game though….
It's supposed to snow. A lot. That probably hurts Seattle more than Philly, since the Hawks use the pass to set up the run, and the Eagles would rather not have backup QB Mike McMahon throwing too much. I've read a few "experts" talk about how well the Eagles bottled up Tomlinson when they played the Chargers, and how they can easily do the same against Alexander. First, I'm sick of everybody claiming the new "LT" is so obviously the best back in the NFL. Alexander and maybe even Tiki Barber are right there stats-wise. So is Edge James. I'll save the details breakdown until the regular season is over, but I think the evidence will strongly favor Alexander when all is said and done.
Yes, they shut down Tomlinson. But they also gave up 111 yards to Samkon (who?) Gado last week. And 112 yards to Tiki Barber. And 126 yards to Mike Anderson and 107 yards to Tatum Bell.. In the same game… Philly has the 19th ranked rushing defense in the league.
Meanwhile, it took OT last week for Tiki Barber to become the first 100-yard rusher against Seattle this season. Yes, you read that right. Seattle did not give up a 100-yard rusher for their first 10 games this season. They are currently ranked 14th against the run. And their defense is playing better than their numbers… a lot of the yardage that's been given up has been in garbage time, playing the prevent defense, just protecting a multiple-score lead. The overall defense in terms of yardage allowed is around the middle of the pack. But their scoring defense is top 10, and that’s the important one really.
So, if the snow is a factor tonight, don't count out Seattle. I think their defense this year can stuff the Eagles offense pretty easily, and I think their ground game will be able to move the ball.
Saturday, December 3, 2005
Week 12, or please dear holy Jesus let this fucking season end.
Dear loyal SBS reader and my wife: We're having technical difficulties again this week. Well, let me rephrase that, I'm having technical difficulties this week. I can't seem to get the format to take. Usually we start you with a teaser, then you have to click on a link to read the rest. Well for whatever reason it aint working. Some of the text is being truncated, so here's what you have to do: scroll to the end of the article and select Read the rest. This will reveal all of the truncated text which will appear after my witty opening comments and my Bengals pick. Since this hidden text is primarily St. Ides's first few picks and considering that St. Ides has been hotter than an 8 ball of crack with a car load of hookers, I suggest you head my advice and read on... Samichlaus
First of all, let me say it again: Dr. Z is a moron. I don’t know why I even read him any more, he just pisses me off. This week's piece (which I refuse to link to) basically says that home teams should be penalized when the crowd gets so loud that the visitors can't even hear themselves think. Of course, he was using Seattle's win over the Giants as the example, pointing out how the crowd caused 11 (yes, eleven) false start penalties on the Giants. It's called "home field advantage" for a reason, jackass. His argument is that a game should be decided by the talent of the players on each team, not by the environment. So, by that argument, every major league baseball stadium should be the exact same dimensions (so long Green Monster!) at the exact same altitude (adios Colorado!) with the exact same temperature (goodbye outdoor stadiums!). This guy should just focking retire already. God, I hate him.
Meanwhile, with another nice week, St. Ides is chipping away at the once huge advantage Samichlaus held in the season standings:
Samichlaus
Last Week:
Last Week: 9-7
Season: 89-86
St. Ides
Last Week: 11-5
Season: 83-92
Greetings SBS fans! Here’s an insider tip for you to think about: the quality of our picks is directly proportional to the quality of our respective teams. Perhaps this quirk is directly related to the quality of interest in the games, as it has been difficult for me to get behind a team consisting of Brett Favre and the NFL Europe all-stars. Or is it Arena League? I always confuse the two….
Now, exactly where did Dr. Z get his medical degree?
Falcons +3.5 over PANTHERS
I'm beginning to seriously doubt the Panthers. Everybody loves to talk about how lucky Seattle has gotten, and how they should have lost a few games they've won. Meanwhile, the Panthers are barely escaping against crappy teams most weeks. PS - Their 3 losses include losses to New Orleans and Miami. I'll leave it to my colleague to tell us no way does Michael Vick's herpes riddled penis wins this game. Falcons 24, Panthers 19.
LOL! OK, I will: First, rumor has it that Mike Vick hauled his herpes infested penis over to Dr. Z for a physical. Z took one look at the Hokie’s member and said “I’m starting to suspect that my loyal readers are figuring out that my column is nothing but a secret forum to bash the Seahawks. Oh, and take a couple of Tylenols”. Vick replied “I have two things going for me: my brain, my arms, my legs and my herpes infested penis”. Panthers 27 Falcons 20
Bills +4.5 over DOLPHINS
The Bills should have beaten the Panthers last week. Not so sure I like them on the road, but I'm still confused about the Dolphins. If the points were less than a field goal, I'd probably take the Dolphins. But I'll take 4 and a half in what should be a pretty low-scoring game. Dolphins 16 Bills 13.
I’m going to concur, despite my better judgment. As awful as the Bills have been on the road they are the more desperate team. Believe it or not they still have a shot at the division, and at this stage of the season the rule of the more desperate team applies: Bills 20 Fishes 17
STEELERS -3.5 over Bengals
The talk this week has been about Big Ben's thumb injury (supposedly similar to the one he had when he had that awful 3 INT playoff appearance last season) and what kind of "surprise" TD celebration Chad Johnson has planned. It's funny, because most writers are saying how he's creative and exciting and interesting, and how that's a big subplot in this game, seeing what he does WHEN he scores. How's this for a subplot? The Steelers defense keeps him out of the end zone, and we never see the celebration. It's not like catching a TD in every single game is an automatic thing. Steelers ought to be fired up for this divisional game at home after a pretty lackluster showing against the Colts. Steelers 27, Bengals 23.
OK, the Boomer Esiason thing stopped being funny about 8 weeks ago, I admit it. I’m going with the Bengals for two reasons. First, the Bengals are the second best team in football. Second, in my opinion Carson Palmer is the best young quarterback in the game. Third, Big Ben is hurting. And Fourth, my brain and my arms and my legs. Bengals 27 Steelers 13
Cowboys +3.5 over GIANTS
Both these teams suffered heartbreaking losses to Seattle so far this season, and now they're in a dogfight for the NFC East. Winning this game is huge for both teams, considering the runner-up in the East might not even snag a wild card. The Giants got good pressure on Hasselbeck last week, even against future Hall of Famer Walter Jones. The Cowboys offensive line is much weaker, and we know Bledsoe isn't good under pressure. Still, the Cowboys defense is pretty good too. I think the Giants pull it out, but just barely. Giants 23, Cowboys 20.
“Future Hall of Famer Walter Jones”? Yep, because the hall of fame is chock full of Offensive Linemen. Poor Fuzzy Thurston isn’t even in the hall and he was as important an O lineman as the Lombardi Packers had (well, except for hall of famer Jerry Kramer). BTW, on our last night in Green Bay Mrs. Samichlaus and I decided to pay a visit to Fuzzy’s Bar and Grill. We walked in to what looked like the bar that Jodie Foster gets raped in “The Accused”, looked at each other and left. Giants win easy: Giants 24 Cowgirls 17
Packers +7.5 over BEARS
I read somewhere that Favre plays pretty well in Chicago. And I think the Bears are due for a letdown game. Packers 20, Bears 16.
You read right. The Packers have won 11 in a row in Chicago. Favre is 21-5 overall against the Bears, including 8-2 since Mike Sherman became his coach. His passer rating against Chicago is 93.8. The question is what can this team do to Chicago? The Bears have the best defense in football, and the Packers Arena League All Stars (or is it NFL Europe.. I always confuse them) will be hard pressed to move the ball. I’m going to pick ‘em anyway. They’ve always managed to keep Urlacher at bay, and if the Bears have a weak link it’s their secondary. A word of caution: if at game time the wind is blowing Chicago hard, change your pick. Packers 27 Bears 17
RAVENS -8.5 over Texans
The Texans are awful, just awful. The Ravens aren't much better, and that's a lot of points to give, but I can't see Houston mounting any kind of offense. Ravens 13, Texans 3.
When the Texans had that big lead last week I started to think that maybe just maybe we’d see Reggie Bush wearing the Green and Gold next season. So much for that. How the hell do you blow ANY kind of lead to a quarterback from Harvard??? Ravens 24 Texan 10
BROWNS +3.5 over Jaguars
See previous mentions of Jags playing down to their competition. Throw in that Leftwich is out, and maybe we have an upset in the making? It also looks like Dilfer might miss the game, so in comes that Frye kid who Braylon Edwards has been pushing for. Breakout game? Maybe. Browns 24, Jaguars 23.
Check this out: the Browns are a home dog against a warm weather team in December. I like the pick too, Charlie Frye and all. Browns 27 Jaguars 24
Vikings -3.5 over LIONS
Mariucci? Gone. Harrington? Benched. GM Matt Millen? Somehow this clown still has a job. The Vikings continue their post-Love Boat, post-Culpepper surge against a confused and embattled Lions team. Maybe Barry Sanders had it right retiring when he did if he was going to be stuck on this sorry excuse of a franchise. Vikings 27, Lions 13.
I’m actually starting to like Mike Tice. He’s like this big stupid lummox but maybe, just maybe, he’s been able to reach the team. The Lions are out and the Vikes have a chance at the division. Oh, and Dick Jauron isn’t half the coach that Mariucci is. Vikings 30 Lions 17
Bucanneers -3.5 over SAINTS
The Saints barely beat the Jets last week. Nuff said. Bucs 20, Saints 10.
Does any one know where the Saints are playing this week? How this spread is only 3.5 is a mystery to me…. Bucs 30 Saints 17
COLTS -15.5 over Titans
Did I already say I'm taking the Colts for the rest of the season? They could be giving frickin 30 at this point. Colts 34, Titans 16.
How good is this Colts team? Right now they’re one of the best I’ve ever seen. The Titans have about as much of a chance as the 1980 USA Hockey team had against the Soviets, and an upset like that only comes along once in a lifetime. PS: I’m still alive. Colts 41 Titans 13
NINERS +3.5 over Cardinals
Kurt Warner on the road giving points? I'll take it, even against San Fran. Throw in that kicker Neil Rackers, who was on pace to smash the single-season record for field goals, is out, and it's quite possible the Cardinals offense does absolutely nothing. Niners 17, Cardinals 13.
First of all, let me say it again: Dr. Z is a moron. I don’t know why I even read him any more, he just pisses me off. This week's piece (which I refuse to link to) basically says that home teams should be penalized when the crowd gets so loud that the visitors can't even hear themselves think. Of course, he was using Seattle's win over the Giants as the example, pointing out how the crowd caused 11 (yes, eleven) false start penalties on the Giants. It's called "home field advantage" for a reason, jackass. His argument is that a game should be decided by the talent of the players on each team, not by the environment. So, by that argument, every major league baseball stadium should be the exact same dimensions (so long Green Monster!) at the exact same altitude (adios Colorado!) with the exact same temperature (goodbye outdoor stadiums!). This guy should just focking retire already. God, I hate him.
Meanwhile, with another nice week, St. Ides is chipping away at the once huge advantage Samichlaus held in the season standings:
Samichlaus
Last Week:
Last Week: 9-7
Season: 89-86
St. Ides
Last Week: 11-5
Season: 83-92
Greetings SBS fans! Here’s an insider tip for you to think about: the quality of our picks is directly proportional to the quality of our respective teams. Perhaps this quirk is directly related to the quality of interest in the games, as it has been difficult for me to get behind a team consisting of Brett Favre and the NFL Europe all-stars. Or is it Arena League? I always confuse the two….
Now, exactly where did Dr. Z get his medical degree?
Falcons +3.5 over PANTHERS
I'm beginning to seriously doubt the Panthers. Everybody loves to talk about how lucky Seattle has gotten, and how they should have lost a few games they've won. Meanwhile, the Panthers are barely escaping against crappy teams most weeks. PS - Their 3 losses include losses to New Orleans and Miami. I'll leave it to my colleague to tell us no way does Michael Vick's herpes riddled penis wins this game. Falcons 24, Panthers 19.
LOL! OK, I will: First, rumor has it that Mike Vick hauled his herpes infested penis over to Dr. Z for a physical. Z took one look at the Hokie’s member and said “I’m starting to suspect that my loyal readers are figuring out that my column is nothing but a secret forum to bash the Seahawks. Oh, and take a couple of Tylenols”. Vick replied “I have two things going for me: my brain, my arms, my legs and my herpes infested penis”. Panthers 27 Falcons 20
Bills +4.5 over DOLPHINS
The Bills should have beaten the Panthers last week. Not so sure I like them on the road, but I'm still confused about the Dolphins. If the points were less than a field goal, I'd probably take the Dolphins. But I'll take 4 and a half in what should be a pretty low-scoring game. Dolphins 16 Bills 13.
I’m going to concur, despite my better judgment. As awful as the Bills have been on the road they are the more desperate team. Believe it or not they still have a shot at the division, and at this stage of the season the rule of the more desperate team applies: Bills 20 Fishes 17
STEELERS -3.5 over Bengals
The talk this week has been about Big Ben's thumb injury (supposedly similar to the one he had when he had that awful 3 INT playoff appearance last season) and what kind of "surprise" TD celebration Chad Johnson has planned. It's funny, because most writers are saying how he's creative and exciting and interesting, and how that's a big subplot in this game, seeing what he does WHEN he scores. How's this for a subplot? The Steelers defense keeps him out of the end zone, and we never see the celebration. It's not like catching a TD in every single game is an automatic thing. Steelers ought to be fired up for this divisional game at home after a pretty lackluster showing against the Colts. Steelers 27, Bengals 23.
OK, the Boomer Esiason thing stopped being funny about 8 weeks ago, I admit it. I’m going with the Bengals for two reasons. First, the Bengals are the second best team in football. Second, in my opinion Carson Palmer is the best young quarterback in the game. Third, Big Ben is hurting. And Fourth, my brain and my arms and my legs. Bengals 27 Steelers 13
Cowboys +3.5 over GIANTS
Both these teams suffered heartbreaking losses to Seattle so far this season, and now they're in a dogfight for the NFC East. Winning this game is huge for both teams, considering the runner-up in the East might not even snag a wild card. The Giants got good pressure on Hasselbeck last week, even against future Hall of Famer Walter Jones. The Cowboys offensive line is much weaker, and we know Bledsoe isn't good under pressure. Still, the Cowboys defense is pretty good too. I think the Giants pull it out, but just barely. Giants 23, Cowboys 20.
“Future Hall of Famer Walter Jones”? Yep, because the hall of fame is chock full of Offensive Linemen. Poor Fuzzy Thurston isn’t even in the hall and he was as important an O lineman as the Lombardi Packers had (well, except for hall of famer Jerry Kramer). BTW, on our last night in Green Bay Mrs. Samichlaus and I decided to pay a visit to Fuzzy’s Bar and Grill. We walked in to what looked like the bar that Jodie Foster gets raped in “The Accused”, looked at each other and left. Giants win easy: Giants 24 Cowgirls 17
Packers +7.5 over BEARS
I read somewhere that Favre plays pretty well in Chicago. And I think the Bears are due for a letdown game. Packers 20, Bears 16.
You read right. The Packers have won 11 in a row in Chicago. Favre is 21-5 overall against the Bears, including 8-2 since Mike Sherman became his coach. His passer rating against Chicago is 93.8. The question is what can this team do to Chicago? The Bears have the best defense in football, and the Packers Arena League All Stars (or is it NFL Europe.. I always confuse them) will be hard pressed to move the ball. I’m going to pick ‘em anyway. They’ve always managed to keep Urlacher at bay, and if the Bears have a weak link it’s their secondary. A word of caution: if at game time the wind is blowing Chicago hard, change your pick. Packers 27 Bears 17
RAVENS -8.5 over Texans
The Texans are awful, just awful. The Ravens aren't much better, and that's a lot of points to give, but I can't see Houston mounting any kind of offense. Ravens 13, Texans 3.
When the Texans had that big lead last week I started to think that maybe just maybe we’d see Reggie Bush wearing the Green and Gold next season. So much for that. How the hell do you blow ANY kind of lead to a quarterback from Harvard??? Ravens 24 Texan 10
BROWNS +3.5 over Jaguars
See previous mentions of Jags playing down to their competition. Throw in that Leftwich is out, and maybe we have an upset in the making? It also looks like Dilfer might miss the game, so in comes that Frye kid who Braylon Edwards has been pushing for. Breakout game? Maybe. Browns 24, Jaguars 23.
Check this out: the Browns are a home dog against a warm weather team in December. I like the pick too, Charlie Frye and all. Browns 27 Jaguars 24
Vikings -3.5 over LIONS
Mariucci? Gone. Harrington? Benched. GM Matt Millen? Somehow this clown still has a job. The Vikings continue their post-Love Boat, post-Culpepper surge against a confused and embattled Lions team. Maybe Barry Sanders had it right retiring when he did if he was going to be stuck on this sorry excuse of a franchise. Vikings 27, Lions 13.
I’m actually starting to like Mike Tice. He’s like this big stupid lummox but maybe, just maybe, he’s been able to reach the team. The Lions are out and the Vikes have a chance at the division. Oh, and Dick Jauron isn’t half the coach that Mariucci is. Vikings 30 Lions 17
Bucanneers -3.5 over SAINTS
The Saints barely beat the Jets last week. Nuff said. Bucs 20, Saints 10.
Does any one know where the Saints are playing this week? How this spread is only 3.5 is a mystery to me…. Bucs 30 Saints 17
COLTS -15.5 over Titans
Did I already say I'm taking the Colts for the rest of the season? They could be giving frickin 30 at this point. Colts 34, Titans 16.
How good is this Colts team? Right now they’re one of the best I’ve ever seen. The Titans have about as much of a chance as the 1980 USA Hockey team had against the Soviets, and an upset like that only comes along once in a lifetime. PS: I’m still alive. Colts 41 Titans 13
NINERS +3.5 over Cardinals
Kurt Warner on the road giving points? I'll take it, even against San Fran. Throw in that kicker Neil Rackers, who was on pace to smash the single-season record for field goals, is out, and it's quite possible the Cardinals offense does absolutely nothing. Niners 17, Cardinals 13.
Without further adieu, the Samichlaus Stinker of the week. I'll take the Cards simply because I want to be different. Cards 27 Niners 20
Redskins -3.5 over RAMS
Have you heard about this rookie 7th round QB out of Harvard who led the Rams back to the victory last week? He did look pretty good from what I saw, but it was against the frickin Texans. The Redskins defense ought to be a bit more of a challenge. Not to mention the Rams defense can't stop anybody. Redskins 27, Rams 20.
The battle of the mediocrities: both teams are 5-6 and both teams have been disappointing. I’m going to take the home dog, Harvard guy and all. Redskins 24 Rams 23
CHIEFS +1.5 over Broncos
I'm still waiting for Jake Plummer to implode. What better place than in KC against a pretty good team that needs this win pretty badly to stay in the playoff hunt? Chiefs 24, Broncos 22.
St. Ides is correctly applying the rule of the more desperate team, but he is applying it incorrectly. If the Chiefs win then the Broncos become an equally desperate team. In other words, this game is important to both. With that said, I’m going to take the better team, even though it means betting against K.C. at home. Broncos 31 Chiefs 24
PATRIOTS -10.5 over Jets
That's a lot of points for the banged up Pats to give. Somehow I think a visit from the Jets is just the thing they need to get geared up for the playoff push. Patriots 26, Jets 13.
I’m so done with the Patriots, they can’t beat anyone by 10.5. Wait, is Brooks Bollinger still the Jets QB?. Pats 27 Jets 17
CHARGERS -11.5 over Raiders
So much for Kerry Collins putting together a nice year with Randy Moss. They couldn't even beat the Dolphins at home last week. Expect Tomlinson to run amuck. Chargers 33, Raiders 20.
Agreed. The Raiders are done done done. Bolts 34 Raiders 16
EAGLES +4.5 over Seahawks
The reverse jinx remains perfect! Although I do think Seattle pulls this one out, I don't think they'll cover. It's kind of funny, Seattle is 9-2, the second best record in the whole NFL, and they're STILL not getting respect. "They got lucky in this game" or "They should have lost that game" people are saying. What they are forgetting that every team has games like that every year. Including Super Bowl Champions. And really, "Seattle should have won the Redskins game" and be 10-1 right now. The winning field goal hit the upright. Oh, and if you hadn't heard, the NFL apologized to Holmgren for making the wrong calls on the two Giants TD catches last week. In the past, it'd be the same old, "Well, we never have any luck" when that came out. This year, somehow, we're winning DESPITE getting some horrible calls against us. It's as if the Football Gods somehow had forgotten the Seahawks the past 5 years. Then this year it was like "Oh crap, somehow we've missed out on evening out the Football Karma for Seattle for the past 5 years! Let's review their caseload…." A few hours later… "Wow, this team has gotten screwed over numerous times lately.. We owe them.. Big time… And we better keep an eye on any more bad calls that go against them this year too. Let's make this team one of those "Destiny" teams this year... " And you know what? We'll take it. It's about effin time. Seahawks 30, Eagles 27.
The Eagles are almost as bad as the Packers. A good team should be able to exploit their D, and if Favre hadn’t been so goddamn awful last week the Packers would have. Seattle, the best team in the NFC, won’t have any problems. Seattle 31 Eagles 20
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