Maybe it’s because the average sports fan is a fucking idiot.

Most of the people I surround myself with are brilliant. I married a brilliant, creative, intelligent woman who was not only smart enough to snag me, she was smart enough to become a Packers fan. St. Ides (who I did not marry) is a graduate of Regis H.S. (and probably a college too, I never asked). He is a brilliant programmer and is considered by many* to be a musical genius. I work with some brilliant kids who have written a program that is used by schools all across the south. It helps teach and manage special education kids. I am surrounded with brilliance. It is truly what makes me shine.

So it shouldn’t surprise me when idiocy makes its way through my satellite dish or across the Internet to my computer screen. Especially when it involves football. I have been wrestling with the format this blog should take, and since I type pretty slow I have decided to take the easy way out and simply list the things that pissed me off between Sunday and about three hours ago.


Thing that pissed me off on Sunday:

In case I’ve never stated it on this blog, I fucking hate the Sunday night football crew. Fucking hate them. Hate hate hate. Actually, the play by play guy is OK, and Paul Macguire is no worse than say, Dan Dierdoff. It’s Joe Theisman that frosts my ass. I should take notes on Sundays, because trying to recall Theisman’s idiocy is impossible simply because of the sheer volume of material to work with. However, I’ll try. On Detroit’s first drive, the Lions had fourth and goal on the 1. Theisman argued that the Lions had nothing to lose and should go for the TD. This was less than 1 minute into the game, and I was yelling at the TV. My wife, a bonafide football fan for all of three seasons, said “What is he, an idiot?” (correct answer: yes dear) “You don’t take points off the board!” (again, yes dear). About a minute later, Detroit after recovering a fumble found themselves in the exact same situation. They briefly considered going for it, at which time Theisman contradicted himself and said essentially (paraphrasing) “how could the Lions even think about going for it.” It was an astonishing contradiction, even for Theisman.

Another example: The Lions, on a second and goal play, came out in an empty backfield spread formation and attempted a fade pass that failed. Theisman loved the call. In fact he loved it so much that he thought the Lions should try it again. But love can cloud one’s vision. When the Lions came out of the huddle on third down, they set up with a single back and a tight end. Theisman exclaimed “IT’S THE SAME FORMATION!!!” My wife, now thoroughly disgusted with the Sunday night crew shouted “There’s a RUNNING BACK there you FUCKING IDIOT!”

If my wife (who I mentioned is brilliant) can tell that the formation is different, why can’t a hall of fame quarterback? Maybe the hall of fame needs less quarterbacks and more offensive linemen…

Thing that pissed me off on Monday:

Here’s the scenario: The Raiders, down by 16 to the Jets, rallied to score a touchdown. A touchdown is 6 points, so the lead after the TD and before the extra point is 10. If you go for 2, you cut the lead to 8 points. 8 points is a touchdown and a 2 point conversion, and is attainable on one possession. Turner went for 1, cutting the lead to 9. 9 points is not attainable on one possession. When asked after the game why he didn’t go for two, Turner replied “We discussed going for two, but we were talking about a nine point game and that’s still two possessions”. Turner, who evidently was not a math major did not realize that 10 – 2 is 8. Eight point game. One possession. Idiot.

Thing that pissed me off Tuesday:

The normally stepfordesque Milwaukee press had a field day with the Packers victory Sunday night, but not how you might think. There were two articles by well respected Milwaukee journalists that criticized the Packer victory because it all but assured that Reggie Bush would not be a Packer. First, I want you to read some of the quotes, and I am not making this up:
Cliff Cristl: “The Green Bay Packers could retool this off-season and make a run at the playoffs again next year. But by beating the Detroit Lions, they basically blew any chance of winning the Super Bowl any time soon” ‘The Packers could still draft an outstanding defender or some other special player who might make a difference next year. But for Favre to have a shot at winning another ring, at least next year or maybe for the next two years, he needed more than that. He needed a franchise running back. No other player at any other position figures to make that kind of impact.”

Bob McGinn: “By winning, the Packers improved to 3-10 and earned a brief respite from a sea of bad tidings this season. At the same time, they severely damaged their chances of securing the first selection in the 2006 National Football League draft. That pick is expected to be Reggie Bush, the Heisman Trophy-winning running back from Southern California. At 1-12, the Houston Texans continue leading in the race to draft Bush.”
What is disturbing about this is the intimation that the Packers would be better off losing games and getting Bush than playing games to win. One argument I heard on T.V. referred to the ’89 draft. The Packers won one more game in 1988 than the Dallas Cowboys, who took Troy Aikman with the first pick in the draft. The Packers, with the second pick took Tony Mandarich, the all time greatest flop in the history of the draft. So what would the Packers would have been like with Troy Aikman? Well, they wouldn’t have Brett Favre, and so I’m glad we didn’t get Troy Aikman. Besides, the third pick in that draft was Barry Sanders, and the fifth pick in the draft was Deion Sanders.

Reggie Bush is considered a “can’t miss” pick. He’s doing things in college that people have never seen before. The last guy that I can remember coming out of college with these kind of accolades? Tony Mandarich.

*drunks