Week 17 - The End of the Regular Season

The final week of the regular season! But fear not, loyal readers. We'll continue to make bold predictions and insightful analysis throughout the playoffs.

I'll start this week with an interesting article comparing Favre and Hasselbeck, and how their seasons have gone this year. This fact really jumped out as pretty damn impressive, and a nice indication of just how good a season Hasselbeck has had: "Hasselbeck, in his last three games, has thrown only five more incomplete passes (14) than touchdowns (nine)."

For you non-math people out there, that means he's averaging only 4.67 incompletions and 3 TDs in each of the past 3 games. Oh, and zero INTs. So less than 2 more passes clank onto the ground per game than find a receiver in the end zone. (And it's not like those low incompletions come from not throwing much, averaging almost 25 attempts each of those games.) So about 20/25, 3 TD, 0 INT. That's pretty frickin hot going into the playoffs.

Can we tell who's team has the best record in football and who's team is fighting for the worst? The normally laconic St. Ides is a loquatious plethora of commentary, while I am a depressed, terse pancake.

Please don't retire Brett.

On to the picks… It's a tough week, considering that there are so many teams with nothing to play for.. Some teams are locked into their playoff seeding and resting people, some teams are done and might consider taking a look at young players. (ie, do the Chargers give Phillip Rivers a chance? Do the Packers put Rodgers out there?) There are 9 teams with something to play for: Giants, Panthers, Chiefs, Bengals, Steelers, Patriots, Bucs, Redskins, and Cowboys. And of those 9 teams, only the Chiefs and Bengals are playing each other.

Samichlaus
Last Week: 7-9
Overall: 123-116

St. Ides
Last Week: 8-8
Overall: 116-123

Broncos +9.5 over CHARGERS
And we begin with a weird one… Chargers are done. They cannot make the playoffs. There are even rumors they might let Phillip Rivers start this weekend to see how he does (since Brees didn't have a great season). Broncos are locked into the #2 seed, and their starters probably won't see much action. But after a disappointing season for the Chargers, do they really care enough to blow out a JV team? I'll take those points. Chargers 27, Broncos 23.

I'm going to agree. I'm not sure how good the Denver J.V. team is but I suspect they're good enough to keep this one close. Bolts 27 Broncos 24

Giants -8.5 over RAIDERS
Kerry "Whiskey" Collins looks for revenge on his old team, who jettisoned him when they drafted Eli Manning and brought in Kurt Warner as Eli's "mentor". He probably has something to prove. Sadly, the rest of his team sucks, Randy Moss isn't 100% healthy, and the Giants need this game to wrap up the NFC East. If the Giants don't win this game, they don't deserve to be in the playoffs. Giants 27, Raiders 17.

The Giants have something to play for, while the Raiders do not. However the Giants have not really played very well of late. That's a lot of points to be giving. I'll take the Raiders: Giants 27 Raiders 20

COLTS -7.5 over Cardinals
You know what, that Sorgi guy who backs up Manning didn't look half bad against Seattle last week. And Dominic Rhodes isn't too shabby a RB. And even the Colts' 4th string WRs can catch the ball. Can the Colts JV team beat the Cardinals? I think so. More importantly, Dungy is back with the team, and I think he'll do his best to get the win. After starting 13-0, do the Colts want to enter the playoffs on the 3-game losing streak? I sure wouldn't. Colts 27, Cardinals 18.

Excellent analysis. There's nothing I can add except the obvious: Arizona sucks. Colts 34 Cardinals 17

RAVENS -3.5 over Browns
What the hell?!? Kyle Boller had ANOTHER good game? Could it be this guy is coming around? Maybe, but I don't really care enough to think about it more than these few sentences. Ravens 23, Browns 17.

I think the light went on in Boller's head against the Packers. He's letting his receivers make the plays and he's not forcing the ball. Favre could learn something from this kid: Ravens 24 Browns 17

Bills -1.5 over JETS
Bills showed something by going into Cinci and beating the Bengals last week. The Jets should be a cakewalk. Bills 20, Jets 7.

The Bills stunned last week... well at least I was stunned. Look for the Jets to blow this one in hopes of landing Mr. Bush. Bills 24 Jets 10

FALCONS +4.5 over Panthers
The Panthers win, and they're in the playoffs. The Falcons are looking to play spoiler. I think Mr. Mexico comes up short, but I'll take the points at home. Panthers 24, Falcons 23.

The rule of the more desperate team applies. Look for "The Blister" to sit out the second half. Cats 31 Birds 20

Vikings +3.5 over BEARS
Bears are locked in as the 2 seed, and although Rex Grossman has looked pretty good since he's been put back in at QB, they'd be nuts to play him much with his fragile history. Vikings don't have anything to play for either, but I don't expect the Bears second stringers to put up that much of a fight. Bears 20, Vikings 17.

I think the Bears JV totally shuts down the Vikes JV. The Bears will look to send the Soldier Field crowd home happy. Bears 24 Vikqueens 7

CHIEFS -0.5 over Bengals (-7.5)
The first of four games where the spread wasn't out early enough in the week, so in my pool, the dude running it simply set the home team as a half point favorite. Basically a "pick em" game. The actual up to date spread is in parenthesees. In fairness to ourselves as the analysts (and to pad our record a bit as a Holiday gift), and to maintain consistency (since this has happened in the past), we'll go with the easy spread for our purposes. Anyways, Chiefs need a win and a Steelers loss (ain't gonna happen) to make the playoffs. Bengals need a win to hang onto the #3 seed. Here's the catch though… If the Bengals win, they host the Steelers next week. If they lose, they host the Jaguars. Now, who do you think they'd rather play? Yeah, I thought so too. Chiefs 30, Bengals 20.

The Chiefs, at home, are the more desperate team. As much as I like Carson Palmer (who Boomer Esiason has called the best young quarterback in the game) I'm going to take the Chiefs: Chiefs 31 Bengals 27

STEELERS -0.5 over LIONS (-13.5)
With only a half point, this may be the easiest pick of the year. The 13.5 makes this more interesting. But I don't trust the Lions much, and the Steelers need this to make the playoffs. It's also very likely the final home game for Jerome Bettis. The Bus rolls. Steelers 27, Lions 13.

Keep those Christmas gifts coming! Steelers 2,834 - Lions 6

Ok.... maybe that's a bit of an exageration.... Steelers 721 - Lions 3

PATRIOTS -0.5 over Dolphins (-5.5)
Like I said above, a Patriots win and a Bengals loss gives them the #3 seed and Pittsburgh. A loss or Bengals win gives them the #4 seed and Jacksonville. I don't think the Patriots are afraid of either team though, and they win to sneak into the 3 seed. Patriots 23, Dolphins 17.

Two hot teams, but the champs are coming on strong. Christmas gift or not, I like the Pats by 10 or more: Patriots 24 Dolphins 13

Saints +14.5 over Bucs
Bucs win and the clinch the NFC South. They should win fairly easily, but look for a garbage time score to allow the Saints to cover. Bucs 26, Saints 17.

Where is this game being played? Ahh, who cares. The Bucs are the more desperate team and the better team too. Bucs 31 Saints 10

NINERS +1.5 over Texans
The Reggie Bush Bowl! Texans win, they get the #1 pick… Niners win (and the Saints, Packers, and Jets all lose)… Saints (?!?) get the #1 pick due to strength of schedule tie breakers. Given and tension between Saints ownership and the league this season, looks for the Texans and referees to do everything in their power to make sure that doesn't happen. Niners 24, Texans 17.

I hope the Saints get the first pick. All of a sudden Green Bay won't look so bad to Mr. Bush. At least we've got a FUCKING CITY. Niners 24 Texans 21

Titans +3.5 over JAGUARS
Jaguars have nothing to play for. Titans usually play them fairly tough. Titans 27, Jaguars 20.

I'll take the Jags at home just to be different. Call this my mirror pick: Jags 27 Titans 20

Seahawks +3.5 over PACKERS
Favre's last game? I don't think so. He'll be playing against mostly second and third stringers, so if he has anything left in the tank, this is the game to show it. Meanwhile, the Seattle second string offense can be pretty good. Watch out for Mo Morris, Seneca Wallace, and Leonard "The Dumptruck" Weaver. Favre and the Packers should win, but the Seattle JV keeps it close. Packers 23, Seahawks 20.

I agree. The Seahawks will score a TD on their first possession, a Shawn Alexander run off left tackle. He'll get his TD record, and sit the rest of the way. Watch for Rod Gardner to have a breakout game for the Packers... and watch Favre's face as he comes off the field. If he's crying, he's retiring.

Redskins +0.5 over EAGLES (-7.5)
Another freebie. Easy spread. Redskins win and they're in. In fact, if the Giants lose, the Skins can still win the division. I doubt that'll happen, but they should beat the hapless Eagles. Redskins 23, Eagles 10.

I'll take the Christmas points. The Skins are the hottest team in the east. Skins 34 Eagles 20

Rams +12.5 over COWBOYS
Here's the thing… Cowboys need to win, and one of the following three teams to lose: Redskins, Panthers, or Buccaneers (and some help with that last one). By the time this game starts at 8:30 on New Year's Day night, they'll very likely be eliminated already. In which case, they'll play a flat, meaningless game with Parcells pouting on the sidelines. I think that'll happen, and the Harvard QB keeps it close. Cowboys 20, Rams 13

Or... the 'Boys start the game with a chance to make the playoffs. It's a long shot, I know... Cowboys 34 Rams 17

Slogan's Heros

Each week of the season the Green Bay Press Gazette held a contest to pick a slogan for the upcoming game. For example, this week’s winner Peggy Anderson of Bloomer, Wis came up with the clever “Rattle Seattle” and won. Anderson when asked how she came up with the slogan replied “The slogan … just popped into my head and I liked that it rhymed.” Anderson is a legend among the slogan writers, as she is the only two time winner this season. She also came up with last week’s winner, the equally clever “Jingle the Bears Bells”.

Other weeks featured slogans like “Demolish Detroit” (a clever alliteration) and “Stuff the Bengals” (a clever reference to taxidermy). The week Mrs. Samichlaus and I went to Green Bay the winning slogan was “We doo Packers Voodo” (sic), a clever reference to New Orleans’s Creole black magic sub culture.

I wondered if the Press Gazette was going to have a season ending slogan contest, some thing to sum up the Packers 2005 season in a clever sentence. Then I began to ponder that if they had such a contest, Peggy Anderson might pull off a season ending slogan hat trick. I decided it was time to act. My strategy is simple: submit a large amount of slogans that will overwhelm the judges with my creativity. I’m hoping that this approach will cause the judges to be so struck with admiration that Peggy Anderson’s entry will be overlooked.

So here’s a Samichlaus exclusive for our loyal SBS readers, my entries for the “Slogan of the Season” contest….if the Press Gazette decides to have one…

Peggy Anderson of Bloomer, WI. , the Brett Favre of Slogan Writing

“The 2005 Packers: fuggedaboudit”
“The 2005 Packers: We beat New Orleans”
“The 2005 Packers: It’s like ‘Titanic’, except there’s footballs”
“The 2005 Packers: We’re the New Jersey of the NFL”
“The 2005 Packers: More turnovers than your favorite bakery”
“The 2005 Packers: Our offensive line has more loose holes than a truckload of hookers”
“The 2005 Packers: A living tribute to the legacy that is Ray Scooter McLean” (editors note: Google him and select the Wikipedia link for a brief explanation)
“The 2005 Packers: Come see the NFL Europe All Stars”
“The 2005 Packers: Train wreck football at its finest”
“The 2005 Packers: More penalties than the ’76 Philadelphia Flyers”
“The 2005 Packers: Where B.J. Sander earns $230,000.00”
“The 2005 Packers: They’re as likely to win as the Washington Generals” (editors note: Google them and select the Wikipedia link as well)
“The 2005 Packers: ‘We’ll take the ball and we’re gonna score….NOT!’ “
“The 2005 Packers: Come marvel at the size of Mike Sherman’s ass”
“The 2005 Packers: They’ll leave you begging for the sweet relief of death”
“The 2005 Packers: They finally found something lower than whale shit”
“The 2005 Packers: See our star running back Ahman Green, err, Najeh Davenport, err, Tony Fisher, err, Samkon Gado, err, err, who the hell is Noah Herron?”
“The 2005 Packers: I want my mommy...WAAAAHHHHHHH”
“The 2005 Packers: As bland as English cooking”
“The 2005 Packers: It’s a mammogram and a prostate exam all rolled into one”
“The 2005 Packers: Here’s your chance to move up on the season ticket waiting list”
“The 2005 Packers: It was a mistake, we made a mistake. We'll just pretend it never happened. You go back to your family and I'll go back to mine, and we'll never speak of this to anyone”

If you'd like to see this year's weekly winners along with a clever cartoon drawn by the Green Bay Press Gazette's resident artist, copy this link into your browser because 'Ol Samichlaus doesn't know how to add a fucking hyperlink... nevermind, I just figured it out!

http://www.packersnews.com/topics/slogans/index.shtml

Christmas greetings!

I want to choose my words carefully this Christmas morning, for it was just about a year ago today that I wrote the following in my holiday wishes column: “I wish good health for all Packer fans, despite their diet of beer, cheese, and bratwurst, and that none of them drop dead of heart attacks this holiday season.”

Two days later Reggie White dropped dead of a heart attack.

Christmas is a time for family and fun in the Samichlaus house. It’s also the time for our yearly visit to church for midnight service. I hesitate to call it midnight mass (which by its sheer alliteration sounds better) because evidentially the non-Catholic denominations don’t call it “Mass”. In retrospect, that’s probably a good idea. I’m not sure what a “mass” is, except for a heinous growth somewhere on your body that should be removed immediately. Just like Catholicism now that I think about it.

So for Christmas Eve Mrs. Samichlaus and I headed down to the local Methodist church and were ready to enjoy a good hour of prayer and reflection. Things were going well until we got to the singing. Specifically it was the second verse of “What Child is This?” where the whole evening began to go south. As we sang the line “Why lies he in such mean estate where ox and ass are feeding?” Mrs. Claus and I simultaneously started to giggle like we were two twelve year olds. It was then that the giggle shifted to laughter, compounded by my sudden inspiration to make the universal symbol for “flying asshole” and pretend that it was feeding on Mrs. Claus’s sleeve.

After that everything seemed funny to us. When the pastor told how Jesus was laid in the manger I thought “See, he DID get laid”. And when the angel appeared to the shepards in their fields to proclaim that “Unto this day a savior is born in the city of David”, I imagined that the shepards reaction was not “We must go to this city”, but rather “WHAT the FUCK was THAT?” This became a dialogue between two shepards. Pick up the scene after the choir of angels have finished their Hosannas and have left. The shepards are walking home.

Don: Holy fucknuts, I shit my tunic. You ever see anything like that?
Phil: No fuckin way. Fuck! I pissed my sandals.
Don: Shit Phil, didn’t Deb just pick those up for you?
Phil: Yep. They were brand new. Fuck. Look, tomorrow I need to go to Wal-Mart in the city of David to pick up new sandals. You want to go? Maybe there’s something to this savior thing. We could check it out.
Don: Sure, what the fuck, but I’ll put on some “Depends” just in case.
Phil: Good call.

Mrs. Samichlaus came up with the pissing on the sandals.

Happy holidays to all!

Ho Ho Ho! Week 16!

It's been a hell of a week at SBS! We our proud to say that with average readership doubling over the last 7 days, SBS has become the fastest growing sports blog on the Web. Thank you, thank you all of our loyal readers!

Ho Ho Ho, Week 16!

St. Ides
Last Week: 9-7
Season: 108-115

Samichlaus
Last Week: 8-8
Season: 116-107

BUCS -3.5 over Falcons
Stick a fork in em, the Falcons are done. This is not a playoff caliber
team. Bucanneers 24, Falcons 17.

I like the Bucs too. Another fast defense spells disaster for Mike Vick and his sick dick. Bucs 27 Falcons 20

Bills +14.5 over BENGALS
That's a lot of points to give. And although the Bengals are still
battling for a possible first round bye, they've got to be a cruise
control just a little bit. Bengals 31, Bills 20.

Only because the Bills are so god awful on the road... Bengals 34 Bills 15

Cowboys +5.5 over PANTHERS
The Cowboys are desperate, but these games still mean something for the
Panthers too, who have not locked up a playoff spot yet. I think
Parcells is overrrated as a coach, and I've never liked him. Ever. Not
his attitude, not his "humor", not his treatment of players, not his
coaching ability. Don't like him. And I don't think the Cowboys have
enough talent to actually make the playoffs. But they should keep this
game close enough. Panthers 24, Cowboys 20.

When each team is equally desperate, and the home team is favored, the question one has to ask is "Are the Cats 5.5 points better than the
Cowboys?" You bet they are. Cats 27 Cowboys 17

Lions +3.5 over SAINTS
The only thing interesting I can say about this game is that Joey
Harrington is back in as starter for the Lions instead of Jeff "Light in
the Loafers" Garcia. Not that anyone cares. Saints 26, Lions 24.

Hands down winner of the "Samichlaus stinker of the season", the only drama here is if the Saints will win one for their hometown fans. Detroit is so horriffic, I think this one is a no-brainer. Saints 31 Detroit 10

TEXANS +6.5 over Jaguars
The Texans generally play the Jaguars tough somehow. And we've said it a
dozen times, but the Jaguars do play down to the level of their
opponent. They're going to get crushed by the Patriots in round one of
the playoffs. That spread will be interesting to see. Jaguars 23, Texans
20.

What's wrong with me? St. Ides's logic makes perfect sense, but for some reason I see the Jags romping in this game. Jags 31 Texans 20

Giants +3.5 over REDSKINS
I think Eli is still a bit too mistake prone to take the Giants deep
into the playoffs, but they should at least win the NFC East this week.
The Giants defense (particularly their pass rush) will be too much for
Mark Brunell to handle. Giants 27, Redskins 17.

This is a tough game to call. The Skins are coming off their biggest win of the year while the Giants are the hottest team in the East. I'll bet it's going to be close. I'll take the Gints and the points. Skins 23 Gints 20

Steelers -7.5 over BROWNS
I've like the Browns and rookie QB Charlie Frye for a few weeks now. But
I think the Steelers are getting hot at the right time, and roll.
Steelers 27, Browns 10.

I agree, the Steelers are starting to gel. Their D is going to be too much for the rookie Frye. Steelers 24 Browns 10

Chargers +1.5 over CHIEFS
This is a huge game for both teams, with the loser likely out of the
playoff hunt. I usually like the Chiefs at home, but the Chargers are
riding high after knocking off the Colts last week. This one comes down
to the last drive of the game, and who does or doesn't get it done.
Chargers 30, Chiefs 29.

Tough game to figure, because the X factor is Arrowhead Stadium, but considering what the Bolts accomplished last week I'm finding it hard to bet against them. Bolts 34 Chiefs 24

Niners +9.5 over RAMS
We really get some meaningless games this late in the season, don't we?
Rams Harvard QB gets to continue his audition for the role of backing up
Bulger next season. Alex Smith continues to prove why he wasn't a #1
overall pick to really get too excited about. Rams 27, Niners 20.

My heart's just not into analyzing this game. Go figure. I'll take Harvard, because if I'm wrong I can count on a detailed and eriudite explanation. Rams 27 Niners 13

DOLPHINS -5.5 over Titans
Titans showed some spunk last week against Seattle. But they're really
not that great. They took advantage of a few slips and stumbles by the
Seattle defense, something the Dolphins won't give them. Dolphins 24,
Titans 17.

The Fish are pretty hot, and at home my guess is that they handle the Titans with ease. Fish 27 Titans 20

Eagles +1.5 over CARDINALS
Remember when both these teams used to be NFC East rivals? Well, maybe
rivals is the wrong word, since the Cardinals always sucked. And still
do. Eagles 27, Cardinals 17.

Shit, now that you mention it, I can't remember the Cardinals EVER being good.... maybe when they had Neil Lomax.. Eagles 31 Cardinals 20

Colts +7.5 over SEAHAWKS
Sad story this week with the death of Tony Dungy's son. The Colts were
likely already mailing this one in after their loss last week. With the
added gloom and distraction on top of that, it'll be hard to see them
giving more than a half-hearted effort from mostly 2nd and 3rd
stringers. Seattle still has home field advantage to play for, but
they'll likely rest some people too. Seahawks 27, Colts 21.

The Dungy story is heartbreaking, and worthy of it's own blog. As far as the game is concerned, my guess is the Colts will win one for their coach. Besides, the Seahawks have a bye next week. Colts 37 Seatte 27

BRONCOS -13.5 over Raiders
Who woulda thunk - there's actually a "Jake Plummer for MVP" bandwagon
starting up. Relax, folks. He'll implode in the playoffs. The Raiders
just flat out stink. I could probably do a better job of getting the
ball to Randy Moss than their QBs have this year. Somehow, he's been
surprisingly quiet though. Maybe he learned a lesson from the TO farce?
Nahhh, he's just waiting for the offseason to mouth off. Broncos 32,
Raiders 16.

I like the Broncos a lot. They are probably the third best team in the NFL behind the Colts and Seahawks. The Raiders, in no uncertain terms, are fucked. Broncos 37 Raiders 17

PACKERS +6.5 over Bears
When was the last time the Packers were getting almost a TD at home
against the Bears? I'm not sure where or how to look it up, but I'm
guessing it was either A) maybe during the great Bears teams of the 80s
before the Favre era started or B) never. Rumor has it that Favre has
been reading the SBS debates on his current talent level, and is out to
make a few points this game. Of course, with his supporting task,
Urlacher will probably eat him alive. Still, look for Rex Grossman to
make all the media peeps praising Lovie Smith for putting him in for
Kyle Orton to second guess that thought as he throws a few picks. Bears
20, Packers 13.

Here's how bad it is for the Packers: today they signed a bartender to handle the punting duties for the rest of the season. Ryan Flinn, who
actually looks a bit like St. Ides, will be filling in for B.J. Sander who
was put on I.R. Sander is the 17th Packer to be put on the Injured Reserve
list this season. Flinn, who missed Packers GM Ted Thompson's phone call
Tuesday because he was sleeping was thrilled to have the opportunity. More
details plus the kid's picture can be found at http://www.packersnews.com/index2.shtml . Meanwhile, the Bears will win
easy. Besides, Favre is washed up and shoud retire. There will be no present
under the Samichlaus tree this year. Bears 34 Packers 20

Vikings +1.5 over RAVENS
Can the Vikings right the ship and have Captain Tice sail them towards
the playoffs? Can I still get away with using lameass "Love Boat"
references to refer to the Vikings? No and no. But they should beat the
Ravens to stay alive until next week at least. Kyle Boller actually
looked like an NFL-caliber QB last week. Two weeks in a row? No chance.
Vikings 23, Ravens 16.

LOL! That Boller kid looked like the best young quarterback in the league besides Carson Palmer, and I think the Vikings are falling apart again. I'm going against the rule of the more desperate team here and taking the Ravens. Ravens 31 Vikings 20

Patriots -4.5 over JETS
The Meadowlands is selling no beer for this game in fear that the
combined Monday Night Football excitement, with the Pats-Jets rivalry,
and the holiday season would lead to a bit too much drunken debauchery.
So they're not selling beer. Talk about a bunch of frickin Scrooges.
Expect the stadium to be half-empty by mid-3rd quarter. It'd be empty by
halftime if it was below 20 degrees, but it's supposed to be in like the
40s. Patriots 27, Jets 12.

The Jets fans have brought this upon themselves. If they weren't a collective bunch of arrogant alcoholic street scum (except my cousin of course) they'd have their beer. New England might give up 7. Pats 24 Jets 7

Another quick and loving tribute to my wife...

I meant to write about this last week, but forgot. This is how far my wife has come along as a football fan: While watching another Packer abomination I started bitching about special teams. "I CANT BELIEVE HOW #$@))$% AWFUL THE SPECIAL TEAMS ARE!!!! I DON'T !*#&^%@ GET IT! THEY SHOULD FIRE THAT BALD !*(!@#(*@^&*$@ (Packer Special Teams coach John Bonemego) MOTHER&#(*$(#,#@!$^* @#^*@#($&*#. GODDAMMIT. My wife calmly replied "You know all those injuries to the startes?" "Yeah," I said, "what about them?" "Well, who do you think replaced the starters? Special teams guys. These special teams guys are guys they got off the street to replace the special teams players who replaced the injured starters. That's why they suck. It's not the coaches fault."

I was speechless. And I hadn't even thought about that.

Right again sweetie.

Think it's time for a Brett Favre retirement column? Think again.

It's not that Favre's skills haven't diminished (they have) or that Favre hasn't lost focus on the games (he has). It has nothing to do with horrendus stats or so called excuses. The truth is that Brett Favre could be playing a lot better, and he isn't. But that doesn't mean it's time for him to retire.

The Green Bay Packers have a unique relationship with their city: they are the city, and the ONLY symbol, the face of that team is Brett Favre. Drive around Green Bay for a day and you will see Favre's image every where. Listen to a local child, say four or five years old, and you'll hear that child speak of Favre. Chances are he or she will be wearing a Favre jersey too. Brett Favre means more to the town of Green Bay than any other athlethe has meant to any town in the history of sport. I dare you to find me a better example. Babe Ruth? He was hated by half the baseball fans of New York. Jerry Rice? Frisco is too big of a town.

Brett Favre brought respectability to Green Bay. He made the game exciting again. He made Packer fans believe again, and he has helped turn Green Bay into a booming NFL tourist attraction. I saw the stadium. It's a cathedral, and Favre made that happen.

For that, he can retire whenever he's goddamn ready.

Kiner's Korner

I was born in 1962 at the beginning of one of the greatest social revolutions in the history of this country. In my life I have seen our culture transformed from a segregated male dominated society to a, well, less segregated less male dominated society. And although the racists and misogynists are holding on for dear life I am sure that by the time I croak I will be able to say that the country had become a better place, at least better than it was in 1962.

One of the things that has noticeably changed is the cultural acceptance of alcohol. I bring this up because of a comment that was posted by bekah on my last blog. Bekah had this to say about John Madden: “I can’t stand watching Monday Night Football because of Madden. I’m sure the man is boozing it up because he says the most unbelieveably retarded things ever, and it gets worse through the night as he gets drunker and drunkerer.”

Back when I was growing up, this was all part of the show…


My earliest recognition of sports broadcasting was watching the Mets games on channel 9 in New York. I remember that Rheingold beer had a commercial between almost every inning, and all I ever wanted to do was get a taste of that amazing golden foamy liquid that appeared on my screen. (And let me be historically accurate: it didn’t appear to be golden until 1969 when dad trotted home with our first color TV… but it always looked quite tasty). Rheingold was the Mets beer. Ballantine was the Yankee beer so in our house we always had Rheingold. I sincerely believe that if someone had showed up at the house with a six of Ballantine as a house warmer, my father would have beaten the living shit out of them. Dad, an old Brooklyn Dodgers fan was funny that way. But I digress…

The Mets broadcast team included Baseball Hall of Famer Ralph Kiner, and folks (I am not kidding here) Kiner was usually pretty lit up by the third inning. His drunken butchery of the English language is legendary in the annuls of New York baseball folklore. When the Mets acquired catcher Gary Carter in 1985, Kiner consistently called him Gary Cooper, particularly in the later innings. Kiner once left Mets fans scratching their heads when he claimed that the Los Angles Dodgers played in the “Eastern Standard Pacific Coast League” time zone. On fathers day one season Kiner wished all the viewers “a happy birthday”. Another broadcast featured Kiner telling fans that the Hall of Fame ceremonies were scheduled for the 31st and 32nd of July.

Kiner was the first person I ever heard curse on the air. During the 1970’s, the Mets had a catcher named Ron Hodges who Kiner liked to call Gil Hodges (a hall of fame colleague of Kiner’s). Once after a game, Kiner while broadcasting his wrap-up show “Kiners Korner” committed his faux-pax and somewhat exasperated said “Dammit I always do that”. On another occasion, Kiner couldn’t remember his own name. The Kiner’s Korner broadcast began with this memorable introduction: “Weclome to Kiner’s Korner, this is uh… I’m uh… uh...”

Often times Kiner was simply a word or two off. For example, instead of saying “The Mets have had their leadoff batter on only once this game” Kiner said “The Mets have had their leadoff batter on only once this inning”. Another time it was “Darryl Strawberry has been voted to the Hall of Fame 5 years in a row” Of course Ralph meant the All Star game. During a May broadcast several years ago Kiner happily proclaimed that “Tony Gwynn was named player of the year for April”. He meant month.

The point I’m making is that back in the day I overlooked this sort of behavior as an acceptable part of the show. It is no wonder that I had my own struggles with alcohol abuse, because frankly it seemed like so much fun. About 10 years ago Kiner contracted Bell’s Palsy which caused him to slur his words even more. I didn’t buy it. My theory was that Kiner had achieved what all drunks hope to achieve: a permanent state of stupid face (that point in the evening when you look in the mirror across the bar and you’ve got that stupid little smile and you really don’t know why). I wonder if that’s what has happened to Madden?

There was no more embarrassing a moment than Suzy Kolber’s infamous interview with a drunken Joe Namath, who kept interrupting Kolber and saying “I want to kiss you”. The days of finding slobbering drunks funny have long since passed for me. The other day I saw a famous clip of a drunken Howard Cosell on Monday Night Football unable to say the word “Philadelphia”. It made me cringe. That was a long time ago, and today that sort of behavior is not tolerated. I guess some of the old timers are having a hard time adjusting to it, or as Ralph Kiner once said: “If Casey Stengel were alive today he’d be spinning in his grave”

Week 15 Picks

(Somewhere along the way, we got our actual week number wrong. I'm too lazy to track it down, but don't let the "Week 13" title below fool you.. that was Week 14.. And this is Week 15.. On with the show...)

We're getting towards the end! Saturday games this week (and a couple good ones), and a lot of playoff spots still up for grabs. Actually, the Colts and Seahawks are the only two to have even clinched playoff berths yet, though several teams are close and should lock up at least an appearance this weekend.

Just a quick comment on the excellent Samichlaus piece about things that piss me off…. Yes, most announcers suck. During the Seattle game this past weekend, the announcers were talking about how well rookie MLB Lofa Tatupu has played for the Seahawks this year. Then the announcer said something like "It just goes to show you can find good talent out there, Tatupu came in here as an undrafted rookie and is now starting!" A commercial soon followed. As we returned from commercial, and the announcer corrected himself: "Sorry, Tatupu wasn't a rookie free agent. He was drafted in the by Seattle this year out of BC (Boston College)."
For the record, Tatupu was drafted in the second round this year out of (two-time defending national champ) USC. I guess someone in the booth or on his headphones or wherever told him about his mistake before the commercial, but to correct him with incorrect information? Un-frickin-believable.

My favorite color guy right now is Bill Maas. That’s right, Bill Maas. Maas calls games on Fox with play by play man Sam Rosen and by my best guess this is the third or fourth string Fox team. Maas is correctly criticized by media types for his absolute butchering of the English language, but he brings a level of analysis that few broadcasters come close to. He, much like a young John Madden, has the ability to break down complex plays and explain them in simple terms. He’s very technical but easy to understand. The problem with most color commentators is that they add absolutely nothing to the broadcast. When was the last time Phil Simms or Troy Aikman said something during a broadcast that really meant something? What about Dan Dierdoff? The extent of their color commentary is usually a statement of the obvious, like “Wow, did you see that catch? Driver fully extended his body and caught the ball!”. I’m sorry, but that’s not color. This weekend find the game that Rosen and Maas are calling, and try to put aside the mispronunciations. I’ll bet you learn something from Bill Maas.

Yeah, I'm a big fan of Sam Rosen (or as we call him around here, Sam Nosen.. ) He's been calling Rangers games for years, and him and John Davidson are probably the best pair of hockey announcers out there. I'll save my story about when I met John Davidson for another time...

Anyways, on to the picks:
St. Ides
Last Week: 8-8
Overall: 99-108

Samichlaus:
Last Week: 9-7
Overall: 108-99

PATRIOTS -4.5 over Bucanneers
Chris Simms on the road in the cold against a Patriots team that's getting healthy? No thanks. Although Brady is listed as questionable for this game, so don't bet the house until you're sure he's playing. Let me toot my own horn for a second, here's what I wrote last week for the Bucs Panthers game: "The NFC South battle will be a good one down the stretch, with the Panthers, Bucs, and Falcons all playing each other. First I was thinking "There's no way Chris Simms beats the Panthers defense." But the more I think about it, the more I like how the Bucs defense is playing. Ronde Barber is playing like a man possessed, and I think he can bait Delhomme into a pick or two. This ought to be a pretty close defensive game. Which is why I'm taking the points. Panthers 20, Bucs 16." Ronde Barber DID in fact have a key interception, and the Bucs won 20-10. Brady is a few notches smarter than Delhomme. Patriots 26, Bucs 13.

Brady’s dinged up, and the Bucs are hot. Chris Simms has gotten better as the year has gone on. I am tempted to take the Bucs outright, but there’s that whole “below 32 degrees” thing. I’m going to take the Bucs and the points: Patriots 23 – Bucs 21

Chiefs +3.5 over GIANTS
Eli is starting to throw up questionable balls in key situations. Really, the Giants should have lost last week to the decimated Eagles (who, I might remind you, Seattle absolutely destroyed 42-0 the week before) because of Manning's picks. Their defense bailed them out, and Feely actually made the game winning field goal this time. Oh, and they also had a few key injuries. Look for Larry Johnson to have a nice day running, and Tony Gonzalez to show Jeremy Shockey how a TRUE clutch TE plays. Chiefs 29, Giants 24.

Larry Johnson is probably the most exciting player in the game right now, but I think the Giants D will contain him. The Chiefs are a good team but they are not a good road team. The Giants need this win in a tight divisional race. Giants 24 Chiefs 17

BILLS +9.5 over Broncos
The Broncos barely beat an awful Ravens team last week. Kyle Boller (who probably won't have a starting job next season) handed them the game. Although I don't have much faith in Losman for Buffalo, I do think the Bills play much better at home and ought to keep the score within 10. Broncos 23, Bills 16.

I agree. The Bills are a different team at home, and regular readers of SBS know this is an easy bet. Broncos 17 Bills 14

Cardinals -1.5 over TEXANS
I actually flipped on the Texans game last week in time to see their attempt at the game winning field goal. Before the ball was snapped, I thought to myself, "You know, they have more to lose if he actually makes this." Sure enough, he shanked the kick (and I believe it was only like a 38-yarder or so) so badly it wasn't even close. Now, I agree with the points previously made that a team should not lose games to move up the draft, because you never REALLY know who will pan out as a pro. But here's the thing: I believe that if the Texans get the #1 pick, they'll trade it for a boatload of picks. And one of those picks they get has to work out, right? Errr, nevermind. Cardinals 29, Texans 20.

Why oh why couldn’t the Sunday night crew get stuck with this one? I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. BTW, if Rosen and Haas are calling this one, I rescind my earlier suggestion. I’ll take the Cardinals: Cardinals 27 Texans 20.

SAINTS +8.5 over Panthers
Panthers choked against the Bucs last week, and Steve Smith got lit up with a huge hit. I generally like the Panthers and think they're a well-coached, disciplined, competitive team. But something's just not right this year. Their defense isn't as dominant as it usually is, and they've lost to some crappy teams. Plus, there is a chance Aaron Brooks gets benched. And that improves the Saints chances I think. Panthers win, but don't cover. Panthers 23, Saints 17.

The Panthers may be one of those teams that play to their opponents level. I’m guessing that John Fox will have them ready this week no matter who they’re playing. The Cats will stroll and rock and roll: Panther 34 Saints 13

REDSKINS -2.5 over Cowboys
Redskins are barely clinging to their playoff chances. Mark Brunell has cooled off considerably after a nice start to the season. But I keep getting the feeling the Cowboys really are NOT that good. They needed Drew Bledsoe to have a career game and a missed tying field goal as time expired to beat the Chiefs in Dallas last week. The Dallas running game still hasn't really gotten going all year, and having a one-dimensional offense against a defense as good as Washington is not a good thing. Redskins 23, Cowboys 16.

The entire Redskin secondary is banged up, and although they’re going to play they will be a step behind. The last time they played, Dallas dominated the game for 3 ½ quarters, only to allow the Redskins to steal the game with 2 sick passes to Santana Moss. This time the Skins won’t be so lucky: Dallas 27 Washington 20

DOLPHINS -9.5 over Jets
Dolphins with the huge upset last week over the Chargers. Jets actually beat the Raiders. Does anybody care about this game? No, not really. Dolphins defense shuts down the Jets. Dolphins 23, Jets 10.

The Jets always play the fish tough, just ask my father in law. He dreads these games the way most of us dread prostate exams. Jets 24 Dolphins 20

Steelers -3.5 over VIKINGS
I found this spread a bit weird considering the Vikings have been on a huge roll lately, and the Steelers were struggling before last week's win over the Bears. I guess that win was convincing enough for the bookies. And you know what, the Vikings have rolled off their winning streak against pretty bad teams. The Steelers ought to put them back in their place. Steelers 31, Vikings 20.

With indictments handed down against 4 players, the Vikings are ready to come apart at the seams. I agree with St. Ides, this spread is bullspit. Steelers 31 Vikings 13

Chargers +8.5 over COLTS
I hope the Colts win. I want to see them come into Seattle next week undefeated. The Chargers are desperate for a win to keep their playoff hops alive, but if they couldn't beat the frickin Dolphins at home last week, do they have a chance? The damn Colts allowed a late Jaguars TD AND 2-point conversion and failed to cover by a half point last week. I said I'd keep taking the Colts til they failed to cover. Well, they failed to cover. Colts 34, Chargers 27.

The rule of the more desperate team may not apply when the Colts are involved, they are that good. However I expect the Chargers to play inspired football this week, then lose. Colts 37 Chargers 31.

Seahawks -7.5 over TITANS
Seattle has won the last two games by a combined 83-3. I wonder what the record is for 3 games of consecutive thrashings. How does 117-13 sound? PS - The defense has also moved up from 20th to 11th in the past two games. #2 offense, #11 defense. That almost sounds like a championship caliber combination. Almost. Oh and #1 WR Darrell Jackson is back this week for the first time since Week 2. Seahawks 34, Titans 10.

I like Seattle too. When a team is this hot you have to play ‘em. I don’t see any reason why Seattle would cool down even if the Titans are at home.
Seattle 37 Tennessee 17

Niners +16.5 over JAGUARS
Too many points. Jaguars 30, 49ers 14.

Yeah. Jaguars 28 Niners 17

Bengals -8.5 over LIONS
The Bengals game against the Browns was way too close for comfort. Meanwhile, the Lions are a sinking ship and can't even catch a break. And yes, that tackle of Gado in the end zone should have been a safety. (Sorry dude.) Bengals 36, Lions 17.

Yes it should have. But since the refs already called intentional grounding resulting in a safety, they had already determined that it was a forward pass. Kudos to Mike Sherman for pointing out that the QB Gado was outside the box. Brilliant. The Lions are a terribly coached team. Bengals 34 Lions 10

Browns +3.5 over RAIDERS
Charlie Frye looked pretty good last week in staying competitive against the Bengals. The Raiders new QB, that Tatiupsopososo guy…. Did not look so good against the Jets. They'll probably put Kerry Whiskey Collins back in. It won't matter much. Browns 24, Raiders 16.

Sit, I’m running out of time…. I’ll take the Raiders at home just to be different Raiders 24 Browns 17

Eagles +3.5 over RAMS
John Madden, about 20 frickin times during the Seahawks thrashing of the Eagles two weeks ago: "Well, we really don't know if the Seahawks are this good or if the Eagles are this bad." Well, they almost beat the playoff-bound Giants, so they can't be THAT bad, can they? They still have some pride. And the Rams Harvard QB is quickly losing his novelty act appeal. Eagles 30, Rams 22.

The Rams are the more desperate team. The Rams are at home. Last week the Eagles played their best, and still came up short. Stick a fork in them: Rams 24 Eagles 17

BEARS -3.5 over Falcons
If Seattle wins and the Bears lose, Seattle locks up home field advantage in the NFC. Which means they have nothing to play for next week against the Colts. I'm REALLY hoping to see a still-undefeated Colts team play a Seahawks team who still have something to play for. So I'm hoping the Bears win. I think Ron Mexico will blow this one. Bears 19, Falcons 14.

I like the Bears fast D and the elements at Soldier Field to overcome Michael Vick and his sick dick. Bears 23 Vicks Herpes Infested Penis 15

Packers +3.5 over RAVENS
The Packers have 3 Monday Night games and at least 1 Sunday Night game this season. Including 3 prime time games in the past 5 weeks. I'm guessing the league thought they'd be a bit better. Get ready for 3 hours of Madden kissing Favre's heiney. The over/under on how many times Madden mentions this could be Favre's last season and/or Monday Night Game: 19 and a half. Packers 24, Ravens 19.

The Packers played a mediocre game against a lousy team and finally won one. The Ravens are pretty good, but I’m thinking my boys are going to steal another win. In Gado we trust: Packers 24 Ravens 10

Maybe it’s because the average sports fan is a fucking idiot.

Most of the people I surround myself with are brilliant. I married a brilliant, creative, intelligent woman who was not only smart enough to snag me, she was smart enough to become a Packers fan. St. Ides (who I did not marry) is a graduate of Regis H.S. (and probably a college too, I never asked). He is a brilliant programmer and is considered by many* to be a musical genius. I work with some brilliant kids who have written a program that is used by schools all across the south. It helps teach and manage special education kids. I am surrounded with brilliance. It is truly what makes me shine.

So it shouldn’t surprise me when idiocy makes its way through my satellite dish or across the Internet to my computer screen. Especially when it involves football. I have been wrestling with the format this blog should take, and since I type pretty slow I have decided to take the easy way out and simply list the things that pissed me off between Sunday and about three hours ago.


Thing that pissed me off on Sunday:

In case I’ve never stated it on this blog, I fucking hate the Sunday night football crew. Fucking hate them. Hate hate hate. Actually, the play by play guy is OK, and Paul Macguire is no worse than say, Dan Dierdoff. It’s Joe Theisman that frosts my ass. I should take notes on Sundays, because trying to recall Theisman’s idiocy is impossible simply because of the sheer volume of material to work with. However, I’ll try. On Detroit’s first drive, the Lions had fourth and goal on the 1. Theisman argued that the Lions had nothing to lose and should go for the TD. This was less than 1 minute into the game, and I was yelling at the TV. My wife, a bonafide football fan for all of three seasons, said “What is he, an idiot?” (correct answer: yes dear) “You don’t take points off the board!” (again, yes dear). About a minute later, Detroit after recovering a fumble found themselves in the exact same situation. They briefly considered going for it, at which time Theisman contradicted himself and said essentially (paraphrasing) “how could the Lions even think about going for it.” It was an astonishing contradiction, even for Theisman.

Another example: The Lions, on a second and goal play, came out in an empty backfield spread formation and attempted a fade pass that failed. Theisman loved the call. In fact he loved it so much that he thought the Lions should try it again. But love can cloud one’s vision. When the Lions came out of the huddle on third down, they set up with a single back and a tight end. Theisman exclaimed “IT’S THE SAME FORMATION!!!” My wife, now thoroughly disgusted with the Sunday night crew shouted “There’s a RUNNING BACK there you FUCKING IDIOT!”

If my wife (who I mentioned is brilliant) can tell that the formation is different, why can’t a hall of fame quarterback? Maybe the hall of fame needs less quarterbacks and more offensive linemen…

Thing that pissed me off on Monday:

Here’s the scenario: The Raiders, down by 16 to the Jets, rallied to score a touchdown. A touchdown is 6 points, so the lead after the TD and before the extra point is 10. If you go for 2, you cut the lead to 8 points. 8 points is a touchdown and a 2 point conversion, and is attainable on one possession. Turner went for 1, cutting the lead to 9. 9 points is not attainable on one possession. When asked after the game why he didn’t go for two, Turner replied “We discussed going for two, but we were talking about a nine point game and that’s still two possessions”. Turner, who evidently was not a math major did not realize that 10 – 2 is 8. Eight point game. One possession. Idiot.

Thing that pissed me off Tuesday:

The normally stepfordesque Milwaukee press had a field day with the Packers victory Sunday night, but not how you might think. There were two articles by well respected Milwaukee journalists that criticized the Packer victory because it all but assured that Reggie Bush would not be a Packer. First, I want you to read some of the quotes, and I am not making this up:
Cliff Cristl: “The Green Bay Packers could retool this off-season and make a run at the playoffs again next year. But by beating the Detroit Lions, they basically blew any chance of winning the Super Bowl any time soon” ‘The Packers could still draft an outstanding defender or some other special player who might make a difference next year. But for Favre to have a shot at winning another ring, at least next year or maybe for the next two years, he needed more than that. He needed a franchise running back. No other player at any other position figures to make that kind of impact.”

Bob McGinn: “By winning, the Packers improved to 3-10 and earned a brief respite from a sea of bad tidings this season. At the same time, they severely damaged their chances of securing the first selection in the 2006 National Football League draft. That pick is expected to be Reggie Bush, the Heisman Trophy-winning running back from Southern California. At 1-12, the Houston Texans continue leading in the race to draft Bush.”
What is disturbing about this is the intimation that the Packers would be better off losing games and getting Bush than playing games to win. One argument I heard on T.V. referred to the ’89 draft. The Packers won one more game in 1988 than the Dallas Cowboys, who took Troy Aikman with the first pick in the draft. The Packers, with the second pick took Tony Mandarich, the all time greatest flop in the history of the draft. So what would the Packers would have been like with Troy Aikman? Well, they wouldn’t have Brett Favre, and so I’m glad we didn’t get Troy Aikman. Besides, the third pick in that draft was Barry Sanders, and the fifth pick in the draft was Deion Sanders.

Reggie Bush is considered a “can’t miss” pick. He’s doing things in college that people have never seen before. The last guy that I can remember coming out of college with these kind of accolades? Tony Mandarich.

*drunks

Week 13 Picks

Better late than never, right? Samichlaus' analysis is a bit brief this week cause of a tight schedule, so he apologizes for that.

St. Ides
Last Week: 8-8
Season: 91-100

Samichlaus
Last Week: 10-6
Season: 99-92

Bears +6.5 over STEELERS
Big Ben has a thumb injury that might be a break and will definitely need surgery in the off-season. Considering I never really trusted him to win games with his arm in the first place, that does not bode well against a Bears defense that's looking more and more impressive each week. Although the Steelers really need this game badly to stay in the playoff hunt and it is at home, that's a lot of points to give a team giving up only 10.6 points per game. Even if the Steelers manage 17 (a whole TD more than what Chicago is giving up on average), all the Bears need is more than 10 points to cover. Steelers 13, Bears 10.

Big Ben had a career game last week, bad thumb and all.... Steelers 24 Bears 10

BROWNS +12.5 over Bengals
Braylon Edwards had his "break out" game last week (though he's had some decent games this season), then tore his ACL and is done for the year. Charlie Frye will no doubt throw a few picks against the opportunistic Bengals D. So why am I taking the Browns? Good question. Divisional rivalry, cold weather, home team getting points, this is a 10-point game. Bengals 30, Browns 20.

I like the Browns to cover in a low scoring game Bengals 20, Browns 10 Hey, I guess it is a 10 point game!

Texans +6.5 over TITANS
The Texans lost a heart-breaker last week, and should probably lose out so they get a shot at Reggie Bush (even if their offensive skill positions aren't the real problem - their offensive line is). Still, the Titans are bad enough for this to be close enough. Titans 26, Texans 23.

Who cares??? Why do they even play this one. Titans 24 Texans 13

Colts -8.5 over JAGUARS
See previous notes about taking the Colts no matter what the spread. Some people are saying this could be the first Colts loss. I don't buy it, especially with backup QB David Garrard (or something like that) in for the Jags. Colts 27, Jaguars 17.

No comment: Jaguars 31 Colts 30

Patriots -3.5 over BILLS
Bills lost a tough one last week as Sage Frickin Rosenfals (or something like that) picked them apart, including a very predictable fade pattern with time running out on the clock. J.P. Losman hasn't exactly shown that he can be the Bills franchise QB of the future. I think the Pats defense ought to be able to shut him down. Oh, and the Patriots are quietly getting healthy, with Corey Dillon and Kevin Faulk back on the field. Patriots 23, Bills 13.

Pats win easy: Patriots 27 Bills 10

Raiders -3.5 over JETS
J-E-T-S stink stink stink! Your team is in trouble when the biggest news of the week is that the opposing QB may be who they want to play for them next season. Yes, the hot rumor is that Kerry Whiskey Collins could be in a Jets uniform next year. Who cares? It's Kerry Collins, not anybody good. Raiders 23, Jets 16.

I heard Herm Edwards had a meltdown this week. It had to be bad to make the news in Richmond. Raiders 27 Jets 14

Rams +7.5 over VIKINGS
Vikings have been on a roll with Brad Johnson not making mistakes while replacing Culpepper. Rams defense can't stop anybody. And the Harvard kid didn't look so great going up against a real (ie, not the Texans) defense last week. Still, you gotta just pick the unreasonable pick sometimes, cause there's always games that go the way they shouldn't. Rams 30, Vikings 28

Vikes are coming on strong.... Vikings 27 Rams 17

Bucanneers +5.5 over PANTHERS
The NFC South battle will be a good one down the stretch, with the Panthers, Bucs, and Falcons all playing each other. First I was thinking "There's no way Chris Simms beats the Panthers defense." But the more I think about it, the more I like how the Bucs defense is playing. Ronde Barber is playing like a man possessed, and I think he can bait Delhomme into a pick or two. This ought to be a pretty close defensive game. Which is why I'm taking the points. Panthers 20, Bucs 16.

Both teams are equally desperate. Take the better team: Cats 24 Bucs 17

Giants -6.5 over EAGLES
Westbrook is now done for the season too. The Eagles downward spiral continues, and if the Giants are a playoff team (and most people, including myself, think they are), they take care of business. If the Seahawks defense can disrupt the Philly offense like that, what will the Giants offense do? Giants 27, Eagles 10.

Seattle effectively killed the Eagles season last week. They're done. Giants 31 Eagles 13

Niners +16.5 over SEAHAWKS
Seattle barely beat the Niners in San Fran, with a failed two-point conversion being the only thing not sending the game to OT. So that should help the Seahawks not take this game too lightly. Still, after the thrashing they gave the Eagles on MNF and the sudden "respect" they are finally getting around the media, their confidence has to be sky high right now. They went from generally ranked in the bottom of the top 10 in most "power rankings" after barely escaping with the win against the Giants (usually behind the Bears, Panthers, and sometimes even the Chargers), to a consensus top 3 team (always behind the Colts, sometimes behind the Bengals). This should be an easy win at home, but I'm not giving over two touchdowns to a team we only beat by 2 points three weeks ago. Seahawks 30, Niners 16

That's a lot of points. Too many for my taste. Seattle 34 San Fran 21

Redskins -3.5 over CARDINALS
Skins still have a shot at making the playoffs. Cardinals do not. Cardinals still have NO running game, which means the Redskins team can tee off on Warner. Over/under on Warner turnovers this game: 3 and a half. Redskins 20, Cardinals 10.

The Skins still have something to play for.. Redskins 27 Cardinals 13

BRONCOS -14.5 over Ravens
Ray Lewis is done for the year. Jamal Lewis is still out of shape from his little trip to prison. Kyle Boller looks awful. The Ravens needed a last minute field goal to beat the hapless Texans last week (after allowing the legendary David Carr to march down the field for the go ahead TD). Broncos 28, Ravens 13.

Denver should have no problems at home. Denver 31 Ravens 13

Chiefs +3.5 over COWBOYS
Future Hall of Famer Willie Roaf is back for the Chiefs offensive line. (And yes, that's two weeks in a row I referred to an offensive lineman as a Future Hall of Famer.) Larry Johnson is running as well as any back in the league right now. Trent Green is getting time in the pocket. And Drew Bledsoe has returned to his usual inconsistent self after a great start to the season. Both teams need this game badly. But I think the Chiefs have a much better offense, and that'll be the difference. Chiefs 24, Cowboys 17.

Keep this up St. Ides and no one is going to visit the Hall of Fame in 20 years. Does anyone really want to see the Marco Riviera wing? Chiefs 27 Cowboys 20

CHARGERS -13.5 over Dolphins
The Dolphins are actually having a decent season. But they're playing much better at home than on the road. Meanwhile, the Chargers are actually back in the hunt for the AFC West title with the Chiefs beating Denver last week. Tomlinson has some bruised ribs, but last I checked, his legs were just fine. Chargers 33, Dolphins 16.

I'll take the points. The Fins are slowly improving... Chargers 27 Fins 24

Lions +6.5 over PACKERS
Jeff Garcia will start for the Lions. I'm not sure which team is in worse shape right now. I'd say the Lions. Did you see the highlight last week of the dude with the sign in the stands? Apparently signs are banned from the stands in Detroit, which is something I'd never heard of before. I'm guessing it's because the team has been so awful for so long, it'd just be 90% negative signs anyways. Well, last week, some dude was running around the stands holding up a makeshift sign that said "Fire Millen" (Lions GM Matt Millen). As he made his way through the stands, it wasn't because he was spreading his message, but because he was being chased by security. Finally, some big African-American security guard sneaks out of a tunnel behind him, and blindsides him, tackling him and throwing him to the ground. Not good times. Packers 24, Lions 19.

Things are bad for the Pack, but things are worse for Detroit. The Lions do not ave a QB that can throw outdoors in the winter. Packers 31 Lions 13

FALCONS -10.5 over Saints
Somehow the Saints hung around against the Bucs last week. They were actually driving with a chance to tie late in the game. Until Aaron Brooks worked his usual magic and threw a game-ending interception in the end zone. So here's a tip I'm confident in sharing with you all: never bet on Aaron Brooks on the road. Ever. Falcons 26, Saints 10.

St. Francis Prep could beat the Saints, and that's coming from an Archbishop Molloy alumni. Falcons 34 Saints 10

We Have A Winner!

I'm not sure if I've mentioned it here or not (and I'm too lazy to go back and check), but I've been in a pool since like Week 6 or so where you can pick any 4 games, College or Pros, and if you go 4-for-4, you win a cut of the pot (usually around $300 a week). My dad paid my entry fee for the rest of the season after he hit twice in the first few weeks (on home dogs mostly, no doubt), so I've been playing along. Every week, I'd take 1 or 2 college games. And almost every week, it'd be a college game that knocked me out. This week, I decided to not pick any college games, and go just with the pros…

And here's the other thing.. These picks need to be in on Wednesday (since there are some college games on Thursday night). So I generally don't spend more than about 15 minutes on these picks, and sometimes forget them by the time I do the SBS full analysis on Thursday or Friday.

This week, I finally went 4-for-4 with the following picks: Colts (-15.5), Texans (+7.5), Bengals (+3.5), and Tampa Bay (-3.5).

The funny thing is, I totally picked the opposite teams on Friday for the Bengals and Texans games. Anyways, it looks like I'll be splitting the prize this week with like 3 or 4 others, so I'll only be getting less than $100, but it's better than nothing. I'll probably skip the "Further Review" piece this week cause it'd be too long, since I'm back to stinking up the joint.

Here's what I will say about tonight's Seahawks-Eagles game though….

It's supposed to snow. A lot. That probably hurts Seattle more than Philly, since the Hawks use the pass to set up the run, and the Eagles would rather not have backup QB Mike McMahon throwing too much. I've read a few "experts" talk about how well the Eagles bottled up Tomlinson when they played the Chargers, and how they can easily do the same against Alexander. First, I'm sick of everybody claiming the new "LT" is so obviously the best back in the NFL. Alexander and maybe even Tiki Barber are right there stats-wise. So is Edge James. I'll save the details breakdown until the regular season is over, but I think the evidence will strongly favor Alexander when all is said and done.

Yes, they shut down Tomlinson. But they also gave up 111 yards to Samkon (who?) Gado last week. And 112 yards to Tiki Barber. And 126 yards to Mike Anderson and 107 yards to Tatum Bell.. In the same game… Philly has the 19th ranked rushing defense in the league.

Meanwhile, it took OT last week for Tiki Barber to become the first 100-yard rusher against Seattle this season. Yes, you read that right. Seattle did not give up a 100-yard rusher for their first 10 games this season. They are currently ranked 14th against the run. And their defense is playing better than their numbers… a lot of the yardage that's been given up has been in garbage time, playing the prevent defense, just protecting a multiple-score lead. The overall defense in terms of yardage allowed is around the middle of the pack. But their scoring defense is top 10, and that’s the important one really.

So, if the snow is a factor tonight, don't count out Seattle. I think their defense this year can stuff the Eagles offense pretty easily, and I think their ground game will be able to move the ball.

Week 12, or please dear holy Jesus let this fucking season end.

Dear loyal SBS reader and my wife: We're having technical difficulties again this week. Well, let me rephrase that, I'm having technical difficulties this week. I can't seem to get the format to take. Usually we start you with a teaser, then you have to click on a link to read the rest. Well for whatever reason it aint working. Some of the text is being truncated, so here's what you have to do: scroll to the end of the article and select Read the rest. This will reveal all of the truncated text which will appear after my witty opening comments and my Bengals pick. Since this hidden text is primarily St. Ides's first few picks and considering that St. Ides has been hotter than an 8 ball of crack with a car load of hookers, I suggest you head my advice and read on... Samichlaus

First of all, let me say it again: Dr. Z is a moron. I don’t know why I even read him any more, he just pisses me off. This week's piece (which I refuse to link to) basically says that home teams should be penalized when the crowd gets so loud that the visitors can't even hear themselves think. Of course, he was using Seattle's win over the Giants as the example, pointing out how the crowd caused 11 (yes, eleven) false start penalties on the Giants. It's called "home field advantage" for a reason, jackass. His argument is that a game should be decided by the talent of the players on each team, not by the environment. So, by that argument, every major league baseball stadium should be the exact same dimensions (so long Green Monster!) at the exact same altitude (adios Colorado!) with the exact same temperature (goodbye outdoor stadiums!). This guy should just focking retire already. God, I hate him.

Meanwhile, with another nice week, St. Ides is chipping away at the once huge advantage Samichlaus held in the season standings:

Samichlaus
Last Week:
Last Week: 9-7
Season: 89-86

St. Ides
Last Week: 11-5
Season: 83-92

Greetings SBS fans! Here’s an insider tip for you to think about: the quality of our picks is directly proportional to the quality of our respective teams. Perhaps this quirk is directly related to the quality of interest in the games, as it has been difficult for me to get behind a team consisting of Brett Favre and the NFL Europe all-stars. Or is it Arena League? I always confuse the two….

Now, exactly where did Dr. Z get his medical degree?


Falcons +3.5 over PANTHERS
I'm beginning to seriously doubt the Panthers. Everybody loves to talk about how lucky Seattle has gotten, and how they should have lost a few games they've won. Meanwhile, the Panthers are barely escaping against crappy teams most weeks. PS - Their 3 losses include losses to New Orleans and Miami. I'll leave it to my colleague to tell us no way does Michael Vick's herpes riddled penis wins this game. Falcons 24, Panthers 19.

LOL! OK, I will: First, rumor has it that Mike Vick hauled his herpes infested penis over to Dr. Z for a physical. Z took one look at the Hokie’s member and said “I’m starting to suspect that my loyal readers are figuring out that my column is nothing but a secret forum to bash the Seahawks. Oh, and take a couple of Tylenols”. Vick replied “I have two things going for me: my brain, my arms, my legs and my herpes infested penis”. Panthers 27 Falcons 20


Bills +4.5 over DOLPHINS
The Bills should have beaten the Panthers last week. Not so sure I like them on the road, but I'm still confused about the Dolphins. If the points were less than a field goal, I'd probably take the Dolphins. But I'll take 4 and a half in what should be a pretty low-scoring game. Dolphins 16 Bills 13.
I’m going to concur, despite my better judgment. As awful as the Bills have been on the road they are the more desperate team. Believe it or not they still have a shot at the division, and at this stage of the season the rule of the more desperate team applies: Bills 20 Fishes 17

STEELERS -3.5 over Bengals
The talk this week has been about Big Ben's thumb injury (supposedly similar to the one he had when he had that awful 3 INT playoff appearance last season) and what kind of "surprise" TD celebration Chad Johnson has planned. It's funny, because most writers are saying how he's creative and exciting and interesting, and how that's a big subplot in this game, seeing what he does WHEN he scores. How's this for a subplot? The Steelers defense keeps him out of the end zone, and we never see the celebration. It's not like catching a TD in every single game is an automatic thing. Steelers ought to be fired up for this divisional game at home after a pretty lackluster showing against the Colts. Steelers 27, Bengals 23.

OK, the Boomer Esiason thing stopped being funny about 8 weeks ago, I admit it. I’m going with the Bengals for two reasons. First, the Bengals are the second best team in football. Second, in my opinion Carson Palmer is the best young quarterback in the game. Third, Big Ben is hurting. And Fourth, my brain and my arms and my legs. Bengals 27 Steelers 13

Cowboys +3.5 over GIANTS
Both these teams suffered heartbreaking losses to Seattle so far this season, and now they're in a dogfight for the NFC East. Winning this game is huge for both teams, considering the runner-up in the East might not even snag a wild card. The Giants got good pressure on Hasselbeck last week, even against future Hall of Famer Walter Jones. The Cowboys offensive line is much weaker, and we know Bledsoe isn't good under pressure. Still, the Cowboys defense is pretty good too. I think the Giants pull it out, but just barely. Giants 23, Cowboys 20.

“Future Hall of Famer Walter Jones”? Yep, because the hall of fame is chock full of Offensive Linemen. Poor Fuzzy Thurston isn’t even in the hall and he was as important an O lineman as the Lombardi Packers had (well, except for hall of famer Jerry Kramer). BTW, on our last night in Green Bay Mrs. Samichlaus and I decided to pay a visit to Fuzzy’s Bar and Grill. We walked in to what looked like the bar that Jodie Foster gets raped in “The Accused”, looked at each other and left. Giants win easy: Giants 24 Cowgirls 17

Packers +7.5 over BEARS
I read somewhere that Favre plays pretty well in Chicago. And I think the Bears are due for a letdown game. Packers 20, Bears 16.

You read right. The Packers have won 11 in a row in Chicago. Favre is 21-5 overall against the Bears, including 8-2 since Mike Sherman became his coach. His passer rating against Chicago is 93.8. The question is what can this team do to Chicago? The Bears have the best defense in football, and the Packers Arena League All Stars (or is it NFL Europe.. I always confuse them) will be hard pressed to move the ball. I’m going to pick ‘em anyway. They’ve always managed to keep Urlacher at bay, and if the Bears have a weak link it’s their secondary. A word of caution: if at game time the wind is blowing Chicago hard, change your pick. Packers 27 Bears 17

RAVENS -8.5 over Texans
The Texans are awful, just awful. The Ravens aren't much better, and that's a lot of points to give, but I can't see Houston mounting any kind of offense. Ravens 13, Texans 3.

When the Texans had that big lead last week I started to think that maybe just maybe we’d see Reggie Bush wearing the Green and Gold next season. So much for that. How the hell do you blow ANY kind of lead to a quarterback from Harvard??? Ravens 24 Texan 10

BROWNS +3.5 over Jaguars
See previous mentions of Jags playing down to their competition. Throw in that Leftwich is out, and maybe we have an upset in the making? It also looks like Dilfer might miss the game, so in comes that Frye kid who Braylon Edwards has been pushing for. Breakout game? Maybe. Browns 24, Jaguars 23.
Check this out: the Browns are a home dog against a warm weather team in December. I like the pick too, Charlie Frye and all. Browns 27 Jaguars 24

Vikings -3.5 over LIONS
Mariucci? Gone. Harrington? Benched. GM Matt Millen? Somehow this clown still has a job. The Vikings continue their post-Love Boat, post-Culpepper surge against a confused and embattled Lions team. Maybe Barry Sanders had it right retiring when he did if he was going to be stuck on this sorry excuse of a franchise. Vikings 27, Lions 13.

I’m actually starting to like Mike Tice. He’s like this big stupid lummox but maybe, just maybe, he’s been able to reach the team. The Lions are out and the Vikes have a chance at the division. Oh, and Dick Jauron isn’t half the coach that Mariucci is. Vikings 30 Lions 17

Bucanneers -3.5 over SAINTS
The Saints barely beat the Jets last week. Nuff said. Bucs 20, Saints 10.

Does any one know where the Saints are playing this week? How this spread is only 3.5 is a mystery to me…. Bucs 30 Saints 17

COLTS -15.5 over Titans
Did I already say I'm taking the Colts for the rest of the season? They could be giving frickin 30 at this point. Colts 34, Titans 16.

How good is this Colts team? Right now they’re one of the best I’ve ever seen. The Titans have about as much of a chance as the 1980 USA Hockey team had against the Soviets, and an upset like that only comes along once in a lifetime. PS: I’m still alive. Colts 41 Titans 13

NINERS +3.5 over Cardinals
Kurt Warner on the road giving points? I'll take it, even against San Fran. Throw in that kicker Neil Rackers, who was on pace to smash the single-season record for field goals, is out, and it's quite possible the Cardinals offense does absolutely nothing. Niners 17, Cardinals 13.

Without further adieu, the Samichlaus Stinker of the week. I'll take the Cards simply because I want to be different. Cards 27 Niners 20

Redskins -3.5 over RAMS
Have you heard about this rookie 7th round QB out of Harvard who led the Rams back to the victory last week? He did look pretty good from what I saw, but it was against the frickin Texans. The Redskins defense ought to be a bit more of a challenge. Not to mention the Rams defense can't stop anybody. Redskins 27, Rams 20.

The battle of the mediocrities: both teams are 5-6 and both teams have been disappointing. I’m going to take the home dog, Harvard guy and all. Redskins 24 Rams 23

CHIEFS +1.5 over Broncos
I'm still waiting for Jake Plummer to implode. What better place than in KC against a pretty good team that needs this win pretty badly to stay in the playoff hunt? Chiefs 24, Broncos 22.

St. Ides is correctly applying the rule of the more desperate team, but he is applying it incorrectly. If the Chiefs win then the Broncos become an equally desperate team. In other words, this game is important to both. With that said, I’m going to take the better team, even though it means betting against K.C. at home. Broncos 31 Chiefs 24

PATRIOTS -10.5 over Jets
That's a lot of points for the banged up Pats to give. Somehow I think a visit from the Jets is just the thing they need to get geared up for the playoff push. Patriots 26, Jets 13.

I’m so done with the Patriots, they can’t beat anyone by 10.5. Wait, is Brooks Bollinger still the Jets QB?. Pats 27 Jets 17

CHARGERS -11.5 over Raiders
So much for Kerry Collins putting together a nice year with Randy Moss. They couldn't even beat the Dolphins at home last week. Expect Tomlinson to run amuck. Chargers 33, Raiders 20.

Agreed. The Raiders are done done done. Bolts 34 Raiders 16

EAGLES +4.5 over Seahawks
The reverse jinx remains perfect! Although I do think Seattle pulls this one out, I don't think they'll cover. It's kind of funny, Seattle is 9-2, the second best record in the whole NFL, and they're STILL not getting respect. "They got lucky in this game" or "They should have lost that game" people are saying. What they are forgetting that every team has games like that every year. Including Super Bowl Champions. And really, "Seattle should have won the Redskins game" and be 10-1 right now. The winning field goal hit the upright. Oh, and if you hadn't heard, the NFL apologized to Holmgren for making the wrong calls on the two Giants TD catches last week. In the past, it'd be the same old, "Well, we never have any luck" when that came out. This year, somehow, we're winning DESPITE getting some horrible calls against us. It's as if the Football Gods somehow had forgotten the Seahawks the past 5 years. Then this year it was like "Oh crap, somehow we've missed out on evening out the Football Karma for Seattle for the past 5 years! Let's review their caseload…." A few hours later… "Wow, this team has gotten screwed over numerous times lately.. We owe them.. Big time… And we better keep an eye on any more bad calls that go against them this year too. Let's make this team one of those "Destiny" teams this year... " And you know what? We'll take it. It's about effin time. Seahawks 30, Eagles 27.

The Eagles are almost as bad as the Packers. A good team should be able to exploit their D, and if Favre hadn’t been so goddamn awful last week the Packers would have. Seattle, the best team in the NFC, won’t have any problems. Seattle 31 Eagles 20

Upon Further Review.. Week 12

First, just a comment on the Seahawks ridiculous win yesterday. The Giants kicker missed 3 game-winning field goals (one at the end of regulation and two in OT) before Seattle nailed their own game winner. Here's what I wrote Anoymous this morning in regards to gaining some confidence in this team:

Confident? Maybe just a little... 9-2 baby! The only way we don't clinch the division is to lose every remaining game and the Rams to win every remaining one.
Here's our remaining schedule:
@Philly next Monday night (not the same Philly team that started the season, by any means.)
home against San Fran
@ Tennessee
home against Indy (on Christmas Eve... Indy could be 14-0 at that point...)
@ Green Bay (on New Year's Day...)

4-1 is not impossible, although 3-2 is more likely, and that's a nice 12-4 record which has a very good chance of being the #1 seed in the NFC. We now hold the head-to-head tie breaker over the Giants, Dallas, and Atlanta. Hasselbeck and the offense didn't look great yesterday, but the defense got it done when it had to. When was the last time you could say that about a Seahawks defense? How about... never? :P

On to the review...

This week: 10-5 (Monday night game pending…)

Ravens +9.5 over BENGALS
The Bengals may have exposed the Colts defense as not as good as hyped last week. The Ravens kicked the poop out of the Steelers. I don't think the Ravens will win this one, but they might keep it close with solid D. Also, it seems like they might be realizing that Chester Taylor is a better running option than the recently incarcerated Jamal Lewis. Lewis sucks this year. Bengals 26, Ravens 18.

Actual Score: Bengals 42, Ravens 29
So much for that "solid D" from the Ravens. Sheesh. Still, somehow the Ravens managed to put up a decent amount of points and were only 4 points short of covering.

Niners +8.5 over TITANS
The Niners are not as bad as people think. Their defense has some good players up front. And this just in: Steve McNair is still the QB in Tennessee. Doesn't that seem a bit weird? 49ers 23, Titans 20.

Actual Score: Titans 33, Niners 22
Okay, Samichlaus got this one right: "The Niners are as bad as people think." I don't have much more to add. I don't think I even watched this game for a single play, and could you blame anybody for not watching this one?

CARDINALS +3.5 over Jaguars
Kurt Warner looked revitalized last week in St. Louis. Can he bring that back to the desert with him? Maybe, and here's why: he has two absolute studs in receivers Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin. He just needs the time to find them. And, I'll repeat, the Jaguars are not blowing out far inferior teams. I'm not going to say the Cardinals win, but I wouldn’t be shocked. Jaguars 24, Cardinals 23.

Actual Score: Jaguars 24, Cardinals 17
Leftwich went down on the first play, so I figured this would be a breeze. Well, Warner never really got time to throw, and the Cardinals running game remains non-existent. I should have really made the connection between Warner's good game last week and the absolutely horrendous Rams defense. Against a halfway decent defense, they're not doing anything offensively.

RAIDERS -7.5 over Dolphins
The Dolphins QB woes have gotten to them. Shutout by the Browns? Yikes It might be time for them to seriously consider becoming a part of the Matt Leinart sweepstakes. Raiders 23, Dolphins 13.

Actual Score: Dolphins 33, Raiders 21
What the?!? Gus Frerotte and Ricky Williams putting up 33 points? So much for that "evaluating new talent" comment...

Packers +4.5 over EAGLES
The Packers keep staying competitive, and keep losing the close games. Without McNabb and Owens, the Eagles offense is pretty bad. Let's say this is another close loss. Eagles 24, Packers 21.

Actual Score: Eagles 19, Packers 14
A point short of covering. I didn't watch much of this game, but from the stats, it looks like turnovers killed the Packers. Paging Mr. Rodgers, paging Mr. Rodgers. Oh, there's an idea for a sign the Samichlauses can take to Lambeau in like 3 years: Mr. Rodgers' Neighborhood.

Happy Thanksgiving from your favorite jive turkeys

SBS Fans: It's Sunday morning and I've been trying to get this thing to work since Wednesday. I finally received the account information from the hosting company so we'll see if my changes work. Otherwise I will have to ask the great web guru St. Ides to see if he can figure it out... wish me luck.. Samichlaus

SBS Fans: We are experiencing technical difficulties with the Web site. Of course, if you are reading this those problems have been solved. Meanwhile, it's the Friday after Thanksgiving and St. Ides is already 2-0 whilst Ol' Samichlaus is at 0 - 2.

Happy holidays to all you SBS-Artists, Samichlaus here with this weeks picks. We're getting 'em in early so you can call your bookie and spread a little holiday cheer. First, let's recap:

If you listened to St. Ides -
Last week your bookie was happy: 7-9
This season your bookie is very happy: 72-87

If you listened to Samichlaus -
Last week your bookie was estatic: 5-11
This season your bookie is a little upset: 80-79

I'm actually feeling fairly confident this week. Seems there's a few spreads that are bigger or smaller than they should be. Maybe the odds makers were slacking this week too?

I’m glad some one is feeling good. After last weeks pre-thanksgiving turkey I’m feeling a little less confident in my prognosticating abilities. Oh, and upon further review, the Packers suck.


Atlanta -3.5 over LIONS
The overrated Michael Vick versus the totally not overrated Joey Harrington. I'm very tempted to take the Lions, except for two things really. 1) I still think the Falcons defense is pretty good and 2) Harrington is usually pretty bad when he's NOT in the national spotlight. I think he will absolutely choke this one away, to the point we could see him and his receivers going at it on the sideline. Maybe we'll have a Jeff Garcia sighting before this one is over. We can hope. Falcons 27, Lions 13

Thanksgiving is like a totally different universe for the Lions. No matter how bad they suck, they always play tough on Thanksgiving. In my head, I don’t see the Herpes carriers losing three in a row but in my heart I see a Lions victory.
Lions 27 Vick’s Herpes Infested Penis 24


Broncos -2.5 over COWBOYS
Huge game for both teams. Both QBs are playing incredibly (and shockingly) well. So which one reverts to their old self first, Bledsoe or Plummer? I'm going to go with Bledsoe, just because I love seeing Parcells pissed off. God, I hate him. Not to mention, my uncle is a huge Cowboys fan, and I'll have to listen to him all fricking day about what a genius Parcells is, and how good the Cowboys are this year. Please, whoever is has kidnapped Jake Plummer and is masquerading as him, keep it up just one more week. Broncos 24, Cowboys 17.

You have an uncle who is a Cowboys fan? Man, you grow ‘em weird in da Bronx. Hey, he isn’t like one of those “evil” uncles who like to watch you get changed when you’re about 7 years old, is he??? Anyway, I’m going with the same logic as I did in the first pick: throw out the logic, it’s Thanksgiving. Cowboys 31 Broncos 30


Ravens +9.5 over BENGALS
The Bengals may have exposed the Colts defense as not as good as hyped last week. The Ravens kicked the poop out of the Steelers. I don't think the Ravens will win this one, but they might keep it close with solid D. Also, it seems like they might be realizing that Chester Taylor is a better running option than the recently incarcerated Jamal Lewis. Lewis sucks this year. Bengals 26, Ravens 18.

Man that’s a lot of points… you think I’d learn from last week, but I’m not. I’m actually quite stubborn that way. I think after watching Indy pretty much have their way with the Bengals D, the D will rise to the occasion and play a solid game. Meanwhile Carson Palmer, who Boomer Esiason called the best young quarterback in the league earlier this year, will have enough to manage the ferocious D of the Ravens.
Bengals 27 Ravens 13

BILLS +4.5 over Panthers
Both teams coming off tough road losses last week. The Panthers will have to go into the cold and try and proove that they are one of the NFC elite. Meanwhile, the Bills have been good at home and still have a shot at the AFC East. Samichlaus noted that Jake Delhomme has the worst technique he's ever seen. That's good enough for me to think maybe the Panthers aren't as good as everybody is claiming… Bills 24, Panthers 23.

Let me qualify that statement, because in all fairness to Jake Delhomme, Jerry Tagge and Rich Campbell were much worse. Delhomme is at least supposed to be a good NFL quarterback. Tagge and Campbell (the other first round QB out of Cal we took) simply sucked. Bills dogs at home? I love it.
Bills 24 Cats 17


Bears +3.5 over BUCANNEERS
After the dominant defensive performance against the Panthers, consider me on the Bears bandwagon. This defense is good. Although Chris Simms has put together back-to-back nice games, this analysis by Samichlaus keeps sticking in my head: "I saw Chris Simms earlier this year on one of those "In their own words" specials. The show was about Jon Gruden, but Simms jumped out at me. I was amazed that the son of one of the smartest quarterbacks I've ever seen didn't seem very bright. He was easily flustered and could not remember the plays Gruden was calling. Unlike his father, he lacked command and presence in the huddle." Let's just say that I think the Bears defense is going to eat him alive. Bears 20, Bucanneers 9

I’m officially jumping on the Bearwagon. Although Simms has improved considerably, I agree with myself (and St. Ides). The Bears D is just that good, but the under (33) is even better.
Bears 17 Bucs 10.


VIKINGS -4.5 over Browns
I said a few weeks ago something along the lines of "Well, at least with Brad Johnson at QB, he won't turn the ball over 3-6 times a game like Culpepper does." Well, guess what. He hasn't been turning the ball over, and the Vikings have been winning. And everybody's favorite alcoholic ex-Seahawk, Koren Dropinson, is starting to take a prominent role in the offense. On one hand, it's nice to see the young man get his life turned around. On the other hand, why did it take getting cut for the ungrateful bastard to realize how lucky he was. I guess I'm fairly indifferent to how he does, mostly cause I don't give a crap about the Vikings. But everytime he drops a catch (and he WILL drop the ball), I'll grin a little bit and think "Thank god that wasn't a key play for Seattle instead." Vikings 23, Browns 16.

Note about Robinson: he’s a #3 receiver and a special teams demon for the Vikings. Nice and easy, no pressure. In fact he made a key catch against Green Bay on a blown coverage by rookie corner Jason Horton, and as the ball was in the air I wished a special wish: “Please drop it”. He didn’t. Vikings 27 Browns 24


CHIEFS -3.5 over Patriots
The Patriots last 3 wins came by an average of 6 points against the Bills, Dolphins, and Saints. The Chiefs are pretty good at home, and Larry Johnson is running rampant. Brady somehow keeps it close, but I think the Patriots are just too banged up this year to beat good offensive teams on the road. Chiefs 30, Patriots 24.

Exactly, and let me say it again: the Chiefs are a different team at home. The Patriots, decimated by injuries, will play tough but they’ll lose by 7 or more. Chiefs 31 Patriots 20


Chargers -3.5 over REDSKINS
I said it last week, I'll say it again: that heart-breaking loss to the Bucanneers two weeks ago is the kind of game that can totally change a team's season. Believe me, as a long-time Seahawks fan, I know those games. I've seen teams go into downward spirals, especially when they're a bit shaky on one side of the ball, and despite some early season success, I'd have to call the Brunell led Skins offense "shaky." Drew Brees proved last week that he can singe-handedly beat teams that stack the line against Tomlinson. Chargers 30, Redskins 17.

OK, OK, you win. You’re right about the Skins and I think they lose at home. Brees is going to pick that team apart, like the white meat off a tom turkey. The Redskins will leave their giblets on the turf after a good old fashioned stuffing by the Chargers. Yep, it’s going to be all gravy for the Bolts as they leave the Redskins bleeding cranberry red on Sunday. Chargers 37 Skins 13


Niners +8.5 over TITANS
The Niners are not as bad as people think. Their defense has some good players up front. And this just in: Steve McNair is still the QB in Tennessee. Doesn't that seem a bit weird? 49ers 23, Titans 20.

The Niners are as bad as people think. They’re just not as bad as the Seahawks thought. Don’t let that game fool you, that was more of a let down on Seattle’s part than a true indication of the Niners. Titans 27 Niners 10


Rams -3.5 over TEXANS
Let's see… Larry Johnson ran over the Texans for 200+ yards. The Rams just ran the ball a mere 12 times for 6 yards against a crappy Cardinals defense. Starting QB Marc Bulger is hurt. If I were the Rams coach, I would make sure Steven Jackson runs the ball at least 25 times. But I'm not. So they'll probably go throw crazy. Still, the Texans are bad enough that either approach should work. Rams 30, Texans 23.

The Texans have so given up on the season, I’m sure that they have a locker all set for Reggie Bush. That’s the worst team in football kids. Pretty quarterback and all. Rams 33 Texans 17


CARDINALS +3.5 over Jaguars
Kurt Warner looked revitalized last week in St. Louis. Can he bring that back to the desert with him? Maybe, and here's why: he has two absolute studs in receivers Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin. He just needs the time to find them. And, I'll repeat, the Jaguars are not blowing out far inferior teams. I'm not going to say the Cardinals win, but I wouldn’t be shocked. Jaguars 24, Cardinals 23.

St. Ides pointed it out: the Jags play to the level of their opponents. Every reader at SBS knows we’re a big fan of home dogs, and I like this one. Cardinals 24 Jaguars 23


RAIDERS -7.5 over Dolphins
The Dolphins QB woes have gotten to them. Shutout by the Browns? Yikes It might be time for them to seriously consider becoming a part of the Matt Leinart sweepstakes. Raiders 23, Dolphins 13.

They’ve got a legitimate shot at Leinart, considering the Texans have invested in “sugar lips” and the Niners have invested in Alex Smith. Anyway, Nick Saban said earlier this week that the Fins would use the remainder of the season to examine talent for next year. That’s coach speak for “we’re mailing it in”. Raiders 27 Dolphins 10


Packers +4.5 over EAGLES
The Packers keep staying competitive, and keep losing the close games. Without McNabb and Owens, the Eagles offense is pretty bad. Let's say this is another close loss. Eagles 24, Packers 21.

I don’t think it’s going to be close. I saw something that really bothered me this week: Favre looked perplexed and disgusted. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that Sherman has lost him. The Packers offensive line is pathetic, particularly the play of Will Whitiker and Scott Wells. The defense is good, but they still give up too many big plays. The game’s in Philly. Eagles 34 Packers 21


Giants +4.5 over SEAHAWKS
Reverse jinx time! So far, my reverse jinxes are 3-0.. Everytime I have picked Seattle to lose outright, they have won! When I take the Seahawks, they are 5-2 (4-3 against the spread). So, faced with another playoff-caliber team that a lot of "experts" are picking as a possible Super Bowl team, I have to think the Seahawks choke this one away. Although, they are pretty good at home (only 3 losses at home since Qwest Field opened 3 years ago, including none this year). And the Giants aren't very good on the road. Still, I think the Giants offense can expose the weaknesses in the still young Seattle defense. Really, this game will come down to Hasselbeck having to put together a 2-minute drill to pull it out. He's done it before, but I don't see it happening this week. In fact, it may even be better if we lose this game. Because if we win this and are sitting at 9-2, then everybody will pretty much HAVE to call us the best in the NFC. And I'm not sure I want that. Not yet. Giants 27, Seahawks 24.


Seattle will run Shawn Alexander up the Giants proverbial asses, and the defense will be better prepared this week. Last week was their letdown. This week they recover. Seattle 34 Giants 17


Saints -1.5 over JETS
This is the same Jets team who had 5th (yes, FIFTH) string QB Klif Kingsbury in at QB last weekend? And they're only getting 1 and a half points? Uhhhhh, okay… Saints 24, Jets 10.

One thing I have to add: this absolute stinker is the Sunday night game and it couldn’t have happened to a nicer crew. I absolutely fucking hate the Sunday night team. They are the least entertaining, least insightful most boring announcing crew covering professional football. Why couldn’t Lawrence Taylor have broken Joe Theisman’s larynx instead of his leg? Jesus H Christ in a chicken basket. I hope that no one, and I mean no one watches… hey wait… the game’s in New York? On ESPN? You think Suzy Kolber might be coaxed to do another sideline interview with Broadway Joe Namath? Now that might be worth watching… Jets 15 Saints 13. Home dog baaayyybeee,


COLTS -0.5 over Steelers
Big Ben is back, but is he 100%? The Colts defense was exposed a bit against the Bengals, but they proved they could still run and gun with the best offenses out there. I can't figure out how this spread is so low, it must be a misprint. The Steelers defense is pretty good, but they're not dominant enough to keep the Colts off the scoreboard a few times. 11-0, anyone? Colts 27, Steelers 20.

USA Today has the spread at 8 – 42 is your over/under. BTW, the over is 5 – 2 in the last 7 games between these teams. OK, with that said I’m taking the Colts. The sons of bitches are going to run the table. Colts 38 Steelers 20