Mikey and Mikey and Teddy and Ted

I had this really funny idea for a blog last Monday. I was going to write the headline “Marcus Vick charged with New Years Day massacre in Richmond”, and then tell the story how after being convicted of contributing to the delinquency of a minor, having numerous traffic violations, being kicked off the Virginia Tech football team for conduct detrimental to the team and being arrested the following day for brandishing a firearm, the police had charged Marcus Vick with the brutal slaying of the Harvey family on New Years Day, a crime so heinous that it made the national news.

Boffo stuff, huh?

Well, my sense of better judgment got the better judgment of me and I decided it was too soon to make light of the horrific slaying of the Harvey family, in fact questioning if there is ever enough time to make light of a horrific slaying, unless of course we’re talking about Dan Devine’s dog. By the time I had decided that I could write something about Vick (while politely leaving the poor Harvey family out of the discussion) Sportspickle.com had already written “Marcus Vick arrested for Nazi war crimes”. The sports humor business is a tough one, fans. You snooze you lose.

So I’ve decided to write about the Packers instead.

I have to say, I was disappointed in the firing of Mike Sherman. I actually liked the big lummox. Sherman was from what I could tell, a good man. He was smart, had a good sense of humor, and was organized. He ran a disciplined football team and held each player accountable for his actions, well, except for his quarterback now that I think about it. In fact his quarterback seemed to run a bit hog wild this year, or was I just imagining that? I digress.

If the Packers season were a game of 5 card draw, then Sherman was dealt a shitty hand loaded with lots of low cards of different suits by GM Ted Thompson. As his cards were discarded by injury or loss to free agency, Thompson replenished them with the likes of Will Whitiker and Adrian Klemm, the equivalent of being dealt the 3 of clubs and the 6 of hearts. By the way Anonymous, that gambling reference was just for you. When the Packers were down to three wide receivers, Thompson chose not to sign Koren Robinson (who was available) but rather signed a tight end named Tory Humphry. The only, and I mean only decent replacement Thompson found was Samkon Gado, who became a good player under the tutelage of Sherman and running backs coach Edgar Bennett.

Most important in defense of Sherman, his players never gave up on him. There were never any grumblings in the press by “an unnamed source” wanting more playing time or looking to critique the head coaches play calling abilities. The Packers to a man stood by their coach, and gave him an emotional ovation when he said goodbye. I was sad when I read that.

The Packers were blown out once this season. Every other game they played they were in it to the end. They just didn’t have the horses. Whether it was the defense giving up that one big play, or the offensive line that was, well, offensive at times, they just kept coming up short. As Donald Rumsfeld once said “You go to war with the army you have, not the army you want”. What that has to do with Mike Sherman and the Packers I’m not really sure. I just thought it would be a good segue. I don’t like Donald Rumsfeld very much and I don’t think I like Ted Thompson very much either.

I have an innate distrust for people named Ted. Historically they come across as soft buffoons. Ted Baxter, Ted McGinley, Ted the pilot in those “Airplane” movies, all characters in my life who have been placed there for comic relief. Even Ted Kennedy cracks me up at times. Teddy Roosevelt was a pretty flipped out dude but he was a Theodore who went by Teddy. No one ever called him Ted Roosevelt, and it’s probably a good thing. Roosevelt is a remarkable historical character, particularly in leading what he called the "strenuous life". During his tenure in the White House, he boxed voraciously, even practiced judo with a visiting Japanese team, and took friends and colleagues on long hikes. I imagined the hero of San Juan Hill probably would have strangled any fool who had the audacity to call him Ted with his bare hands.

Ted Thompson selected Mike McCarthy to be the next head coach. I was rooting for Jim Bates. Bates who is 59 was so sure that he would get the job deliberately put off other teams that were courting him. From all accounts he did an amazing presentation for Thompson, laying out his plan for life with and without Brett Favre. He explained his offensive vision, listing several candidates for offensive coordinator. His defensive players loved him. So why not select him? The best explanation I can come up with is because that what Teds do. They get themselves into positions of authority and then fuck everything up. Just watch any rerun of the Mary Tyler Moore show and tell me if Ted Baxter doesn’t fuck something up at some point. Go to “Jumptheshark.com” and discover the effect that Ted McGinley has on TV shows. Then go to Packers.com and watch five minutes of Ted Thompson. Tightwad Ted. Terminal Ted. He’s about as compelling as watching a casket warp.

But I tell you what: if this McCarthy guy works out, I’ll start calling him Theodore.

Roosevelt: A giant amongst Teds