The 5/17ths Season Power Rankings!

It's a special Wednesday treat! We're 29% done with the season, so let's have a little bit of Power Ranking fun, shall we? This is basically how I think the teams rank right now, and my final little section about who I think the playoff teams will be when the season ends doesn't necessarily match up. Like if a team looks like they suck right now, but I think they'll come around, they'll be rated low-ish, but still might show up on the playoff team list. (Like the Lions.) Likewise, if a team is playing pretty good right now, but I expect to collapse, they probably won't make the playoff list. (Like the Cardinals.)

32. Rams
Decimated offensive line. Bulger and Steven Jackson out. Holt still a little gimpy after knee surgery. And their defense still stinks.

31. Vikings
No QB. Decent running game. No QB. Decent run defense. Not so great pass defense. Questionable coaching. No WRs worth mentioning. (Bobby Wade is their #1 WR?!) And absolutely, positively, no QB.

30. Falcons
The players are already starting to give the first year coach problems. Hall and Crumpler are both complaining. They have Joey Harrington and Byron Leftwich as QB options. Their defense might be halfway decent, but good luck winning more than 5.

29. Dolphins
Ladies and gentleman, presenting your starting QB, Cleo Lemon! (And if you were wondering, he's black. With a name like that, it was a toss-up.)

28. Jets
If Pennington finally gets benched, they might move up a few slots. But like I said, Mangini has some bad mojo going after ratting out the Pats.

27. Chiefs
Herm Edwards is a bad coach. Sometimes bad coaches win a few games.

26. Saints
Wow, they look bad. The happy story of post-Katrina success is over. Brees can't hit the broad side of a barn, and their D stinks. And Sean Payton is resorting to weird voodoo-like rituals to try and conjure some luck. Of course, that means they'll probably beat Seattle this week.

25. Bills
They're decimated by injuries, although the rookie QB has looked decent at times. Oh look. 3 of the 4 AFC East teams are in the bottom 8. Their records? 1-4, 1-4, 0-5. That's 6 easy wins for the quickly-becoming-disliked Patriots.

24. Niners
Their offense has been horrible and that was before Alex Smith went down and was replaced by Trent Dilfer. Their defense is decent, but with their offensive line stinking and their QB/WRs even worse, they're not going to outscore people.

23. Bears
Maybe Brian Griese and the Bears are going to get rolling after the come-from-behind win in Green Bay? I doubt it.

22. Eagles
Aside from the game where they lit up the Lions for like 50+ points, they've been horrible. I said it once, and I'll say it again - McNabb doesn't look like his old self. That leg injury has changed him, and not for the better. Their defense hasn't lived up to expectations either.

21. Broncos
The Jay Cutler era began last year with a loss in Denver to the injured Seahawks. Since them, he still hasn't really found his groove. If he was a bigger name playing for a more popular team, the "bust" label would be flying around all over the place right now. Oh, and starting RB Travis Henry will be suspended for the season for smoking doobies.

20. Raiders
Replacing Art Shell is worth at least 4-5 more wins. Their defense is actually pretty good. And they've gotten their running game going lately. Once teams shut down the run, their passing game will be exposed as pretty bad, but the AFC West is suddenly pretty mediocre.

19. Bengals
Explosive offense. Non-existent defense. And several convicts. I still think Carson Palmer is a pretty good QB, and his weapons are among the best in the league. They'll have a rough time making the playoffs, but they'll win a few games against good teams.

18. Browns
Pretty nice surprise here considering their opening day QB played all of 1 quarter and was sent packing before Week 2. (By the way, word out of Seattle is that Charlie Frye is doing a nice job learning the offense, and Holmgren feels more comfortable using versatile backup QB Seneca Wallace in more roles now.) Anyways, the AFC North is pretty much a toss-up after the Steelers, and I think the Browns will be in the mix.

17. Texans
Got off to a good start, but have fallen to earth since then. A big part of that is losing Pro Bowl WR Andre Johnson. Once he's back to near full strength, they should win around 8 games or so I think.

16. Chargers
Tomlinson crying after a loss isn't going to win him any fans. Their coaching staff stinks. And, like I said, Shawn Merriman isn't nearly as dangerous now that he's off the juice. They could get hot, but their slow start has them playing catch-up.

15. Giants
Not sure what to think of them. Their defense played horrible for 2 games, then suddenly pulled it all together? Eli Manning is playing fairly well? I dunno. I just don't trust them.

14. Lions
They have a nice array of receiving threats, and Kitna has looked good at times. But they have no running game. And if Kitna were really that good a QB, would Holmgren have jettisoned him for Hasselbeck so quickly?

13. Redskins
Their defense has played well. But I haven't quite bought into the Jason Campbell QB situation yet. They get the nod over the Lions only cause they beat them last week.

12. Seahawks
Banged up receivers. Pro Bowl FB Mack String has retired. The run blocking has sucked, and Shaun Alexander's little dancing around in the backfield leads to more losses than gains. Hasselbeck looked awful last week. And while they could be among the top 5 in another 2-3 weeks, right now they don't deserve to be any higher than this. I don't trust them at all.

11. Titans
It's the Vince Young show! I don't know a whole lot about the Titans beyond Vince Young, Lendale White, and Pacman Jones, but every time I look up they're keeping the score close against everyone they play and Vince Young is making a play.

10. Jaguars
It's only a matter of time before David Garrard and their butter-fingered receivers start o cost the Jaguars games. In the meantime, they've played fairly well within their division and their defense has been serviceable.

9. Cardinals
The beat the Seahawks and Steelers, and really should have beaten the Niners. 2 of their wins were by a field goal, as were 2 of their losses. They could be anywhere from 4-1 to 1-4 right now. They're in between at 3-2. And with Leinart hurt, Kurt Warner takes over full-time. Will he be rejuvenated? Probably not once people remember that he gets rattled once you knock him around a bit.

8. Panthers
They should probably be lower than this, but I can't justify putting anybody above them. David Carr is their QB. Steve Smith has been quiet. Yet somehow they're 3-2 and lead the NFC South.

7. Bucanneers
I like what Jeff Garcia brings to this team on offense. (And I don't mean his secret recipe for fabulous Cosmopolitans.) Though their defense was exposed by the Colts... who isn't? They should have a pretty good chance to win the wide open NFC South as long as they don't get hit with too many injuries.

6. Ravens
Not sold on them. But again, who do I put higher? This parity bullshit is starting to get old. Really, everybody from 3 to 12 or so could be easily interchanged. McNair is old. So is Ray Lewis. Their defense is getting by on reputation now, not actual play.

5. Cowboys
Here's what I just sent Anonymous when he expressed some nervousness cause the Pats are only a 4 and a half point favorite over the Cowboys this week: "Repeat after me: Romo is overrated. The only reason he gets so much hype is because he plays for the Cowboys and dates an American Idol. He threw 5 picks against an awful defense decimated by injuries. When they did the in-game defensive introduction last night for the Bills, I only recognized 2 names (Schobel and Whitner). They've beaten up on the Giants (before the Giants learned how to play D again), Miami (0-5), Chicago (with Grossman in), the Rams (0-5), and Buffalo (1-4). And in the playoff game last year, Romo couldn't get it done AGAINST A FRICKIN REAL ESTATE AGENT playing CB for Seattle.
Brady and Moss are going to have a FIELD DAY against the Dallas safeties who cannot cover whatsoever. (Notice the only decent QB they've faced so far is Eli Manning, who hung 35 points on them.)"

4. Packers
I'd have them at #3 if they beat the Bears this past week. But they just couldn't finish them off. Which isn't a good sign. But it's not a real bad sign either, considering how frickin bad the whole league is. They actually established a run game, which is nice. I'd be shocked if they don't make the playoffs.

3. Steelers
Ouch. They dismantled the Seahawks. Without Polamolu, Hines Ward, their #2 WR, and their Pro Bowl NT. Big Ben actually made good decisions and was accurate. Where the hell did that come from? The Steelers defense is very good. They knew what they were doing to let bigmouth Joey Porter walk. They should win the AFC North fairly easily.

2. Patriots
Some more quotes I sent to Anonymous: "Oh and repeat after me again: "I am a Patriots fan, I am spoiled by success, and I can expect ZERO sympathy from the Steves this season. None whatsoever." Also, did you see the Browns accusing Vrabel of going for the knees? Between that and Wilfork, there's some bad karma building up. You've been warned." While they're enjoying running up the score against everybody as a big "F You" to those who might think their video-taping shennanigans, what goes around comes around. The Football Gods have not finished with this scenario yet. And while Tom Brady gets allllllll my love, he's about due for a torn ACL, isn't he? I mean, if Patriots players are going for opposing QBs' knees, (something they absolutely do not need to do to win), it's just a matter of time before someone gives them a taste of their own medicine.

1. Colts
Even with Marvin Harrison and Joseph Addai out, they put up 33 points on a pretty good Tampa Bay defense. Really, the Patriots should be #1, but it's close enough that the aforementioned pending bad karma gives the nod to the Colts. Although... I think Peyton Manning is about due for a catastrophic injury as well....

Playoff Teams:

AFC: Colts, Patriots, Steelers, Titans, Ravens, Raiders (someone has to win the AFC West, right?)
NFC: Packers, Cowboys, Bucs, Seahawks, Lions, Giants