Week 5 Picks!

Week 5 Picks!

Ouch, rough week for Samichlaus.

Come to think of it, it's been a rough couple of weeks for Samichlaus. I've been out of work, my football prognostications have been way the fuck off, and to top things off I had to visit a uroligist because my taint was hurting. And I know this is really too surreal to seem true, but as God as my witness as I was bending over waiting for Dr. Nelson's ample finger, for some reason he blurts out "Man I could go for a coke". All I could think was "he better not think he's going to 'crack open' it if you catch my drift". I should have said something to him, but I was afraid he would say something funny like "I prefer it in the can"...

Last Week:
St. Ides: 6-8
Samichlaus: 4-10

Overall:
St. Ides: 24-22
Samichlaus: 17-29

GIANTS -3.5 over Jets
The Battle of New York! It means a whole lot more to the Jets than Giants at this point. If the Jets fall to 1-4, you can stick a fork in them. Meanwhile, the Giants defense suddenly has some life. They sacked McNabb 12 frickin times last week!!! Sheesh. Although I'm not quite sold on the defensive resurgence yet, I'm even less sold on the Jets. Giants 23, Jets 16.

What do you think? Should I just agree with you until I get my confidence back? OK, moving on... why oh why do I keep picking the Jets? Cripes, I'm not sold on either of these teams, but the Giants were quite impressive against the Eagles last week. Somehow though, I think the Jets will win. Lord help me. Jets 27 Gints 24

Lions +3.5 over REDSKINS
As much as I hate to do it, I'm going to ride the hot Lions offense for a bit longer. Martz has Kitna actually playing well and has a ton of weapons to work with. Do you realize the Lions scored 34 points in the 4th quarter last week. Against the hyped Bears D. THIRTY-FOUR in one quarter!! I don't have a whole lot more to say about this one. Lions 34, Skins 20.

The Lions friggin ate up the Bears, and albiet the Bears are banged up, so were the Lions. The Redskins are only well though of here in Richmond and I just don't think they're very good. I like the Lions too. Lions 34 Redskins 27

Cardinals -3.5 over RAMS
I'm not picking the Rams to win or cover until they actually win a game. Gus Ferrotte gets the start for them. Kurt Warner returns to his old stomping grounds. Cards 23, Rams 10.

Yep. The Cards are better than I thought. Look for Warner to get most of the snaps, and look for him to have a great game in St. Louis. THANK YOU JESUS!!!!! Cards 31 Rams 21

PATRIOTS -16.5 over Browns
I'm not picking the Patriots to lose or fail to cover until they actually lose a game. Although the Browns have looked decent at times, so have some of the other teams the Patriots have dismantled. Oh, and they get Rodney Harrison back from suspension this week. (Effin cheaters!!) Patriots 38, Browns 16.

Me too. Especially with my won - loss record this season. The Pats are as sure a thing that's out there, and at home? They'll win this one by 20 at least. Patriots 31 Browns 10

Dolphins +5.5 over TEXANS
The Texans were knocked back to earth by the Falcons last weekend. That Schaub guy didn't exactly light it up against his former team. And Andre Johnson is still out. The Dolphins are hungry and desperate and as Samichlaus said last week, they're more taleneted than they've shown so far. They have to win sometime, right? Dolphins 20, Texans 17.

I think the Texans slide is directly related to the loss of Ahman Green to injury. Green should play this week against the worst run defense in the league. And I think that's enough to depress my father in law for one more week. Texans 27 Miami 20

SAINTS -3.5 over Panthers
It looks like David Carr will get several starts for the Panthers while Delhomme recovers from injury. Which is probably just what the Saints need to get their first win of the season. I hope the Saints win. I don't want them coming into Seattle for a primetime game with an 0-4 record and everybody writing them off. Saints 24, Panthers 17.

Tough matchup. There's enough reasons for either team to lose. Can we officially stick the bust tag on Reggie Bush? I knew the kid wasn't going to be a very good pro! Of course, that was back when my predictions were accurate. I'm going to say that they're going to get of the schneid at home. Those poor people in New Orleans. They need a win, you know, for the Katrina victims. Saints 34 Cats 27

Falcons +8.5 over TITANS
So the Falcons broke the curse last week against the upstart (not so much any more) Texans. I think they have some decent football in that team. And I don't think the Titans should be a 9 point favorite against anybody just yet. Titans 27, Falcons 20.

I'll go the other way. The Titans are well rested after an early by, and simply have too much talent for the Falcons. Vince Young.... Joey Harrington... Vince Young... Joey Harrington.... which way will this go? Titans 37 Falcons 17

Seahawks +5.5 over STEELERS
This is a pretty huge game for both teams. Steelers want to bounce back from a loss to the Cardinals where they looked pretty flat overall. Seahawks need to beat a contender to prove they're legit this year. Although Anonymous seems to have more confidence in Seattle than I do, he makes a good point. Their offense is balanced and experienced enough to score on anybody. Maybe not 30 points a game, but they should average in the low-to-mid-20s all season, and be fairly consistent. The defense is improving. They've looked awesome in 3 of the 4 games, and the only game they looked bad, they were missing underrated and overlooked OLB LeRoy Hill. (Yes, I said the same things in a comment on another blog item, but it deserves repeating.) Meanwhile, Big Ben has actually looked pretty good this year. But the run is setting up the pass nicely for him. The Steelers have some injuries (Polamalu, Hines Ward, their bigass NT, and even Rothlisbergererer has a tweaked ankle). And although there's a lot of new faces on Seattle, I think there's enough holdovers from the Super Bowl team to want to avenge that loss just a little bit. Going against the reverse jinx for the first time in a long time, I'm taking Seattle... Seahawks 26, Steelers 23.

Those are very good points. Seattle is a motivated, talented team. If they hadn't gotten so screwed in that Super Bowl this would be an easy Steeler pick. But they did. I like Seattle as well: Steelers 27 Seahawks 24

CHIEFS +2.5 over Jaguars
Holy poop, who saw them beating the Chargers IN San Diego last week? Not us! Apparently defensive end Jared Allen, who was suspended the first two games of the season for multiple DUIs, is a frickin beast and makes their defense halfway decent. Their offense? Well, that's a different story. Still, I'm not a big David Garrand and/or Jaguars fan, and KC is a tough place for road teams to win. I'll take the Chiefs and the points at home. Chiefs 20, Jags 17.

Maybe I need to rethink that whole Herm Edwards thing again. Maybe he's not the absolute worst coach in the league. I would take him ahead of Norv Turner and Dick Jauron. The Chiefs have played well the last two weeks, and I like them at home too. Chiefs 17 Jaguars 10

Bucs +10.5 over COLTS
The craziest line of the week, if only because of all the injuries to the Colts. Marvin Harrison? Out. Joseph Addai? Out. Their two most important run stopped on D? Out. I wouldn't be surprised to see the Bucs pull off the win, and I definitely think they keep it within 10. Colts 26, Bucs 20.

Marvin Harrison is out? Wowsers! Now I can't wait to see what kind of numbers Peyton puts up. The Bucs have injury problems of their own, with Cadillac Willams done for the season, but they do have Michael Pittman ready to step in. I'll take the Bucs and the points: Colts 27 Bucs 24

BRONCOS -1.5 over Chargers
If Norv Turner can't beat Herm Edwards in San Diego, there's no way in hell he's beating Mike Shanahan in Denver. I don't feel bad for Tomlinson. I hope he cries after every loss, the big sissy. And has anybody else noticed that Shawn Merriman isn't nearly as ferocious now that he's off the roids? Broncos 31, Chargers 17.

Roids, huh? Is that what is was? This is an easy pick. I like the Broncos at home as well, and yes LT must be taking estrogen or something. I saw a nice piece about him on HBO Real Sports, and he seems like a really nice kid. A momma's boy. Well let's just say that he ain't sophisticated and he ain't an urbanite. But pleeeeze LT, when you whine and whimper you don't really sound like a man. Broncos 24 Chargers 20

PACKERS -3.5 over Bears
The Bears offense is in complete and total disarray. And their defense is banged up pretty badly too. (See previous comment about how they allowed 34 to the Lions in the 4th quarter last week.) Favre's success continues and the Packers continue to roll. Is it too soon to talk about a Green Bay vs. Seattle NFC Championship Game? Probably. Packers 27, Bears 13.

Like Anonymous pointed out earlier in the week, the Packers aren't going anywhere without a running game. They have GOT to start running the ball, and soon. Someone is going to figure out how to jump a slant route, or Favre is going to have a stinker, or the D is going to slack. Just not this week. This was the game that Mrs. Samichlaus and I were supposed to go to, so I'm assuming our usual mojo applies... we've never seen the Packers lose in person. Now all we have to do is keep the ball away from Devon Hester and we'll be fine. Packers 27 Bears 10.

Ravens -3.5 over NINERS
If the Seahawks can sack the Niners six times, I'm guessing that Ravens D can do about the same. The Niners offense is frickin horrible, and now they go from somewhat mobile Alex Smith to statuesque Trent Dilfer. As much as I like Dilfer and appreciate him for his time in Seattle as Hasselbeck's mentor, he's not the type of QB to suddenly ignite a stagnant offense. Not against Baltimore. Ravens 17, Niners 9.

The Seahawks dominated the Niners last week, a performance that included one of the best sacks I've ever seen. St. Ides needs to fill me in on the details, but I'm sure he knows the one I'm talking about. Meanwhile the Ravens are due for a good game, and I think this will be it. Ravems 20 Niners 10

BILLS +10.5 over Cowboys
God, I hate the Cowboys. I hate Tony Romo. And I hate how everyone is kissing their heineys already. To quote the immortal Denny Green, "You want to crown their ass? Then crown their ass! They are what we thought they were!" What I think they are is an overrated team with a decent offense and suspect defense who have beat up on crappy teams so far. The Bills certainly qualify as another crappy team, but I'll take 10 points with the game in Buffalo. Cowboys 26, Bills 16.

I hate the Cowboys too. I don't hate Romo, actually I sort of like his gunslinger mentality, but the rest of them can go fuck armidillos for all I care. Armidillos are about the dumbest mammals in Gods creation. If you ever drive through Texas you'll see them strewn all over the road, flattend like little silver pancakes. Anyway, no matter how I look at this game, I see the Cowboys winning and covering without too much problem. Cowboys 34 Bills 13